All new Nov 05 mummies

[mypandasgotcrabs]

Lets start again girls!

phew, there was me thinking I may have killed the thread!

You can't kill it off that easily Nova though I know I'm not helping!
Thanks for passing on Diege's news, that is very

Seem to have been insanely busy here with all the usual stuff plus the work going on in my flat (I'm supervising some of it and doing a fair bit too) and getting things ready to let friend's house (am actually doing all the paperwork stuff properly, funny how you get much more responsible when it's someone else's property!)
Also my plans to have a real go at potty training AFTER going to my Mum's in August have been scuppered by a small boy who declared on Tuesday afternoon that he didn't want a nappy, he wanted pants I had a nice quiet week planned where we could be at home and just go out when we felt ready, he has picked the maddest week of the year!!!!! He has done really well so far though he did end up on the potty in the middle of the school playground yesterday
Today we have the school runs (for the last time), a party and a Barn Dance this evening to get through (eek emoticon!!)

Love to all and I'll try not to be such a stranger. Have a good w/e everyone

I know that feeling feetheart, I was totally not ready for noo to declare she wanted pants. I've actually resorted to carrying a spare nappy around though, as I got fed up with the lack of public toilets around here, and those that I could find I wouldn't even let a dog use! So if we're in the middle of it and noo announces she needs the loo I just sling a nappy on her - works better for us than dangle wees (especially on High St Kensington ). She totally understands that it's just for emergencies and means we don't get stressed out finding a toilet. I also have a potty in the back of the car, although the other day I forgot to empty it when we got home and the car stank of stale wee the next morning.

Wow - boy wees can go for miles! DS needed to do one in the park this morning on the way back from school, went for the standing up version rather than whipping out the potty and both of us were SO impressed about how far into the bushes he could reach
The simple pleasures of motherhood!

I shall look forward to that in the future with miniman

LOL at Nova's last post - That sure is a milestone to look fwd to!!!

Feetheart - Is good to see a post from you. Busy as always but sounding happy and well.

Also sorry to hear about Diege's news For anyone who is in touch please let her know the Nov Ladies are sorry for her loss.

Rodeo - You are letting us down! We demand that you make more time for us...

Well, my good news is that consultant (lovely man) has agreed to bring fwd my section date so hopefully will be having baby on the 31st July now!!! Getting excited and also relieved at a few days less pain.
We have finally cleared out our spare bedroom and i've bought some practical but pretty bed linen, blinds, curtains and just a storage system to build and boxes to pop in and DH bought a new bathroom suite which will see an end to the gremlins throwing all our stuff into the bath at bathtime.

Everything fairly good here other than ongoing pain and lack of sleep. Will be nice to be back to normalish life again. Back over to a/n for moaning and groaning he he!!

p.s. Thought i'd add quick update but may turn into too big a post. DS1 is an unbelievable chatterbox...will post update later, maybe you'll all have time before i post again x

Really sorry to hear Dieges sad news.

Evening,
Do not worry Chacha, I am here
Thanks for letting us know about Diege Nova. I emailed her yesterday and she's ok, but understandably pretty low She knows we're all thinking of her and I'll send her Nov Mum hugs next time I get in contact. Chacha, glad to hear section has been brought forward a little, how many weeks will you be then?
Glad all our little pant wearing toddlers are doing well
So is it last school days for most today? We've still got next Mon, Tues & Weds to go, and Summer Fair tomorrow, I am on the sweetie stall (heehee, will they never learn?!)
Quick update from us - Jess doing fab at playgroup, is getting pretty good at drawing, still is obsessed with animals (will dive to cuddle a dog any shape or size with no warning, really have to keep my eyes on her on the school run!) loves dancing (esp. if naked and on the coffee table )
loves her glossy mags (she's even got a special bag for them!), her phrase of the moment is 'I can't like that!' and her get out clause is 'I'm tired' (pronounced 'tyyyy-yuuud' and cue her fake yawn ) and she likes to tell her uncle to buy her a new baby which he doe's and now she has about 7!

Forgot to add that's good news for you ChaCha.

Also, Sean is being referred to the behavioural team. Met my new HV on Weds, mentioned his behaviour to her, and she kind of gave me that patronising, 'if I had a pound for every time someones said that to me...' kinda smile. Within 5 minutes she was madly scribbling notes, was shocked at his behaviour & even more shocked that we'e never seen anyone about it before. She's getting me help next week (the nursery nurse is on holiday this week) and also referring him to SALT & Audiology. I really hadn't realised he was that bad, it was only because other people are shocked at his behaviour & I've lost a few 'friends' recently because of him that I even mentioned anything to her. I always thought he was a normal 2 year old boy & that I'd just been incredibly lucky with Owen that he was so calm.

Oh and if I catch her doing something naughty (smuggling biscuits, squeezing toothpaste into sink, re-arranging CD's, decorating bedroom with felt tips etc)
I'll say,
'Jessie! What have you got?!'
she'll stuff it behind her back and say,
'Not biscuits/toothpaste/CDs/pens!!'

x-posts Rodeo, Jess sounds so funny. That reminds me of Sean this afternoon, we were in the garden & it started to rain a little, so he stripped off.

Oh, and Rodeo, that >>>>>>>>> is the annoying Pampers ad. Don't know why it annoys me so much, just really can't stand it!

x-ed post Panda - what is it Sean is doing? Nothing you have previously posted has ever come across as anything other than normal. Are you finding him difficult? I have never got that impression off you at all. He is only 2 and a half, bit young for behavioural observations surely? Does she think it might be to do with his hearing?
Let us know how you get on anyway excuse my scepticism, I'm just a bit shocked!

I don't have it! It's a Hewlett Packard ad!

Right now I've locked myslef in hteir bedroom. I can't cope. Have ben crying here for the last hour. No matter what i can come up with he out-wits me and I'm back at square 1. He destroys everything. He smashes windows, he's violent, i mean really violent, and finds it funny. i can't even go to the toilet without him smashing something else. i can't get dressed in the morning without him sticking his head throught he bannister, so i have to saw that up. he slams doors constantly, the kitchen one has been taken off its hinges today. I was fed up with him constantly makng a mess in their room with the socks & pants, eventually found some boxes to put them in, but he can open them and the socks & pants are strewn all across the floor again. I can't reach the top of the wardrobe to put them up there otherwise i would. He beat my fiends daugfhter up the other week. We'd been to the farm,then went across the road to the gardens, they were playing on the field, then he started shoving her around, punching her, I had to run across to the other side to pull him off her. He found it really funny. He randomly starts kickig, headbutting, biting, pinhing, whatever, Owen for no reason whatsoever. He's really vindictive with it, and nothing I can do can stop him from doing it. He hasn't eaten dinner for about 3 months, and only this week has started eating breakfast. He is really skinny, his ribs show through so so much, but i'm not going to give into him. It takes so much to get him to give in. He won't go in the pushchair, but he won't hold my hand. If we go in the puschair I have to stop every 3 steps to put him back in. The straps are as tight as they'll go, but he can still get out. If he walks, he won't hold my hand, so I won't move until he holds my hand. We'll be usually stood (well him lying, wriggling aorund on the ground screaming, twisting around) for at least 45 minutes until he'l eventually get up and walk. I spent 3 hours last night picking up the stuff htat was on the floor int he backroom (everything is in front of the cupboards so I can't get to them to put everythign back in(things like jigsaw puzzles, pens etc were all in there so that he could only have one at a time and while i was supervising, but my mum opened the cupboard for him a couple of weeks ago so he got it all out and now i can't get it back in) ANyway, took me 3 hours to get it looking a little bit clear (5 boxes full) got up this mornign and it was all back on the floor with some extra thrown in. I'm utterly exhausted. Have absolutely no energy to deal with him at all. He's always been difficult, i have no support whatsoever, but it's no different to a year ago as I had no support then, still had to deal with it all on my own, xp was just a drunk, pothead who cared more for his mates than his family. It's just getting harder to deal with as he's getting older. It's not like I ignore him for hours on end, if that was the case i could understand it (ok, so i've ignored him for the last hour and a half, but I know exactly where he is - outside this door, screaming my name, trying to kick the door down. He's an amazingly loving, polite, cute little boy, I just don't ever see that, or at least only ever see snippets of it, or that's the wasy I feel at hte momnet, I'm sure I do, but I couldn't give you an example of it right now. He doesn't stop from the second he wakes until he goes to bed, htere's no let up whatsoever, he can't amuse himself, even for 2 minutes while I go to the toilet, hence the smashed windows, stained carpets, absolute carnage in this house. Imagine the 'tenants from hell' type programmes and the worst wrecked, diretiest, messiest houses you see on there, and that's what my house looks like right now. If he can't have something or I won't let him do somehing he wants to do he fights and screams until he makes himself sick. I literally have to pin him down to stop him from destroying more stuff or beating me up (seriosuly, I know, he's 2, I'm 28!!!) and it will be a good 45 minutes before he starts to settle down,a nd then a further 20 mins before I can let him go and he'll do what he's supposed to do. I'm physically drained, mentally drained & just can't deal with it any longer.

Oh Panda no wonder you sound exhausted, I wish I was closer

I'm glad the new HV has picked up on it and is actually going to do something because you need some help and support on this. No-one would be able to deal with all of that on their own.

Hope the day gets better.

Well the back room is almost free from crap on the floor again, 10 boxes of goodness only knows what and probably still another 2 boxes worth on the floor to be picked up. But at least it's almost tidy & I will be able to get a hoover over it tomorrow, although how long it will stay tidy is anyone's guess.

Had an incident today that really upset me, stupid cow having a dig. Went to a bowling party today, was prepared for lots of running around & ofcourse Sean helped me stay fit! You know what parties are like, there's always someone who doesn't turn up or goes home early so there's extra food, and Sean usually gets that, but this one everyone turned up & stayed til the end, so I went to order some food for Sean. WHile I was waiting to be served Sean threw Owens dinner on the floor, so I've gone over told him off, took him back with me, took quite a while for me to be served, and then they had a problem with the pdq, so by this time Seans gone and sat back down, was behaving himself and then threw Owens dinner on the floor again, so I've gone over and picked him up with one hand under the armpit and flung him up onto my hip (yes, he's that light that I can do that no problem!), carried him over, (of course I'm getting looks off some of the other mums) I needed to put my pin in and knew there was no way I could control him with one hand, so put him on the floor & pinned him against the wall with my leg, OK, I'm sure it doesn't look great, but I know that that's the only way I'll keep him still and won't be having to pick up more food from the floor. Then the ice creams came out & of course there wasn't one for Sean, but I managed to blag one, took me a while and in that time he was really whinging, so I was having to hold him really tightly to stop him from either throwing Owens on the floor or from hitting me, ice cream came, he decided he didn't want it , so I split it between Owen and another boy, then the boy brought the empty glass over to where we were sat (I'd moved into a corner table) then Sean stropped because he wanted the ice cream. so in this strop while I'm moving the glass out of his reach, he's seen his opportunity and reached out & swiped the plate I was eating from onto the floor, so I've just got up, really not bothered about putting him down carefully just got up & he'slanded on the floor, picked up the food off the floor and taken it over to the counter. Sean was crying saying 'paper, paper' as all the other children were doing colouring, so I've gone and got him some, sat him down & then gone and sat back down again, this woman came up to me and had a right old dig about how my little boy is crying and upset because I've been shoving him around. I was so angry and upset that I just upped and left then, dragged the boys out and made my apologies to the mum of the birthday girl. Luckily we're good friends and she's one of the few people who understands as her son was just like Sean at this age.

I hate that it's bothered me, but I've been getting comments like that & looks & tuts etc so much recently that it starts to get to you. Normally I'll just think well screw them, what do they know, who are they to judge etc etc, and brush it off, but atm, although I still think the same thing, it's so much harder to brush off.

But...Owen had the highest score in bowling! Then we got home and had a massive water fight! I was evil mummy and dug out the big huge water pistol he hee!

Hiya, have had a really good day today, went to a country park today just the other side of the New Forest. They were brill, Sean did have his whingey, crap moments, but on the whole was really well behaved. We are all utterly shattered now, we've been watching cbeebies since we got in (the 1st time the boys have watched tv since we moved into this house! They're not allowed in 'my' front room usually & that's the only tv in the house, and that's how it's staying!) Anyway, Charlie & Lola finished now, so bedtime for Seany. xx

Hi Panda [and big hug]

I second Feetheart on it being a good thing that the HV has picked up on this, it is definitely a lot for you to have to deal with alone. I can't offer any advice but at least I/We are all here to lend an ear and be supportive. You seem to have the right attitude when it comes to other people, they are your children and you deal with them as you see best, I'm sorry that you had the comments etc.. from other mums but if it wasn't that likely it would be something else - way of the world i guess.

You sound cheerier today, perhaps the outdoors has done you all the world of good (it usually does with us too) and cbeebies time to wind down and get ready for bed - fab! Are you working now Panda? How are you finding that? Hope to meet with you all soon if you do meet up - perhaps you'll come visit me and the boys & the new one.

I went for my final iron infusion today but wasn't successful. They couldn't find a good vein and after much prodding and poking, blood, fainting, cold sweats, asthma i just burst out crying and told them no more. Now feeling nervous about section (needles to be precise) and told them i didn't want one and that i was going home Oh well! DH did treat me afterwards instead (he'd been with the DC) and is being really lovely. Haven't cooked in days either

Blah di Blah....talk soon gals x

Oh ChaCha, big hug for you too, sounds awful, poor you. Yes, I was thinking actually that we could maybe make a meet up your way.

Yes, am working, although now 4 days rather than 3, they're only short shifts, but it does mean that we're limited to when we can go out, although it is flexible, so I can take a day off if needed and make it up later in the week. I have very mixed feelings about working, I need to work as benefits are pitiful and I really don't understand how people can survive on them , also need it for my sanity, I really would go nuts staying at home all day. In the morning I will really feel like I don't want to go in, like I should be at home with Sean, partly feel that if I was at home maybe it would help him, but on the way into work I feel myself relax, I really do. I'm looking into all sorts of childcare options atm too, as I now have the 16 hours that I need to get most of it paid, which I think (and hope) will be better for him. I'm going to give this job a proper go, once I've got the help that the HV is sorting for me, I may feel more positive and also this job is going to challenge me, I will be able to use my initiative & have a lot more responsibility, so once my brain starts being worked again, hopefully that'll make me more positive too and better able to deal with Sean. I don't know, just thoughts going round!

Our day out was very positive for me in more ways than one, obviously it was good to have a nice day out with the boys, and for us all to enjoy ourselves and no judgy-judgy people around. But also, although I've always known that ending it with xp was so the right decision to make and have never doubted it, today just cemented it even further. I didn't notice any other single parent families around, everyone looked coupled up, but I didn't feel conscious of that, whereas I often hear other single parents saying that they don't feel like a 'real family' because they're on their own. I feel totally the opposite. I was able to relax so much more htan if xp had been there. 1. it would have been a fight to even get him out of the door, and once we were there (if we ever did get there) he'd have complained the whole time, we'd have rushed home after only a few hours. Walking through the forest & the trails we would have had to stop regularly for him to skin up (and the stopping would have been nothign to do with his leg, as he was always stopping all them time for that), then we'd have been walking around wiht the stink of weed following us about. Then when we had lunch we sat outside (something xp would never do, so the boys would have been holed up indoors, unable to let off steam), but instead today we sat at a table outside, there was a grass area there with lots of people playing together on, just really relaxed and friendly, really wouldn't have experienced that a year ago. But it was just great, we enjoyed ourselves, went at our own pace without me feeling like I was putting someone out by wanting to spend some time together as a family.

Sorry for the mega long monologues atm, think I just need somewhere to get things off my chest atm (positive and negative).

Panda - day out sounds lovely, glad you are having some real positives to go with the really difficult times.
I think what you are saying about the job sounds very sensible, you really need time just for you and if working is where you can get that time then that's a good thing.
I must admit I'm having to juggle working/children for the first time at the moment and not finding it easy - I'm enjoying the challenge (and know once the flat/house are let it will all go quiet again) but have the guilt thing too about using someone else for childcare. In the end though I strongly believe that a happy Mummy makes for happy children, I just have to remind myself of that at times!!

Looks like good weather this week at last, great timing as Tessa broke up on Friday. Might just have to get the paddling pool out today

ChaCha - hope you are feeling better today. You really seem to be going through the mill. Can't offer much practical support but you are in my thoughts.
If you want something to take your mind off things - do you know of a good children's book of stories from Islam? All I have been able to find are the really boring 'I am a Christian/Muslim/Jew/Hindu' type books at the library. I grew up with huge religious intolerance all around (N Ireland in the 70's) but somehow my Mum instilled in us that people are people and nothing else mattered. My children are growing up in a much more mixed society (I'm not sure its much more tolerant though at least the bigots don't all have guns!) and I really want them to have a proper understanding of other people. Stories are a big part of our lives and seem a good place to start
I'm sure you have more than enough on your plate at the moment but if you have any ideas at anytime I'd be grateful.
I'd also love to hear if anyone else has found anything.

Hope everyone gets to enjoy the sunshine today.

Panda - You've got the right attitude, especially towards work and totally in agreeance with Feetheart - am strong believer in happy mummy = happy DC. You know what's best for you and the boys and you have your head screwed on the right way as they say - i think you are doing really well. The afternoon out sounded great and not all 2 parent families are as happy as they appear, the grass isn't always greener on the otherside. A very good friend of mine came over in tears last year, she would appear to have everything, perfect marriage, perfect kids, financially very secure, always busy & involved in everything and anything but as she said to me that day 'it's just how it looks on the outside' - have learned never to be fooled by the cover. Hoping you have a good day today, will check in later!

Feetheart - A lovely, happy post there! Will get a list together for you asap. I imagine you'll be looking for books that teach non-muslim children stories of Islam rather than books that teach Muslim kids about their religion is that right? I have some books for DS1 that focus on what you do in the mosque (basics, you know, we take our shoes off, we face this direction, we hear the call to prayer) and little stories from the quran (he is not ready for these yet but i still read them - widening vocab at least), i will compile list asap. We both might benefit it you posted this in the multiculural families board too - you never know!

Know what you mean about tolerance, DC's grandparents are Irish, Scottish, Egyptian and Welsh - will be having some interesting conversations in the future i think!

Hey All - just a quick post from me...

I survived Camp!!!! The weather was pretty good tbh - rained a bit putting tents up, and had showers Saturday, but mainly when it didn't matter etc, and Sunday was glorious and sunny & I was regularly heard saying, "girls, put a sun hat on.....have you got suncream on"! quite unusual!!!!
The girls were very well behaved, although we did have a very early wake up at 4.30am, followed by very stern words from Brown Owl (me) to them in the morning and explaining that we would NOt be having a repeat of that on the second night!!! All in all though a fab camp, and looking forward to the next one already!!!!!
Brownies has now finished for the Summer, so just all the camp paperwork to do and finalise my licence folder, then onto planning next term! Gosh the fun never stops hey!!!

Thomas wears pants occasionally, and has managed a couple of poos and a wee on the potty, but none of it is regular yet, but think it is only a matter of time....

Panda - hugs and thoughts with you, you have oodles of strength, don't forget we are here for you.

Chacha - hope that with each passing day, the wait becomes less and the end more visible....love and prayers with you too.

I too read about Diege's news, and have sent text and email. Sad sad news....

Nova - am doing my bext to fill the baby void - but no luck yet - will keep you posted, tho not too posted if you see what I mean!!

T is a joy, and had a very good nursery report, we were very please with him (they mentioned in particular that he is very polite, always saying please and thank you). He will often say "I'm busy"! when asked if he will do something or go somewhere! Such a card!

Right off to trawl around and finish off my glass of wine...

Night all

xx

Hi,
SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUM-MER!
Panda, feel free to post all here, you know we're all a non-judgmental lot (mental maybe ) You're afternoon does sound nice, glad yuo were able to enjoy it, and you're right, children do need to let off steam, boys especially.
Brownie, glad you survived camp! Urgh at the 4.30 wake up call!
Hello Feety, hello Chacha 8 days to go...
We're thinking of camping this weekend, weather permitting, so have been on a campsite review website all night! Not that I'm obsessed at all Hoping Jess will be better at it this time!
Bye for now x

'your afternoon' oops