Oh gosh, I know all about guilt!
I FF DD and she has eczema, asthma, hayfever, gets every cold etc going, I BF DS1 and he is one of the healthiest kids I've ever met, doesn't have any of the allergy type things DD has. Of course, it could be pure coincidence but I convince myself it's all my fault for not BFing.
Now, if I'd had mumsnet back then I reckon I would have BF but I knew nothing about it, she was in SCBU and I was given some old victorian style pump and told to express, that's it, no-one told me how often I should do it (preferably at least 8 times in 24hours) to get my milk in and then
established so I was expressing once a day and getting sod all.
When she was about 3 weeks old they put her to my breast to get her to suckle and I freaked out, thought it felt weird and put her back.
Not knowing anything about formula plus not realising my milk could've come in at that late in the day if had just let her suckle meant she ended up being fully FF, I would've liked to mix-fed at the very least.
Then we go onto the early weaning guilt. I was told babies should be fed from 4 months, but as she was 8weeks early I adjusted her age and weaned her at 6months, which was only 4 months adjusted.
From the age of about two I was also one of those 'you'll sit there and eat exactly the amount I say' type mums, not allowing her to listen to her own body telling her she was full. (thought I was being a 'good mum' making her finish her dinner)Now she has issues with eating, she was overweight but (without her realising) I've cut down her portion sizes (started using a bratz plate half the size of an adults plate) and tried to get her to listen to when she is full but she is so used having to eat everything on her plate she used to give herself bellyache to finish it
With DS1 I've always allowed him to be finished when he says he is, it's amazing how little he will eat sometimes and be fine, but other times he eats tons (a bowl of cereal, two bananas and peanut butter on toast already this morning!). He has never been overweight, nor has any issues with food. If I left him to get whatever he wanted a great deal of it would be fruit and veg, DD would probably eat mainly junk.(she isn't fussy, will eat anything but would choose a doughnut over strawberries, DS would choose strawberries one day a doughnut another).
Oh, and let's add DD's dyspraxia to that guilt too.
Apparently it can be linked with being pre-term and/or starved of oxygen, I know I could have carried her longer. If I hadn't kicked up such a stink in hospital telling them something was wrong then they wouldn't have took me down to do an exploratory op and wouldn't have discovered the abruption at that point, maybe an extra week or two would've meant her lungs were stronger? She wouldn't have been starved of any oxygen at birth then. Nor would she have had a pneumothorax which also meant she was starved of oxygen twice more.
Thing is, IMO guilt is such a crap emotion, it achieves nothing unless turned into anger, so I turn my guilt into anger at the people who failed me, the people who should've known more and given me the right advice, the government for not training these people properly etc. and add to that actively going out of my way to try and improve things for other people so they don't need to go through it as well.
My kids are happy, yes DD has some health issues but she's one of the cleverest in her class so I can console myself that at least she is able to learn, just needs ways to help her cope with the dyspraxia so she isn't suffering, just possibly not to the full potential she could've been (of course, her full potential is perfection like her mother and we couldn't have that could we).
I have three wonderful children a great partner some lovely friends and my own health to be thankful for, so guilt can fuck off, I'm too busy!