November 2012 - To sterilise or not to sterilise (bottles that is)

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1820625-November-2012-Thinking-about-first-birthdays-Already

Afternoon quiche,

Hope everyone is having a good Sarurday.

Average night last night, O woke at 3am for a quick feed and a bit of crawling practice and then up for the day at 6. Haven't stopped since then, done lots of washing, ironing, food shopping, packing...

XP came to pick up O today. As soon as he walked in I just felt the atmosphere change. It felt tense and we bickered over stupid things. But I realised that our whole relationship was like this. No wonder I feel so free now. I am 100% over him and have no idea what I saw in him. I think he noticed my different attitude too, he told me how well I was looking and kept suggesting that we spend time together as a 'family' . Realising what he has lost now I think. A question for the quiche though. How important is it for Oscar that me, him and XP spend time together? I don't want to confuse him and I also don't want him to pick up on any tension, but are there any benefits of this for him?

You don't need to spend time with him and Oscar apart from school plays, graduation, marriage, etc. no need for family days. That's my opinion. But than I hate your ex so might not be the best person to advice you.

sorry for typing mistake. My iPad has a life of its own and likes to correct me.

chasing yes it would be good for O if you both got along and spent time together. But if there's going to be an atmosphere he will pick up on it so it would be best not to. Maybe it's something you can work towards in the future but may be a bit soon now? You also need to consider if XP's intentions with regards to this are genuine or if he has an alterior motive.

I'm having a day at home today. After being out nearly all week I have mounds of washing, ironing and cleaning to do. C is asleep on my lap though so that's my excuse to sit watching Escape to the Country. I've not mentioned ttc to DP yet. I figured if he knows I'm not on the pill and he's happy enough to not use anything then he must know what the outcome will be. I can't imagine him being anything other than happy if I told him I was pregnant. But if it takes as long as it took to conceive C (11 months) then it will be a while yet. That's why I'm keen to start now.

I agree with Lily. No family days. You are not a family. You are both his parents and that is different altogether. It needs to be clear for everyone. There will be times you will need to be together, but best avoided if at all possible. I think if you had parted under better circumstances it would be different. He was an abusive partner and therefore does not deserve family time, and O can still have a relationship with him, just not with you. You need to keep yourself safe, and the lines need to be clear.

Chasing it would be lovely if, in the future, you could have a polite and stable friendship with your XP. But I do think that it is too soon and you both need to reorientate your own lives away from each other. I think you should be polite but distant for at least the next several months. Not to mention your not-a-date date, you need to have your XP firmly in your past if you're going to move forward with any other relationships.

What vq said. He's trying to manipulate you. Don't let him get inside your head - he senses you're moving on and wants to get back the control he lost. As Lily says, sports days, school plays (if there's just one showing) and weddings. Even birthdays I think should be spread over two days, one with you and one with his dad. Until the message is clear and O is old enough to understand that Mummy loves him, Daddy loves him, but Mummy and Daddy don't live each other, and that is fine. We're talking closer to ten than two years though.

So to answer your questions, not at all important and of no benefit to O :)

Don't ever feel that you need to spend time with your XP.

Hello Apple! I've seen you around ! Welcome back! It's a little quieter now, and easier to keep up I think!

Chasing I have typed a reply twice, but it is long and rambling, and not sure it makes sense! So I will just say, keep contact to a minimum, text or email. I barely see exDP now as he picks DS up after school and drops him there the next morning. No need to spend time together, not unless you want to. But given him and his personality, I don't think it would be of any benefit to O at all. Different possibly if it was amicable break up, but he put paid to that one, didn't he?!

O woke at 3.30 last night and needed settling twice. Then he woke at 7 but played in his cot for an hour.

We got up, did his teeth, gave meds, changed nappy, gave him his bottle... then he fell asleep! For 3 hours!

He didn't get breakfast this morning, bless him. So I gave it at lunch .

I thought he was cutting his naps shorter, maybe not. I don't know! He must have been tired though to fall asleep so soon after being awake. He had been awake about 1hr 45, and only been out his cot 45 minutes!

Quiet here today. I fell asleep on the sofa for an hour which I haven't done since O was a newborn. Must be feeling relaxed. For those not on FB, I have now officially double barrelled O's surname, to be known as Oscar mysurname at school etc.

R slept 8:20-9, 12-1 and 3-4 epic napping!

Chasing spending time en famille would be more likely to confuse O, better he grows up in an environment where he has two families - O+Mum and O+Dad :)

PR hope it went ok?

Brilliant napping Pidj! Bodes well for a good night. Sleep breeds sleep.

Fingers crossed Pidj that's awesome napping!

Today, Oscar suddenly seems more agile than usual. Yeah. I know. He's already agile enough .

But he just seems more toddler like, and less baby like. Odd. I think it is the fact he is 'playing' with toys. Rather than just chewing them and throwing them about, or bashing the buttons. He has spent time pushing his fisher price phone that is on wheels about. He has pushed it all around the room while walking on his knees. He has pulled it along on it's lead like a dog trailing behind him . He's been walking around with the walker, cuddling and patting teddies, rooting through the toybox for the toy he wants, rather than just dragging anything and everything out!

And today, he emptied the cupboard. Again. But instead of going for all the things he isn't allowed, he pulled out 'his' things only! His door bouncer, some toy for the TV MIL gave us but we haven't used, his bibs, his bubbles...

He's currently sat giggling to himself while playing with an xbox controller (old broken one that is 'his'!).

Funny how fast they change. :(

Chasing I agree with the others that it would be more confusing for Oscar to spend time with you together at this stage. As long as he has parents who (seem to) get on well and show respect for each other he will be able to grow up with a good relationship with both his 'families'. That is far more important and will give him more stability and continuity in the long term.

I was just thinking while looking on fb how impressed I am with you. It takes so much to stand up and say that this is not acceptable, go for the harder but more beneficial option. If you don't mind my saying so, well bloody done.

JJ thank you

And thank you all for your feedback. You confirmed what I thought. I think it is better for O to grow up with two distinct relationships with me and his dad. He will never know any different and I don't want to confuse things. He comes back from his dads happy which is great and I will never slag XP off to O.

12-1 was in the sling at a music festival, 3-4 was in the buggy walking home. I had to bump him up the front scary because they lead straight onto the busy main road steps, but he stayed asleep in the hall!!

Det that's cute :) R picks what he wants from his treasure basket, hasn't got access to any cupboards! Baby gate on the living room door keeps him out of everything... For now...

Chasing that's an excellent outlook to have.

M also seems much more grown up today.

Homemade Thai curry simmering on the range. Baby... not sleeping. Puppy... not sleeping. Ho hum, there is wine in the fridge at least!

20 minute feed and he went straight down.

Just like he was a few weeks ago.

Tell me it's not going to go tits up now, i want to watch Harry Potter!!

Yup, second side going down now

pidj went ok thanks. We got out the lab, went and did shoe shopping for DD1 before the lack of food sent me into a dizzy spell and we rushed home for a real feast. V tired tonight but the girls are very awake. Will be a popping a pill the minute they go down.

V hot here today, but should be cooler tomorrow.

The dr in the lab who took my blood asked me if I was American. I said no, British, and she apologised :o

chasing you rock ! That is all.

Oh good, the premiere league has started up again

Bought DD1's nursery pumps, winter boots and trainers today. Freaking hate summer. Felt all squishy inside to be buying winter boots

pidj have you been reading the harry potter thread? I really have to rewatch the last two films...

Chasing am very proud of you too. Leaving seems a harder choice at the time than staying with an abuser but once you're out of the situation you realise that it makes for an easier life long term as you can be yourself and don't have to tread on eggshells or dread the next drama. O will not have to witness a dysfunctional relationship and he's going to grow up happier for it. Well done Missy x

Waaaaaaay ahead of you, PR

10 minutes and I'm back in bed watching and shouting at HP:OOTP :o