December 08 Supermums: We are all doing fine and our LOs love us!!

[kayzr]

Hello.

Trace I went with your idea!!

Verso I'm here. I'm so at your DH. I really hope you are ok. Hopefully things will be less fraught once daylight returns - lack of sleep can certainly make irrational thoughts seem rational. Keep your chin up and remember we're all here for you. XXX

Verso not at all.
I'm so sorry and I am hoping things will be different thismorning for you. I am feeling good after a good sleep, but can't imagine how you must be feeling

Oh verso, I am so sorry that you have had such a bad night. I do hope it was one of those things which was said in the heat of the moment and that things are a bit calmer now, esp as DH has got the day at home. Call me if you want me to pop round or anything.

KMP, so glad you are feeling better. It must be hard being so far away from your folks. Am thinking of you.

Coil today. Am worried it's going to hurt so am going to self medicate with leftover CS drugs before I go. Wish me luck.

Verso, I can't imagine what you're going through . Keep talking here, we're here for you.

1.20am, 2.40am, 4am, then DH's alarm clock (he isn't going to work today) woke me at 5.30am, then 6am DD1 started chatting to her toys and woke DD2 up.

I am ashamed to say I completely lost control and got very very upset and angry. DH asked me to leave.

Things have calmed down since then - well, I can't stop crying, but this seems preferable to the family than me shouting. I just don't know how to cope. I just wanted someone to do the early night feeds so I could sleep from 6.30pm until the early morning, but it just isn't possible . I can't even sleep during the day because her lunchtime nap is now unpredictable - and in any case, sleeping during her lunchtime nap would mean I could never leave the house and go anywhere.

Total irony is that my tablets give me heart palpitations, so I didn't even get any sleep between 10.30 and 1.15am .

verso, can you get an appointment with your GP today? so sorry you had a bad night and that your DH is being [expletive deleted] less than supportive. I can see that it's a stressful situation for all of you, but he needs to step up and help properly. Having a strop (him) is hardly going to help...

Verso, with no sleep I'm not surprised you got upset. But it still hasn't got through to dh has it! Is there anyway you can use the night nanny more? Or how about going somewhere on your own for the weekend to get a break?

With dh, do you think it would help if you had counselling so he understands exactly what's going on and how he can help? I would imagine you could get a referral from your GP or try Relate & maybe having a neutral person there it might get through to him more. I'm sorry to get personal but telling you to leave isn't solving the problem! Which you know anyway!

Verso what a selfish * your DH is. I'm not surprised you shouted. If it had been me the alarm clock would be very dead if not DH. I hope your DH has retracted what he said last night and that he is trying to be more supportive today.

I can't afford the night nanny any more.

I have left a message for the HV saying we need to see her today as DH is off work to talk about how we can cope. He is angry with me because he thinks they will get social work involved and in any case he is going to "try" to help.

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT TRYING IS JUST NOT ENOUGH

I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE

I AM SO SO SO SO SO TIRED

Why did I have another baby? It was just the same with DD1 only I put up for it with longer than this eight montsh felt sick and coouldnt cope but battled onthought it was normal

know it isn't normal. so asked begged for help but none coming

am very very very low.

Verso, you are completely exhausted. It's no wonder you feel terrible, anybody would. Have a look at www.lacap.co.uk - they can help with depression. I have a friend who used them and they are fundamentally decent and professional. I'm not dissing GPs but they aren't specialists and you need someone who properly understands. You are having a bad time and need some extra support. Don't be hard on yourself. I think you and your DH need to have a proper talk, but that isn't going to happen until everything's calmed down and isn't so raw. Ros's suggestion of Relate is a good one I think, but otherwise these LACAP people can help. I hope the HV can help. They aren't all hideous - Syb was only saying yesterday that she had a kind one at a tricky time. Hang in there.

Verso-I am so sorry that you are not getting the support you deserve. There is lots of good advice below and please make sure you push for help today, whether that be through your hv, to or ladyt's organisation. Do you have a close friend you could lean on and maybe even ask to stay for a couple of nights until you feel a little better? I would do that for a friend in your position and would be pleased to be asked.

Kmp - I am thinking of you too. It is hard not to have family and old friends at hand when you have a newborn. It must be especially hard with your dh working long hours. Also if you are a bit jet lagged that can affect your mood. How long do you and dh plan to live in London? Do you have mates here? I know you are west London too so if you ever want a coffee or a walk do let me know.

Verso I am so so sorry. I can't believe your H is being like this. Can he not see how hard you are finding this? What you need is support, help and a lot a good hugs not threats of divorce. I agree that Relate is a good idea. I really hope the HV helps.

verso I am so sorry that you are at your wits end and so angry that you have been allowed to get this low - by your health professionals and your DH (although I understand it must be hard for him too). Please keep calling your HV til they come roound. You need some plan of action. I am so sorry I can't do anything practical for you.

kmp hugs to you for feeling homesick. Hope you got some rest too and DS settled.

I think we need a Thread group hug (if that just isn't the cheesiest thing ever)for all those feeling low.

"This too will pass. This too will pass." Nanny Anne (turnip's Mum)

oh verso lovey, ladyt is quite right, tiredness makes everything seem so much harder. is there anyone nearby that you could ask to come round and watch the LOs while you and dh talk things over? It may be that he needs you to give really simple instructions on what to do (eg give dd her bottle warmed at x o'clock), but doesn't want to admit it - well never mind if that makes him feel bad, he's got to help you properly - like you say, just trying isn't enough if it makes things worse. He can do the early night feeds but it sounds as if he's (perhaps without realisung it) deliberately doing it wrong so that you'll take over again - he can't do that, you're both parents and not just you.

verso - Have you got a CPN? I was given one (referral from GP) for my PND with dd1 and was referred straight back as soon as I was preg with dd2. Can you ring your GP and ask for an urgent referral? My cpn offered to talk to dh too so he could have an understanding of what was happening and it sounds like your dh very much needs this. Please ring today - or the one that LadyT suggested. You can't go on like this and shouldn't have to. Please keep talking to us and be honest with your feelings. I am scared to ask this and you have every right to refuse to answer and to be cross with me for asking, but do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or your dds? my cpn asks me that every 2 weeks so to me it's an ok question to ask myself - i really hope i've not offended you. You don't have to tell us the answer but please ask yourself. Whatever your answer is you are not a bad person/mum - you are unwell. If you had cancer or a broken leg it would not be your fault and you dh would have to help. PND is not visible in the same way so others struggle to grasp how ill you are. sorry if i'm speaking out of turn.

turnip - every time I read nanny anne's words I well up

Keep us posted, Verso.

Right, KMP, how are you feeling today and how is the little man? Of course you are a bit homesick, it must be really hard. DP talked of getting a job in Bermuda like his sis, or the Caymans or the British Virgin Islands, and much as I would love this in some ways, I would just miss my family and friends too much, so I think you are actually very brave. Furthermore, I miss my friends in London and they are only 60 miles away! I think you need a lunch with some proper, sparkly cheerfulness. Name your day and location between now and Easter (I can't do 20 or 21 March). I haven't met B anyway. Perhaps I could lure you to the Electric in Notting Hill for one of those screenings where you take the babes, followed by a jolly lunch? Look it up, it's really nice there.

Katie, good to have you back. You work from home in the country, don't you? Do you have help? Are you still working now or have you taken a break? If you are giving up the fags, by the way, I take my hat off to you. I have never smoked but if it's worse than trying to avoid a glass of wine I am full of admiration...

ZJ, thanks for the tips re: the house. Oddly, I am slightly apprehensive. This is silly, as I am perfectly confident about how I want it to look. I think it's the thought of extra hassle in my life, lasting for weeks/months...and the fact that I have to think very carefully about the cost of everything. What did you do on your house - was it a lot?

Syb, good luck with the coil thing. I'd be interested to here how it goes...House is in Charlbury, which is on the mainline to London (muffled cheers) and is a cute market town but small and not as chocolate box as Burford or Bourton-on-the-Water but still nice. It's a terraced cottage on the main street, early C19th or possibily earlier, Grade II listed, accommodation over three floors, three bedrooms but no garden, which is a shame but I wanted a third bedroom more than a garden and there is countryside all around anyway. Besides, DP is keeping his flat here in the village and renting it out, and there is a huge communal garden here so in theory I could bring DD back down to Stonesfield play on the lawn here, it's only 3 miles.

Oli, I had to smile at your DS thinking there was a T-Rex in his bedroom. Bless him. The nightmares sound bad though, poor little soul...

Arti, Alfie's Antiques is on Church Street near Lisson Grove. It's off the Edgware Road and I suppose that's the tube one would use. If you fancy a potter round there let me know, I'm dead keen. You are dead right not to buy furniture until exchange though...I've got so much in storage that I don't need to get stuff apart from the odd bit, but light fittings and accessories would be good...I seem to remember lots of housey shops on the Fulham Road, I wonder if I need to go there...I will certainly be taking many trips to Farrow & Ball. And I have always fancied a chaise longue but I don't think there will be space...

oh verso please demand helo from the GP listen to traceface she talks alot of sense. I do so hope you get the help you need and deserve.

Oh, and Turnip - me too, re: Nanny Anne. Hope there is some resolution re: your DH's job. Are you watching Mad Men? (Mind you, I missed last night's cos of boring house meeting at my flat in London. Everyone's falling out because of redecoration costs for communal parts. It's such a nuisance.).

Oooh LadyT, I want a chaise longue too. I have one in my office at work and I love it. When I am on night duty I stretch out on it and feel like some 19th Century Lady of the Manor. I would love one in my bedroom and was hoping to see one at the auction. But maybe I should look at Alfie's Antiques too, I would love a stroll round there if you are up for it. I also want a Farrow and Ball wallpaper feature wall in our bedroom. Maybe this. I am getting sooooo far ahead of myself.

KMP and LadyT - I would love to come to a baby scream screening if you do it. The Electric Cinema in Notting Hill does them on Monday afternoons (I think it is 3ish). Or The Gate cinema in Notting Hill does Tuesday mornings at 11am (I went yesterday). Both are gorgeous cinemas. The Electric screening is packed with babies and the Gate is much calmer but the Electric has a light show on the ceiling to keep the babes amused and it is uber luxury. I probably could not make the screening at the Electric as I have DD1 on Mondays but I could meet you for lunch beforehand.

Arti, I am now lusting after wallpaper . I am a bit frightened of it, one can be so much more confident with paint! I have got killer bad interiors desire, though. Haven't had it for ages. It's a good job I live in the middle of nowhere and the village shop is full of The Daily Star, The Beano and The Oxford Mail, or I would be buying a hundredweight of fat delicious house magazines. Right, Alfie's is a date. I will check my diary but can come in most days. I love antiquey places and junk shops, they are bliss, and DP hates them so it would be great to have a likemind.

KMP, what do you reckon to the cinema? I am free next Mon or Tues, and the following ones.

Happy to come somewhere near you, KMP, if the cinema is too far. Whatever is easiest for you. You see, I am quite determined to prise you out

verso I'm so sorry. Your posts made me well up. You have been given some great advice about contacting your GP and asking for an urgent referal to a CPN. Sounds like you need to change onto some other tablets as the heart palpatations are a horrible side effect. Keep ringing the HV until you get to speak to someone in person. It doesn't matter which HV comes as long as someone comes out to you. Your DH needs to be helped to understand how debilitating depression is.

Do keep us posted as to how you are.

arti A chaise longue in your office . What is your job? I'd love a chaise longue

sybil Thanks for the link - I'll look into that. Not having paint involved might be easier, although as zoe said I think DD enjoyed having it brushed on her feet.

I haven't forgotten about lunch with you either, Syb. And now I MUST stop MNetting and GET ON with some work.

LadyT You should go on Grand Designs. I so would if I was doing up a house or building one. Mainly because I like Kevin McCloud. If we win the Euromillions Friday night we have said we will probably build our own house unless we find a lovely old house to buy.

I just took DS1 for his haircut and he was very good so I treated him to a Thomas DVD from the fleamarket. The lovely lady in there gave him a couple of free Thomas books. He was so happy.

I also popped into the bike shop and they do this payment thing where you pay a deposit and then pay however much you can, when you can. So tempted to do that.