August 2021 Babies - From Santa to Solids, Hohoho!

[PurplePansy05]

Here we go again!

I'd do another delightful intro, alas I've lost count which thread this is now and we all know our LO's names anyway 😁

So instead I will just say, Merry First Christmas together to you and your LOs! 🎄❤🎁

May the sleep regression pass as soon as they see Santa later this week...

...May they love weaning and may our kitchens survive...

...May 2022 be full of blessings for them and for us ❤❤❤

Oldcomers and newcomers welcome, as always! 🥰

@sarah13xx Is yours not paid every 4 weeks? Mine is and in months that include 5 full weeks it's 5, but December wasn't one of them. However, this month I got well over £1k so it can't be that! Anyway, not complaining at all! xx

@PurplePansy05 I so agree about this group - such a wonderful bunch of ladies 🥰 it's made pregnancy and motherhood so much more fun xx

@sarah13xx hopefully your good nights continue! I can't imagine managing to run a business as well as keeping a baby alive! I think Rowan is doing all the night wake ups so Freddie doesn't have to 😂

@Daffodil21 hi Mr Daffodil!

I bit the bullet yesterday and emailed my manager to delay going back to work - I've only been apart from Rowan for about 2 hours so far, so I think expecting to do 10 hour nursery days in 2 months is super unrealistic. I didn't give a confirmed date as I don't want to mess her around again - and bless her she was so lovely about it, and said she hadn't begun making plans as she'd had a feeling April would be hard

@PurplePansy05 oh wow, yeah definitely don’t question that 😂 I got £800 and something but I get it on the usual pay day so the last Thursday of every morning, I think mine must just be because of the extra weeks since the early Christmas pay

@biscuitcat at least you’ve given them notice and they were nice about it 😊 I’m the same, have literally only been to get my hair done without him and one night out for a few hours, that’s about it! My friend has a baby of a similar age and they go nights away to hotels etc and leave the baby with family, she asks perfectly nice questions to me about leaving him but they still make me feel a bit 😬 like I could leave him for hours on end now, I’d just rather not 🙈😂

Another moan for you…
So we got the keys to our new house a couple of weeks ago now. Since day 1 the major building works have started, 99% of which is being done by my dad. He’s completely cleared his own work schedule to do it (it’s what he does anyway), we have a few other workers as well as DH there so someone is pretty much working on it from first thing in the morning til night time.

As I’ve said before on here DH’s parents do very little for him/us, we see them probably once every 6 weeks, couldn’t get rid of them when Freddie was first born but the notion quickly wore off so unless they can get a picture for social media now they aren’t interested. I am very lucky to have my parents but even without comparing, the effort and interest his have shown towards our new house has been practically zero. We sold the old house and I literally scrubbed it top to bottom for the people moving in. It took days and was extremely stressful getting all the boxes taken out, cleaning etc all while Freddie was plonked in his bouncer or I cleaned with one hand just to keep him entertained. His mum lives locally yet didn’t message at all that week, almost like she was just avoiding speaking to us in case she got roped into doing anything to help. About a week later when we’d eventually moved and got all the boxes into our temporary house (had barely ate/slept all week due to how much I had to do between that and trying to keep the orders going) and she messaged asking if she could see Freddie. No ‘how’s the house? Do you need a hand?’ nothing 🤔 She came, saw him, went away and is yet to ask to see it or offer to help. His dad (PIL are not together) lives slightly further away but not that far and he’s done the exact same thing. He even phoned DH to say he’d driven past our new house last week. Not to say he was going to come and see it or help with anything 🤔

It’s not even about the help because as stressful as it is, we can manage without them but they take from us when it suits them and expect favours from DH every time they see him yet when we actually needed them most they both completely avoided coming anywhere near 😕 I feel quite sorry for DH because the stark contrast between my parents and his is at its most obvious. I’m also going to totally grudge the next time either of them expect us to help them 🤦🏼‍♀️

@sarah13xx you have my sympathy. My mum is pretty terrible at helping and she lives minutes away! There can be full weeks of her not coming by. In the early days of DD we had only been in our house 2 months. No work needed done but we hadn't unpacked everything and I was just generally struggling with being a mum plus feeling quite ill with low iron. I think I saw my mum 3 times in the first 2 months DD was with us. My OH would get so pissed off. Things are a little different lately with my sister being ill but she's still very much her first, us second. When she is here she's all cooing over DD saying things like 'that's my girl' and I'm like, nah she has no clue who you are!

My OHs mum is amazing! She would be here every week if she lived closer and would do things like cook dinner or help out with the cleaning etc. She'd just be helpful. We've just had to accept that my mum is never going to change. She'll pay for it with a weak relationship with her grand daughter. She only sees her other 3 grandchildren twice a year and they are an hour and a half away by train.

@sarah13xx That's terrible. Really bad behaviour on their part. We're NC with the ILs for millions of reasons, some serious, some less so, so they're obviously not helping at all, but I would say that's exactly what they'd do too had we been in touch, I could just paint that picture in my head reading your post. I think had I been in your shoes I'd still be upset even though you obviously know them and know not to expect much. But they are wrong, clearly. Personally I'd be managing their expectations as it suits you, you're all adults, you in particular are very busy, and Freddie is not a toy to be picked up as and when they're bored and want a bit of fun, having ignored your situation completely. Also you're so, so hardworking and organised and I'm so impressed how you've managed it all. I had so, do much going on throughout the pregnancy and it really got to mentally to be doing all this without any help, now with a baby it's not exactly got easier! You sound super resilient. Give yourself a clap for it and remember to take a break sometimes if you need one - fully deserved xx

@biscuitcat I'm thinking May or June for coming back, basically using my full SMP and then tagging along some holidays to it. I've been thinking about delaying, but with all the bills rising I'm not sure how long we'd be able to afford it on only one salary. Plus we have a holiday planned for June which will need to be paid for too so it'd get too tight then. When are you thinking? Could you take any annual leave after April?

D'ont know if
you've seen it but Child Benefit will be going up by aI think £33 a year from April, I feel so much richer already 🤣 xx

@sarah13xx not a bad mum at all! I certainly wouldn't be waking to do a change. I imagine DS's nappy is a bit wetter than Freddie's during the night as he goes through about 15oz of milk 🙈

@PurplePansy05 aw thank you 🥺 that’s a shame, it’s the worst! Wish they’d actually take nothing to do with us rather than turn up at inconvenient times trying to make it all about them. They were the ones who stayed for nearly 4 hours 2 days after my section and said on the phone when I said I wasn’t quite up for visitors yet ‘we’re not coming to see her, we’re coming to see the baby’ 😑 today I have hit quite a majorly exhausted point, if ever there was a time for the phrase ‘burning the candle at both ends’ this would be it 😂 I try not to take much to do with them directly so they only occasionally message me, anything that does happen is usually arranged through him. My parents have only met them once and it was recently (mainly due to lockdowns etc, just haven’t arranged anything). His dad’s partner made a dig to my mum saying ‘at least you see him’ 🤔 they stay about an hour away so unless they expect we’re going to trail there every week with a baby, I don’t know how they expect they’ll see us when they don’t come to visit or ever ask to even take him a walk. It was as if she was embarrassed because the difference between my mum’s relationship with him and theirs was completely obvious. As he gets older he’ll barely recognise them but they’ll expect it to be a big show every time they do see him 🙄 totally grudge it and other than now saying ‘you didn’t help us’ I don’t know how else I can even get a dig in. They’re so overpowering that it would be almost impossible to do 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Ready2020 aw that’s a shame ☹️ I can totally imagine how hard that would be at the start, it’s chaos enough without all that to do too! And omg the whole ‘that’s my girl’ type comments 🤦🏼‍♀️ That’s what really grates of me when they see him. They seem to think they know him better than I do when they must have met him 5 times in total and I’ve spent every waking hour with him 😂 They snatch him off me the second they get there and woke him up out his Moses basket last time. I did stand up for myself for once but was told that my own child wasn’t trying to sleep, when he clearly was, hence being in there in the first place 😑 I think I’m going to have to start being really firm with them. DH kind of takes to do with them but because it’s not me that arranges anything I’m kind of on the back foot with being able to set boundaries and he doesn’t say anything no matter what they do 🤦🏼‍♀️ He’s definitely embarrassed with them just now though but again, won’t do anything about it

@Daffodil21 😂 his is definitely soaking and he can sometimes have 8/9oz before bed now but if he doesn’t wake it can’t be bothering him that much 🙈

@sarah13xx I certainly wouldn't be doing anything to rock that solid sleep boat 😂 as you say, it can't be bothering him that much. Wow, your MIL does not sound pleasant!! I can't believe she said that she wasn't coming to see you, she was coming to see the baby!

Hope you and your family are okay Bertie! How are you all feeling?

@PurplePansy05 on the poop from Isaac used to go days without going, since weaning it’s pretty much everyday, sometimes twice!

Well DS1 has tested positive as well now. DH still negative somehow! Get your booster if you haven't!

Germany has changed the rules as of yesterday so nobody can get a PCR test unless ordered by the ministry of health. However documents still say we are obliged to take a PCR on receipt of a positive home test I found a question and answer service so I have emailed them.

Yeah def would not be changing nappies overnight unless I have to. I think it's craziness!

Oh sorry and - DS1 feeling very mildly ill.
DS2 alternating between crazy/hyper/exhausted/whiny
DS3 very poopy and cuddly. Struggling with very thick phlegm when laid flat.
Me incredibly sore throat from coughing constantly. Horrible thick phlegm that makes me retch if it gets too far into my mouth 🤢 dizzy and low energy.

@Daffodil21 I know, that was at the point I felt my most vulnerable, sore etc. The fact we never see them means when we do it’s a big formal visit so they’d never have seen me without makeup etc, which made me feel even more vulnerable at the thought of having to put clothes on when I felt awful still after he was born. She then made that comment on the phone and I just thought how dare you.. did a silly wee laugh at the end of it like that’s somehow funny 🙄 I felt like I was just his mum and they couldn’t care less how I was or whether I was up to a visit. If there’s a next time I’ll be saying I’m having no visitors at all the first week and when they ask why I’m going to say because some people majorly overstayed their welcome last time 😂

@sarah13xx what a cow! You'd honestly think, having had her own kids, she might be a bit more considerate wouldn't you? Not on the same level as you, but when my loopy SIL came round with the family when he was around a week old, of all the photos she took I didn't feature in one - I grew him!!!

Oh no @BertieBotts - rotten luck! Hopefully it doesn't get too bad and you're all on the mend soon. And how annoying about the PCR confusion - last thing you need when you're poorly is chasing up and doing admin.

@PurplePansy05 I'm thinking July now - I have a good amount of leave to take, and we've also got a holiday booked in June so it would be a pain to go back earlier then go on leave straight away!

We change overnight…he gets really wet and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable..:

Our run of good sleep lasted all of 1 week! Though to be fair she's got a tooth poking out her gum so it's bound to be sore. The screeching though when putting her down is something else. It's like a banshee! O give her calpol but not sure what else I can do for her.

My restless legs have come back but I think it's my own fault. Too much sugar and not enough water. We discovered our local coop was selling off bags of quality streets for 88p! So we bought a load and put them in a box and have been steadily working our way through it. Gluttons that we are.

I met my mum today and it reminded me of another annoying thing she does. Every time I see her she says how tired I look. I mean, I don't need to know how shit I look thanks! And if you notice how tired I am maybe come and help me out a bit!

@biscuitcat that’s what I don’t get, I just think if Freddie has kids when he’s older and has a wife I certainly won’t treat her like that! That’s so sad, its just the principal of it when you’re treated like some sort of baby machine and you were good enough for them to try to touch etc before you popped this baby out but now who cares about you, go and die quietly in a corner please 😂🙄

@Ready2020 telling someone they look tired is the cheekiest thing ever! Some people are just so wrapped up in themselves it seems. Had that comment from my MIL too when I was first pregnant and I just said ‘no I’m fine’ but totally kicked myself after that I hadn’t made some nippy comment back 🙈

Wouldn't it just be nice if all MILs and DMs remembered they are women and mothers too - and there's no need to put us down, on the contrary, there's a need to offer help. No excuse for this, it's just lack of solidarity. There's no 'village' these days and it makes things a lot harder for us as it is. OK, we went ahead and had children anyway, but I won't be taking any accompanying bitchiness with it, from anyone. My own DM is sadly a prime example too, yes, she lives abroad, but she's retired and no excuse not to come and help for a few weeks or even stay with DS for a few months to help us with childcare. Has she ever offered? Like fuck. Whereas she had the luxury of coming back to work FT when I was a baby because, guess what, my nan looked after me for several years. As you can guess, resentment on my part runs high right now and don't think it will change, especially that she knows how shit the ILs are and of course I have nobody else on a daily basis as my friends either work full time or are new mums too with their own children to look after. I've zero headspace for this kind of people now, I'm done with it. xx

We're trying Rowan in her own room tonight! We were going to move her into the other double room but have decided to just try her in the set up we have just now. It just means I have to feed her on a tiny chair in the nursery. We'll see how it goes!

Sending love @PurplePansy05

Haven't been on for ages but i hope all is well with every one!

Unfortunately my parents can also be a bit critical when i ask for help with Ivy (especially my DM constantly saying how she used to be able to manage this and other people get on just fine with that etc. despite the fact I have recently been diagnosed with MS so some things are a bit trickier for me)

I just wanted to see how everyone is getting on with weaning? We have recently started BLW and its definitely hit and miss :/