honestly Pinions, read first speak later, how many times
am now laughing and crying at same time
maybe I'm being paranoid but I know his SIL uses MN and his family went almost overnight from being very friendly towards me to having absolutely nothing to do with me
I've not worried and have ignored my suspicions up to now, but it looks like it may go to court over access, long story, will explain in a mo, and if it does I need to be keeping everything quiet so there can be nothing to use against me.
Joe slept 7-10 and has gone back down again after a feed, but he did keep this feed down when he's been throwing up immediately after feeds previously, and he seemed to eat at teatime so fingers crossed he will start to pick up.
I need to try harder to eat properly myself to ensure milk is as good as it can be, and I need to cut as much stress from my life as I can
The access thing - Justin has a new gf. she has not met Joe yet. I have agreed that she can, but that it is to be when Joe is with me, I am not leaving him alone with Justin and her to start with. I said this months ago, and he has still not arranged for it to happen. On saturday I let him know via text that I would be able to get Joe to see him at 11, but that I would not be going into town so would meet him elsewhere. This was at about 9am. I then get a phonecall from Matthew's dad to say he is ill, has just been sick. M has never been sick before, ever, so was a huge shock for him and he really did not understand what was happening to him. His dad was also not sure but thought there may have been some blood in it. So now I'm trying to make sure M is ok, and still I've heard nothing from Justin. At 10:40 I finally get a text saying where are we meeting and gf will be with him.I got angry and sent one back saying she would not, as if that was the case we would not be meeting. I was happy for her to meet Joe, but not to be there for the entire time he has him. to cut a very long story short, much angry discussion, he said he would be taking it to court, put phone down. I spent a few hours thinking. As much as my instincts tell me that I should not let him have any more than I do already, I do not want to put either of my children through the stress of court, and am not sure I would cope well with the experience, so I reluctantly called him with a suggestion. He can have Joe to stay on a Friday night, but he does a few weeks at his parents house with him and no gf so they can both get used to each other, then he can take him to the house they share from then on. He says he will think about it and talk to his parents then call me Sunday. He didn't. I finally get a call late last night. He has spoken to them, yes they are ok with it but are restricting it to 3 weeks, we then discuss practicalities etc. As he is ending the call he says there is one last thing. They will only agree to it if the gf is there too. I say no way. I made it clear that the offer was dependant on her not being at his parents and I will not be bullied into changing my mind. It won't be happening then he says. I have now suggested to him that maybe he could ask our mutual friend (B) if he could stay there with Joe for a few weeks.B's gf is also best mates with Justin's gf (complicated I know!) but B agreed that it could work, and maybe the girls could go to Justins place, then his gf isn't on her own and I am confident that Joe is somewhere safe where there is back up if required (B has a dd so been there before). I have not heard bugger all from him since. I got off phone last night in tears, rang B and talked it through with him. B was expecting to see Justin tonight but he didn't turn up, he is not answering his mobile to B or my texts. I sent him a text this afternoon asking when he would be making a payment to me and nothing.
I sent a text at 6 saying that I need to speak to him urgently (after I left HV) and have heard nothing.
I am that he is playing at being a father, it suited him to be the one that was 'suffering' and made me out to be a bitch, then that backfired when I offered to let Joe stay there, so he refused to meet my conditions, and yet again he comes out glowing and I am the bitch, then I hear nothing, and when I am trying to contact him to let him know how ill Joe is I can't get him.
I wish he'd just bugger off completely tbh, If he wants to be involved then great, but it's becoming obvious that it is just for show and when effort or compromise is required then he can't be arsed.
I am not going to give in. He gave me so much emotional abuse that I agreed to the overnight stay, but he can abuse me all he likes I am not going to give in to something that I know is wrong for Joe. I am only asking for 3 weeks doing it my way, before he got exactly what he wanted ffs
sorry, I know this is really long but I am really stressed and upset by it all, which in turn isn't helping Joe get better. I have no money, barely what I need to put electric and gas on the meters, and not enough to pay rent or buy food. I am feeding boys but I am falling by the wayside, which isn't helping the milk either, I'm sure.
And now with Joe being so ill it is sooo much to cope with at once. I will cope, because my boys need me and I would go to the ends of the earth for them, but it isn't easy.
and do you know what? FUCK his family, I don't give a stuff anymore if they are reading this, maybe it would do them good to see what he is doing to me
I have spoken to the docs today, I have to ring first thing to get an appointment with the doc that has seen Joe over the last few months, the HV wants me to try to see her as she will be able to physically 'see' the difference in him rather than reading notes on a screen, if we can't see her we will see whoever we can, and I will push for him to be seen at hospital now, not after christmas.
I want my healthy, bouncing, happy baby back
ARSE. am crying again now