November 2012 - Any words yet?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1948944-November-2012-What-are-your-New-Years-resolutions-for-your-baby

OMFingG lunch at 11 didn't work but he's been asleep fine since 11:35!!!!!!!!!!

Have i cracked the routine? Will try again tomorrow after music group...

I am the most content I've ever been since I have O. Happiest? Probably if I could share her with Leo. I am not happy but I can't imagine my life without my little girl.

Just watched the Panorama program, I want my baby back. I was sobbing through it. Bloody hell, I just can't imagine that someone takes my baby away from me.

Right back to studying...

Oh well done chasing's O!

There are extremely happy moments which I could never have experienced without having children, but I can't say I would be happier or not without children. They are there and I love them, and wouldn't be without them now, but parenting, and the responsibility that comes with it, has its ups and downs. DH is far happier with kids than without, they seem to complete him. With me they are an additional source of both heartache and happiness. He is a far more natural parent than I am. But they are part of him and he needed children more than I ever felt I did.

Don't know if that makes sense. I think I am doing a good job, and I love them unconditionally, which is the key difference with my love for DH - which is a huge amount of love but he could, in theory, lose my love whereas I don't see the kids doing anything to stop me loving them... But I don't see the kids as key to my happiness. If I am perfectly honest.

Thanks det and fruit. She's had a lovely morning opening pressies and DH went to work late so was able to share in the joy! She's not the least bit over excited, oh no. She's at nursery now and I'm about to start getting the house ready for her tea party. Her nct friends are coming over. She's also having a big party on Sunday. I must be mad!

det lol at your mil. my fave pair of jeans ever are new look skinny jeans too. so comfy and flattering.

Interesting re fathers, kids making you happy etc. I will post my feelings (not far from prs thoughts apart from DH really wanting kids ). I'll come back to it though as really must crack on!

Happy birthday mini Eliza!

Well done O!

See it's the other way in our house a little. Kids completed me. I needed it more than DP. He loves L to the moon and back now and says his family now make him complete but he didn't think it would be like that before we had him iykwim. He's not less happy now he's around but he's not more happy either, he loves his life now but also loved it back then.

I am certainly not in the kids complete me camp. At all. I find the whole parenting thing very difficult and whilst I love O unconditionally and wouldn't be without him, he certainly isn't the key to my happiness. I think that lies in a stable family life.

Having C has definitely completed me. I had longed for the day I had a baby for as long as I can remember and I'm one of those people who can't see the point in living without having children. I understand that for some people it's not the be all and end all but it is for me.

Df and i had both given up on "settling down". Then we met. R isn't the key to my happiness but I'm much happier with him than i was without him iyswim. A long single spell taught me not to depend on others for personal happiness iyswim

Pidj my thoughts are very similar to yours. I found myself nodding at everything you typed.

What even the ridiculous amount of iyswims?!

I love F unconditionally and would literally give up my life for him, but being a parent for me isn't the key to being happy. I thought it would be, but its much harder then I imagined. It doesn't change my love for him, but sometimes I wish I had appreciated my life pre-child more instead of wishing it away wanting to hurry up and have a baby!

I'm a bit on the fence. I never felt my life was lacking when I was single and childless. However, I also always assumed I would marry and have DC at some stage. So I don't think I would have been content being single and childless indefinitely, although I wasn't waiting for DC to be completely happy.

I love my DC very very much, and cannot even begin to contemplate life without them. As PR says , my love for them is totally unconditional whereas it isn't the same for DH. I would kill or lay down my life for DC, I wouldn't do the same for DH if there was a risk my DC would be left motherless by doing so. My world has shifted on its axis for them and I imagine every decision is tainted by their needs being the ultimate priority. And I want that to be the case - their happiness, well-being and security is genuinely of more importance to me than my own.

If I had never had DC, I know my life would have been fulfilling and joyful nevertheless. Because I am capable of great joy that is not dependent on my DC before they were around and independently of them now. But my greatest joy now does lie within my love for them and relationship with them.

So do they complete my life? No, on balance they don't complete it. Do they enhance it? Yes. But like anything, it isn't one way IMVHO. Having DC has also been extremely negative in some ways - it's been harder work, a bigger adjustment than anticipated, a financial disaster, pushed my relationship with DH to breaking point, and had a v negative impact on my career. But knowing all this, I'd not change having them for anything. And would cope with 10, 100, 1million times the shit aspects to have them. Cos they is awesome, innit?

I don't find it hard work as such but it is hard being constantly tired all the time. That's one of the main things putting me off ttc again now.

Phew. Made the right call taking LO in to nursery. She is much better and no temp. DD1 otoh is a snot monster with a high temp. Like me then.

I find it hard to explain.

My children don't complete ME. They complete my life. You could say.

I can't find a better way of explaining it.

My life is 1,000,000 times better for having my children.

Even if one is currently attacking me to get at an empty food bowl .

apple I'm Charlee1003 on my fitness pal, I can't promise to be a a great role model my diet is currently crap, my soup maker arrived today though! :)

Zamboni I feel v similar - having a child has made my life richer and deeper magnifying the positives but also the stress!!!!! I did have a whale of a time from my late twenties on once I figured out dating c*nts was bad for my happiness - so certainly didn't need a child to be happy. Conversely if I hadn't have had J I would have felt regret as I got older. Taking DH, J, our home life, finances and my work / life balance into account I'm happier than I've ever been - my sleep loving, cheese eating, hard drinking, chain smoking, globe trotting party animal is twiddling her thumbs for a few years likely forever but I'm in denial.

We still have a troughing bear he had a second dinner and then scoffed half of the baguette that was meant to go with DH and my supper as well as his tea at nursery. He feels really heavy when I lift him - my muscles haven't caught up with this growth spurt .

I explain it by saying that things finally make sense now I have a child. Although I'm not currently working, when I was and fighting to pay bills and keep a roof over my head I didn't really understand what the point was in many ways. It seemed like some futile merry go round. Every Christmas you would do traditional stuff that had little meaning, birthdays aren't anything to celebrate really once you start getting into big numbers.

But then I met DP. He lived me so intensely but without jealousy and we had our son and suddenly I realised why I was here and what my role was. It's as though my old life stopped and a new one began. I now bob about in a love bubble and it's totally bizarre. Christmas has a new significance as I am making memories for my child and building family traditions. Birthdays don't scare me as I feel complete now and I view seasons through my child's eyes.

I cannot imagine how my life would be now if id never met my partner. Frightening!

Sebsmum me too. Being single for a decent stretch taught me a lot about myself and certainly that a partner alone can't make you happy - only you can make you happy, ultimately. But my life would not be as wonderful as it is now if DH and I hadn't decided to go to the cinema as 'just good friends' five years ago! He doesn't complete me (I think everyone is complete on their own) but he helps me be the best person I can be, has taught me the best of humanity and brings so much happiness to my life. He's only ever made me cry happy tears. I never thought I'd be able to say that about a relationship. If Jonas turns out even a teensy bit like his Dad I'd be so proud.

Sebs, what a lovely post

I meant to say last night, congrats sebs - delighted for you!

I have read but struggling to remember anything that isn't tax codes or land law at the moment

M has taught me that it is possible to love somebody entirely unconditionally. She has taught me not to be selfish. She has taught me to see the bigger picture. She lightens up my days, every day. But she has not 'completed' my life. Indeed, she's thrown in a whole new level of complication and stress. I am not any happier for being a mum, but I am one heck of a lot more together and focussed than I was before I had her.

Isles, you have summed up my feelings pretty well with that post

Isles that's how I felt after DS1. He gave me the focus to pull myself together and do something with my life.

I went back to college the year after my peers, but completed my studies in one year, so finished at the same time as my peers - despite having a baby, and not living with my parents. Started uni when he just turned 2, and turned what could have been my life right around. It would never have been my life - I'm far too stubborn and self sufficient to let myself go down those kind of paths. I could never have settled for a life that other mums my age did.

DS1 was the focus of my life entirely, and the reason for everything I did. It took me until he was 6 to realise that while I had done all this for him, I had completely sacrificed who I was to achieve it. I didn't know who I was! It took a long time to find myself, and to let the control freak in me slide a little.

O has completed my life - the cherry on top almost. He even lights up DS1's life . He loves having O around, and it's a pleasure to see how much they love each other.

I will try not to make the same mistakes with O - in making him my entire focus on life. It wasn't healthy.

Hopefully we can have another cherry on top at some point in the future . I really am at my most content right now. Have been for a while. To me, life feels perfect. And I am one lucky ass biatch!

Evening wimmins.

sebs! How lovely!

I have no idea how to word how I feel. None whatsoever. Honestly and truly I think I wanted a baby for a change. Something different. I have worked in the same place and had the same partner since I was 21. I wanted something else. Then p came along and she was super awesome but going back to work and realigning my identities was hard. It is still hard. But I am love p in a way that I had no idea existed and I have a new appreciation of, well, everything. It's like I am now wearing different lenses. The world is the same but I see it differently.

And Sebsmummy you have described my feelings exactly :)

I'm defo in a love bubble .

O graduated to toddle group today, so instead of sitting in a circle singing, we stand up and dance like a bunch of knobheads for an hour. I'm telling you, you don't need to go to the gym after that workout . I wish I'd had some bloody warning!!! I'd have put my tena lady on for all the sodding jumping we did! O wasn't playing along. Of course. Oh well. He did manage to clap his hands and stamp his feet (that's a new one for him to do!) to If You're Happy And You Know It. So I suppose that's one small positive .