June 2013: Here come the terrible twos!

[HungryHorace]

New thread. :-)

It's such a difficult situation, the vast majority of time if there is someone in your life that you don't want to see then you don't, you just phase them out. And yet here to a certain extent you just can't.

I think I would just try and rise to the moral high ground. Be polite and consciously avoid slagging him off to DD. I think I would always have a back up plan in place for when he lets her down so there is something fun to do when he's crap.

I suppose he's not paying you any sort of maintenance is he??

I guess as time goes on you can decide , or rather she can decide if she wants to see him. But for now there's a lot of grinning and bearing it to be done....

Mrs he certainly lacks people skills!

And Bean, you're right. Grin and bear and all nice for dds sake. At the moment I can do no more. And I have said to him that's all I am doing, I will be nice to him for her sake. I will support her in which ever route she chooses as she gets older. I will be honest with her if she asks, I won't lie for him, I may skirt some issues that she doesn't need to get caught up in.

He very very occasionally turns up with a tenner for her. Mostly he can't afford anything blah blah. except his very expensive hobby, but maybe he owes a lot of people more money! he also lied about using the deposit on the rental house we had for paying the bills that needed it when we split. I am paying those back and still have odd ones popping up that I am trying to sort.

He'll be demanding over the school holidays because everyone around him has more time and will be reminding him about dd and how he should spend more time with her - ironically that would mean his parents or whoever was free to spend time with her, not him, he'll still be far to busy at work, but will make it an issue.

I'm meh to it today. Just need to keep that frame of mind.

Thank you all for indulging me and letting me rant. I know you all only get one side of the story but helps venting

You are an inspiration, pink. I think I'd need counselling to get to your calm and rational state of mind over that eejit!

I think you're totally right Pink. You sound pretty grounded with you decision today. I would guess that he will push that from time to time but the more solid you feel about your choices, and clearly are thinking about DD needs then that's all you can do.

You can't change him alas so the only bit you have any say in is how you respond to him.

Pink - it sounds to me like you're dealing with (what we Australians might term a) Stupid Bastard perfectly. I'd echo Bean's advice to just maintain the moral high ground and never trash-talk about him to DD. In my line of work I'd had to do lots of Family Court work and mediation and other not-so-fun stuff and the parent who can evidence reasonableness, full effort and never slandering the other parent (regardless of what level of asshattery said parent has managed to achieve - in your case your ex will have reached tertiary levels) has always won out.

LOVE LOVE LOVE everyone's stories of how you all met. I always say that my boyfriend/husband (I say boyfriend cause husband is way too grown up) met on a blind date if I think the person asking the question won't cope with the truth. The truth is we were set up on a blind date but it was through My Single Friend. I'd just come out of a relationship with a guy who is now engaged to a good friend on mine (and they have a kid and it's all actually perfectly fine and I'm totally YAY THANK GOD I didn't marry him!) and just didn't care really about boys at that stage. One of my best mates heard about the website and asked if she could put me on it. I said I didn't mind as long as I didn't have to wax lyrical about how wonderful I was. I think actually in the box I was given on the profile to make comment I just put something very unfriendly like, 'I have nothing to add'. Gold. Anyway boyfriend was my first date from the site, we drank beer on Shepherds Bush Green and went to a gig at Bush Hall and he got so drunk he couldn't get home and the rest is 7 years ago history. The only worm in the ointment, which I found out about 2 years into our relationship, was that he wrote his own profile. MASSIVE FAKER. Anyway I still give him shit about it but he reckons his mate took too long to write it and so he did and she edited it. Hmmm. Dodgy.

House trained toddler sounds nice. J has started to do an awful lot of sit-down protesting when we are out and about, but I am determined to push through it as don't want to be hostage to the pram...but that requires a lot of dislocation-risk dragging along pavements under the judgmental eyes of the posh lunching ladies of Chiswick. Oh well.

Despite earlier worries I can assure you that going away in a caravan with a 2 year old is a.......BRILLIANT IDEA!

Bedtimes are great. Even better she wanted to stay in bed til after 8am because it was fun.

Walking the dog is fun.

Going to the shower block is fun.

Collecting water is fun.

Doing the dishes is fun.

Basically everything is fun when we're camping.

Phew!

Glad you had a nice holiday Sunny. I love camping with the kids, just hanging out and eating breakfast is like a big adventure!

Pink so sorry you have got such a useless bloke in your life. It sounds like you are doing the right thing in terms of being civil and continuing to provide opportunities for him to see your DD even if it doesn't sound like he deserves it. You want to be able to tell her when she's older that you did everything you could to preserve their father-daughter relationship and if it breaks down then it can only be his fault.

Right, just finished making batch of lemon curd for DSs preschool teachers as it's his last day Friday before starting 'big' school in September. Wanted to do something nice but not too expensive as they've been great, plus DD will be starting there in September!! I think she'll love it. I was going to wait another term but as new baby will arrive beg Jan I figured she needed to get settled before that disruption happens to her!

You really are all wonderful. And help me feel much better about it all.
I try to be balanced about it all. It's not easy but it's the only way, he's taken up enough of my time, he doesn't deserve any more.

Caravaning sounds awesome. I'm yet to take dd away away yet. I might try something soonish with her and see how we go!

That might have just persuaded me that camping with DS could be a good wheeze Sunny! Glad you had a good time away

Pinky, you're doing a fine job. I'm not sure that I could be so calm and reasoned in the same situation.

As for camping? No thanks. Caravanning, potentially, but a static not a tourer. I do prefer a self catering apartment / house though really! With a washing machine. :-)

DD has decided that she would prefer to sleep in the single bed that we've got set up in her room rather than her cot bed. But she isn't that keen on just lying down and going to sleep.

So, I've ordered some bedding for it and we will put a child gate across the doorway and make a big deal of moving her into it another night. Hopefully she will only take a few nights to get used to it. Hopefully!

Sorry you're having to deal with that, pink.

Good luck hungry!

First solo trip to the farm with both children today. I'd been worrying for days about how I'd manage them both but it was successful. It helped that DS slept the whole time - 4 1/2 hrs! We met up with tots group people and had a lovely time.

Our night away this week too. Can't even find the time to pack!

The holiday abroad we turned down would have been next week. We definitely made the right decision as I'm dreading a night away, never mind two weeks, plus I need to be within reach of a GP who has access to my medical records!

We also went to the farm today and Juno similarly slept the entire day. I am now of course worried she won't sleep tonight. I had Sean with me and it was more to test out whether I could manage alone. I don't think I could mainly because it has a massive soft play that she can't quite manage herself and there is no chance she'd stay in the toddler bit! So she needs to grow a bit before I will brave it I think.

We are going abroad in six weeks. It feels a little overwhelming but flights are all at sociable times and we will be in a three bedroom villa so don't have to go far if we don't want to. It actually feels easier than a night with all of us in one hotel room. Like you I'd be dreading that, but you absolutely have to go now before she is a metre tall!!

Good point about GP. I think I will ask for more antibiotics in case tHough I think you can buy them over the counter in Spain?

I really really wanted DH to come with us but he just couldn't get the time off and I didn't want DD to miss out. I kept DD on the reins for a bit but also let her run free at times as it was quite enclosed. There were a few little play areas; one seemed a safer bet than the others so she played in that one. The only thing that I required help with was taking DD on a tractor ride. One of the lovely people offered to watch DS while we went on it together so I took them up on the offer. That made DD's day! That and the apple crisps at the picnic (deprived child!).

Really, bean?! I need a trip to Spain just to stock up then! I have a spare weeks worth now but I'd feel happier with more. I'm half tempted to carry on taking them in case it hasn't 100% cleared but I also want a safety net for next time.

I'm sure your holiday will be fine, bean. We'd be fine in a villa to ourselves but this holiday would have been a load of us in a villa so DD wouldn't have had her own room. And at that stage it's much less likely that you'd get mastitis again.

Ha when travelling in places that don't have the concept of prescriptions I would always stock up on everything! I always felt safer knowing I had stuff in case I was somewhere remote and got an infected insect bite. Mastitis was not on my radar!

We all went on the tractor ride. I did not quite realise how bumpy this would be! Poor baby Juno!

Have you guys looked at the Tots to travel website? They source villas and hotels that are family friendly and provide everything you need like bed guards, pool fences etc. looks perfect. Looks expensive!

Saying that we just found out that the governments planned tax free childcare scheme which would have saved us thousands has been delayed until 2017. So that sucks. That was the thing whereby they pay 20p for every 80p you pay up to 10k per child. Would have saved me 4k a year. The bloody vouchers only save 1.6k. So so annoyed!!

I had to hold on myself so there was no way of keeping baby and DD safe!

We would only have gone because it was free. DH hates holidays and is glad of an excuse not to go. I can't be bothered at the moment either to be honest. It's a family friendly villa - a luxury James Villas one and they provide the stuff required. We stayed in one last time and it was amazing. But DD had to be in with us as there was a group of us and only four rooms - not ideal, especially with another child!

That is annoying re the childcare scheme. They've kept that quiet.

So did I on the tractor. This is why it was a mistake!

I don't know James Villas. Friends use baby friendly bolt holes and tots to travel. Is it the same thing? Set up all around making life easier with kids? I wouldn't want to go if sharing with Polly. Especially with Juno as well. That's not very holiday like to me! Though when I read about people sharing one bed flats with three kids I think I should probably get over myself...

Ha, I don't know how people do it! It's probably easier if everyone is used to that set up from the start. I'm not sure if they're the same, but they do very nice villas (we've always stayed at the top end ones - it used to be a separate part of the site, gold or something, but I can't see it at first glance now - possibly now the 'best of' part). Expensive at the time of year we've had to go (due to family members at school) but you get what you pay for - lovely spacious villas with private pool etc. They provide any travel cots, high chairs etc that you ask for too. You probably get all that at the standard villas too though.

I'm a bit bitter as we've been stung this year I think. We've rented a nice looking villa but the extras are mounting. They don't have any baby equipment so this has to be hired in. I have to pay for wifi. And the real sting is I have to pay for aircon which at 60c an hour could end up adding 150 quid to the cost! The villa itself was 120 a night which is actually cheap so yes, I guess you get what you pay for.

Definitely using tots travel next year. Love the idea of it coming equipped with toys etc!

Wow, you have to pay for air con?! We had that and wifi included. No toys, but we went with a child a day apart in age from DD so we didn't have to take much as they shared toys and books.

We're in the hotel! We all got a decent nights sleep! It started off really badly. We'd warned DD that she'd be in her special cot, and she was ok with that. But I needed some light to feed DS at her bedtime and that kept her up. We had jumping in the cot, tickling DH's feet, grabbing things and playing with them (not much room for the travel cot as we had DS on the double sofa bed in his sleepyhead). But as soon as all the lights ?ent out she fell asleep. And DS was no problem - slept from 10pm till now. DH and DD still asleep as I heard DS stirring. Much better than our hotel stay a year ago where DH ended up driving DD around Heathrow in the middle of the night and she still didn't fall asleep!

Just remembered something DD said just before bedtime that freaked us out: "Ding dong, who's at the door? Dangerous man, don't open it" I have no idea where that came from but it felt like we were at the start of a horror film! She knows what dangerous means (she uses it in reference to roads) but would never have heard it in relation to a man! A man did come in the room earlier to set up the sofa bed, so maybe she was thinking of him.

Wanders casually in........mentions a faint line........wanders casually out.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

wheeeeeeeeeeeee! That is very exciting Congratulations!

Wheeeeeeee! Congratulations Sunny!!!!

Wowzers!! When might that mean a baby Sunny is on the scene??

Bad time to mention that the Big One is off sick with a bloody vomiting bug and the Small one is doing my head in?!