September 2006 babies

[Lysettes]

Start of our september 2006 post natal thread!

Pol, your MIL sounds very annoying!! As for the bum changes, yeah a bit wierd but it's probably nothing..just your hormones I'm sure!

Mandaz, with DD I had a totally wonderful MW who I missed to bits when she stopped coming. We're still in contact two years down the line & she'll always be very special due to the care pre, during & post birth she gave us...long story tbh but suffice to say she went beyond what I'd consider the norm, totally amazing professional. The MW I had this time was lovely but I don't miss her! HV has been once & is coming back next week. Same one I had with DD also, except this time she's not worried so much about me & PND!

DD has been a mare today...finding it quite hard to remain patient & not get cross. Hoping it will pass soon, just when I don't know. She threw her cutlery & cup across the table at us because we wouldn't give her juice only water (she's juiced out today) & has just whinged & cried at everything. I know it must be hard for her with the arrival of a sibling etc but how much is it just down to being two??? I also picked her up, which was stupid as I really hurt my scar........

Poor you Cori. We had a day like that yesterday as well, ended up with F feeding in my arms and L sitting on my knees, as he just wouldn't leave me alone and kept telling me to put Fraser down as it was his turn to have a cuddle with mummy. And the tantrums... Perhaps being 2 and having a new sibling is just the worse combination.

When I dropped DS at nursery this morning he just cried and cried and clung to my legs - how hard is that to leave him? Felt terrible, but he told me on the way home he had a lovely day!

Pol, agree about your MIL! You must feel like screaming sometimes! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Hi Clairemow....sort of comforting to know I'm not alone as it were! Feeling depressed as it's just gone 7.30pm, both bubbas in bed (obviously Jack will be up no doubt 3-4 times...I can hear him now & he's not sounding very settled I can tell you!!) & both DH & I are going to bed too....we're totally done in!! DH cannot wait to get back to work..he's had enough being at home! I'm terrified at being on my own & would just love a little more sleep & my little girl to return as she was pre-Jack!!! Also, when we had DD we got as a gift ClassicFM for babies, which if I listen to now makes me feel quite sad. With DD I had a bit of depression for the first few weeks which lifted soon enough but there are two tracks on it in particular that just make me feel quite tearful & brings all of that back...does that make sense?? Hormones....sigh......

Oh well, off to bed then.....

Pol- not sure what to say about the bum change thing - personally I can't think of any reason a person would want to watch it, is he trying to amuse your DD while you do it? Maybe he's trying to be helpful?
As for the in-laws - you have my sympathy, mine haven't been too bad, but tonight we went over there for dinner and Freddie slept through the whole thing, but MIL still insisted on pulling his blanket back and stroking and kissing him, all the while I wa sthinking 'if you dare wake him up!'
Cori - I feel for you with the tantrum thing. DS has been trying his luck today, he was fine til we got back from playgroup, but he was obviously tired. He poked freddie really hard several times, threw a plastic block at him, tried to pull his blanket from under him and just genrally anything to get my attention. I know I have to make allowances for the fact that he is going through a major upheaval in his life, but he also has to know that he can't behave like that with his brother - it is so hard isn't it?
Can I ask is everyone trying to put their LO's down to sleep at 7pm(ish) now in their own / your room? Freddie just stays downstairs with us at the momet, until we go up to bed at about 10ish, not sure if it would be a good idea to get him used to going upstairs at 7pm now.

Message withdrawn

Claire - But I'm 5'3"; you're quite a bit taller than I am! (at least looks that way from the photos)

Pol - Didn't mean to offend earlier. Just makes me at your DH ... also at obtuse in-laws! I hate when they undermine your authority ... Mom did that with DS1. We had a little talk and she stopped. But he has been very spoiled. When my MIL left we both had tears in our eyes; I'll consider myself lucky.

Norms - LOL at lying down to rest more often - I hope that you can - how can they give such unrealistic orders with a straight face; mine were "don't carry anything heavier than the baby" ... so what about the baby and his carseat - or poor 30-lb DS1?

Mabel - DS2 stays downstairs & sleeps in all the noise & commotion during the day until after the 10:00/10:30 feeding; then DH brings him upstairs to spare room where I'm currently sleeping & I take him the rest of the night. After feeding that's somewhere between 5:30 & 6:30 am, we go back downstairs.

Thanks Coriander just what I needed to hear.

Mabel, for the past week we've been putting Jack to bed in his moses basket in his room from 6.30-7pm. I then do all the subsquent feeds in there with lights off etc...we did this with DD but I think around the 6-7 week mark, just thought it wouldn't hurt to start sooner in the hope that he gets used to nighttime routine.. Last night he fed at 11, 1.30, 3.30 & 5...am rather tired this morning! He's also incredibly windy - makes very strong grunting noises like he is in pain trying to pass wind or poo...so different from DD. I've added an updated pic on yahoo!

Marls, I'm 5,3 & have never been smaller than a size 12 (US 8)!!!!! Still have a little way to get there....but get there I shall..

Norms, I was prescribed iron too as more anaemic post pg than in pg! I have to say I do feel better when I remember to take them too! LOL at your early night..10pm!! Gosh,if only I could make it to 10 I'd feel as I'm doing something other feeding, changing & listening to my two yr old howl & scream at us...

Hi Cori, I hope you got a few good hours' sleep in last night in between feedings? I was thinking about your CD - could you buy something similar for Jack as well, so that he has his "special" music, and then you could listen to the other one with DD, and she could still feel like hers is special too. It is hard isn't it, as you feel a bit like no.1 has been abandoned. I don't know how our mothers coped without Mumsnet to rant to! Mind you, I think the advice then was very different.

Mabel, yes, we've been putting F down in his room from day 1 in his moses basket (although abandoned that now, and he's in the big cot). We were sleeping in there with him, but we've just moved out back into our bedroom (hurrah!!), as he snuffles and snorts so much I had to wear an ear plug, and then couldn't hear if DS1 had a problem! I think it really helps to get them used to going to sleep on their own in the dark at night. F pretty much sleeps every evening now without waking until the late feed. Like Cori, we do the late feed and night time feeds with just a little light on, and no playing/talking, so that he learns that night is for sleeping (we hope!!!!).

Got F weighed yesterday - he's 9lb 13oz, so I was well chuffed. Just want to reach the magic milestone of 12 lb, when I'm sure DS1 started sleeping for longer periods...

Hi Marls, yes I am a bit taller - I'm 5'6", so that's ok!

Reading this back, it strikes me that I'm obsessed by sleep...!!! Aren't we all....??

Hope you all have good days. I'm off to a friend's who's baby is 11 weeks, and both our older ones are in nursery, so we're going to feed the babies, put them under a play gym and eat cake. Yum.

clairemow - that sounds lovely I've got the play gym out today and might try dd on it later. She's 3 weeks today and last night we gave her a top up bottle of formula. We've been putting her in the moses basket in her room after her evening feed so that she's in bed around the same time as ds. the last 2 nights it's worked but I know it's early days She woke next at 11pm when dh gave her 4oz of SMA Gold - he said it took an hour of winding etc to get her off to sleep and then she slept til 4am so as I had gone to bed at 8.30am I feel almost human today Long may it last!!

p.s. Haven't got around to doing bath and then bed though in the evenings - just feed in darkened room and then into moses basket. Still often have to use the dummy to get her off to sleep.

compo...much envy here!!!!! Long may it continue..

Hey everyone...

Marls you are not the only one at my DP- I AM!!! i'm furious with him as last night Ben was unsettled again and at 3:30am- I had been up since one with him, I lost the plot... I said to DP to get a bottle for me as he had gone three hours then and was still half and half crying for one and wouldn't settle. So DP gets one under much duress and I start to feed and have a 'chat' with Ben. I say to him that he must go longer during the night as he is getting a big boy now and I know he can do six hours as he has done it twice now and five hours about four times. DP shouts at me in the dark in our room at 3:30am that i'm being pathetic and he's only little and i'm being horrid to him!!! I could understand his feeling this if I had put him in the spare/Ben's room and shut the door and let him cry but I had been up with him all night!!! (and I have done every night feed since he has been born and DP barely manages one feed a day, never puts DD to bed or does any cooking or cleaning!) I really have had it with his attitude. I had slept from 11:20pm til midnight and then I had fed him again and hoped he would settle which he didn't. In the mean time DP is fast asleep and oblivious to it all.
So I feed him, and even when I argue back with DP that i'm tired and I can't stay on the ball when i'm this tired with the pair of them in the day he just lays down and goes to sleep!!! I'm sure my DP has turned into a chauvanistic pig since this baby has been born!
Ben still didn't settle and in the end I got up with him at four thirty as he had already disturbed DD who had cried out. DP came down at 6:30am and asked how long had been down. GRRR!!! I had just managed to get Ben asleep in his chair and then DD woke at 7am!
Feel as if i'm really running on empty this morning/afternoon.

We registered his birth today too, so he actually exisits! Trust it to be on the day i'm so tired, I could hardly read what the registrar had written. When he asked me my date of birth i'm sure he thought I was mad as I just couldn't remember for about a minute or two. Obviously he had no children!

We also have the pleasure of DP's brother tonight (weird-one) and no he doesn't 'amuse' him while I do his bum although he never needs amusing then as he has his light show on and loves it- except it's eating batteries! It annoys me because we have anewborn and a toddler, we have little time to ourselves and especially when things are bad between us and we should actually try and talk about it and reslove issues we have bllomin' visitors and he comes at around 8pm and stays til gone 11pm!!! I feel like telling him to bog-off sometimes especially when he turns up mid-feed and insists on chatting to Ben when it's clear the lights are down low and i'm trying to get him to settle in his moses basket after the feed. And I haven't even made tea or tidied up Emily's trail of destruction yet! Last thing I want is to make small talk and be polite. Do I sound like a total bitch??? Sorry if I do but I really am fed up with it all and being taken advantage of!

I can't believe all those babies in their own rooms... I would be considering it if he didn't wake so much and fret so much. DD was a dream compared to Ben at night. She was a nightmare during the day and wanted to be held all the time and rocked (all my fault, the new mummy syndrome as I call it) but at night she knew from really early on that Mum had her time then and she went four hourly from a week and at 7 weeks was sleeping through from about 10pm until 5am ish... I can't see that happening this time really and I don't know what i'm doing differently. I feed him at about 7/7:30pm and have the lights in lounge low and tv turned down a bit although when he does sleep he can sleep through a DD tantrum so not as if noise bothers him, then I try and get all wind up but he has hundreds of big burps and still wants more. He also screams and draws his legs up when he farts so I know wind is a problem and always has been for him. He probably doesn't settle until 8:30/9pm and then at ten if he stirs I change him and take him up to feed him and we go to bed. him in the moses basket beside our bed. If he doesn't wake when the bottles and things are done I carry him up in the moses basket and go to sleep- he has managed til 1:10am on those occasions. Any advice on helpin him go longer during the night??? DD just did it and not sure how to help him get into that routine.

Hi everyone, just bout managed to skim everyone's posts - finally! I feel like I have no time - and time I do have is generally spent grabbing a 10 minute snooze on the sofa! The tiredness is really kicking in now but I don't dare take any iron just yet even though I know I'm anaemic again - can't cope with the thought of the unfortunate side effects! Just a bit pf a personal question and a bit - I'm still really sore at one particular point just at the edge of my stiches (9 days after event now) and I got my hand mirror to have a look and it looks like theres a varicose vein there (I did know this could happen). It really hurts whenever I stand up for more than a few minutes, I'm just wondering if nyone else has this and whether to mention it to m/w or do they clear up on their own?

Marls - I'm 5'3" too and in my size 12's - used to be an 8 long long ago before DS1 - my aim now is to get to a 'true' size 10 (not a 10-12!) which for me involves losing about 18-20lbs - aiming for 10 of those to be by Christmas but we'll see...

Myrtle - I'm feeding DS2 with EBM from a bottle during the day (becuse my nipples were blisteres and bleeding) and BF 2 of the night feeds while DH does the first one with a bottle (though last night only I had to do 1 - yay!). I'm also BF if we go out during the day for ease - I've been doing this since he was 4 days old and have had no problems at all about confusion - but then I was prepared to express all his feeds if he did get confused at least for a week - I'm just pleased it's worked out.

Redz - do whatever is right for you - BF didn't work for me and DS1 at all, he wouldn't even take one feed. We bonded fine and once I'd got over my guilt (and it was only me that felt that way) I could look back and be confident that it was right for us to FF. There's so much more to good parenting than how you feed them, it's just tat at this stage it's easy to get over-focussed on sleep/feeding becuse that's all they do. When baby gets older and starts interacting the most important thing will be that you're there, loving them, stimulating them and providing a happy secure home for them. (Just wait until that first real smile!)

Pol - every post I read from you makes me want to kick your DP right where it hurts! (and makes me more appreciative of my own) but seriously, I'm trying to cast my mind around for ideas for you... - is there anyway you could go and visit your sister/parents for a weekend (fri/sat night) and leave the baby with him - you'd get a nights sleep, DD would get some special mummy time, and it wouldn't be like you were landing him with both kids would it?

Claire - hope the cake was nice! I've banned myself until DS1's b'day on november 4th...

Oh, added more pics too!

Btw everyone has gorgeous children! Compo absolutely love the one of your DS looking at his new sister, has made me laugh everytime I have looked at it.

Pol, I agree totally with Liquid re your DP. Can you start to get tough both with him and with all your visitors. If something doesn't change I'm worried for you. It just isn't acceptable for visitors to disturb your feeding and settling your little boy to sleep - can you do that upstairs in a quiet room so that you're out of the way when DP's brother comes round - put a big sign on the door saying "feeding and settling, please leave us alone!". Maybe he will get the hint, and if he wants to come and admire DS, he'll have to come at a more sociable time. If he says he's working then, tough, he'll have to come on his days off. I'm sure a bit of a calmer atmosphere will help DS to settle more quickly as well, and you might find that if you settle him in either his room or your room with just you, he settles quicker to sleep - worth a try anyway for a few nights. Perhaps you could suggest to DP that he might settle well for him? That might encourage him to do a feed?? I still think Marls has a point - you should go out and leave DP with Ben when you know he'll need a feed - leave instructions!

Fraser has smiled at me today! Whoopee!! He's currently under his gym cooing away to himself and the octopus is swinging about as he moves his arms around haphazardly. So cute!

Thank you ladies!

I have decided to tell DP he IS doing the one am or there abouts feed tonight. Regardless of whether he wants to i'm going to say when his brother is here too so DP cannot shout at me or tell me no. I think that way I can have a little more sleep although maybe (fingers crossed) because Ben was unsettled last night maybe tonight will be a good one??!?
No offence taken when you all say leave DP with the pair/one of them... I couldn't leave bubba with him overnight and DD doesn't settle too well else where. And DP does not cope when DD screams, he just yells back at her.

Have noticed that 1b1b (now 2babies0bump) has been on the feeling depressd threads and am worried for her. Hope she is ok.

So sorry to hear about your troubles with dp Pol26. Would it be any good having a word with his mum and getting her to have a quiet word in his ear - and also in his brother's ear about giving you all some space?

Claire - that's what I thought!
Liquid & Cori - re size thanks - I really really needed to hear that ... was disappointed as have been very proactive, but it's as if my body doesn't like this weight on a cellular level ... no cravings. Which is highly unusual for me; I exercise but when it comes to food, no willpower whatsoever. Though you'd never know it from the way I've been eating. Anyone else eating like a bird compared to what they ate before? Hoping to be back by 6-month mark but if within the year, that'd be okay too. At least i have some pants now.

Pol - I am so glad you're taking a stand. Please keep us posted! I hope it works.

I remember being so tired after DS1 was born I couldn't drive, eat, think. And what good is your life when you're so tired you're unable to enjoy anything at all? If there's any time for depression to kick in IMHO it's with a newborn. Hope 2B0B gets the help she needs. I've been very grateful to have it.

Thanks for everyone's advice about ebm feeding. DS is 2 weeks now so I'm going to try expressing at the weekend. I'm so excited about having a bit extra time or extra sleep! When is the best time to express and how much would you express for one feed?
Got my swab results today and there is no infection so that is a relief too.
DS is feeding ok but keeps spitting up after each feed. We burp him but he tends to guzzle and sometimes he doesn't puke until 20 mins after he has been put down so it usually ends up all over his sleeping bag and cot. Does anyone else have this problem?
On getting back into shape - wow Liquid! I can't believe you're back in your old jeans. Mine wont go over my hips. My belly has gone right down but I just seem to have wider hips now, which I'm really pleased about as I never used to have any curves but it just means I'm still in maternity clothes until I can get to the shops.

Just tried taking a nap but neighbors getting new roof now, so endless banging ... .

Claire - - can't wait for ours to smile!

Liquid - I've got that too re stitches. Thought it was due to running too soon, but maybe not?

Pol- i hope you get things sorted. It isn't acceptable for someone to pop round like that all the time - you need some time on your own for goodness sake!
Had a bad-ish night last night. Freddie woke at 1.30am for a feed, then again at 3am, and after that wouldn't really settle, I was feeding him on and off til we got up. he's been awake alot today, so I'm hoping he's tired out. I did consider putting him upstairs in his moses basket at 7pm tonight, but DH is working down in London tonight so I am on my own, and I can't be doing with running up and down stairs all night, whilst trying to cook myself some food and TRYING to relax in front of the TV!
Freddie is 3 weeks tommmorw - he's only been weighed once, but the HV phoned today to arrange to see us on moday, so I will get to find out what he weighs.
Hate to say it, but after last night I have decided to give in and try topping him up with a bottle of formula for the 10pm feed. I did it with DS from V early on, but because the BF has been going so much better this time, I was hoping that I might not have to, if he takes it though and it helps him sleep, it will take off some of the pressure - I feel like a zombie today and it's not fair on DS, as he still needs a functioning mummy as well.

Marls - maybe not because I efnitely hven't been overdoing it - I totally did after DS1 and payed dearly for it so have been super careful this time. Will ring m/w tomorrow I think and ask - hvae just had to drop everything mid-curry making to come and sit down because it hurts so definitly need to know what's going on.

Myrtle - good luck with the expressing, I find I get more milk in the mornings and less when I'm tired/thirsty. Drinking a glass of water, nibbling raisins and watching tv eems to help too! Re your hips - I was definitely wider after DS1 even when I'd lost weight and lots of friends say the same, I hadn't 'gone back' by the time DS2 happened so I can only assume it's permanent (hence no unrealistic aims of getting back to a size 8 just yet!) - enjoy your curves!

Pol - You go girl! Hope your assertiveness works with DP, feel really sad for you that you don't feel you could leave even one child with him, what a huge amount of pressure on you. Re yu BIL, I've worked with quite few psychiatric patients and many are fine in the community (some not but that's the system for you) BUT deliberately going to watch baby having it's nappy changed - that is weird! I'd try '[girly giggle] no, no, it's ll right I think I can manage to change a nappy on my own, you have another biscuit and I'll be back in a minute' and if that doesn't work then I'd know there was a problem.

Re getting baby to sleep longer at night - who asked? I have brain fuzz - I cautiously refer you to about 3 threads ago where I mentioned I used a certain book but I've also heard 'the baby whisperer' is very good too. I can talk more on the yahoo group if that would be helpful

Liquid - Sounds much more serious than what I'm feeling (which barely registers). Hope it turns out not to be.

The magic number is 11 - 11 pounds, and baby's stomach is large enough to hold the amount of food needed to drop the midnight feeding. We're 8+ pounds and on our way ... Jameson is on a very regular 10:30 - 2:30 - 6;30 - 10:30 etc. schedule. Stays awake all morning (6:30 to 10:30). We're psyched; pretty solid for a 1-month old. [fingers crossed icon]

Friends of mine bringing dinner every night this week. Do y'all do that? We call them "dinner drops."

Marls - seeing as Freddie was a 10lb baby I am hoping that the magical 11lb mark is not too far off!
He slept til 3am last night when I fed him, he wouldn't settle though afterwards, just wanted cuddling and a boob in his mouth, so I have had to be tough on him and keep popping his dummy in and leave him in his moses basket!