Dec 11: Not tonight dear, I've got a haddock.

[PerilousStiletto]

I liked this one. :)

Yeah I know aethel. Now... how not to eat the entire tin...

Thanks all. DH is seeing MIL later and telling her my rules, basically the DCs will never set foot in her house, and she can come here to see them providing we get a full apology, an explanation on why she thought it acceptable to keep this from me plus her to stop defending him and accept what he is. Failure to do any of these things will convince me she sees paedophillia as acceptable and will stop her ever having contact with my DCs. I know we were really lucky but its not a huge amount of comfort that he never done anything to my DCs, these are still images of someone else's real children being raped and worse, it's heartbreaking and I'm having real trouble not thinking about just how awful it is :(

queen hope you're feeling better soon. Is it bad enough for you to have not done your housework though? :o

seven really really awful situation your BIL has put the whole family in Your poor DH, how is he doing?

Agree with everything you say aethel about schools - I think the aspiration of everyone having the best available education from one's local state school is to be aimed for and I think everyone should start in their local state school and then move if it's in the child's interest to do so. And what's "in the child's interest" is so subjective sometimes...even two parents can disagree totally on that and it's their own child. I agree with cheung that so much is down to parents and a kid who is going to do well and has parental focus and support is likely to manage that in the vast majority of circumstances.

northern any chance of a nap today? Hope the viewing tomorrow goes well, maybe the lack of updating means they'll entertain lower offers.

Ooh mopsy were they the ones in the blue tin? We used to get those as a special imported treat all the way out in Asia, I think I'm getting a very Proustian mouth-water just thinking about it Feel bad talking about food when queen has a bad stomach though, sorry queen and hope you feel better soon - but DH bought me sea salt fudge from the fudge shop next door and it's gorgeous.

We're sick of all of DS's books so time for some new ones and a vicious cull. I never want to see Maisy, Elmer, and especially Thomas the bloody tank engine ever again. I just hate the kind of "know your place" message each story has, all about how the most you can aspire to be is to be "really useful" at whatever you're designated by the Fat Controller to do or terrible things will happen. The one about Mavis particularly gets me riled (gets ideas above station, has to be rescued by Toby). Flora is bad too (follows orders blindly until she runs out of coal, has to be rescued by Thomas). Gahhh.

We're on day 3 of toddler bed. Evenings are much better than naps so far in terms of staying in bed and falling asleep. Yesterday I came up about 20 minutes after the blowing raspberries and singing had stopped, and found DS had dumped all the cloth nappies out on the floor and was curled up asleep in the armchair cuddling the plug (!!??) of his lamp that he had pulled out of the wall! Weird child.

Baby has dropped so now I can get a full hand between my ribs and the baby's bum (or head, can't tell which) but that has made the SPD worse. We were going to go back to Wisley this afternoon but we'll see if I can manage it as last time we went I galloped all over and majorly regretted it the next day. Consultant appointment tomorrow and booking in for c-section - hurrah!

Different tin but exact same biccies xiao nom nom nom

omg sea salt fudge YUM

Mopsy...I love those biscuits. Not a clue on how not to eat the tin!

Seven...I can't imagine how your all feeling now and I hope your MIL respects your decisions and understands why.

Also....I've done no housework today except bleach the bathroom every time I've been in there!

Feeling a bit better this afternoon had a nap which helped.

I have no MIL, it didn't go well. She is still insisting his innocence, apparently he only accidentally downloaded one video, the reported made everything else up. She won't apologise because she doesn't think she's done anything wrong

Oh no. How does DH feel?

Oh dear seven. That is awful. How much proof does she need? Talk about sticking your head in the sand. It's unfortunate it has come to this but you're dead right. It is hard though for you and your husband. So awful for everyone who has nothing to do with it

Oh seven. What a bitch :(

Ugh how awful seven when you st "I have no MIL" was that a typo or do you mean you're going to have to cut MIL off as well because you can't trust her to not have BIL around your kids?

Evening of cooking today as two of DH's colleagues and a distinguished external speaker from Chatham House are coming for lunch tomorrow. They would usually lunch in the MCR but I wanted to meet the speaker so invited them over to ours instead, completely forgetting I had my 36 week consultant appt in the morning. So tonight I need to make Spanish tortilla, roast some golden and candy stripe beets, and make apple& blackberry crumble and tomorrow just reheat tortilla and crumble, make salad of beets and burrata and pine nuts, and make a green salad. Really hope DS goes down for his nap while they are here tomorrow, or it will not be very relaxing for anyone...

Cooking ambitions scaled back when faced with reality - I spilled boiling oil on my foot, broke an egg over the counter instead of the bowl and nearly cut my finger off when slicing onions! Think I am def too beat to do any dessert - they can just eat the blackberries and plums for dessert instead of me making them into a crumble and probably chopping off a finger in the process

No typo, I'm done with her. I was happy to cut contact when we discovered the truth from yesterday's paper. My conditions of her seeing DCs if I got an apology and an explanation were a compromise with DH. Even if she chooses not to believe he did this, the police clearly believe he's a paedophile, shouldn't I have known the risk and had the right to decide if I wanted him to have contact with my DCs? I'm sad it's come to this but this was her choice, by choosing him over us she's forsaken the right to see DCs as far as I'm concerned. If she doesn't think he's a risk to them and is happy to lie to us about every detail of his case then how can I possibly trust her with the safety of my children?

There's more of a back story, DH was physically abused by his dad growing up, I can't see how any mother could not notice abuse happening to her own child under her roof. She's proved today that DH is inferior to BIL, and that she's happy to bury her head in the sand and ignore things she doesn't want to believe. DH is gutted but not surprised that she chose believing BIL over seeing her GC, she's always made it clear where her loyalties lie.

Sorry it's all been about me, this is taking up so much of my headspace I can't think of much else, plus it helps to get it out tbh.

Hope lunch goes ok xiao.

seven, to be frank it sounds like you're all better off without her. Well done you for staying strong. It is so shite for you all You're totally right to come on here to talk. I hope it helps a weeny bit at least. What a horrid stressful time for you.

xiao really sorry but you made me chuckle! You are dead right to scale it back. Fresh fruit is a delish dessert anyway! It sounds yum.

Up at 6 tomo to drive to work. This is my new normal I guess. Ugh. Dread in pit of stomach (as you put it so well cheung!) about the driving. Yuck. Plus I need to get WAY faster at writing lectures. Lovely week end. Wish it wasn't over! Hope you all have a good week!

(((seven))) no need to apologise. Use us to vent as much as you like, it's what we're here for

No offence taken about schools aethel, I completely agree with what you're saying. I always thought that since I'd been to a crap school (around 30% getting 5 a-c's) and done fine, then I wouldn't consider private education. My old school is an example of one we'd have to choose from, and it's got even worse since I left in terms of results and facilities. The newer part of the school got burnt down and rather than rebuild it they sold the land including most of the sports facilities. That part now has new flats built on it and all that's left is the old part of the school, now 20 years older and even more crumbling, plus a small field. Unless things improve over the next 8 years, since we're in a position to afford it, we will look onto private. As long as DD doesn't have strong objections to it of course. My parents asked me at the end of middle school (I grew up in a new town) if I wanted to take the 11 plus and get bussed to a grammar school in a different town, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I always took great satisfaction in the fact I did better in my GCSE's than my next door neighbour who did go to the grammar school

I did get to go back to sleep between 7 and 9; we've had a lovely day, did the country walk out to the pub, and just had a nice chat with both MiL and Mum, and DP has served up bangers and mash...
Thank all for the kind wishes, I hope to report something positive about house or work shortly

I'm going to put an offer in on the house I'm going to see tomorrow, it has come down in price so is just affordable, and we both like it. Please Bob they accept it and we can get the ball rolling- we'd have a year of total penury tightened purse strings, but then with my increments, DS getting his free hours (and fingers crossed DP getting his promotion) it'd be OK.

Exciting night tonight- the Police have been called to a disturbance across the way, and we're watching Star Trek

Try not to keel over with all that food prep Xiao; it all sounds amazing but don't knacker yourself. Good luck for the appointment tomorrow, and can't believe it's all so soon! How's your DH been feeling about it, have things improved for him?

Really hope you're feeling better Queenie, that sounds like food poisoning/virus hell. Keep hydrated, rest up (as much as possible!) and maybe start on the dry toast tomorrow...?

And don't know what to say seven You're absolutely right to lay down the law- normally I'd be suggesting flexibility, but this is something where you give no quarter. You must feel awful, and your DH must be so torn.

The only mitigation there is for your MiL is that we have to think how we'd feel if our son were convicted of this- believe me, I see it a lot, people just not accepting that their child has done this awful thing. There are no excuses, and you are doing absolutely the right thing, it's just terrible for you all.

Let's hope next week is better for everyone....

Oooh, bit of a cross post there (I'd been trying since half 6...)

Glad you scaled it back Xiao, fingertip crumble may have been a bit too avant garde...

Vent away seven, it's what we're here for- barring it actually being one's own DH, you're having to deal with every person's nightmare scenario. The fact you haven't murdered the lot of them speaks volumes for your strength of character. Your poor DH though, being treated like that.

You're only a week or two into the new normal mopsy and you're doing great- you will get quicker at writing the lectures, you will get more confident with the car, I promise!

seven absolutely talk all you want, you'll always find handholding here from us. I think you and your DH have made absolutely the right decision given her levels of denial. I don't think I could ever trust her to be around my kids for fear that she would try to use them to "prove" that BIL wasn't a danger because it sounds like she would be desperate to clear his name. I'm really not one to see a paedo behind every bush but I think I would be considering moving house as well - don't you live quite near your MIL and BIL? And I assume DH and BIL have the same surname? I just keep thinking of that poor old paediatrician whose house was attacked.

Your poor poor DH though. I'm amazed he can bear to see her at all if she never did anything to protect him from FIL and now to have this heaped on top.

mopsy hope the driving goes well tomorrow. Do you ever do the method you're always taught to take exams and not run out of time? Spend no more than x minutes on a question then you must move on even if you're not done... DH does this for lesson planning and marking - he decides in advance a reasonable time for planning one lesson (he teaches a lecture course as well). Then he sets the kitchen timer and when time's up, it's up - he then just has to wing it if it's not perfectly detailed. He said that initially it was terrifying to know that he "hadn't finished" but in fact over time he has realised he has always prepared enough in the given time to give a good lecture, even though the preparation wasn't always perfect, and it forces him to stop just doing that extra bit of research or reading or agonising about the order the points are presented, or even watching 100 youtube clips to find that perfect video to catch their attention.

(((((((hug))))))) seven, this is such a grotty situation for you all. DH and the kids are quite rightly your priority, and I suppose all you can do now is to support DH and if he wants to try to discuss again with her in the future then that's up to him (though I doubt she will change her mind, sadly). Did DH get on with BIL before all this came out, as he lives fairly locally, doesn't he. Did he have much contact with you guys?

Ooh, and I am pleased to report a little foray back into DIY, after the live-current-picture-hook incident. We now have shiny new repainted skirting boards in our top side room. Hurrah. Now to get some white paint so I can neutralise the walls (previous owners helpfully painted around their furniture in a cheerful colour rather than move it to decorate, so when they took it with them they left wardrobe-shaped areas with no coloured paint on the walls. Classy look.)

DH got on ok with BIL but they were never close, thank goodness. They live literally just round the corner, his name and road were in the paper, we have same surname and live on the same road. He had no contact with the DCs, but that's only because he's not naturally good with children (doesnt seem to know how to speak to them etc) so has little interest in them (hollow fucking laugh)

Feeling much better today especially after a good night sleep. I think I had food poisioning...not sure what from tho...but toast for breakfast this morning.

Seven sorry it ended up like that but as others have said maybe for the best anyway.

Mopsy hope your drive up work is easier this morning.

Xiao....scaling back sounds good, whatever you cook I'm sure will be lovely anyway.

No but I totally.should use that method xiao. might try today!

Seven - you are right to be absolutely furious with your MIL. And absolutely right to cut that contact. I can't imagine the turmoil you must all be feeling as you come to terms with this. Thank goodness that BIL did not have any real contact with your DCs - whilst his crimes may have been downloading material, it doesn't bear thinking about how you would be feeling if he'd been a more engaged uncle. The questions it would raise, ugh.
You put the protection of your kids first, and forget anyone else's feelings.
Your poor DH. It's his mum - who just keeps on failing him. He must be heartbroken. It must be so tough. Maybe he'd be better if he walked away too.
On the same road, with the same last name. Not a great situation to be in. Have you thought about moving house? New area - away from family and hurt? A completely fresh start.
You have my absolute sympathies. ((((((hugs))))))
I took the day off today. I had no childcare this morning as the GPs had a medical appointment. So we played, we drew some pictures, and did the usual jigsaws. He has a pack of 4 jigsaws for 3+yrs, a 8pc, 12pc, 18pc, 24 pc - he does them all without batting an eyelid.
(proud mum!)
He's been a little bugger that last few days. tantrum after tantrum. no discernible reason. I hope whatever it is that's bugging him clears up before Thursday, otherwise our flight to Turkey could be horrendous!
I've spent the afternoon having a bath, putting on false tan (HA!), and sewing clothes for the holiday (takingup trousers, dresses, etc - it's no fun being a short arse.). Now I'm ironing, watching the hailstones. sun. rain. wind. sun. rain...
And just received a text from DH. He's returned the final papers today for the exchange of contracts on his house, and has been told that the sale has fallen though. the buyer's sale has fallen through. Not good.
This holiday was a bit of a celebration really. We spent a bit more... I thought, if we pick the perfect resort, we can just enjoy it and relax, and concentrate on us. I know it's false, being on holiday, not real life, but I thought if we could be false and enjoy each other, then maybe some of that would rub off and continue when we got home.
Anyway, no sale, but still a lovely holiday to come. :)
It's our 3rd wedding anniversary in November. We've booked tickets to TEDx Salford.

Oh, I tried to make a list of all the words the BOI knows. I've got about 150. there are probably a few that I haven't thought about. But I'll keep it, and date it.

It's lovely seeing how all the DCs are progressing at the moment, its fascinating. DS is just progressing onto three-word sentences (though the pronunciation's not fab), mainly 'where's ball gone' when we try and fail to hide the damn thing from him
He went off in his new age 2-3 clobber to nursery today, as he's graduated from the baby unit to the toddler room, the precursor to nursery at 2...where's my baby gooooooooooooooooooooooone!

Oh, and it looks like we've secured another house . It's one we both liked, and has come down £20k since I've been tracking it, taking it to just within our range. It really is a forever house in terms of space and size, and we'd just about agreed terms but that was at about 4.45pm, so just need to hear back tomorrow and we're off again!
Hope to be joining you in DIY escapades (without the electrocution ) in the not too distant aethel....

Glad you're feeling a bit better QoC, sometimes the truly violent episodes are the ones over most quickly, and so you start feeling better.

And I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing time Peril, just unwind and enjoy, you do deserve it.

Off Oooop North tomorrow for time with the family on my week off