December 2006 - Stairgates and cupboard locks at the ready!

[MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo]

Couldn't think of anything contraversial!

yep, it's all me. I have "joked" with friends that I'm really a single mom with benefits (as in a little help in the mornings etc.)

Have offered to let dh move back into his old apartment that he misses so much...am wondering if maybe I should just go ahead and make the single mom status official.

Oh Jabber, that's really tough if he's not pulling his weight but then blames you for things going wrong. I remember you mentioning issues with your dh in the past but it seems a bit more serious than that at the mo. I have no advice as I haven't been there but if you're thinking along those lines then things must be pretty bad. Do you still see a counsellor? Could you talk things through with someone unbiased, either jointly or together? It's a big decision to go it alone but if dh is an extra burden in an already stressful life, rather than a support then it may be the right one.

Castles, so sorry about your Grandma. My Grandpa is 82 now and becoming increasingly frail. Would your family be able to delay the funeral for you to go away first? Or could you go to the undertakers and say your own private goodbyes before you go? The offer of the holiday is still there if you want it. I know how tough you have it with dh being away a lot and no family support so if you need a few days break then come and have it!

One last nappy question (sorry), do you do separate nappy washes or chuck them in with other stuff? There doesn't really seem to be enough to warrent a whole wash but putting them in with normal clothes seems a bit icky! Also (more sorry) how many do you have of day and night ones and how often do you wash?

Oh, Castles, I am sorry about your Grandma I do hope you get your holiday, and an opportunity to say goodbye in a way that works for everyone.

And Jabber, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Please use us as a sounding board anytime.

Oli, I used to wash nappies with other things, but now I just save them all up for 4 or 5 days and do one big nappy load. I've got about 25 nappies that I use for both day and night (totsbots, motherease and popolinis) I would love to try minkis, but I can't justify buying any more!

25 . There is no way dh will let me get that many. 15 max for day and maybe 3 night ones, so I will have to choose carefully . He's in a bumhugger and wool shorts tonight as he's had red raised marks on his thighs all day from the ME last night. Looks mighty cute though!

thanks guys, I don't see a split happening right away but probably inevitable in the long run.

oh and one big load of diapers here too - which reminds me....

OMG, jabber, this is sounding serious - are you really talking separation? No wonder you're feeling stressed & depressed. Hugs - please email me if you need a chat . Dp and I have been to 'marriage guidance' in the UK twice when we were in crisis, really really helped then and still now.

oli, 3 for night sounds fine, I wash every two days so we probably have no more than that (fluffles & a huggle). Daytime, I have loads & loads but they never all get used. If you can only afford 15 (which I think would be fine) you might find yourself washing more often that's all. Or think about terry squares (indith uses those & seems v.happy with them) which are v.cheap & dry quickly as backups? I'm thinking about some for the dt's as I've spent enough now on newborn nappies (even 2nd hand!). I do a separate nappy wash with a towel in if necessary to make up a full load (you can wash towels at 60). No problem putting wet nappies in with normal 40 wash though, just means that the pooey nappies take longer to get washed & dried & you might need more.

x-post, jabber. Thinking of you, this must be such a stress on you, I know when we've talked of splitting I couldn't eat or sleep. Would the two of you consider getting some help - there were times I thought I no longer loved dp & he drove me completely mad but we came back from it after counselling.

Thanks AQ, I guess I'm just tired of being made to feel like anything to do with me and/or the boys is a huge inconvenience to him. He wants "free time" which means time to do exactly what he wants and yet anytime I have tried to give him that it's never enough. I can't afford a nanny anymore with the two houses thing going on and he has hugely resented the hit and miss childcare I've been able to come up with for the summer. I know things will get better on that front once school starts but it's hard to be the breadwinner of the family and have to turn down available work b/c my husband won't watch the kids. I know that there are countless small ways that he helps out that I might miss but I cna't help but think that maybe not having someone belittling me all the time is not worth it.

God, no wonder you're feeling cr&p, jabber. Doesn't he want to spend time with his kids? Is he not working at present, that must be putting a lot of pressure on you. DP has veered towards this kind of 'I want time on my own' behaviour before, as though he would prefer to be single again without the burden of us, but he settled into it eventually. Can you get some counselling or something yourself just to feel better about life at the moment?

Jabber - my DH went through the 'I want my independence' thing as well when DD was a baby. It was tough for ages but things much better now and it was him who wanted to try for another baby so I think he will hopefully be ok when this one arrives. I found talking to someone about it all really helpful since I had got a massive guilt complex about it all, when really it was his problem not mine. It also helped get things straight in my own mind, as I had taken things badly sometimes. It sounds like he is the one who needs to think things through though - maybe marriage guidance would be a good thing for both of you since you could get everything out in the open without resulting to rowing.

Castles - am thinking of you, you really are going through it right now, I'm sure things will get better soon and I admire how well you are holding everything together, not sure I could do it. I would make the decision that is right for you on the holiday - I'm sure the DCs would understand if you decided to delay if you want to be at the funeral. And I'm sure your Gran would want you to enjoy yourself if you decide to go.

Oli - I do a mixture of both on the washing. If DD has gone through a lot of nappies I will do a nappy wash but if I've just got a couple I'll through them in with a clothes wash. In winter it is easier to pail them all, but in summer they tend to smell after a day or so so I'd rather just get them washed. If I'm going to throw them in with clothes I put them in with small things (no sheets or towels) since they tend to wash better if they don't get tangled up in things. If I need to throw a pooey one in with clothes I fasten it back up inside out so the poo side gets a really good wash.

On the numbers, 15 sounds a decent number to manage with. I have about 5 night nappies (2 minkis - currently not in use due to not fitting wraps, 2 ellas house and 1 kissaluv) and I have about 8 swaddlebees (velour ones, love them), 3 thirsties and 2 sandies which I use during the day. I also have a couple of p'tit dessous bios which I use during the day but are a bit on the small side now so only last an hour or two at best. We go through somewhere between 4 and 7 maybe during the day depending on poos really. Sometimes she has really inconvenient timing with when she goes!

Okay, so far I have ordered 4 wee notions with GAD microfibre inserts, 6 Wonderoos, and 2 swaddlebees for day, 1 huggle, 2 bumhuggers and 1 minki for night plus a woolywraps shorty wrap for night. If you haven't tried wool wraps for night I recommend them highly and they look so cute on!

Jabber and castles, hope today has been okay for you both, we're always here if you need to let off steam.

I now also have a Mommy's touch, Fuzzi Bunz and Blueberry Minky - I think that makes 15, or is it 16? Oh well, that's what dh has to expect when he goes to bed early uttering the immortal words 'Oh, just get what you like.' Not sure how much I've spent but hopefully it is less than the price of disposables every week from now until ds2 potty trains....... Still, the point is not to save money but to improve ds2's eczema .

lol, oli, I don't even want to count mine up but I did have a high old time ordering a bunch of cuties. Wish I had been more consistent about using them all these last few months. I may have to delay potty training to feel like I've gotten my money's worth

Dh has been oh-so-much-better today and no, he's not working. The only income that is "his" is from his rental property which he just turned over to me to manage when the renters started acting up last month His contention is that he spends all his available time and energy working on our house [yawn emoticon] and helping with the kids...

Jabber, it's tough being a mum when one of the kids is theoretically at least an adult. And I know it's none of my business - and that this is an irresponsible reaction - but I would quite like to give him a big slap and remind of of how damned lucky he is to have you and the DSs.

I only found out the other week that on the days that DH takes the DDs to nursery he sends DD2 in a disposable, with the prepared cloth nappy stuffed into the nappy bag. I lay it all out for him at night! Apparently, he's worried that if DD2 poos just before they leave the house he won't have time to change a cloth nappy. Yeah right.

It's DD1's 6th birthday tomorrow. Cue frantic cake making, gift wrapping, etc. I can't believe she's 6 - she's up to my shoulders already. She's also got a nasty cough, and is on antibiotics for the first time in her life. The look of horror as she tasted the 'banana' flavoured stuff was a picture

god, jabber, no wonder you're fed up! have to say I'm with bp - if he's not doing anything else how can he complain about looking after the kids so you can bring in some money? Phaps root of depression is him rather than being a parent?

at a&e all night with ds2, at 6 he started screaming his head off whenever we tried to set him down or move him. He won't walk or stand, after 4 hours & an x-ray they think he has fluid in his hips after having a bit of a viral infection the last week. Waiting for him to wake up (he didn't go to bed until midnight) to see if he'll walk. And I've stupidly done my back in shifting the buggy out of the car so don't know how i'll carry him about all day. Poor little mite was so good, he just sat on dp's lap uncomplaining for hours. Appt for bloods & ultrasound not until friday so clearly they don't think it's that urgent but he can't walk!

AQ, you must have been frantic (I know I would have been) Poor little mite. Are you going to be able to rest yourself and your back today?

Poor DS2 AQ. How terrifying. I hope he is up and about again soon. And you are ok.

Poor Jabber too. Must be awful for you One of my bf has a kid for a husband and she was going to leave him earlier in the year after much heartache. She didn't in the end (only because she has made further compromises for him). It's hard. Do what is best for you and your LOs.

Thanks for all the kind words. You are all lovely. The funeral is next Friday (8th) the day before we are due back from Sweden. I can change the flights and come back on Thursday. The only problem is finding someone to take the DCs for the day. It appears to be never-ending sometimes.

Oh and I had the most horrendous dose of food poisoning yesterday. So bad I had to call DH and ask him to come back from work. Have never done anything like that before.

castles, hope you can get some childcare sorted & go to her funeral plus hopefully enjoy the few days in sweden which I think you must desperately need! hugs.

I was absolutely fine last night, I never do panic when things happen, but this morning dissolved into tears of course. He woke up at 10.30 walking & standing absolutely fine, no sign of whatever the problem was. DP & I both terribly relieved. I said to him last night how lucky we were that this was the first time we'd ever taken a dc to a&E compared to many people I know. I feel such an idiot, putting my back out, even co-codomol not touching the pain, I can't bend and am shuffling about. Thank god ds2 had another 3 hour nap & ds1 happy to run about whilst I rested on the sofa for a bit.

AQ, glad to hear that everything's fine today. Hope your back sorts itself out - there's not much worse than a bad back.

So...picture the scene. DH and I are in M&S food hall, with DDs1&2 and SDs1&2. SD1 is 21, SD2 is 16 (but looks older, as they all do) DD2 was in the trolley, and was getting fractious. SD1 was trying to entertain her, while DD1 played about with SD2. The lady behind the cashdesk passed a packet of tomatoes to DD2 and told her to pass them to 'grandma' Now, if you've managed to follow that little story, you will understand that 'grandma' referred to me. I'm 38, FGS! Grandma indeed. I was so shocked I couldn't even correct her.

I have advised DH that I am going to invest in a facial, manicure, massage and new hairstyle immediately.

Bl*dy hell BP, you are brave sharing that one! I hope you decked her.

Glad things are better AQ. I've also put my back out from all the vomitting I did yesterday!! Can only imagine what it is like when you are carrying twins.

I'm now cancelling our holiday C'est la vie ... hopefully we can have one soon

Castles, sorry to hear about your holiday. I trust your travel insurance will cover it? Hope you can book another one soon. Are you feeling better now?

I couldn't of bitten my tongue BP. And if I hadn't come up with a good retort I'd have marched to customer services and made a complaint! But then I can't bite my tongue on anything

AQ - glad you are ok, sounds like a dreadful experience. Can you get DP to have any time off work while your back recovers? It sounds like it is really bad. A hot water bottle might help relieve it a bit - it works wonders on my arthritis when my joints flare up. So does a nice bath with salts in, but then I can't do baths when pg, just can't get comfy so I'd imagine you might be the same with twins.

Jabber - I also agree with BP (and AQ, and Castles). Perhaps it is time for shock treatment. If he isn't pulling his wait with the children, the house or bringing in any money then perhaps its time for a kick up the backside - of whatever form you think is suitable.

Castles - can you not change your flight then? I hope you get your holiday too .

Wow, it really is all going on lately.

My news is meagre in comparison. Am going away for the weekend - without DD . 2 days at a tradeshow, so will be working, but will be nice to have some time not being a Mum. Although I already am having the pangs of worry and guilt at leaving her.

weight even...

oHi everyone.

Lennied - enjoy the weekend.
Castles - sorry about your holiday
AQ - nightmare! Hope your back improves soon and glad DS is improving too.
Jabber - sounds tough. My take on home life is that if you dont earn money to pay for living costs and jobs to be done by other people, then you need to make the food yourself and do the jobs yourself. Does that make sense? Sounds like your DH needs a bit of a kick uo the backside tbh.

Well. DH is away, I have diorreah (sp) and I bought DD1 a recorder today

Thanks for all the support everyone I have refrained from sharing all of this before but it finally just became too much. Dh has been ever-so-good again today, and while I appreciate it, it almost makes me angry all over again that it has taken him this long to get with the program. Not sure if my feelings will really ever get back to where they were and where they really should be iykwim.

AQ, bless your heart (that is sincere southern US sympathy headed your way) I can't imagine going through all of that with ds2 and then throwing my back out while being pg with twins!! Glad ds2 is better.

castles I am so, so sorry. It's just all piling up on you atm isn't it?

bp - enjoy your tradeshow. I find that even with the stress of working and all that it's nice to get out and be an adult. Oh, and I've been waiting for the "grandma" comment around here but it hasn't happened yet.

lennied, hope you're feeling better. Did the recorder soothe you at all