December 2012: Now they're all 1

[Barbeasty]

We needed a new thread!

Good luck Pidj and Beasty, we'll be cheering you on.

I wouldn't go either Spotty, and I second sending DP and DD. You and DS have a cuddly, lovey day.

I'm quite excited because every year for the last 9 we have had to take MiL and the dreaded GMiL out for a meal that they pick at, slag off and then let us pay for. Well no more! If I am not with DP then I get to do what I want on Mother's Day. I have prebooked DS for the whole day and we're off to DM's. AAAAAND I don't have to buy their presents either.

Spotty DS and you will definitely need to still be resting. And you're not being snobby. I think that if you're paying to go out and eat it should be a tasty experience.

Good luck pidj and beasty.

Hales I love the hilarious mental image I have of you manoeuvring out of the crib... You must have some impressive moves!

Willyou sounds like a great Mother's Day! And your little dance comment made me laugh.

Yeah I could say that to him. Not sure where he will get the money from though....

Just bought ds his first proper pair of shoes! Size 4

Did I tell you all what DP's latest thinking is? I need to go and see someone about my anxiety. Now when DS was younger I was quite anxious, used to be a bit nervy when DP went out for the night etc and I find alcohol makes me really depressed (the day after drinking) so I avoid more than 1 or 2 now.

It's better now, am feeling okay again. He thinks I am anxious and it's making me obsessed with DS. Evidence is:

1. I check in on DS every night before I go to bed. Why do I need to look in his bedroom?
2. When DP took DS out last week and brought him back at bedtime, I shouldn't have asked for a goodnight kiss before he put him in bed as id only seen him 4 hours earlier.
3. When my mum and dad babysit I insist on telling them when we'll be back (usually before midnight), this apparently ruins DP's evening as he knows we have to be home by then.
4. When DS had tonsilitis on the day of DP's Christmas party (with a temp if 41 and on high dose penicillin) I didn't send him to my mum and dad's to sleep over as arranged. Instead I had them look after him at mine and went home at midnight where I found stressed out GPs and a very hot, upset DS. I did not make DP come home, nor cancel. But this apparently yet another example of my inability to let DS go.

I have told him he's insane if he thinks that any of the above are unreasonable or negotiable and he just shook his head sadly and told me I'm an OTT mother. And that his DM thinks I should let go of the reins.

I do not know one GOOD mother who would agree to stop doing any of those things. I know plenty of shit ones who would though

Willyou, I do, or would do, all if the things you listed. YANBU, neither it you being overly anxious, it's all in context. He sounds like a bit of a knob who is trying to unsettle you when he knows you are already having a hard time. Stand firm and don't take the bait, you know your DC better than anyone so stuff them all.

I think he's just repeating what his mum has been saying

I am more than aware what's going on Coffee. He's trying to make this all my fault and is gaslighting me.

His mum really struggled with being a mum and had to work long hours too so left him with his (alcoholic) dad and gran a lot. His DB and SiL got pregnant unexpectedly and leave their DS with GPs and GGPs for days at a time.

But we waited until we were 30 and ready for a baby (or so he said) so I don't mind dedicating myself to DS, he'll be a baby for such a short time. I don't think he gets that the baby years are so short.

Oh Willyou what a load of crap.

He knows he's in the wrong so trying to take some of the responsibility off him!

I second what Spotty says, sounds like MIL talking.. Thank god you don't have to see her on Sunday..

If you're anxious and over protective what must he think of me ds has never stayed away over night. The only time I've been away overnight is when I was in hospital and then he was at home with dp. He's only been away during the day when I work and that's it. He's mine, all mine and no one else is allowed him dd didn't spend a night away until she was two and that was in preparation for us having ds and being in hospital lots.

He'd have you sectioned Spotty . He called me Norman Bates' mother, jokingly, but not really.

1. DH does this. I would, but sod's law says I would wake one or both children. If DH isn't around to do it then I will.

2. Nothing wrong with wanting a good night kiss. 4 hours is a long time to a young child, and if you do most bedtimes he's likely to be unsettled by no contact with you, especially at home.

3. It's basic good manners. What else needs to be said?
   Very occasionally, if MIL is going to be staying over, we'll give a window of an hour or so, but really they need some guide!

4. You were generous to go out. Plenty of people would cancel or just one person go. It isn't even the fear of something happening, because the risk was small, but wanting to comfort your non - verbal child when they feel ill and afraid. Also see point 3 about manners- if there's a risk DC will be difficult or distressed you at least cut the night short and with a young child who doesn't sleep through midnight is more than late enough

He won't know much different from how his mother dragged him up, and I'll go with the others that she's influencing him heavily now he's staying with her.

You could always go and ask your GP for advice, let them laugh you out of their consulting room and then apologise for wasting their time!!

You know what, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of going to the GP. I think I just need to toughen up a bit in my dealings with him and make myself heard.

I do not want to dump my child on others all the time. Especially not when I work 4 days a week. I also feel like we're going to have a massive battle about access. As I have Wednesdays off with DS, DP thinks it's only fair that he gets all weekend, every weekend. Meh.

Pfft. Any court would say EOW maybe one evening a week too.

willyou it sounds like he is going to swing between being a missive dick because he doesn't want to admit he's cocked everything up. Then he'll revert back to being an emotional wreck who cannot apologise enough well... I hope not but jeez willyou if you get tired of smacking him I'm sure there will be plenty who are happy to form a queue

My mum is here and after a good nights sleep it is really nice to have some adult company. DS was a bit unsure this morning to find a stranger in his home but about an hour later he was quite happy

If anyone has toy recommendations - I'm overwhelmed by the choice! - garden toys, bath toys etc let me know, probably a pm might be good. I'm making a list for when we move to our new house. I can't wait!

Ds puts his hand over his mouth when he coughs

Nutella I think at this age you can get away with a few basics.

Bath:

Bath stacking cups
Bath mirror
Bubbles

Garden:

Bubbles
Ball(s)
Sand/water table
Toy watering can

Is ok for ds to wear a flowery hair clip?! He loves them

Willyou i agree it sounds like his mother has been poisoning his mind but he sounds very weak willed to believe it. You are in no way being an overly anxious mum i think everything you have done is highly reasonable.

I am not going to comment on access arrangements as i know that these are personal to every couple.

Nutella, i bet your chuft your mums there.

I got a smart trike this week for £20 off eBay as everyone said their kids loved them but they barely got used so not worth spending the £100 on. J adores it.

I also want a cozy coupe for the nostalgia factor.

J loves water/sand tables but I've not bought one yet. He's always in the one at nursery, literally

10 postnatal facts I read this after i gave birth and laughed away, i have just came across it for a second time and thought i would share it.

I remember you saying you loved your maxi cosi Tobi car seat Spotty and wanted to give everyone the heads up that they're £125 on Bounty. Last time I looked they were about £170.

nutella I was reading this site last night and making grand plans about what to put in our new house. It's all fantasy though, we're nowhere near moving, and could never afford a house with a big playroom. Still, I can dream. That said, she's got some good ideas for cheap things, especially recipes for sensory play stuff like play-dough and edible finger paints (made from yoghurt).

Fun at home with kids check out the post on "DIY playroom with indoor rock wall"!

WillYou just wanted to say you're totally not an OTT mum. DS has barely been out of my sight in the last year, and then only with DH. I'd say being concerned for them is being a parent, not an anxious loon! Stick to your guns and don't let him shake your confidence. As you say, they're only small for such a short time.

willyou you need to flick those v's a bit more if they think you're ott. They'd def have me committed as I do all those things and actually wouldn't have gone to the party at all if one of mine was poorly. My babies are my priority and everyone else can fuck off. I still check on dd1 when I turn in and she's 6. And as for having him every weekend - in fantasy land maybe. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this crap. What a lucky little dude J is to have such a sensible and loving mummy as you.

Big vote for the cosy coupe car here - we were given an ancient one for dd1 and it's still going strong. They are virtually indestructible and all mine love it - last summer dd1&2 took it in turns to sit in the car and lay across the roof while DH gave them crazy rides.

T was up to typical mischief today - we went to visit a disabled friend who has a panic button necklace thing. T found the base unit and called for help! Oops. Luckily everyone was very nice about it. Dd1 was abou this age when she dialled 999
[embarassed]

willyou you need to flick those v's a bit more if they think you're ott. They'd def have me committed as I do all those things and actually wouldn't have gone to the party at all if one of mine was poorly. My babies are my priority and everyone else can fuck off. I still check on dd1 when I turn in and she's 6. And as for having him every weekend - in fantasy land maybe. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this crap. What a lucky little dude J is to have such a sensible and loving mummy as you.

Big vote for the cosy coupe car here - we were given an ancient one for dd1 and it's still going strong. They are virtually indestructible and all mine love it - last summer dd1&2 took it in turns to sit in the car and lay across the roof while DH gave them crazy rides.

T was up to typical mischief today - we went to visit a disabled friend who has a panic button necklace thing. T found the base unit and called for help! Oops. Luckily everyone was very nice about it. Dd1 was abou this age when she dialled 999

Bloody phone!

Cheers m'dears. I know I'm not OTT, I leave him when I have to - for work and when I had to leave him at 11 weeks for my friend's wedding. I just don't want to do it all the time. Over my dead body is he getting every weekend!

WL J phoned 999 at my nan's house the other day. My mum had to explain to them that no they weren't in trouble and it definitely was an accident. What make it worse is my 4yo cousin rang them from there about 6 months ago and they didn't know until the police pulled up!

Think I'll buy a cozy coupe then, J spotted one at the park and had a fit when I wouldn't let him in it!

WillYou he's being a knob, trying to make out you're the bad guy forcing poor little hard-done-by him into leaving the Evil Witch. Fuck him.

FWIW R has been to my parents, SIL and with dp when not with me. Apart from not co-sleeping, I'm pretty hippy-woo-attachmenty about meeting his needs while he's so little. One of the volunteers at playgroup watched him while I went for a pee this morning, and complimented me on how confident he is being left - he watched me out the door then played on quite happily. So rest assured you're doing the right thing by your child dissenting adults can go fuck themselves