Oct 2007: This little piggie ate lots of Christmas turkey.... all by themselves!

[alicet]

Thought this was appropriate given latest discussion and thought I would start a new thread before this expires!!!!

Aww LES-you kind of mentioned a bit about it, the harm that some people do to others is unbelievaable sometimes-i hope i have become a better person in spite of what i have had done to me previously.

I so agree about everyone on here, its like we're a family(actually better than most families!), we accept each others decisions and the way we do things(differently sometimes) without questioning anything, everyone is such a great supportive, and my life is most certainly richer for knowing you all

and I loves ya all xxxxxx

J20; I'm so sorry that your relationship with Rich isnt working exactly as you would like at the moment...I can understand your suspicions especially with your history ...I truly wouldnt worry about him taking on more than he can handle, he is the one to judge that and I think he would have run a mile a long time ago if he didnt feel mature enough to cope (I know my 37 yr old brother would!)..but if your gut feeling is that he isnt the one for you then you are right to call a stop now.. if lack of trust is the only negative thing (though that is a pretty big negative)and that has nothing to do with him but all to do with your "expectations" of being cheated on again, what would Rich have to do to earn your trust ? ...But who am I to give an opinion? I have never had reason to mistrust so have never been in your situation... ignore me...having said that, if it helps at all, my Dad kept pictures of his girlfriends, several of them, that he dated before meeting my Mum (with her knowledge, if not her approval)and which he kept in his drawer all his 50 yrs of their happy and totally faithful married life...pictures are just memories, part of what makes you the person you are today, not something that you are necessarily hankering to get back to.

Inzi; I have reins for Alex, but as he was walking at 9 months I needed them..they dont just save runaways (and snatchings) but also save grazed knees and hands (especially on the rough terrain round here)and as J20 says they also save you getting a bad back bending sideways to hold hands. Well done Jane for using a spoon properly..Alex can and has eaten with them, but prefers to use them as missile launchers!

His Lordship has been giving me some absolute shockers of sleepless nights recently ... last night was not so bad ,just 12.30, 2.30, 4.30 and 7am...of to bed to try to recharge my utterly flat batteries

just stopping by so i can find you all again xxxx
will post properly later - have a performance review at work this week which i need to go and prepare for....

Just a quicky for J2O...

I can totally understand why the things you mention make you anxious. I too must add that I have never (to my knowledge anyway - I do suspect it of one ex but will never know) been cheated on so I am perhaps not the best person to ask...

However you are right when you say that you are almost looking for things to give you a reason for this relationship not to work. Are you trying to find a reason that Rich is a bastard like the others so that you can leave with your head held high rather than falling in love and him potentially then being able to break your heart somewhere down the line?

I can also add that my Rich has a file in our filing cabinet that has stuff from old relationships in it - love letters / velentines cards etc. I have never felt any inclination to go and have a nosy - I treust in him and his feelings for me and his past makes him the person I love. So I don't mind that he has kept things that are his memories of his life before we were together. They are just things and memories and are no threat to us.

To play devils advocate maybe the reason your Rich is lying to you about the things you describe is simply because he knows how you might react and he is trying to avoid hurting you. Nothing you mention on its own is damning in my opinion but then I know I come from a differnt place than you so it is perhaps easier to see it as such. I am also not excusing him for lying as that has just made it worse hasn't it but trying to let you see that it doesn't always have to be for negative reasons.

Having said all of this (and I know I am waffling - sorry!) if you can't learn to trust him then you won't be able to make it work as he will feel progressively more hemmed in and nagged at, do progressively more evasive things to grasp his freedom and you will both push each other apart.

Can you tell him about your past and explain exactly why the things you have described have upset you? And make a pact that he will try to be open and honest with you (I think there is no harm in having some secrets in his past as long as you can discuss between you what kind of things its acceptable not to discuss as sometimes you can know too much). In return you will try to count to 10 when you feel yourself getting distrustful and try and reason with yourself whether what you are worrying about is reasonable or not. And to talk to him about whatever is worrying you before going snooping to look for the worst?

No right answer really but I think if he is someone you want in your life you can work through this.

Not such a quicky then

Just to say that I love you all too lovely ladies!

And sending BIG sleep vibes to Alex for Floria xxx

thanks ladies, its good to get someone elses perspectives on things, FT- you are right, its me with the issues and its not fair to tar him with the same brush as the other twats. I'm pretty sure he is a decent person and he loves me and the girls with all his heart, i need to try and let things go. I think if it wasn't for his ex still texting him about missing him etc then i wouldn't have a problem with her, i'm not usually a jealous person so its quite a shock to me to be feeling the way i do. He's coming round tonight so we're going to have a chat.

Ft-hope you got some sleep last night!
Alice-been meaning to ask-how is sil doing lately?

going shopping so will be back later.

Hi All
Thanks for the good nights sleep wishes and sympathy...sadly it wasn't a good one last night either Inzi I am sooo with you. His lordship was in naughty mode all yesterday..no matter how much I tried to distract him with toys and games he was hell bent on squeezing behind the tv cabinet to get at the cables, swinging on the vertical blinds, pulling handfuls of soil out of the potted plants and smearing it on the cream carpet (most of which is covered with a huge black rug..but no he finds an exposed bit to muddy up!)and managing to foil a child proof cabinet lock in the kitchen and smash 2 big pyrex casserole dishes![aaaarrrgghhh!!!] ....
[tearing hair out emoticon]
Today, after denying me more than 90mins sleep in a stretch and getting up at 6.00 he has had a 90min nap 8.30-10 and is now sweetness and light ....he's playing with his push-along/ride-on lion at the moment after bringing me each of his books one at a time, climbing on my knee and demanding "boooo(k)" (Hairy Maclary twice) and exclaiming "oh wow!" at all the good bits..then climbing up again for row row your boat and a dozen or so other nursey rhymes...he is all giggles and cuddles today a[aaaarrrgghhhh!!!][ melting my exhausted heart emoticon]

J20. I hope the chat helps resolve things tonight.

Inzi. I meant to respond about potty training but with cabbage for brains these days I forgot. I have held Alex out over a potty from the start...now he sits on it happily (most of the time)...we put him on it for a few minutes first thing in the morning, last thing at night and immediately after each meal...we praise him when he uses it but dont make an issue if he doesnt...we very rarely have dirty nappies now (1 in the last month..he was teething)...in fact we haven't had very many since he was 6/7 months old except when he has been teething or when he had that gastric flu.... Getting him dry is another matter...my mum says we need to get him on the potty every 2 hours to crack that one and I suppose she should know as she had me in knickers by 9 months and my brother by 15 months. Personally I dont think we will have it completely cracked until he starts asking for the potty..he can say the word, just not in context..having said that he walked out of his room and straight to the bathroom and potty this morning without me asking him to so perhaps it will come soon.

Alice; thanks for the sleep vibes, shame they didnt make it all the way down here, they were probably caught on the way by some equally in need of sleep child...I hope the thumb is feeling better and you are enjoying the lighter work load

Hee hee FT i think I got the sleep vibes as I slept soundly...good job Grant was here to hear Zachary....but i am ill....I have the female version of man flu

Lots to catch up on!

J20 - I think I would find some of those things difficult to deal with too. I am fortunate in a way because DH is not from this country so all ex gf's are far away. Trust can be such a hard thing to establish in a relationship, especially if you have had bad experiences in the past. When I first got together with DH I was just waiting for him to turn into a bastard! Does Rich know how these things have made you feel?

LES I am so sorry for all that you have been through. I think you are really brave to have survived all that. I went through an abusive relationship (not physically though, mainly sexually abusive) when I was 20/21 and it was a devastating experience. It always seems to me that women have to go through so much in life.

Floria I am impressed with the early potty training. How did it work? When you put him on the potty how did he know what to do? And how long did you let him sit on it before you gave up? I am wondering if it is worth trying it with Dareh to get him used to the idea.

Hope Floria and Inzi get a better nights sleep tonight! Dareh wasn't too bad last night - just up the once.

You know what's weird is that no one around me now (apart from family) knows about what happened when I was 20. I never tell people and here I am telling you lot!!

Stefka I think partly with me is maybe i do have high expectations lol. My first bf who I met when I was 16 and was with him until i was 21 treated me like a princess and I guess part of me expected to be treated that way always LOL. But also I do have an angry side stemming from when I was attacked at 18. J my first b'f was with me through the court case etc and did everything to make me feel better about things.
I didn't expect anyone else to understand what i was feeling but when I was with karls father he constantly pushed for details and what he had done to me (my attacker) and I felt worse about the whole thing as when he was beating me he would tell me how I deserved what happened to me.

Then exH and I met and I thought at last all was going to be great HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BUT I do have Grant now and as I said I have begun to learn to trust him and when the man that attacked me excaped from prison in 2006 he was a tower of stregnth for me as I was petrified to even go out in the daytime.....

You are right women do go through a lot....maybe men do as well but they never seem to be affected by things?????

It seems that way anyway. So many women I know have experienced some kind of physical, sexual or emotional abuse at some point in their lives. It feels like an epidemic to me. Perhaps you are just more aware of these things if you have experienced them though.

Karl's father sounds like a nasty piece of work for sure. He would have known exactly what he was doing by using your attack against you like that.

Stefka, he is not a nice person he has refusd to see or speak to karl for almost 3yrs now.

Awful although maybe it's for the best considering the sort of person he is. I had a few pregnancy scares when I was with that guy who was abusive and I am so thankful that I did not end up tied to him for the rest of my life. The thought of every having to see him again makes me feel sick.

I am glad that you and Karl now have a decent man in your lives.

Stefka; It is wonderful that you feel you can trust us with something so devastating and that goes so deep... but how terrible that you and Tles have suffered such abuse... I feel for you both.
As to the potty...at first, when he was tiny, Alex didnt know what to do of course, but we got better at catching the times he needed to go and he got used to letting go when he had his nappy removed ...we have never kept him suspended over the potty or sitting on it for more than a few minutes...if he didnt go then we would try again and hour or so later... the important thing is not to get frustrated...when it works it means one less nappy to wash

Blimey, I thought it had been quiet, then I look here and there are almost 40 new messages

J20 - I hope you sort things out with Rich, alicet made some very sensible points along with the others so I won't add my pennies worth as I already agree with them

Ben has a grand total of 6 normal teeth and 3 doubles so far.

As regards reigns, I have them but not used them yet. I never did with Sam and he has been very good, he will not wander off and has been like this since he started walking at 16 months. Ben OTOH is a little terror at the moment as will wander off without a backward glance even when you shout him

I took him to get his feet measured again yesterday, he was in a 3 and a half G cruising shoe, but they seemed to be getting a bit tight, he is now a 4 and a half in a proper walking shoe. He was so funny when the lady asked him to walk in them, he glanced back at us once with a huge grin and then just took off down the length of Mothercare, I had to chase after him and he tried to start running but ended up falling over as he was giggling too much

To all those who have had bad/abusive relationships, I can only sympathise with you, I have been very lucky and have no idea what it would be like and just wish none of you lovely ladies had to go through it. It sounds as if everyone has found their perfect partner/DH now though

FT - at Alex, what a monkey! Ben is getting quite bad too, and no amount of telling off seems to stop him, he just laughs at me Sam has always done as he is told so I'm not sure what to do with Ben. As soon as he is old enough to understand I will probably have to start using the naughty step. My mum reckons he is just testing out his boundaries, so to stay firm and he should hopefully get the message soon.

He is also going through a shutting doors phase and keeps getting himself stuck in rooms on his own He is in a very funny phase at the moment and regularly has me in stitches

So do you just look for the poo face and then get the potty out pronto?

Just to let you know... there are some great deals on at Early Learning Centre at the moment if you are interested, and if you haven't had emails from them I can give you a code for 20% off too

lol Inzi-potty getting chucked at your head i've not had chance to post as been busy today, and Shanon decided to go in a grump this afternoon and wouldn't let me do anything.

Richie should be here soon, i'll let you all know how it goes x

Inzi - I read that in the my threads bit where you just see a portion of the post and I thought it said 'oops I appear to have killed the cat'