April 2009 - Chapter 3 - Let us round up the stragglers

[PuzzleRocks]

Ta da.

Have posted in sleep thread, here - any advice welcomed!

Schulte I asked the HV about that and she said that giving water to bf babies can be dangerous?? but having said that i know my mum used to do that with me and my brother and sister... its so hard to know what to do...

Dangerous - no, I think the only concern is that it can affect your milk supply. If you only do it for a few days until he gets the message that there won't be any milk at 2am, I don't see what the problem is.

According to DH I am selfish for having a shower and clearly only had one to get some time to myself. I should not have a shower at a time that means he is in the room with both the girls by himself because I am inconveniencing him.

Hi Bicnod - I gave E water last week when it was very hot. She has been feeding off me until I seriously couldn't bear to do it anymore, then an hour later I gave her some formula as I was going crazy - she drank nearly 10 oz in an hour (as well as my BM an hour earlier!). I decided she must be thirsty and not hungry so next time she cried I gave her water and she lapped it down. My HV also said BF babies don't need any extra water but I didn't see it could do her any harm? Hope not anyway!

Erm...yeah Nutty?!! Lovin the hair by the way!

Any babies around here giggling yet? Can't wait to hear her giggle! She looks like she should be sometimes...but then just gets hiccups from smiling too much! DS2 (5) still gets hiccups when he laughs though!

swali - clearly you are being selfish wanting any time for yourself. don't you know that you are a MUM and therefore have forfeited any and all rights to being anything other than a mum and having time to yourself? sheesh.

how many hours in a day are YOU alone with both girls?? sounds like he needs to be reminded of that.

Hey schulte and suprise - i'm going to try feeding him like mad during the day (even if he doesn't ask for it) and waking him up for a dreamfeed just before i go to bed and see if it makes a difference. if not, might try the water thing on one of the feeds if i can work out which one he feeds least at...

Oscar is the same - smiles massively and looks like he's about to giggle (especially if DH is jiggling his arms up and down and singing 'floppy floppy floppy boy' at him ) - can't wait to hear him laugh for the first time

swali at your DH - you're not even allowed a shower on your own?! agree with purplemonkey - sounds like he needs reminding how much time you're alone with both girls all day - its certainly not the easy option being at home with babies, DHs seem to need reminding of that sometimes...

Sorry but sad rant alert. Feel free to just ignore it all...

I feel so sad about our marriage atm. It's our fifth wedding anniversary on friday and today I feel more like it's been five years of a guilt trip rather than five happy years. All I ever hear from him is how he is always trying to get us more money to make us more happy. He is always saying how he wants to get me everything that I want. What he just doesn't get is that I am happy with what we have, it's him who never has enough. I've asked him before how big a house he would need or how much he would need to earn for him to be happy with what he had and not want more. He didn't have an answer for me. He wonders why I don't want to have sex with him often when he makes me out to be some sort of selfish cow. It really hurts the way that he is so different in front of other people to how he is at home.

I love him so much but I am fed up of hearing him go on about how much easier life would be if we hadn't had such an expensive wedding/bought me a car/I hadn't fallen pregnant before he had been on a last expensive holiday and bought himself a motorbike and paid off some more of the mortgage/fallen pregnant again/I still worked full time shifts and didn't pay out for childcare. I feel like an inconvenience. I certainly don't feel special or even worthwhile much of the time. I had years of hearing my parents tell me that I was nothing special and that I was selfish and generally a horrible person. DH even thinks that I am being selfish for expressing milk every morning for the local hospital. Probably because it is often him who sterilises the hand pump for me and this morning B was being an overtired grump whilst I was expressing.

I don't know what to do to make things better. I've tried talking to him so many times in the past but it is pointless trying to do this because he doesn't talk to me. If I tell him that he has upset me in any way at all, he gets defensive and sees it as an attack on him so it is him who should be upset.

I'm also dreading next weekend when FIL is coming down from Scotland. When DD1 was 10 weeks old, we travelled from Southampton up to Scotland to see him as he didn't seem bothered about coming down here and DH was itching to show off his first baby to his dad. I've never been made to feel so unwelcome. I was banished to the bedroom everytime I wanted to feed DD1 because PIL don't approve of BFing and certainly not BFing in public. If Beth wasn't in her harness then it would be fairly easy to feed her on our bed, for example. But she is very difficult to position for a feed whilst she is in her harness. This means that I rarely get out and about for much time because she hates feeding whilst we are out as she can't get comfy. It's going to be a nightmare whilst FIL is here because I won't be allowed to feed in the lounge in front of FIL. I don't want to ruin what is a rare visit from FIL for DH. He is clearly looking forward to showing off his girls. I just wish that he had the balls to tell his dad that it is very difficult to feed Beth anywhere other than a sofa with a feeding pillow.

Nutty, I will buy your a nekkid cleaner for Xmas. Actually we should have got those when we were both heavily pg with SPD, on the NHS of course.

BTW, dwi ddirwya ddiolch 'ch. Cei na ddiheura at ca messy gwallt anrhegedig 'ch broffes whereas ata fel an 'n academaidd dydy agos 'n orfodol , ar hyd ag 'r gwallt yn prifio oddi 'm facial dafad.

On a more serious note, DD went into hospital on Saturday in the middle of the night. She is still waiting for yet another scan and they won't let her out yet. She didn't look that great yesterday evening when I went, thb. Someone had bought her a huge bar of Dairy Milk that was lying uneaten on her table. This is a Bad Sign as far as DD is concerned. I was so worried, in fact, I had to eat some myself. I will post more when she has had the scan.

In the meantime, I have had one ear syringed and it's AMAZING! I can USE THE PHONE! I can hear more than I have heard in years on that side, and it doesn't feel wierd any more. Apparently there was loads of nasty stuff in there. I can have the other one done a week after the infection has cleared, and I tell you, I am so getting myself down there for this.

Swali and MrsGBoring, I give Felix a warm bath with lavender around 8-ish and then put a babygro on him and his gro-bag (also a vest if it's cold), then feed him quietly in his room, and finally put him in the cot with his musical mobile rotating over his head. I don't do feet to foot because otherwise he couldn't see the mobile, and also he tends to creep up the cot rather than burrow down. I put down the blackout blind and half close the curtains, which also have a blackout lining, so there is just enough light peeping around the edges to let him see the mobile. He loves this, and now sleeps for 9-10 hours . If he needs a feed in the night (we use a baby alarm to hear any little peeps or snuffles indicating this) I bring him through to my room, feed him very quietly using a light with a dimmer switch for illumination, and then put him in the swinging crib at the foot of my bed. If he needs a feed before about 630 I top him up and then plonk him in the bed with me for a final little sleep until the big boys get up.

During the day we have no routine other than feed-catnap for half an hour or so-feed-catnap-feed-catnap and so on. If I want him to sleep properly and he is reluctant I sit by his cot or Moses basket a bit until he drops off. Sometimes he has a nap in the pram in the garden under a tree if I am out there - he likes this very much too. I tuck him in nicely with one cotton cellular blanket, and put an insect net on the pram.

I started putting Felix in the cot and pram for the odd daytime nap from very early on, so he associated them with pleasant peaceful times.

Bicnod, DS1 never slept properly, and there wasn't much we could do about it apart from putting earplugs in!

Swali, . If it's any consolation, even DH and I have been fighting and this is incredibly rare for us. New parenthood is really hard.

I really think you are just going to have to grow a backbone on this occasion because the circumstances are so unusual. Obviously in your own home you need to be able to feed DD wherever necessary, given the harness. You will have to warn FIL about this head of time. If FIL doesn't like it, he will have to go into the kitchen for a bit IMO. It might be worth telling a white lie and saying the doctor insisted you keep bf for her health, or something like that, so it becomes more about the baby and looks less like an indulgent lifestyle choice (because to the baby boomer generation that is often how it seems to them).

FWIW I don't think you are a horrible person, to me you sound pretty selfless and lovely. xx

Boff, you made me cry! I don't feel very selfless or lovely atm.

I think that most of the problem is that we are both tired. We do love each other very much but neither of us is really giving the other person what they need at the moment because of the tiredness. DD1 is ill and is cutting some molars whilst DD2 is having a growth spurt and a development spurt. Instead of us making sure that the other person gets some uninterrupted me-time regularly whilst the other person cares for both of the children at the same time, we just struggle on both feeling hard done by. I think that I need to suggest to DH that we need to give each other some me-time. The problem with that is that I regularly look after both girls and he never does. I think that he would think that I was asking him to do 'my job' and that I'm being selfish. I'm sure that he would appreciate having a lie-in once in a while if I traded it for a daytime nap. That way we could both get a bit more sleep and both handle life better.

Anyone know what mucus-y poo means in babies?
And mustard yellow in the spit up?

Swali. Lots of hugs. You KNOW you are lovely and selfless, and pumping for the local hospital when you have a new baby and a toddler to look after is just amazing. I greatly admire you for that, and how well you are coping with Beth needing the harness. You must feed on the sofa with the pillow, no question about that, it's your own house fgs. Your FIL, if I may say so, needs to get a grip. You're doing the absolutely best for his granddaughter. Does your DH support you on this?

FWIW DH and I barely talk at the moment - we sleep in separate rooms and I think both of us feel a bit left alone. I do hope it's just post birth relationship issues for you too, and you'll be able to sort your difficulties out soon once everyone has adjusted to the new life. xxx

Bleu - mucusy poo can be a fairly normal thing and more of a foremilk/himdmilk imbalance thing going on. I'm not sure about the mustard yellow spit up though. Off to google...

Oh Swali, (hugs). Hard to know what to say which will help sort things out if you've already tried talking with your DH. Nutty may be right...maybe write him a letter. You can ponder and pick just the right words which one cannot always do when having a conversation and then he can have time to mull over what you've said before he responds. ?

And you certainly don't seem selfish at all.

As for feeding while FIL is there...decide what you and B need and then do it. Make apolegies and acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation, but say how hard you're finding it too. Maybe get a sheet and make a little tent for B to feed under and try it a couple of times before FIL come over so you can feed more comfortably. When my dad was over I got banished to my bedroom and I hated it...I end up not seeing my DH all that often even because feeds were at least an hour long then once I got Meg latched and it could easily have taken me half hour to 45 mintues to get her latched. Dh entertained dad during this time...and feeds were only 2-3 hours apart so I was miserable.

hugs

Hmm, I'd maybe give your GP a ring and describe Meg's symptoms to him/her as I think there are a few things that could cause the mucus and yellow spit up. Better to err on the side of caution.

GP closed until 2 I wonder if that's why she was squawky/ screechy yesterday because she's unwell...lots of burps/ wet hiccups yesterday and today... hmmm... the waiting game until 2

Grrrrr what is it with these people who have problems with breastfeeding women? You shouldn't have to hide while you're feeding!

Bleu, hope little Meg is okay!?

I am scared of the passport application form... it looks so bloody official!

Meg laughs all the time. especially when I change her clothes or diaper. She giggles when she poos (usually because I laugh because she makes a silly face and it sounds like a builder farting when she does).

she seems in an ok mood currently, though she wants to be held, yesterday i had i horrible afternoon with her. I nearly flipped and honestly thought of walking out for a minute...I had her in her bed with the door closed, but the screeching was so bad/irritating that i need to get even farther away...in the end i went down into the kitchen and turned on the radio anddanced around for a little bit to get the endorphines going and then went back up to get her. 3 floors was a blessing then