Oct 2007; This Little Piggy Rolled & Crawled to Market, This Little Piggy Walked Home

[FloriaTosca]

I hope I manage to do this right...I'll kick everything off with a roll call if it does.

'get on with it'

Dal i know how you feel, i'm the same.... do you have a few 'good days' then and few 'bad' days..??
Sometimes it just happens for no reason. When i think about thinks too much i feel down too, or when i don;t get a chance to do much.

maybe its a first time mum thing.
The other day i cried for ages just because i locked my car keys in the car. DH didn;t know what to do as it came out of nowhere for something i would usually laugh about.

Just wanted you to know, that you are not alone for what its worth.

Hugs xxxxxxx

Thanks mine, it does help to know i'm not the only one, maybe i'll have to go back to the docs if it carries on... (((hugs))) to you x

mine and dal, you're def not alone, and its not a first time mum thing, its an exhausted, need some time to myself, need some company, need some peace, need some 'me' time thing! I woudn't dare write down some of the things I end up doing when i'm feeling crap, It will pass, don't beat yourself up over it, we are only human

well i've got to go out for tea, as its my friends dads birthday, really not wanting to go as i feel rubbish, but i need to as i've already had to give the BBQ a miss tommorrow because i'm going to my grandparents anniversary BBq, which is 20 miles away so can't do both. I've had 2 shots of whisky to try and make myself feel better with this stupid cold, but i just feel sleepy, maybe i should drink some more.....

only if you are NOT driving

J2O hope you have fun in Newcastle! Give me a yell the next am if you feel up to it - I think you have my number? If not I'll mail you it... Hope you feel better after the whiskey shots and enjoy your friend's party...

Dal sorry to hear you're feeling so down honey... I think you really should go back to your GP if you feel like this even if it's just once in a while. Like others say it can be normal but this is not the first time is it? It certainly can't hurt... Sending you big hugs anyway...

And you Mine - sounds like you're struggling off and on too...

And hello and hugs to everyone else!

I've had a lovely day with dh - went to a nearby town and just mooched about, lunch in the pub and then just chilling in our garden... Back to the real world tomorrow but it was fun while it lasted!

Alicet - Yeah I might go back again. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have some counselling (sp?), not for anything specific, just lots of different things but I don't know if they can refer you for just general counselling if you're just feeling down some of the time?

needanamechange have posted on your other thread... x

inzi hope the fight isn't too stressful honey... I hate arguments! Sending you a big hug in advance x

Dal big hugs to you too

And anyone else!!! Have had lots of lovely huggles from both boys since getting them from nursery so in a warm and fuzzy mood

And Dal I don't see why they couldn't refer you for general counselling. Esp if you had some specific issues you felt you needed to discuss. And as you have seen them before. Ask - can't hurt xxx

Oh and have had a brief text chat with Choc today. All well and they're settling in OK. She tells me that broadband is back on today and she will try and pop on to say hi and catch up later...

Oh inzi, I hate arguments, hope it's not too bad! Yeah alice, might ask when I see the doc...

Hi Dal -so sorry to hear you're down but are seeing the positive as it's only sometimes. I think a good place to start is to think what you like doing, I like running (I've re found it since school all those years ago) so I now go out 3 x's a week and nothing gets in the way. I am getting 'me' time but it's something I want to do rather than 'I'm swimming/painting/getting my hair done as I'm supposed to be relaxing'
Do you have something out of the ordinary to look forward to? Dh and I have found a lovely babysitter and have started going out just him and me. We went bowling a couple of weeks ago and we're off to a posh restaurant tomorrow night. We're dressing up (just tried my dresses on and found a fab one I can now fit in!) How about going to the cinema, or anything else you and dh like to do. Sometimes we can get caught up in the organisation of our lo?s social lives, making sure they are stimulated and enjoying new experiences that we forget we need them too!

Would you like to do an evening course? Is this possible for you? This is a great time to brush up on skills, learn new ones or just take that random class in Swahili you?ve always wanted to!

As for the counselling I think you could ask for some but there may be a wait as it does tend to come on a the greater the distress the sooner the help and even this sort of help takes a while. Can you get in touch with a PND group in your area? I'm not saying you have PND but these groups are very supportive whilst being positive and it gets you out meeting new people.

If you could be whisked into any situation -what would you be doing right now? Where do you see yourself in a year?s time? In two years? These sorts of thinking conversations can sometimes help to focus your mind or even plan a route for you even if that's having more children, at least you will feel you?re in control of where you are heading and that you have direction.

Sorry if none of this is applicable xxxx

Am very of the York meet up and have been thinking all days of ways to join in but it's just too far to do in one day. Oh well

We have a busy weekend with tennis, narrowboat rides (oh yes, trying to get my children into narrowboats form an early age! Just wanting to take the tiller and steer the damn thing myself but will try to restrain myself!!!!) and then dh and I are going out to an old favourite restaurant. It has changed hands so it might not be as we remember it but hey, it could be better

love to all -who was the name changer??? (was it you Alice? x)

Muppet - thanks for all the suggestions, i'll try and think of something I like doing, although thats often my problem, I can't decide what it is I want to do...
I've never been someone who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up and I still don't know, I have fleeting moments where I think of things i'd like to do but then I always go off the idea or talk myself out of it as don't think I have the ability to do it. A while ago I fancied being a psycologist but then went off the idea when I realised how much hard work it would take to become one, I figured I'd have gone off the idea by the time i'd finished the training , I also considered being a midwife but thought I'd not be able to deal with the responsibility of having someone elses life in my hands so have left that idea for now too... maybe I can review that one when i've had my children? Then there's my art, I like the idea of designing and making something (can't decide what) and having my own internet shop to sell it but doubt that it'd take off or that I have the time/money/ability.
I suppose I doubt my ability to do anything well which means I don't have the motivation to try as I already feel as if i'll fail before i've even begun .
In my every day life I wish I had more friends, my bf lives at the other end of the country, am good friends with my other sil but she's 6 hrs away. The only people I spend time with around he are my pils and dh's bros partner. Thats ok, I' like spending time with them but I used to have loads of friends at uni and loved getting out and about and doing different things. I made some friends at the baby grouo when Dylan was young but have lost touch with all of them and just see them for quick hello's in the street now. I tried to go to another mother and baby group but it was at the same time as Dylans morning nap and was very difficult to get there before it finished as wasn't as close as the other one.
I acually really like the idea of having another lo but I don't want to do it just to have something to look forward to iyswim, I want to get myself sorted physically (loose weight) and mentallly, I would hate to have 2 lo and feel down .
Have to go feed Dylan, be back later.

Hi Dal - I was in the same position as you as I made loads of friends at Uni and then didn?t seem to make anymore when I started work and none at all when I had Ollie. What has helped is getting to know my neighbours ( and moving to a street with young families) we all had each other over for coffee and despite the lose of one of my neighbours we are all still very good friends. Just the other day one of my neighbours cordoned off her driveway so all the lo of the street could come and play in a confined place whilst the older ones pootled around on scooters.

re your designing/art -I ran a little ebay shop for a while and made cushions, door hangers, artwork etc. This might be something to look into as you can do as much or as little as you like. It costs £6 per month to have so a nominal charge in the grand scheme of things. Also if you decide this really isn?t for you then it isn?t difficult to stop.

I totally understand the psychology interest as that's what I would love to be doing. I also understand how daunting the work is -especially the statistics!!! Why not break it down into smaller chunks rather than the huge ambition of 'psychology'. I am going to do a unit form the open uni (I started it but then got prgt with Hen and the baby brain then kicked in ) I was panicking about the course as a whole -4 units to convert my degree- and the years it would take to do -2 to 3- and then didn?t do it as I'd frightened myself. This time I'm approaching it with a 'I'll just do the first unit and see how I get on' attitude. I'm also enrolling on the BSL level 1 sign language course at our local college (good way to meet new people not baby related too!) and have sorted our lovely babysitter so I know I can do it rather than getting cross with dh as he's late yet again so I can't go. I also feel that this is an interest but should I actually become and Ed Psych it also gives me an edge over another candidate!

Does your home need doing? (I think I remember you saying it does ) Can this become a project for you? You are arty so is this something you would enjoy? I have to say I'm a little sad in that one of my greatest achievements is to have a tidy house {oh god I am ing) I have more direction than I did last year and I can tell because I am motivated to do the jobs that need doing and I don?t mind friends calling now when I did used to panic. (not saying you?re like this at all )

Oh btw everyone HENRY ROLLED OVER TO HIS SIDE, TOUCHED THE RADIATOR CONTROL AND THEN ROLLED BACK!!!! The little tyke can do it, he just doesn?t want to!

I was thinking last night that even with our little group of babies all born within 6 weeks of each other how interesting it is developmentally. We have the lovely Alex walking and the lazy Henry not even rolling properly. We have no teeth, 7 teeth, huge baby, small baby. We have the sleeping babies and the please - will - you - go - to - sleep ? babies Some of them are saying words whereas others can just about manage ?noise?. They are all different and all fab so I?m not going to worry quite so much anymore. I?m going to savour Henry?s individuality while celebrating his achievements and try to recognise that difference is not always something to be worrying about?

Some good point muppet, you sound similar to me, I guess I do scare myself when thinking of things to do. Guess I'm worried what other people will think, i'm worried i'll start a project like OU course or ebay shop and i'll give up on it and then everyone will think 'there she goes again wasting her time and not finishing what she started'. I guess that comes from my parents in a way, I seem to have their critical voices in my head a lot of the time telling what I should and shouldn't be doing and what I can and can't/do and don't do. I really struggled with my degree to keep up the motivation and stay focussed, as it was design I had to be constantly thinking of new ideas of things to make, I felt a huge pressure from this and felt any ideas I did come up with were not good enough or at least not as good as other peoples ideas on the course. I became frustrated and bored with the course towards the end and didn't give it my all as didn't think I was 'good enough'. I ended up scraping through with a 3rd ba hons and when I rang my parents crying cause I was so dissapointed in myself, all they could say was 'well, you've had your chips now, you're not getting any more help from us'. For someone who has alway seeked her parents approval this hurt me a lot, I knew i'd let myself down but it didn't help to be made to feel i'd let them down too .
I think what I have realised from writing all this is that I am very self critical and even though i'm a lot more confident than I used to be (was very shy when younger) I need to work on my self asteem more. Alos I think I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and give myself a break - a lot easier said than done.
I guess I don't want tp start another venture to realise it's not quite for me and fail at it again...
I really like the idea of being a full time mum and having a tidy house - something I really aspire to but there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day at the moment. It makes me feel happier if I manage to hoover round so I think it would really help if the whole house was sorted once and for all, then I could just keep on top of it and have more time for other things!
Having said that, I don' want to just be a mum and not do anything else at all. Some people would be totally fine with being a mum alone and in a way I wish I was like that, it certainly is a full time job in itself but I have a feeling that I just want to achieve something, find something challenging that I really enjoy, something that will make life more interesting.
I did think the other day, maybe I could have my children (planning 3 all being well) then get on with having some kind of career once they're at school but I don't know how realistic that is, will I have enough time? will I be past it by then and not have the energey or motivationi anymore? Will I just not bother then regtret it when i'm older?
Maybe as you say, the best way is little by little so that when I get to that age I'll have done some of the ground work.
I also worry that if I use all this energy improving me and my situation dh will just be left behind, being the bread winner, not following his dreams and just end up unhappy. He did fine art at uni and unlike me did very well, got a 2:1, he is a fantastic artist and always goes on about how he'd like to do something with it, his current job is OK and pays the bills but I know he won't be hapy there longterm, I want more for him too.
Anyway that really is quite enough about me, not sure why I wrote all that down, guess it helps to think out loud, I don't expect you to read it or even comment on it...

WELL DONE HENRY!!! He has obviously, cleverly worked out at this young age that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, maybe he's been here before . Dylan has started crawling but it's more like he has one dead leg and pushes himself along on his tummy with the other leg. He can kind of sit but won't stay still long enough to really get a hang of it, i'm sure he's on speed or something the way he NEVER stops moving, can't wait till he's walking

Hi all ... Dal, muppetgirl speaks a lot of sense ... I couldn't say it any better than her - I have a counselling appointment on Monday - it's been a very long wait, but I'm finally getting there!

Nursing strike is over! Mairwen spent most of yesterday finding like mad from me ... that was after I got back from the hospital, mind - namechange was me - thanks for your support alice and j20 - sis called me first, as mum and dad away - she called me after she'd taken the first overdose as well, only it was me who called the ambulance, as she hadn't!

Am going to go and hug my beautiful children now ...

have a good weekend all. x

Hello lovely ladies...

Muppet the name changer isn't me (for once ). Hope whoever you are (I have my suspicions but then I'm sure we all do ) you are doing OK - sounds from you other thread that things are getting sorted....

Muppet I loved what you wrote about all our babies getting there in their own sweet time in their own sweet ways! You relaly are very good with words - I wish I could sometimes be as eloquent! Wish you could make it to York too... Not likely to be back at Mum and Dad's before Christmas as they are having major work done on their house but I'll keep you posted...

Dal muppet makes good sense!!! I would persist with the toddler groups of one of the things that is an issue is wishing you oculd meet people. It often takes several weeks though or even a change of group if you find that the one you initially pick isn't really your cup of tea. And once my family has gone come and see me and Choc (or we'll come to you) although I understand this isn't the answer to your prayers as we both live a way away we would both love to meet you anyway!

Well we've been swimming this am. Great fun with both boys and bumped into some friends who have a dd sam's age and another due any minute! She is one of Sam's best friends and they go to nursery together - watching them playing together is super cute!!! Adam just chilled in his high chair watching the action and scoffed his face

Narrow boats sounds fab - was it you who mentioned this muppet? Probably as you do fab adventurous things with your boys... I'd love to give this a go!

Hope the rest of you have fab weekends... I might be a bit sporadic over the next couple of weeks with my family staying. Can't wait to see my baby nephew!

cross posted crochet - thought it was you but didn't say in case you didn't want to be outed! Don't know why just a gut reaction as well as the Wales link... Anyway thinking of you and your sis... Good luck with the counselling on Monday and great news Mairwen is back on form!

Would be happy for a meetup but would have to be a Monday - is the only day I'm not working. LLL - would be a shame if you can't join us, but is not straightforward for you to get there is it?

Mine/Dal/Inzi - hugs to you all.

J2O - how did your evening go yesterday? Did you manage to stay awake after all that whiskey?

Muppet - woohoo Henry!

Crochet - glad Mairwen is nursing again.

Inzi - glad Jane is ok after her fall, poor you though.

Have had a nice day in Manchester today in the sunshine. Anya wore herself out - she went to bed an hour ago! Have got all my jobs done too so am feeling very smug.

Hello lovely ladies! I've missed you all. And what fun reading everything I've missed! I don't know where to start.

Just wanted to say I hope your sis is doing okay, Crochet, and glad M is eating well again - good girl! I've yet to experience a nursing strike and I dread it!

Inzi, glad the argument blew over. I have some easy food ideas, straight from Annabel Karmel - do you have her book? - anyway R loves all the pasta recipes, which are dead easy to make. Baby pasta with spinach, cream cheese and parmesan; with courgettes, tomatoes and cheese; with tomato sauce. Also R loves cauliflower/broccoli cheese (I tend to use both), pasta with cheese sauce... um she loves cheese! Also hummus on toast/scrambled egg on toast.

Dal, I am with Alice - your relationship with your parents sounds to me part of what is making you occasionally unhappy now and so I'd suspect counselling would help. I'm also with Mine and Inzi - I'm not depressed but do know from my irregular cycle that I must be hormonally all over the place since R was born!

Floria, Alex seems set to lead the babies in our group! He is so advanced. And yes Muppet, with you too - they are individuals who will all excel in different areas and more importantly who will be themselves as individuals. It doesnt matter who does what when, but who these little individuals are - and they really are, aren't they??!

WWJC, I'm set to watch you starring on television! Well done to Anya, by the way, for beating all the objectives. I'm not even vaguely surprised.

J20, interesting twist to your love life - sounds like he may be a keeper - good luck with it! You deserve someone lovely.

LLL, oh we will miss you in York! Am glad Ben is so much better and has put the weight back on (and how!).

Mine, hello - did you ever go on hol, by the way?

WTP, hi again - Shula sounds lovely as ever!

Greedy, hello too - long time no news!

OK so Alicet I refuse to comment on your childfree shagathon!!! Enjoy having your sis and gorgeous nephew here.

Phew! Shattered now. Our news... well we're mainly sorted, house looking good now. Garden furniture all up too so we've been chilling (or rather frying!) in the garden today with a barbecue. R's sleep: well, it had a peak (yes! positive development) - one night where she went from 10 until 3! - but since then more troughs, although we do tend to get at least one two hour sleep slot a night now as opposed to never more than 45 mins. Still hardly ideal but marginally better, though there are very bad troughs where she just will not sleep at all, and the peak was such a peak that I have hope. I have a new health visitor who is nice and doesnt go on about formula or controlled crying, who says we're doing the right thing tending to her but not picking her up, and is generally supportive which makes a change.

OK, so this message is waaaayyy too long. Hugs everyone! x

Hi all! Sorry to have been awol again. I have been away a bit at my mums and then the days just seem to swallow me up somehow.

For those of you who remember the issues I was having then thought you would like to know I am on a waiting list to see a specialist dietitian and have a place in a group support thing. Childcare might be an issue on that one but it's not until mid august so got some time to think it through.

Dal I am so sorry you are so low. I relate to a lot of what you wrote. I need to do more too. Not that being a mum isn't the hardest thing I have ever done but I feel I need something for me too. I am thinking of starting my own little business idea but like you confidence holds me back. I am thinking of teaching some classes to young people - could you teach art in anyway? What is your passion? What would be your dream job?

How are you doing mine? I get good days and bad days too. Being a mum really messes with your emotions!

Hi all,

I would love to meet up with you all. Mondays most days are good for us. DD1 is going to Devon with her grandparents next Sunday for 5 days as we are going to be away from 16th August for a week. If I can make the date that you arrange i will be there though.

Shula is trying to walk now, so I think I might have to call tumble tots and get her into the next class rather than Gymbabes as the class she is booked in to is 6months to walking. I will see how she is doing towards the end of the holidays and call then if I need to.

Sorry to here that some of you are feeling low. i hope you all feel better soon.