December 2013 - sleepless nights & lots of cooing

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Our very first Thread :)

mum hope you're back asleep!

Well I did a dream feed tonight and it worked great. Did it at 11 as was watching a film, he didn't really wake and drank most of a bottle. At the end he went a bit crazy kicking and squirming but still asleep, I held him upright and he did a massive burp then immediately started snoring, so funny. He was back in crib in less than 30 mins, I was smug....

... Until 1.30 when he woke screaming, I think he had really bad tummy ache, he hasn't cried like that in night in weeks. I gave him hungry baby and i think that must have done it. So great plan in that I just fed him again at 4 so got my one night feed, bad plan as 2 hours crying in the middle and poor ds in pain

Think I will stick with dream feed but normal milk, I just think it will have to be at 11 for him to make it through to 3. Need to get it right and then can start shifting earlier. Every time I try something it half works, just need to keep trying!

mogz he already has 200ml! He is such a hungry baby. I am v jealous of your night stretch but gives me hope. Ds just wakes so much for other reasons too, last night he fed at 1 and 5 but woke at 3 just for a cuddle!

Really hope everyone is ok with this storm currently battering about, I've been awake for about half an hour listening to bins, fences, branches and cats get blown down the hill, car alarms are going off and security lights flashing, I've no idea how DH and dd are still asleep!
Hope you're getting sme sleep now mum
And hot I think we are just very lucky with the night routine she's fallen in to, still feeds every 2-3 hours during the day but I can cope with that for now whilst she is letting us get a decent chunk of sleep. I'm sorry your DS got tummy ache, it's really rotten, hope you're all peacefully asleep now though.

Well tonight Hannah woke at 2, then again at 5.30 but instead of feeding her I gave her a cuddle and she is now asleep on me in bed! Will put her back in her cot shortly but I feel this is progress in that she is obviously not waking desperately hungry, so can hopefully last until 7, which means we may be that step closer to just one night feed.

Hope everyone is safe in these awful storms!

Well his mammoth feed got him through till now- having to wake him so I can feed him before we Skype the grandparents! Envious of bottle feeders at night- 1 1/2 hours is ridiculous! If I gave him a bottle of EBM is probably have to express anyway to keep from getting engorged. Still battling with pain in my boob now, keep massaging hoping it won't turn into mastitis.

lisb that's a result- and great that you tried a cuddle first- so easy to assume straight away that they're hungry.

mum too true and that's what idiot mil thinks e wry time he cries that he's hungry, well I'm sorry, of he's just been fed and cries a half hour later and he's just drank 5oz he's not fucking hungry!
I mean seriously all her kids and grand kids bar mine are overweight and where also as babies so diesnt that tell you something about constantly shoving a bottle in their mouths???
Arghhh mils can't live with them cant kill them

Ooh felt better to vent lol

Well dp came home last night nothing about card he left or anything said he was going to bed at 10pm and when I went to make a cup of coffee he had shoved a card for me on the bench, didnt hand it over or anything, just left it there. I might be being petty but I just left it like he did mine, if he couldn't be bothered to even speak to me, why the hell would I want to just open a card left.
I left mine against his bait as he was up early for work and thought it would be nice if he had it first thing as whats the point that late at night when it's over?
He got up this morning and chucked it in the cupboard valentines day is over and that card I was so excited for him to have just went to waste.
I am so sick of what feels like crying constantly over this relationship! I'm not a crier and never have been and I feel so weak because of it
It just feels like he's not bothered about my feelings at all and I think I feel worse as I went to that much trouble getting his card and was so excited at him seeing it, I showed it to his mum and sister and when his sister asked me what I got for valentines day I felt like an idiot saying nothing and that he never even opened the card, especially as her oh who her family always complain about him not really caring got her, left her a beautiful bunch of a dozen red roses.
Really it's not the point I got nothing, it all boiled down to my card just being shoved to one side on the morning.

Sorry for being a moany bitch person everyone, I just can't tell lately if I'm being too sensitive and petty or he was in the wrong.

Hope everyone's Los are doing good and cold etc are long gone and everyone's starting to catch up on their sleep now xx

Oh Alyssa don't feel bad for crying, it isn't weak it's just a damn good way of letting your feelings out. Sounds like you and he really need to set aside some time to sit down with a cuppa and have a talk about how you both are feeling, difficult with a new baby but perhaps you could get half an hour during nap time? Really hope you resolve things and feel happier very soon.

The thing is mogz when he's lovely, he's lovely!
But his mother coddled him that much I still thinks he doesn't know how to stop being a batchelor and start thinking of this fam as a whole and him just bring an individual.
He's a wonderful dad second to none and I love him dearly but I can't go in like this, we haven't spoke a word to each other in 2 days and got once I'm looking forward to his night shift tonight whether the panic attacks hit or not. I think I just need to be with me and my kids. Xx

Alyssa I was like you last weekend. It's like you say nothing major just a series of horrible, nasty, thoughtless actions when we are sooo tired and feel so undervalued that pushes us over the edge.

I blew last Sunday. Told him to fuck right off for at least a few hours whilst I calmed down enough to think. Im fed up of crying too. Hate it as it usually means I can't say what I want to say. Anyhow the fucker came back after half an hour by which time I had calmed down enough to tell him his behaviour was completely unacceptable and if it didn't stop he could permanently fuck off.

He told me he doesn't know why he has been an arsehole. Says he is under pressure at work and then comes home and then its pressure again to do tea, tidy the house, do the paperwork etc etc. I said I had pressure 24/7 and at least at work he speaks to adults, and gets a break from the house. Told him that he has been a wanker since seb was born.

Anyway he seems to be trying a bit more. And although he has had his jabs seb has been a bit easier this week as well and slept in the day and not cluster fed as much at teatime.

I think a new baby is so exhausting and all consuming and intense that it's easy to forget how to be a couple. And everyone is so fucking knackered that just getting through the day is a major achievement.

Have a good sob if you need to. Then try and tell him how you feel. My DP isn't normally a knob either.

Thank you frouby
Like they say a baby either makes you or breaks you
I think/hope it's just a bad patch, so I'm going to let him do his 2 night shifts while I calm down and we need to seriously talk.
Thanks goodness I have you ladies or I think I'd go insane
Xxx

Poor ladies. You know, tiredness makes everything seem worse. Although no one seems like they are being unreasonable in their expectations. I think we all agree that it isn't about how much was spent on valentines presents but more about the thought that went into even a card or whatever.

I hope you girls can whip your DPs back into shape. Hopefully for all of us when we start getting our evenings back and having a good nights sleep we'll all be better and start feeling more like ourselves again. I do feel like I've lost myself a bit and so quickly become "Thomas' mum" and not much more. All the things I enjoyed doing before having a baby are pretty difficult at this stage (running, meals out, drinks with friends).

I just keep telling myself it will get easier.

Well, it will because it has to. Happy windy Saturday.

It does get better crispy and you're exactly right, I didn't want, need or expect a gift as we had already said 2 days before valentines we were only doing cards as its a massive rip off with flowers twice their normal price etc
It was just how my card was treat if you know what I mean?
I honestly wouldn't have been bothered if he hasn't gotten me one, I just wanted him to have the one I personalised/designed and I felt like a dick for getting do excited over it
Anyway enough said on my part or ill never calm down lol

Alyssa it is ok to feel a bit hurt. But you are right. Onward and upward.

After a great night Hannah has decided today that she won't do daytime sleeping unless on me.

In the week we're usually out and about so she sleeps in the car or the buggy, so I think being put to bed in the day was obviously a bit of a shock. Am hoping that by repeatedly trying it she'll eventually get the idea, but in the meantime I am using her wish to sleep on me as an excuse to do sod all.

Sounds like a great excuse to me lis
It's all very different from before isn't it? Even though people tell you about it and you think you're mentally prepared I think you have to be superwoman for it not to have at least a little bit of a negative impact on the life you were used to. But it must get better else no one would do it more than once, one day at a time ladies and it'll get easier and we'll regain a bit of ourselves.

lisb joshua is the same. Did manage to get him down in the Moses basket after breakfast for his nap but not the other two. Thing is I want to persevere but if it means he doesn't nap at all I end up giving in and putting him in a sling as he's so tired. Who has managed to get their LO down from 7pm in the cot/Moses basket? If so did it take days to get them to settle? We try every night but it is a bit half hearted. As soon as he cries we take him downstairs where he usually spends half of the evening sleeping (or not sleeping) on DH (we have a deal that it's his time to look after J in evenings so I get a break!) If we do try and settle him upstairs I get ds1 coming out of his room saying he's being kept awake! Not sure what to do but we can't do this forever!

There is no way Genevieve would even entertain the idea of settling down at 7, for her that's prime babbling and kicking time!

We're pretty lucky on that score - we manage to bath Hannah at 6.30 to coincide with dd1's bedtime routine, then she feeds after that and is in bed between 7 and 7.30, lasting until 2am (the 2am bit is based on the past two nights...).

Have my fingers crossed so tightly that she can last until 7am after the feed I am currently doing!!

lisb are you bottle or boob? I'm feeling deflated. At the moment im feeding him at 5pm then 7pm then he's unsettled on and off till 10.30pm. Actually tonight he had a bottle of EBM at 8pm as well then another bottle at 10.30pm. Then I fed him at 2am and then he woke at 5am so I'm feeding him again. I'm wondering if my supply is worse than I thought after his hospital stay and that's why he's not going very long Btwn feeds? I don't really want to top up but the other option really isn't practical- bf pros would tell me to go to bed for a few days, do skin to skin and let him feed constantly so my supply will build back up- yeah bloody right like I have the Luxury of doing that with 2 other kids! I just need him to go a bit longer Btwn feeds..

alyssa sorry to hear you're going thru a rough patch. Men can be such insensitive b*stards! My DH is lovely most of the time but he's SO stubborn and I wish he'd do the 'yes dear, if it makes you happy' thing sometimes - I thought men were supposed to do that to make life easier for themselves! My DH isn't very smart when it comes to that. For example valentines day- he doesn't believe in it- thinks its a load of commercial bullshit, but instead of buying me a card just to make me happy, it's caused arguements every year when he hasn't got me anything. This year I've been too tired/preoccupied to care. To be fair to him he'll buy me flowers at other times and tells me he loves me every day - he's just so bloody stubborn! I can't help feel down when others are getting flowers or meals out on V day and I get nothing!

mumof we're using formula and I am sure that does have something to do with it. You are doing amazingly with your bf though, especially after all you've been through with the hospital stay, so please don't feel deflated - you should be incredibly proud of keeping it up despite all the hurdles that have been sent your way.

We started bf-ing but gave up after just one week as Hannah was losing too much weight. I was a bit messed up in the head by an awful time bf-ing with Dd1 so as soon as we had a sign it wasn't working this time I reached for bottles.

With DD1 I did used to top up though - 20mins of boob for all feeds followed by a bottle. That did work well for us (after the initial hell!) and she gradually phased herself off the boob entirely by 4mths. Not saying that's what you should do but it is an option if you're struggling, and you would get the best of both?

Hannah had her 2am feed and then promptly puked a load of it back down my back! She wasn't interested in any more so I put her back to bed, but she didn't settle, just wriggled and fussed - not crying but just fussy. Eventually after an hour of that she did start grumbling a bit so I got her out, gave her about 1oz and she conked out until 7am!

Despite all the sleep I should now be getting I do feel crap - have got a stinking cold, a cough and as of this morning I appear to have conjunctivitis!! And dh has done his back in so I am on duty for both kids nd the dog - so much for weekends being a chance to handover some stuff!

Mum how old is j? Seb still cluster feeds in an evening a few days a week and he is 9 weeks. But it was every night until about 7 weeks. All normal and not to do with your supply but very hard especially when you have other los.

Am so excited. Seb went a full 4 hours last night. First time ever lol. And he slept for 2 hours yesterday afternoon in his pram.

I feel 1000% better. And so much stronger emotionally too. If dp was a dick today he would be the one to end up in tears. You listening alyssa? Hope you feel better today. And if you don't just mark down the days until you do then make the fucker pay.

I have a bit of payback on mine. He's ill with man flu. He will get the same amount of sympathy and support as I did when I come home with seb. Fucker lol.

Is it normal to have a couple down days? There really isn't anything majorly wrong I'm just feeling a bit clueless and getting through by pure luck or something, I get amazing support from DP but he leaves most baby things to me, I'm not sure if things are changing for baby but she won't settle at all very well at moment and I feel like I should be
Helping her somehow but don't know how. I have opposite of interfering parents, my mum has never been the guiding type, had her own problems so I don't really get any support there and friends either sympathise or go to over the top with advice. I suppose I'm feeling overwhelmed it's tough doing same things every day, like all I do Is feed change nappies and try get her to sleep. Oh my god do I love her though and of course worth everything but I spose it just doesn't make it a walk in the park. Even if no one replies, I got that off my chest :)

hotmad I hope it's normal to have a few 'hiccup' days because I get some crop up now and then. Everything changes so fast so it's constant learning and that is very emotionally and mentally draining. Just keep talking to people about it, even if its just us Internet ones!
mum don't feel bad, your supply is probably fine and if he's cluster feeding he will be building it up anyway. Genevieve is now solely bottle fed on formula and cluster fed last night 10 til 3 so it's not an exclusive bf thing, maybe just a growth spurt or making up for lost time when he was poorly. I think everyone here will agree you are doing the MOST amazing job bf him what with everything that's come your way and other DC to look after. Keep it up for as long as is not affecting your health because you're important too.

frouby he's 7weeks now so I guess cluster feeding is still normal for a few more weeks by the sound of it! Thanks lisb and mogz appreciate the words of encouragement- it's hard to keep going sometimes when it can be so tough. At least the blocked duct didn't turn into mastitis- that's a relief! I'll keep for for as long as I can but if it only lasts 3-4 months then that's still an achievement for me- and mixed feeding may well end up being the answer if I can't keep this up.
hotmad it's totally normal to have a few down days- looking after a baby is bloody tough, and constant, and exhausting! I feel like I'm drowning in feeding, nappies, washing, cleaning then there's the other kids! I haven't had a shower today as DH took the kids out so I have an hour to blitz the washing and do some vacuuming. I haven't dyed my Hair since I gave birth so I'm starting to look like a witch and I used to wear makeup every day - not loads but a bit, but I haven't put any on for weeks and the school run is normally done pre-shower! But- it does get easier!! You'll not notice it but gradually when LO is sleeping through and feeds are shorter you'll slowly get your life back!