********** December 2006 PART 2 **************

[castlesintheair]

Will this do?

I go away for a week and there is not much movement, I go away for 3 days to France and you all natter away for England!

What I have gleaned from my scanning is that WB and AQ need to take car of themselves so hugs to them!

Oh I'm being told that dinner is ready. I'll be back!

Ok what else...ah yes pretty pictures!

Anyway, ds has survived his first plane journey and was a little star about it all. Actually he has been a star most of the time with loads of cooing and gurgling. He spent huge amounts of time having little conversations with himself kicking around on the floor/sofa. He has charmed his great granny, family friends, his great uncle, second cousin (or is that first cousin once removed? My cousin anyway) who is just 6.5 and my godfather who in typical style has bought him some wonderfully expensive but beautiful clothes (Elibean you will understand when I say they are from Tartine et Chocolat!). All in all a good trip, plus it gave me the chance to stock up on all manner of food made from random bits of force fed duck and goose. The brits just don't have a clue what can be made with a load of gizzards

Welcome back, indith!

jabber, ono spoke to my dad (he's a pediatrician) about ds1 so far, but it is exactly the same as for your ds. I felt really low about it last night, and wishing I had done something before now but with new baby in the house nothing gets done. So I now know exactly how you feel & I wouldn't wish it on anyone. However, I can hope that the 6 pairs of poo pants a day might be a thing of the past if we solve this. And I don't feel angry with him anymore, I hated that feeling.

Feeling a bit better, but I just keep having these feelings of 'is this as good as it gets'. I don't enjoy the days with the 2 of them at all, I dread them and find them an endurance contest (get through without one or more of us crying). Going back to work just means that I get no one on one time with ds2. I was itching to just coo at him for 5 mins whilst I changed his nappy & all I got was ds1 yelling at me to come downstairs so I had to comply. I just didn't take any of this into account when thinking of having no.2. I love the days on my own with ds2 (once we've dropped ds1 at nursery I get about 6 hours) but find I'm getting incredibly bored & isolated at times. I'm not really one for mums & baby groups, all I do is massage. Those with 3, does this stage get better? I need something to look forward to! DS2 is absolutely gorgeous, but I'm finding it harder and harder to even come up with enough things to keep ds1 busy for an entire day. Today he had a play date in the morning, we made banana cakes, did playdough, trains, went for a longish walk with snack on the grass whilst ds2 slept & he sat on the worktop whilst I made tea + some tv in the middle of all that. Ideas anyone? What's good to do when you've got 2? I can't quite figure out if this is depression talking or just that life with 2 small children is harder than I thought it would be!

aq - it is hard with 2. I struggle and felt so relieved when DD1 went back to preschool this week. Hopefully the summer will help as they can play in the garden. I have recently bought DD1 an activity book with odd one out, colouring, matching pairs, etc and also she's just learning letters so we're doing a bit with her alphabet pal. She watches quite a bit of tv but has either preschool, swimming or gym club in the mornings so i refuse to feel guilty about that.

Hopefully things will get better for you soon. As DS gets better he will probably be a bit less clingy to you which will help.

((((hugs))))

thanks, gs! do you find it easier if you take her to more organised activities & so forth rather than just entertain at home? I've never taken ds1 swimming for instance although he goes most weeks with my mum. He's at preschool 2 days a week, with my mum at 3rd, why should I be struggling so much when I've only got 2 of them 2 days a week & then dp's around weekends. Makes me feel useless. I always wanted to spend my days off work just with ds1, so we never did that much with other people & he was happy with that. We'd go for long walks in the wood etc. But of course now he wants entertainment on tap cos I'm looking after ds2.I have been trying to get into a music group as I think he'd enjoy that but the dratted woman won't ring me back! I've just never had a very structured arrangement with him from week to week, sometimes we see a friend, sometimes we don't, we often used to spend hours just putting puzzles together. DS2 won't often have a nap, certainly not a regular one so I find it really difficult to find time to spend 121 with ds1 as well as do the chores/cooking evening meal. As others have noted, this 3-6 age is quite difficult because they're awake more but can't do very much.

just read last bit, yes he is v.v.v.clingy at present I'm hoping that's going to wear off soon as he won't do a thing by himself anymore (used to play alone quite well for up to an hour previously as long as I was close by). Is this just a 3 year old thing? They're more social, want to have friends over all the time?! I just don't know that many people with children, only 2 really from my antenatal group, rest of my friends haven't had any yet.

aq, My Dd goes to a swimming class each week. This way we are told what to do and so i dont have to come up with creative things to do in the water

She goes to a tumble tots type class at our local leisure centre. They have sports equipment and a bouncy castle. Lots of other mums there but they are all trying to keep their LOs in check so you only have to talk to people if you want to.

My library does a storytime session weekly. I dont go to it but i know some people thing they are great.

Before DD started preschool on Fridays I would always try and arrange playdates on fridays. She is used to having some kind of 'activity' ie, preschool, swim, friend in the mornings, and then chilling out/playing with toys/watching tv/in garden etc in the afternoons. I think the routine helps me too as i find it difficult to be creative with activities and there is only so much time they'll spend on jigsaws and toys etc at this age.

Try and get DS1 involved with helping you with DS2. My DD helps me get the nappies now (gets cross if i dont let her), took some (very lopsided) photos of DD2s first baby rice yesterday.

hth - its all very easy to say but when you are feeling low in yourself it is hard. Even more reason to find some structure imo

btw aq, you sound far from useless. I get the impression your a really good mumsy mum and because you're a bit low and DS is clinging to you to within an inch of your life. It gets to you.

If you didnt get my point in the last post - definitely get some structure in your week. It is how i eased myself out of PND with DD1 (and what is just about keeping me going at the moment).

Ironically I find the weekends really hard, even with DH here because there is no structure to them.....

AQ, I can totally relate to finding the adjustment to two hard...and I have an dp who is around a lot, plus help for a few hours three times a week . And pre-school 3 mornings per week. Admittedly, if I was getting some sleep that might help - but all I can say is it DOES feel overwhelming atm, you are not alone Actually, can't remember who said it - Castles? - but was very reassuring to read that the jump from one to two is the hardest.

I took both dds on a picnic today with my SIL and kids (3 and 5) and it was fun, if tiring, till we got to the playground and dd1 headed off for high structures to show off to her older cousin whilst dd2 screamed and went blotchy....how on earth do you manage keeping a 3 yr old safe whilst looking after a refluxy baby? Suppose I did, though...and AQ, hard as it is feeling, you are probably doing great and you ARE getting through the hardest part, so hats off to you.

Indith, welcome back - bet ds looks gorgeous

Coco and Jabber, glad things are getting better for both your LOs...very different problems, but both horrid.

And Oli and and AQ, hope your LOs innards get back to normal very soon xx

Should probably post in health section, but anyone have any idea if teeny babies can get hayfever? I'm baffled by dd2s ongoing dreadful stuffy nose at night, to the point of waking up gasping, unable to BF, etc - yet she isn't ill, has no runny nose to speak of, and only sneezes when outdoors.

Admittedly she had a very snotty cold over Easter, but it seems to be gone?? She also has very mucousy slimy poos the last few days - and has been throwing up more easily. Sorry if tmi, though suspect no such thing as tmi between us lot by now...

Hi All

Dont we chat a lot, I cant believe how quick our thread grows - is there a MN record!

DS seems to have grown over night! He looked huge today, although his PJ's still fit, so must have been some uncomplimentary clothing

DH and I did our maths tonight, I am not going back to work a moment too soon as far as our bank account is concerend. But in terms of me, i think the next 6 or 7 weeks are going to fly. My boss has already started being and ar*e so I am documenting everything! Apparently there is no reason why it is difficult to bring a 3yr old and 5 mnth old baby out in the car at 6pm at night to pick up thier mum from work. Instead of letting her do an hour from home each day and finishing work in time to get a bus oh I wont go on!!

Indith - glad you had a nice holiday

Olihan - my DD hd vomiting bug last week. yuk yuk yuk. hope it is short lived

I'm lurking at the mo - v. busy week plus dh gone away - he's looking forward to gettng some full nights of sleep! But of course he managed to mess the house up a little before he left
Thanks Indith for email, some useful advice that I will use. We are defo camping in June, and maybe in May. I shall have to buy some extra heavy duty ear plugs though to cut out all ds's night noises! (just heard him whimpering on monitor for a few minutes, now he's off to sleep again)

We had the vomitting bug when DS was 8 weeks, it went round all 4 of us, DH was the only one who managed not to throw up, but I think he felt extra bad because of it. We all had it between 3 and 5 days

It's going round here again now and I am in 2 minds to keep DD home from pre-school as it's such a horrid experience for her and I dont want DS getting it again.

Whew, well I think (touch wood) that we are through this particular bug. Paracetamol suppository did the trick - temp came down (had been 39+ since last night , kept some coke down then managed to take some Ibubrofen orally and has been back to normal since. Now I just have to hope dd doesn't get it. Or me - yikes!

AQ, I struggle at weekends too. It's nice having an extra pair of hands to help with the dcs but it throws the whole routine out of the window. I'd agree with doing something structured in the mornings - we go to storytime at the library on mon, a M&T group on a tues, a little singing class on weds, soft play on thurs (used to swim before ds2 arrived), meet with friends on fri. By the time we've been and come home it's lunchtime, then dd has a nap, ds1 plays with me, then we usually go to the park or out for a walk or something before it's time to start sorting dinner, then it's into the bath & bed routine. I find my days fly by, tbh.

I also think 3 yos are incredibly hard work. Ds1 drives me to distraction most days and I will be SO grateful when preschool starts again. I need the break from him .

Did mean to say hope the suppositories went well Oli, sounds hideous [hugs]

Eli, the symptoms all sound horrible, have you gone to the gp or were they no help? Thread in health might garner some better ideas [hugs too]

Thanks so much gs, I think you're absolutely right about the structure & thanks for the reassurance too. It is really good to know that others experience the same issues, cos sometimes I wonder why exactly I'm struggling so much. I would feel a lot better I think if I knew what I was doing from week to week, it just feels like a gaping chasm at present filled with housework & feeding!

You know what? The suppositories were amazing, dead easy - you just poke them in . Way easier than trying to force a spoon in his mouth when he's screeching because he knows it'll make him sick. I'm going to pop another one in when I go to bed to keep his temp down overnight, no waking up required.

I'm thinking of getting some for ds2 actually, I hate the battle and choking that goes with the syringe. They are THAT good, would really recommend them.

OMG, can't believe you are so casual about putting stuff up bottoms Oli I'm such a wooossss!

Glad he's better tho'! Can't believe your schedule, I do none of those things! I used to go to a library group every fortnight but they don't do it anymore. Tried play and stay the other week & ds1 whinged until I took him home again after 10 mins. Wish now I had started things when he was little but I found baby groups really cliquiey (how do you spell that?). I'd be quite interested in baby signing for ds2 & massage has been ok. I think I was just too depressed to speak to people without feeling totally judged really.

I started my M&T group when ds1 was aboout 8 months, along with 3 other girls who were in my antenatal class. I'm the only one left there now, as the only SAHM in our group, but I now know quite a few other mums who have been going as long as me. We're probably seen as the cliquey ones tbh, but I'm too shy just to talk to people I don't know.

Should explain, I worked with SN children before I started teaching so I did lots of bottom related jobs, hence being a bit blase about it now!

I'm lurking, too - sounds like everyone's up against it at the moment. Will catch up properly tomorrow!

Lol, Oli, there was I thinking you must be half French too, to be coping so well with suppositories

I confess to using a glycerine one (well, half a one - they were kids ones I got by mistake when suffering during pregnancy ) on dd2 when she was having a rough time with constipation the other day. She didnt' even notice, and, having failed to get any results with prune juice, we had instant relief two minutes later. Brilliant.

AQ, I felt a lot like you with dd1, re groups - but struggled on with a few anyway. Havent' done any this time around, and am realizing poor dd2 won't have any friends the same age till she starts pre-school unless I do something think I'll wait a couple more months then sign her up for a music class or something. Though they're not good for meeting people - Mum and toddler groups would be better, wouldn't they??

And thanks for the hugs

So far so reasonably ok tonight, with dd2, fingers crossed.

Have a good night, everyone.

I also struggled with meeting people with DD1, couldnt cope with my PND and getting out and people not understanding DD1 screaming all the time with the reflux (prior to us finally getting medication, stupid doctor!)

but this time around I have ended up running the Bumps and Babes group for our NCT branch as it was going to fold due to no one being able to take it over, which means whether I like it or not I am getting out of the house with her and meeting other mums with babies of the same age, but I really do wish some of my friends would just have kids. But they are all still to busy enjoying being single.