Oct 2007: This little piggie ate lots of Christmas turkey.... all by themselves!

[alicet]

Thought this was appropriate given latest discussion and thought I would start a new thread before this expires!!!!

Happy Birthday muppet!!!

Inzi IU expect Jane is fine and that its nothing to do with her jabs. Good advice on the other thread too. However I think you are her mum and you know her best and if you are worried you should just take her to a&e or call out your doctor. If there is nothing wrong then it doesn't matter. If on the other hand you are not that worried then try nhs direct or just keep a close eye. Thinking of you...

Well I came on and read your posts earlier but then didn't have time to reply so will have to go catch up now as can't remember anything!

Back soon... If I don't get too distracted by xfactor! x

OK so I just skim read again and have gone blank again!

Inzi hoe the scan results are worth the agro... Adam also shakes his head 'no' and pushes things away he doesn't want! He might not say that many words but he certianly isn't slow to tell you what he does / doesn't want! His fave new trick is to go the the cupboard and get a cereal bar out when he is hungry! I was cooking his tea tonight and he kept bringing it to me I was trying to explain that I was doing exactly what he wanted but he didn't get it!

As far as meetup goes I am up for something def. Not sure what I can manage with both boys but I will def do my best - you all mean a lot to me too xxx

OK sorry I can't remember anything else but I am sending you all big hugs instead! xxx

just a quickie-inzi-my firiends little boy was like that the other da, i thought they looked like chicken pox but she said they didn't turn into it, prob just a virus, don't worry too much, just keep an eye on her

Happy Birthday Muppet!

Light at the end of the tunnel at last where my Mums decorating is concerned...We might even start getting our weekends to ourselves again before Christmas! Thanks for the sleep vibes...they worked!!!!! He slept 9-1.00, 1.30-5.55 and 6.30-8.00!!!! .. then Dh took him off for an hour to give me a bit more of a lie in...bliss. The best night for ages!
Just chilling now with Dh and a glass of vintage cider...fingers cross his lordship gives us another good night.

Inzi; hope jane is ok

I have said before you ladies are very important to me and i so need to talk right now. I am unable to eat or sleep and have been like this for a fair few weeks now. as december approaches we are "supposed" to look fwd to xmas. the 30th of november my decs will go up as always ever since i was a little girl. You see At the moment (last few weeks) I am finding it hard to deal with Dad not being here. I wish everytime the phone rings that it is him calling to say he loves me or whatever just to hear his voice again one more time!
This has been hard to deal with since he went but especially since october 5th when my dads little brother died of a heart attack aged just 57yrs old. Since then my heart has been breaking daily and this is the first time I have been able to say it because I feel I have to always be strong. I miss my dad so much and I wish I could rid my memories of his face as he took his last breath but it won't go even 5 yrs on.......

Sorry you are struggling LES, I know how you feel to some extent, I lost my dad aged 59 in Jan 05 after a short illness, 5 months before Sam was born, if I let myself I can get really upset thinking about what a great grandad my boys will never know.

I was also at my dads bedside during his last breath but for some reason this is not what I remember about him, luckily I see him as I last saw him before he was ill which was on Xmas Day 04.

I really don't know what to suggest to you other than grief counselling. Did you deal with the grief at the time or is it now only just manifesting itself? I know my mum is still suffering because she has never really dealt with it but I cried so many tears at the time I don't think there are many left. I also tend to push my tears out of the way if they threaten to start, like they are doing now whilst typing this actually, because I know that once I start it will be difficult to stop and I feel so bad afterwards. It seems I am in the lucky position to be able to do this. I really think you should sort some counselling out if it is making you ill.

Big Hugs xxxx

LES and Lisa so sorry for your losses. I am like Inzi that I live in dread of losing one of my parents.

LES Lisa speaks a lot of sense about getting counselling if you are struggling so much with his loss 5 years on. However it may be worth pointing out that a lot of people struggle more at specific occasions where it can all feel more raw - birthdays, christmas and the anniversary of their death amoung others. It may in your case also have been exacerbated by your uncles death.

There are no hard and fast rules for how long it is normal to grieve and there will almost certainly always be times that get to you even many years down the line. But to be so overwhelmed with giref that it is making you ill this far down the line is probably not normal and so unless you can see a specific trigger and think it might settle down for you a bit soon then I think grief counselling would be really beneficial.

Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxx

tbh i think it is a mixture of things. ds1 is wearing me out with his behaviour, dp and i are arguing over trivial things to the point that i think i may be better on my own. Sometimes i feel the only good thing in my life is Zachary. Karl is such hard work and while I am trying to figure out what to do with him next i am wearing myself out. My uncle dying brought dad back to me in a mighty swoop.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself I don't know. I want to go to college and do a course on childcare but know Zachary won't stay with anyone else. SO thats out the window...DP has been out of work since July and has not made any effort to get a job. I have to find £120 by tuesday for the rent and I just don't have it.

I have no time off so to speak and I need some i think...but on the same hand I can't bring myself to leave Zachary with anyone I have this deep rooted fear....

god i have made myself sound like a fruitcake.

Inzi, I am selling all the nappies Zachary has grown out of all his outgrown clothes, the buggies i don't use lol.could try selling ds1 and dp hmmmm

Ok ladies feel free to ignore what I type now I just need to ramble about my dad for a bit and I have nobody else to talk to so sorry xx

this yr on the 13th december will be 5 yrs since my dad died.

The photo on my profile is the last ever photo taken of him and that was the 13th September 2003 exactly 3 months before he died. obviously as you can see it was my wedding day and 6 days later my dad was rushed to hospital. He had collapsed at home anyway when we got him to the hospital they began working on him to find out what was had caused him to collapse. After 3 hours they found he had an internal bleed and needed to find where from. They had been trying for over an hour to get a line into him to put fluids back in him. After another hour they took dad to theatre to do an endoscopy they found 2 ulcers in his stomach and one was actively bleeding. They decided to cortorise it (sp) and in doing so ruptured the artery in his stomach. He ended up having emergency surgery to save his life and for a while they lost him. Dad was then in recovery and the following morning his lungs collapsed...by the afternoon he was in ICU. This was the 20th September. The following friday we had a meeting with a proffessor in the hospital who was caring for my dad. He told us he had a 5% chance of survival and if he did survive he would have a long road to recovery. I was devastated and went into my dad to tell him I needed him. The following morning they called my mum to tell her that they had found the un-named infection....along with others. He had 5 infections 1 being mrsa but the un-named one turned out to be cancer of the throat.

Again I was in tears....However dad went from strength to strength and on the 17th October was moved to a high dependancy ward and then later that day transferred hospitals to begin radiotherapy. I have to say that during this time he had been bedridden on a ventilator and had a trachemotry (sp) then it seemed like a miracle he was beginning treatment to "cure" him.

On the 12th December we had a call from the hospital to say Dad was struggling for breath again and was being put back on a ventilator. I rushed to be by his side....Something did not make sense he was fine the evening before and now he seemed as high as a kite and very agitated. My mum never told me until after dad had died that a nurse had given dad morphine after another nurse had already and had been called away in an emergency...she never signed the drug sheet.

On the 13th December I was with my dad from 12.40am until 10.45pm when he died......

There is so much more i could say about him but the only thing is at the moment all i feel like doing is screaming shouting and stamping my feet!!!!!

Inzi, see if Dr Who will lend me his tardis so I can travel back 5 yrs and tell my dad I love him??

Inzi, I may just take you up on that offer...as soon as this flu bug leaves my home!!!!

Hi all

Veeeeerrrrrryyyyy tired here so not been on much this week.

Thanks all for my birthday wishes but I do have to come clean in telling you that my birthday was last month! It's wrong on facebook as I don't want to give too much info about myself away. The really laughable thing is that my brother and my sil separately wished my happy birthday!!!!!

Very tired as I said. I am 9 weeks this coming wed and have my 12 week scan on the 18th Dec so all excited about that. The really wierd thing is that my neighbour who's been trying for ages told me she was pregnant too so we are withing 2 weeks of each other her being nearly 7 weeks. Very pleased for her but felt like I stole her thunder a bit but can't be helped I suppose.

Henry is his usual happy self and can turn round now but still not moving but still very happy not to be. We had another Dr app for Ollie this week due to school asking if he could reduce his hours due to tiredness which took me back a bit. We've been referred back to the paeditrician which I'm pleased with but this one specializes in 'lingering' ilnessess. He's tired as usual which worries the heck out of me but there's not much we can do aprat from change his diet to more fruit + veg which, to be fair, he has loads of anyway.

Am now off to read what you've all been up too this week
xxxxx

muppet sorry to hear that you are shattered (fingers crossed not for much longer as you are nearing 12 weeks although I must warn you that being pregnant with a little one is really tiring). You must be really worried about Ollie too - hope you get to the bottom of it soon...

LES will echo inzi that you should never apologise for ranting - it's what we are here for! It sounds like part of your unresolved grief about your dad's death is that is might have been preventable if it was caused / precipitated by the extra morphine? If this is one of your worries have you thought about asking to speak to one of the doctors involved / to see your dad's notes to try and understand what happened? This might not be easy - I know you can request your own notes but not sure of the logistics when it is a relative - but no harm in asking... I have to say I would be very very surprised if this could have happened - the amount of checks that have to go on to give morphine (2 nurses, both sign controlled drugs book, both go together to give it etc) means that it would be virtually impossible for such a mistake to happen. Never the less things DO happen that shouldn't. But if it was simply an unexpected deterioration and everything possible was done to save him this might help you to grieve andmove forward. Just a thought.... Sendiung big hugs...

Mummy hug being requested from Sam - back in a bit xxx

Alice, the nurse who administered the 2nd dose actually apologised to us so we know it happened. I think the thing that lays in the back of my mind is the same as my mums that dad somehow managed to convince the nurse (after the other was called away) that he had not had it....See he was very convincing and had been ill for 3 months. Even though the cancer had shrunk he was still unable to eat and had a drip feed. He was due to come home on the monday and died on the saturday. The nurse admitted it.....thats the thing I just can't get my head around....

Well done Erin for taking your first steps!!

Inzi ? we didn?t use reins with Ollie as he just seemed to listen to what we said. I have a friend whose son used to run for it whenever they were out of the house so he was dangerous so I?d take Jane out a few times and see how she is.

J20 ? So sorry you?re having a tough time with Richie? It?s tough when you find someone you like but the past just keeps coming back to haunt you. I now have a toughened view of the world more so than when I was younger. I haven?t had an abusive relationship like Tles but my ex did have an affair with a colleague that all his colleagues (we all socialised together) knew about. I was the only one who didn?t. I then got together with his friend and he turned out to be a little unhinged but it was over pretty quick. I find it hard to trust and would never give myself 100% to anyone. I am very self sufficient and view dh and I to be equals and not each others halves. This may sound harsh but having been hurt in the past I won?t be again. I sound like I have Fort Knox round me! My children are the only things in my life that have the power to reduce me to a gibbering wreck and have me lying awake at night worrying. Dh will do what he does even if I look at his phone, laptop and wallet. I don?t want to make anything a self fulfilling prophecy by looking for things that may or may not be there. I think there are things that are dodgy in what you?ve said J20 and maybe chatting things through with him and telling him exactly what you think about the situation and what your expectations are so at least he knows. If things don?t change then split up knowing you were honest and open about what you wanted.

Alice ? so glad your sil is better and brilliant they are thinking of trying for another baby xx

Floria ? Good luck on the kitchen doors!!

Tles ? I am so sorry you?ve lost your dad xxx I think you?re allowed to be angry and upset he?s your dad, you?re in a much happier place than you?ve been in for years, you have Zachary and he?s not here!!!! I think we?re all expected to ?get over? or accept loosing people very quickly and sometimes this happens but sometimes it doesn?t and people really don?t know what to say. My friend Sarah who died, her mum said just this that her family expected her to further along the grief path than she was and that was a torment in itself as she felt they were putting another pressure on her just when she couldn?t take anymore pressure. You write Tles and this seems to help, write all you can, talk to us about how you?re feeling and maybe see a grief counsellor as Alice/Lisa has suggested but I think above all don?t put any pressure on yourself, you loved him and you desperately miss him and that?s going to take time to come to terms with.xxxxxxxx

I am sitting here and yes I am feeling down but Zachary has made me laugh karl is trying to do his homework and Z keeps going over to help him. When Karl tells him to go away Z pokes his tongue out and laughs at him

lolol

Oh dear

Well done erin on your first steps (sorry I missed that been a bit me me me today)