August 2021 Babies - Running on Caffeine and Baby Smiles

[PurplePansy05]

Welcome to the chattiest post-natal club on MN!

We have welcomed 31 gorgeous new babies together 💖💙 ...

We have filled up several more like a hundred threads in the antenatal birth clubs chat...

...and now we have finally graduated and officially moved to the postnatal birth clubs chat! 🥳

Graduates of the August 2021 (and thereabouts) thread:

@Smurf123 & baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler & her baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles & baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain & her baby boy 💙
@PurplePansy05 & baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 & baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum & baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 & baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 & baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 & baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 & baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx & baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x & baby Ella💖
@biscuitcat & baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername & baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns & baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 & baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque & baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 & baby Ethan 💙
@WolfMother326 & baby Alasdair 💙
@BertieBotts & baby Alex 💙
@RandomCatGenerator & baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp & baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB & baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 & baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 & her baby boy 💙
@Fran919 & her baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 & baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x & her baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries & baby Frankie 💖
@ame88 & baby Lily 💖

Tagging @Dia12, @livingwithbees, @Sheisfee, @Alittlexmasmagic and @LottSE20 in the opening post so you know we're here as and when you wish to rejoin/share your updates 💐

Here we go!

Sorry you’re having a tough time @PurplePansy05

I went to visit my friend’s baby at the weekend, she’s still very much in the newborn stage and I had so much sympathy for her. He just cries constantly, like doesn’t stop! She was trying feeding him, giving him a dummy, rocking him etc etc but he just cried every couple of minutes when he woke back up. I felt even worse that Freddie was being particularly good (although I am aware how lucky I am that he’s easy about 23 hours of the day)! He was just sat there watching all this going on, not making a sound. She was talking about having to get her mum to babysit overnight as they’re both just completely exhausted. I felt guilty that that’s not been my experience at all. Hopefully anyone having a tough time is through the other side of it soon and it’s just a phase 🤞🏼

Imagine how bad I must have looked if DH walked through the door and said "You need a nap" Hallelujah! Yes, I did! He had DS all evening, I've slept, eaten dinner and washed my hair. Now I'm feeding and finally can catch up with everyone's advice to live through another day

@biscuitcat How do you always find such helpful videos??

@Smurf123 Do you mean trying to get him to nap in the stroller? Cause the carrycot apparently is not cool enough for him anymore, he used to like it when he was tiny but now he'll only ever nap in it if we're out on a long walk, and that's hit or miss sometimes too! xx

@PurplePansy05 yes I went with whatever works works when ds wouldn't sleep!
Both mine were out of the carrycot by 2/3 months. Ds was too long by about then.

Really struggling at the moment -- my prolapse makes it uncomfortable to stand/walk for longer than a few minutes, but due to my 2 year old I can't just sit and rest. He seems to have gone through a growth/energy spurt and needs to get quite a bit of exercise in order for him to go to sleep easily. Also he seems to time needing to use the potty with when DS2 has just started breastfeeding. I just want to be able to do things normally again. Finally got a women's physio appointment for the start of next month so I really hope things start to improve after that if not before.

@PurplePansy05 You are absolutely not a terrible mum for finding this hard! I don't really enjoy the baby stage but I have so much fun with DS1 now that he's walking and talking that I convinced myself to struggle through with a sibling. 😅 (Actually DS2 is a breeze compared to DS1 was as a baby, so it hasn't been as bad as I feared so far. It helps that I'm not as isolated this time as we're out and about doing DS1's activities.) Like everyone else has said, a carrier is the easiest compromise between their need to be close and your need to still do things. Get a structured carrier if you're finding the wrap difficult to get right (I always struggled with the wraps so you're not alone!). If you can, go to a sling library meet up so you can test a few out and see what's comfortable for you. You're not alone in your baby wanting to sleep on you all day, it's very normal! And it does get easier as they get older, but I know this isn't much comfort when you're in the middle of it.

And @Ready2020 your sister should not have said that, it's not true and I'm not surprised it made you feel awful! Your baby would be crying if she was wanting you. I co-sleep and my baby does the same movements when he's in a light sleep -- usually it's because he has a fart brewing. 😂

@afictionado That does sound hard for you, I really hope the women’s health physio is able to help you. You are doing so well to cope with a 2 year old and a newborn.

@PurplePansy05 I’m so glad your husband gave you a break this evening. I can only echo what everyone else has said; just because you’re finding the constant demands on your difficult, it doesn’t mean you are a bad Mum. That you are even thinking how hard it is and what you’re like as a mum shows how good you are xx

@Ready2020 as if you need any more mum guilt?! Try not to think about what your sister said, she doesn’t know what’s going on in your DD’s mind and as Bertie says if she did it definitely wouldn’t be what your sister is thinking!

@dirtyfries how's the co sleeping going?

Thanks for the reassurance! I think she was just tired after her long drive so maybe it came out wrong. Or maybe I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt!

I'm playing fart or poop with DD. She did one or thr other while feeding and I'm leaning towards poop. She a bit more unsettled than usual so I think I'll need to change her which isn't great as I'll need to settle her again. It's these situations that u tend to bring her in the bed with me.

Morning all! Leo slept through 11.30 till now and I so needed not to wake up at 4/5 last night, counting my lucky stars here! Thank you everyone, I drive myself into mum guilt for not enjoying things as much as I think I should, but it really helps to read so many of you have experienced similar time with your own DCs and found it exhausting too. Not that's it's a good thing as such, but it reminds me what's normal when I struggle to think straight. I'll be trying out your ideas this week! I read more about this stage and it seems many babies are like that for reassurance and comfort and of course I can't blame him. It's hard not to have my own body back for even an hour or two after a long and tough pregnancy as well. Again, I never expected to feel this way, I said to DH that I've gone from being a carrier bag to being a mixture between a cow and a mattress now. That's obviously my tired talk, the reality is we've given them life and we're nurturing them. But the physical aspect after they arrive is a shock to me.

@Millymay13 What you've said has really hit home here. That's a beautiful way of putting it, it's so true that whenever we're struggling or tired it's because we've done something right, it just takes it out of us sometimes. I'll be saying this to myself going forward

@afictionado The prolapse and two young DCs sounds incredibly difficult Are you having your physio online or face to face? Have you any idea at all about how long you might need to do specific exercises for? I really hope they work for you

@Ready2020 People sometimes don't think about what they say and don't consider that sharing their own parenting views is usually only welcome if and when invited. I'm sure she meant well, but she obviously only knows her own style of parenting which is different to yours and that's that. She won't have anything else to go by which doesn't mean what she did or what you are doing now is right or wrong. Driving up the guilt isn't helpful regardless of it being unintended.

DH's friends visited last weekend and I'm sick to death of listening of the gf of one of them who's had a perfect pregnancy, never had a clingy baby because she co-slept at night and she always slept on her own in the day, gone to 250 groups per week, fed in X way until the girl was 3 yo, sent her child to Welsh school and now she's been trying to explain bilingualism to me (I am multilingual and DS will be bilingual from home too), I mean it's hysterical 🤣 I didn't ask to know any of that and barely said a word in my own house because all I heard was her parenting style vomit when she came to meet my son 🤣 I chipped in firmly once or twice but just laughed to DH after they left. I hate preachers. She has two retired grandmothers around the corner and a job not a career at 33, as it stands. We don't walk in each other's shoes. Her breasts are that too, her breasts. Doesn't mean mine will decide to feed once a day until 3yo and miraculously not leak in work 🤣 Give over!

The healthiest bit of advice I usually get is from you guys, no nonsense, practical and varied because there's no one way of doing things. I'm incredibly grateful for this xx

I've just seen this event on FB. I know weaning is a few months away but in case anyone would like to get a little advance preview. I think I started looking at weaning info when DS1 was about 2/3 months old, not because I wanted to start that early but to get an idea about the different approaches and learn about how and when to start.

This is about baby-led weaning which is where you completely skip spoon feeding and purees and give them normal food from the start. I did it with DS1 and absolutely loved it. DS2 hated the very concept :o but I still started off this way with him and then moved to spoon feeding once I was happy he was managing to eat a fair amount.

There are some good speakers here so I think I'll have a look and see if there's any new info I've missed.

www.blwsummit.com/

Thanks @BertieBotts I'll give it a look! Ds is an incredibly fussy eater. We did a mix of blw and spoon with him but he was fish even from the get go. It's getting worse mind you. So if at all possible I'd like dd to eat better

Will have a look at the weaning info 😊

I think I’m going to have to change pills or something. I’ve been on that same one (rigevidon) for years and never had an issue but literally since the first day I started taking it 2 weeks ago I’ve had stomach cramps every morning and (without being tmi) have had to run to the toilet. I never had that last time and at first I thought it couldn’t be the pill causing it but it’s every single morning now 🙄 I just looked into the injection but it does say you need to leave it a year after or it might not be out your system to try to conceive. Don’t think I want to commit to that if I maybe want another one when he’s 2/3. It’s times like this I think how unfair that we have to take these things with all these side effects and men don’t have to do a thing 😂

Ladies, may I ask some questions that I can’t ask anyone else:

• Poo. Is anyone else having very painful poos? I am drinking enough water and eating enough fibre but still lots of blood as (TMI) my arse is being aggravated / ripping. I know haemorrhoids are common after pregnancy. Is anyone else having a similar issue, or does anyone have haemorrhoids and could share whether this sounds like I may have them? It’s making going for a poo bloody painful (and just plain bloody).

• Baby fingernails. DS has a little dirt under a few of his nails. Any idea how to get this out without hurting him?

Thanks and sorry for the TMI post

Oh sorry, a final one in the same ‘can’t ask anyone else’ vein: those of you who are having sex, how do you deal with painful leaky boobs during sexual? In missionary they get pressed on, in doggy style they dangle which hurts as they’re so heavy. Any tips? I don’t like wearing a bra during sex really. And my boobs are massive.

I am quite worried about sex - worried it’ll hurt.

@Ready2020 - What a needless and (at best) thoughtless thing to say! I totally second everything @BertieBotts has said, brilliant advice as ever.

I also second @PurplePansy05’s appreciation of this thread. You are all so great and so supportive. I love this place.

@Ready2020 we're doing a bit of a combination of next to me crib and co sleeping

I'm finding pros and fine for both
In her crib she seems to have lighter sleep and we have the grunting and more frequent wakes.
In the bed she sleeps much more peacefully and for longer but I can only seem to doze as I worry about safety!

I've been starting her in the crib and bringing her into bed sometime between 2-5am depending on how she is and that seems to be a good middle ground. It means we both get a bit of quality sleep.

It also takes the pressure off of resettling her in the night and playing ninja trying to transfer her back to her crib!

So @RandomCatGenerator:

• Poo: no painful poos here, sorry I can't be of more help on this one. The only difference I've noticed pp is when I need to go, I need to go now, holding it in is extremely difficult. How much exercise do you do, walking, pelvic floor etc.? Has it become worse straight after your CS or gradually since then?

• Baby nails: Leo had a dirty fingernail last week, no idea how. I washed his hands, fingers and tried to clean it up when he was having a bath. Not much success as they're so tiny! Couple of days later the dirty parts broke and fell off and that was it I try to look at his nails regularly and file them with a battery operated nail file, but I don't always succeed.

• Sex: I feed DS just before so boobs feel empty and lighter. No leaks then during sex. I think sex involves different stimulation too, they just aren't keen to leak then. No bra. They are big so they kind of always dangled a bit in some positions. I don't do missionary at the moment at all because I've only recently recovered from the infections. Sex wasn't painful IME. It felt tight and dryer to start with but it didn't hurt. Can you have an open chat with your partner and ask him to go gentle at the beginning? Best thing would be to talk through before so you can relax in the moment, you know what it's like when you start thinking about it, you stop enjoying it 😉Hth! xx

@RandomCatGenerator same here on the poo front, but sounds more like anal fissure? Had it for a week and it's awful! Now taking pain relief and trying to eat more fibre/water, hoping it will help!

@sarah13xx I couldn't take Rigevidon years ago either. They switched me to Cerazette then, don't know if it's still around? It seemed to agree with me more, although as you say none of them are great. The only one that ever worked for me was discontinued because apparently it was tripling the risk of stroke, how helpful 😒 xx

Poo still not great here but I was on high dose iron for ages.

Best way to clean baby nails is a soak in the bath but I do tend to nibble them to keep them short.

We are doing this with the bedside cot and co-sleeping as he's starting to settle better in there. I can't be arsed faffing around in the night so if he wakes I scoot him over.

Smurf DS1 is my fussy one and I did mostly BLW with him, did start to spoon feed messier things after the novelty of him smearing it in his hair wore off :o DS2 will eat anything but really hated the idea of BLW so he was spoon fed from about 6-12 months. DS1 is still fussy. I honestly don't think weaning method makes a difference to fussiness.

@RandomCatGenerator I had haemorrhoids in pregnancy too. Afterwards for a little while it wouldn't be painful when I went, but there would be lots of blood in the toilet bowl. I mentioned it at my 6 week check up and she said if that continues to make another appointment, but it stopped.

The sex question - I'm not bf so I've never been heavy or leaky, so I can't help there. I read a post in Instagram the day before I was pretty sure we were going to have sex for the first time since, about post CS sex, and I sent it to my husband being like 'I had no idea it would be different after a CS, I naively thought it would be the same'. It actually turned out it did feel the same for us (except a little bit painful to start with?! Not sure if pregnancy related or because it had been so long 😂). Anyway, it was clear my husband had read the post and took it into account, and it also made me feel less pressure to 'finish' because I assumed it probably wouldn't happen anyway, even though it did. This is the post:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CUGIM47ICu6/?utmmedium=copyy_link

Oh also - my DS has started chewing the bottle teats. Not every time, but sometimes. Could this be a sign of teething?? Or is he just fussing?

@RandomCatGenerator poo fine here so I can't help there

Fingernails - I find that giving him a bath usually sorts it, or otherwise I just gently get it out using my fingernails which he mostly doesn't mind. He's got a big scratch on his nose at the moment as I got behind on doing his nails so they were too long 😔

For sex - we've done missionary so far and I've not had my boobs leak but DH has been careful not to lean too hard on me! They're definitely more sensitive than pre-pregnancy. I wear one of those nursing vests with built in support to sleep in and usually have it on for sex too at the mo as I find it more comfortable xx

@sarah13xx it took us 16 months to conceive after me coming off the injection so I definitely won't be going on it again🙄

@dirtyfries that sounds exactly like my nights. I had her in the bed from 6am to 7.30 today as i ended up changing her but it was only the smallest poops so i lost that bet!

Funny we're talking about poops as I still hurt when I go plus yesterday had a reasonable amount of blood so I think I've got internal 'roids. Never had them during pregnancy! Trying to drink more (feel like I'm drinking loads already) and eat better.

Still no sex here. I only healed from my vaginal tears a week or so ago so taking it easy. Plus we're too knackered and I was worried about boobs and leakage too. I need to get my coil put in at some point. I do feel we need to take the time to do it though, for our relationship sake. Lack of sex was an issue for years. OH is on anti Ds and doesn't have a huge sex drive. I'm surprised we managed to conceive!

@RandomCatGenerator pain and bleeding when pooing is something I struggled with in the first trimester. My physio said it’s because I’ve got an over active pelvic floor and since everything is so connected down there it can cause problems in that department too. You can still have an overactive pelvic floor after giving birth (I have both this and a mild prolapse which I wouldn’t have thought could happen simultaneously but there you go) her advice was pelvic floor stretching so rhythmic deep breathing, happy baby pose and when you do your kegels, give yourself a good 30 secs between each one to allow the muscles to properly relax. Also drinking loads of water and fibre should really help.