January 08 Shiny New-Year Babies - Here come the Tumble Tots

[madmouse]

hello

oh poor you lily
thing is ds2 has cracked it so many times, then it goes wrong again, i wish i knew if we are doing anything or if it's all just random anyway....

dh was working nearer home/from home for a few months so i have been spoilt. he's now back in london mon-thurs which i hate
did bath tonight just to prove i CAN do it on my own - bed and bathtime being the hardest with 2 i think.
have changed ds1's nursery days to mon & tues instead of tues & wed which got rid of the yuk sunday evening feeling - should have done that ages ago.
i am due to start my one day a week work on mondays in nov so both boys will go then, my plan is to drop the tues day for ds1 as it is too much of a luxury costwise, but get him into a nearby pre-school one or two mornings a week instead.
we are going to visit the pre-school on wed morning, and am hoping he loves it so much he starts straight away

oh - and i realised today that i'm on no pay now as i extended my mat leave
ah well only one month but am in overdraft so will have to speak to dh...

thanks simpson - got the wolf yet???

Lilyloo - sorry to hear DD not great at night When is DP back? Think of all the things you want to do when he is back ie feet up with glass of wine & takeaway etc while he sorts out Dcs!!

JKS - that is the bit of the day I have struggled with the most TBH. Having done the last 2 weeks on my own I am lazy and alternate one night DS then the next DD etc. Once DD sitting up better (she managed 3mins on her own today before she realised what she was doing, then fell!!) I will bath them at the same time...

Sorry for no personals I will come back and read back I promise.

Wanted a bit of advice from you wise ladies. It?s about my DH - and Simpson ? I feel bad complaining when I know you are going through what you are hon but I?m feeling so lonely and I just don?t know what to do about my DH

Lately he is so aggressive at the slightest thing and calls me all sorts of horrible things, even in front of the little man which makes me see red when he?s in a mood he?ll just ignore DS and act incredibly selfishly for hours.

Today, he was furious because I wasn?t home when he got back at lunchtime and his lunch wasn?t ready. Before I saw to DS or myself, I made his lunch and he just sat in front of the computer ignoring both DS and I. I was shattered having been out all morning and sat down to eat my lunch. No sooner had I sat down he started ranting and raving about an email from our removal man (very long story but basically the man is a crook and owes us money both for packing materials and for breakages) and insisted I read it there and then. Which I did. He wanted to reply immediately but I suggested he waited until the evening until we had decided what we were going to do before making threats of legal action that we wouldn?t follow through. He then went off on one shouting that my head was mince, that I was a crap lawyer and had no spine etc etc. I lost my temper and yelled that it was precisely because I was a lawyer that I wanted to assess our chances of success either here or in Scotland before lighting the match on the situation. He got up, slammed the door and left. I was shaking and felt so sick. I am so tired at the moment anyway being 5 weeks pregnant and as I say I?d been out all morning. I felt unwell all afternoon and was scared for the baby Anyway, I happened to see out of the window that he left on foot and didn?t take the car to work which suggested to me that he was planning on going drinking after work. Right enough, he finishes work at 6pm and isn?t home yet, I haven?t had a call, nothing. To be honest, I?m almost happy he?s not here but it?s not fair on the little guy who hasn?t had any Daddy time today and I had to do the whole bedtime routine alone which he normally does ½ of. I don?t begrudge looking after my son, far from it but how selfish is my DH??? I am just so angry that he thinks he can treat his baby son like that and me, especially when I am pregnant.

Would love to hear what you would do now. I can?t just let him off with this behaviour can I? Thanks

simpson - i don't mind the bath bit actually - esp as ds2 sits up by himself so i can sit back and let them splash around for a bit (tho he did fall over today and cried )
it's the getting into bed/me feeding ds2/stories for ds1 bit...need a plan to get through till christmas when i want to stop feeding ds2 the bedtime feed.

mrsmc - poor you
there are a few things there i think:

• is your dh happy about the new baby? maybe he is feeling a bit swamped by the thought of 2 young ones when he's the only wage earner?
• has he been like this to you before? cos the whole 'you haven't got my lunch ready on time so i'm angry' thing sounds quite controlling if it's a regular occurrence
• the going out drinking could be linked to the feeling swamped? or did he already have something planned but didn't tell you cos of row?
• are finances a problem - so the packer is just a symptom of bigger money problems?

i'm trying to be generous but no, you can't let him carry on like that. don't think tonight after drinks will be a good time to talk tho!
and i know it's hard but rowing in front of the kids is a real no-no to me.

hope you can talk some sense into him tomorrow.

Mrs Mcjnr - sorry to hear that things are not good for you re DH ATM. Just want to second what JKS said. Also is your DH under any stress at work or anything??

My DH saw consultant today who said he does not have bi polar or anything but that it was all triggered by stress.

Not making you think this could happen to your DH or anything obviously but had chat with my DH and he said main stress was being sole bread winner REALLY scared him. Do you think he could be worried about that? Definitely think you need to talk to him though as he cannot treat you like that especially you being pg. And not fair on Xavier either. Hope things improve for you. ((hugs))

Oh dear MrsMc . Is he suffering from stress ATM? No excuse for his rotten behaviour but sounds like he is taking his own insecurities out on you. Can you "prepare" a calm explanation to him of how he is making you feel, and see if you can work out some ground rules i.e. if you accept that sometimes you are going to argue, then agree no rowing in front of baby, no using derogatory terms in front of him etc. Then see if you can think of how to deal with source of stress in short, medium and long term. Even if it's something that won't go away (i.e. money worries, job insecurity), a few practical things you can think of to help the situation. IME men like a "plan" so they feel in control (not of you, of their own lives).

Ladies a nice little xmas pressie here for a £1

Cazzy ? as you might have guessed from my last post, today hasn?t been a good day though it started well at Mums and Babies group this morning generally though all is good and apart from being really tired, I haven?t really got many other pregnancy symptoms ? yet!! What are you working as now hon? Hope DD?s rash is better for thing.

LaTrucha ? hope the central heating isn?t broken and it was just a glitch.

Simpson ? hope you enjoyed your afternoon off sorry to hear that DD has been unsettled at night, that?s all you need. Not still breastfeeding Xavier, he self-weaned about 6 weeks ago, I guess I am lucky that he decided off his own back but I was sort of sad at first Our bumbo had to go to pasture as DS was launching himself backwards in it Good luck with the wolf!

Lucky ? it?s hard trying to make them understand you isn?t it? I read that rather than say ?don?t go there? ?don?t do that? you should try ?come to Mummy? ?let?s see if you can crawl over there? but I agree that dangerous things like fires mean they do need to listen to ?No! ? Hot!? Xavier has 6 teeth when DS cries and stands up, I put him back down again and pat his chest until he calms down again. Sorry to hear about your heating.

Tolalola - are you on Tortola then? We just passed through as rented a villa on Virgin Gorda for 10 days and then a catamaran for 4 days of sailing (with a 12 week old ? that was not easy! )

Hey JKS 8 teeth wow! hope the sleeping is improving again.

Madmouse ? hope you get Nathan sleeping through soon

Gingeme ? bless DS5 and his hand clapping in the wee small hours hope you get good results from the x ray.

Lilyloo what a party girl you are!!

Hey Angechica ? hope DS is feeling better.

MrsMc sorry missed that

Agree with the others i think he is likely feeling 'jealous' of your new relationship with ds , vulnerable to being the main earner and overwhelmed that you are pg again!

No excuses for his bahviour though but men are quite simple creatures and like to think about themselves very often.

Maybe start a convo asking him if any of them things are bothering him. Then let him know how you feel and what your worries are.

I do think having a little one , never mind moving to another country is a major strain on any relationship but now is the time to address things before they get out of hand. I know you have said things have been tough before. I agree with others the arguing and ignorance of ds isn't acceptable imo and i would want to address that. I think you both need to sit down and have a real good chat. It will do him no harm to know you have concerns and feel vulnerable too.

Hope you can sort it but would agree tonight after drinks probably isn't the right time!

Big to you and ds (who will be oblivious to it all)

Lilyloo - I won the wolf!!! Ds is going to be soooo chuffed. ATM he goes to bed clutching a "wolf" made of lego. He is so going to love it!!

Mrs Mcjnr - hope things improve for you soon hun and at Xavier 6 teeth. DD doesn't have any yet!! Bumbo being used but DD is starting to launch herself backwards in it so don't know how long it will be used for. On the learn & groove activity station front, the batteries were going so think they just do odd things when batteries go!!

JKS - have to confess I don't do stories for DS for bed (bad mummy!!) but he has SOOO many read in the day that he is happy to watch ITNG while I put DD to bed. Have staggered bedtime so she goes down at 6ish and he goes at 7ish. Means I am knackered at 7.30!!!

Lucky - How are you getting on with DD not crawling to the fire?? My DD managed to move a bit today so I know she is going to take off any day soon!!

Angechica - How is work going?? Sorry can't remember are you full/part time?? Have spoken to DH and I will look for a job to help him out financially Sept 2009 when DS starts full time school.

Am so pleased for ds he deserves it after these last few weeks and his potty triumphand the smallest things are the best for kids!

Hi Ladies, hope you all had a good weekend! I have been manic at work the last 3 days so spent today catching up on sleep and spending time with DD.

MrsMc Jnr - sorry to hear about troubles with DH. Second what the others say, try and sit down for a talk with him. Men tend to clam up and not discuss things, think thats how they deal with things, maybe once you have a good chat and lay all the cards on the table you will be able to work through your differences. Sending you big hugs xxx

Question to you all, I am trying to get a thicker grow bag for DD now the waether is colder, she has at the moment 2.5 tog any ideas on where to get a thicker one? I dont want to pay a fortune!

Thanks JKS DH says he is happy about the new baby but I remember with DS that he found it hard to visualise it as a baby until much later in the pregnancy. He says he is happy with me being just a Mum for now but he knows too that I have my CV out for some consulting jobs. I wouldn?t say that he is a controlling person but I probably did cow tail to him a lot more before we had DS, now I frankly can?t be bothered. He didn?t have anything planned for tonight. He hasn?t made any friends here yet and so can only be out alone. Money is an issue but not a day to day one. What really sticks in my craw is that this staying out was premeditated, he decided to do it at 3pm this afternoon and he?s still out at 10.50pm I wish I could lock him out but I don?t know where he?d go. I am tempted to sleep in DS?s room tonight (I don?t want DH going in there drunk) unfortunately we don?t have any locks on any of the doors.

Simpson ? thanks hon My DH works with my parents and times are tight but I think generally he enjoys it. We?ve been planning the move here for 2 years and he was so excited about the job before we came. I really worry about his mental health as a lot of his family, including his mother are bi-polar and he does have mood swings but most of the time he is a pretty chilled out happy man. Just saw you won the wolf how fab is DS going to think you are!!!

Angechica ? thanks for your advice I appreciate it. I think the only way the rowing will stop in front of Xavier is if I can learn to walk away and not retaliate but then, is that just letting him get away with it? I think he does feel out of control at the moment, he?s made a few comments about me always getting my own way recently but I don?t really know what he?s referring to. I?m not grumbling but DH has a season ticket for the football here and he goes and watches all the UK games at the local pub but I get no me time at all ? seems to me like he does exactly what he pleases.

Lilyloo he has made comments about not having the same bond with DS as I do. I ask him often if he is happy here and glad we came and he says he is but I will ask your specific questions and see what comes of them, thanks. And I needed those hugs

Thanks Cazzy x ? re the grobag ? not sure if they go higher than 2.5? Maybe just put more underneath?

Yes, work today, am doing 3 days but hoping to drop to 2.5 soon as they are interviewing for the other half of the job share this week and they have a lot of people shortlisted this time. The amount I earn swallowed up by childcare is quite galling but I have the prospect of a promotion / secondment where I would earn more and just do 2 days a week which would be ace .

Should I feel guilty for secretly feeling relieved the childminder dealing with DS's nasty teething-related nappies all day today ? He is being really good for her so far bless him, so that's a relief, i was worried as he's really not used to being left with anyone.

2.5 is the winter weight grobag I thought cazzy, not sure if you can get any warmer ones?

MrsMc - I'm really sorry but i'm crap at problems with partners. I will however say that you need to "bite this problem in the bud" now. Don't want it to become more than shouting and definatly not shouting in front of little man.
8 Teeth DD still has none!!
Thanks for the hints when she gets up - have started doing this and it seems to be working now..........slowly

Simpson - She still goes for the fire. I've asked for a fireguard and heater on freecycle so just going through my 103 emails () to see if anyone replied!

Cazzy - don't think you can get a thicker one than 2.5 tog. If you do can you let me know!!

Lucky - fingers X you get what you want on freecycle!!

Angechica - When I worked 4 days after having DS it really pained me how much I had to pay in childcare

DD keeps waking up every couple of minutes crying. She's not waking properly but suddenly starts screaming then settles for a few then awake screaming again. I've been up 5 times since 8:30.

Sorry 9:30

Lucky - Do you think she is in pain or hot (ie temperature not hot due to to many clothes iyswim)?? is it just whimpering in sleep or is she waking properly??

She's not waking properly but she's SCREAMING!! and there's tears.

I've felt her head and i've tried to look to see if she's in pain as normally when in pain she kinda points to the spot? (hands where it hurts) and she's just squeezing Winnie.

What do you think would happen if you woke her properly and gave her some calpol and a drink of water to cool/calm her down?? Hard to tell because you don't want to wake her properly if she is still half asleep.

I don't know. I think she'd wake and be awake for a while cos she's been asleep for nearly 2 hours which is what her normal daytime nap is..... On the plus side she's doing it less often now. Its down to every 10 mins now so may leave her and see what happens.

Forgot to say went to see my friend today and she's taken some GORGEOUS pictures of Aaliyah and her son together. She had so much fun just playing together - they were crawling all over each other and holding hands and allsorts.... lovely.

Also found which car seat I want during a trip to mothercare... 99www.mothercare.com/gp/product/B0010YQLCQ/sr=1-4/qid=1223328735/ref=sr_1_4/202-8284133-60598 45?ie=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=44452031&mcb=core I don/t know whether to get it now while its cheap. Also she's not far to outgrowing hers now as she's weighing nearly 10kg (max of 13)

45?ie=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=44452031&mcb=core here

Just went up to check on her and she is now fast asleep. I don't know what it was.

I would leave her then if its less often.

On the car seat front I would buy it while cheap!! Do you know what the weight is for out growing rear facing car seats in pounds?