Sorry I've been AWOL again.
Josey hope Oli is now improving and you have her home with you very soon. You are an inspiration to me. You have so much strength and I admire you greatly. Hope you have a fab Christmas.
Deb A belated Happy Birthday. Glad you loved your presents. Wierdly I'm looking forward to my 40th next year.
Amber Please forgive me if you think I am speaking out of turn, but I thought I'd add my fivepenceworth. Apologies if I offend you.
I sympathise with your predicament with Mark, however, speaking as a virtual single parent, I now have enormous respect for those on their own as it is something they have to deal with day in and day out. Please believe me when I say if I didn't have to work, I wouldn't. I wnet back to work after both my children out of necessity, but I do regret it. They grow up so quickly and you do miss so much. As a result I am having some difficulty with my eldest. He is a proper Jeckyll and Hyde. When he is good he is excellent, articulate, bright and in someways extremely advanced for his age. However, in the 5% of the time when he is a monster, he is vile. He is pushing to see where the boundaries are because neither my husband or I are around a lot of the time due to work contraints. It is his way of seeking attention. It seems that all I do when I am with him at the moment is shout at him for his behaviour, whether it be something physical or the way he articulates himself. Unfortunately, DH & I are not consistent in his life at the moment and like I said this is his way of getting attention albeit the wrong way.
I implore you, that if you do not need to go back to work full time, then don't. Mark obviously earns more than enough to support you both. It sounds to me that you are resenting him more for having a life outside of the baby. IIRC he works for Nomura and is in a very demanding and stressful job. Yes he will need his sleep. If his performance starts to slip at work, in this current financial climate within the Banks, they will not hesitate to sever his employment and obviously you would then lose his income.
I know after having DS1 I was desperate for some adult conversation and couldn't wait to get back to work for some normalcy, but babyhood is such a short period of time, and I now bitterly regret it.
You have said you need to exercise your brain. Like others have said, could you find a part-time job somewhere. You sound like quite a sociable person. Could you set up your own enterprise and work from home, do an OU course, or some volunteer work? I know you have said you are from Malta. Do you speak any other languages. Could you get some translation work?
You do need to satisfy your sanity and that of Luke but also find a balance with Mark, otherwise your relationship could crumble if you place unecessary (that is the worng word but I can't think of anything else at the momen - sorry!)demands upon him. That being said, you three are a family unit and you both need to take some responsibility for Luke.
And this is going to sound really harsh, but I can't think of a way to flower it up. I'm being a bit intrusive here, but who's idea was it to have a baby? Unfortunatly, as much as it sounds like you truely love Luke, it also sometimes sounds like he is a complete incovenience to both your social and working lives.
LL slinks away and hides under a rock before being stoned to death.
I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy (Happier) New Year.