Dec 11: Not tonight dear, I've got a haddock.

[PerilousStiletto]

I liked this one. :)

at Easy - hope Hope & Air are doing well!

seven great that you're actually looking forward to running, that's a good sign that you'll stick with it if you enjoy it! And to see concrete progress is so great. I'll def be joining you soon - can't wait to get my body back and move again after these weeks of being an invalid, it's so frustrating.

northern that farm place sounds great, where's it near? DS has never been on a bouncy castle before but I bet he'd love it too - he's always bouncing on our bed!

Just got back from my 34 week midwife appointment and I'm measuring as 40 weeks But amazingly - I won't see a midwife again this pregnancy!! Consultant at 36 weeks (9 Sept), and then ELCS two weeks later. And that's it, fingers crossed!!

Well our mother's help came in this morning - we are so so so lucky to be able to afford this, so while DH took DS to the park and the library and I worked, she unpacked and cleared out the cardboard boxes in our bedroom that have been there since we moved in , did a load of nappies, mopped the kitchen floor (so I will definitely get a steam mop now!) and changed all our beds. Can't believe how quickly that fell into place!!

Very pleased your mother's help is working out xiao. That's one less thing to stress about. Hopefully it will help Mr. Xiao to be a bit less anxious also.

If you do get steam cleaner please post on here about efficacy etc. as I'm sort of thinking about it too. It takes way too long to dry when I mop...

Did I congratulate you Cheung? Well hearty congratulations!! Enjoy the freedom!
Xiao - am envious! A colleague in Germany gets teenagers to spend time with the kids to give her time to get stuff done, and to give the parents some time together. You have a much better idea, - the help does the work so you can do other work and enjoy your kids. Maybe I just need to list my jobs and get an odd-jobber to just give me a price, and give my stuff to an e-bayer to get on with selling for me.
I've put on a ton of weight. My tummy is huge. Couch to 5k? Or give up wine and convenience food? I'm not sure which is easier, but the 5k thing does not inspire me.
Abstinence it is then! And maybe some evening lunges... Urghgh!

It's near Maidstone Xiao, and they've actually picked up buildings from across Kent and reconstructed them on an old, historic farm. The massive old pigs were great, and I can't wait until DS is a little bigger and can go on a donkey ride. DP was a little PFB about DS going on the bouncy castle, but just had to stand back as DS launched himself on it! PM me if you want more info

How are figgyboy and BOi today?

I can't believe how many people are drooling over steam mops, how middle aged are we all?! One of my oldest friends was commenting on this, how sex drugs and rocknroll has become cardigans, mortgages and spotting grey hairs....

I'm bloody shattered today, I did not sleep at all last night. Combo of having a drink late- just a beer in front of the footie, but it was an 8pm kick off- and I tend to have disturbed sleep on Sunday (in this case BH Monday) nights if I've got underlying stress stuff bloody house and work. Will munch the curry and head off to bed.

congrats on passing driving test cheung

Sorry about the cake Queenie

Octo Im with you on hoping holidays end soon.

Hope Boi is feeling better xx

Glad the mothers helper is working out xiao

Not much to update on here, all is well. Im sewing name tags into school clothed and woundering where the last 5 years have gone
Air starts full time school on Monday, Dh is doing loads of overtime, InLaws have paid for us all to go to Disneyland paris in May so we need to get passports. Dh has said as I will have a passport I should get my L plates and learn to drive next uear im putting it off

Im looking forward to spending more one on one time with Hope when Air is at school. I have been putting off stuff like potty training, putting her in her own bed and the whole teaching her to do things on her own. She is just allowed to run wild and she is so reserved its hard for me to conect with her so im going to make a big effort to get to understand her better and give her lots of oppertunities to do new things and see what she likes

She copies Air too much and she likes scooby doo and playing ironman or chasing Air with a toy dino when roaring and likes playing crazy pushchair raceing with her dolls! Also she likes going down the slide backwards and walking bearfooted thru the grass. The thing that gets me is she will sit and look at a book on her own and point at the pictures,strange child lol

Air still not doing his SALT homework and still not counting above 14 and is not listening to us all the time now. Im hoping he will do better in school than at home.

Sorry ignore me just general rambling

Boi is much better, thanks. He's still a bit gruff, and clingy/moody, but he's certainly on the mend.
He was bitten again at the cm's yesterday. (I took the morning off to make sure he was ok, then took him to the cm for the afternoon.) The bite didn't break the skin this time.
Easy - well, the pil's are good for something then? Disney, eh?! Very nice! And driving lessons too? Go for it!
I have made an appt to get a fast track passport for the Boi. So I've asked my mum to take him to a photo booth today. Ha ha ha!
Hopefully we'll get away somewhere in September.
Relate tonight... Yawn.

PerOil I took both mine to snappy to get their passport photos, worked well, and far easier than trying to get them to sit still in a photo booth . Pleased to hear BOi is on the mend, sorry about the biting though

or even snappy snaps!

peril glad he's on the mend, sorry to hear about the bite. How relate going?

xiao your mothers help sounds brilliant, I could really do with another me around to do the jobs I don't have time for!

easy hope looking at books on her own is great. DS was the same, he was starting to read at 4 and now at 5 he can read almost as well as I can!

Running again tonight, can't believe I'm looking forward to it. I've even inspired my mum, she's coming with me :)

DS a bit better he ate some toast this morning which is the first bread product he has had for days but he was holding his ear a couple of times so we wondering if it an ear infection he is going to Dr tonight with DH.

I took DS for his passport photos at weekend not because i expect to travel anywhere interesting anytime soon but because he is a chunk dont want to take him to scotland the week before his bday when we still dont pay for him and them think i am swinging the lead and he is over 2. Need to actually fill in the forms now.

DH is having some sort of breakdown he woke me up at 4.30 shaking and crying, he wishes we had never had ds so i could just leave him and not be with such a disappointment, he wants to go to sleep and never wake up.. I cant say anything without him taking it as a dig and i am really worried but his dr is away until next week which is when he will be getting his diagnosis re: Lupus. He also full of guilt that he is holding up the DC2 thing and basically sees himself as a failure of a man, a husband and a father......it is hard . He needs to sort himself out as i dont want to lose sympathy/respect for him and think these things too but dont have any solutions on the health or job front either.

We are sliding into debt as his work is bad, it is stressing him out, he cant stand the isolation of being in the house at the moment but doesnt have energy or funds to get out. Part of me wants to just tell him to pack in his work and look after DS for a bit and then look for a job but he is convinced he wont get one. Thank christ for my promotion a few months back or we would be royally fucked am on the verge of asking my parents for a bail out but am too proud............my brother lives in a house they bought him and swans about managing a pub they also bought him to the tune of a £100k so maybe i should just put my hand out too but i know that would mortify DH.

Christ that was a miserable post but cant talk to anyone in RL about it.

Sounds like a breakdown figgy, he needs to see gp asap and maybe see about antidepressents. Can he look for a job now as well as working? Is he well enough to care for son on his own? ((((hugs)))))

I took kids to a play group this morning, then the libaray and then the park. Hope walked all the way and is now fast asleep and Air is moaning he is bored now, we have just got back and had toast for lunch! Can he go to school yet?

Oh poor Mr Figgy...do you think that his anxieties about the outcome of the lupus diagnosis may be distorting his view of other aspects of his life? ie. he feels like he can't take control of his job or his health until he knows for sure one way or the other whether he's living with lupus or not. So because he can't do anything to improve those aspects at the moment since he doesn't have enough info, he feels like he will never be able to do anything.

Do you mind if I ask Mr Xiao - he may have some thoughts from his recent chats with his therapist/chaplain friend and has been reading and thinking about men's roles in a family, anxiety, cultural stereotyping of masculine roles etc. He and a couple of friends started a once-a-month "man group" where they discuss exactly these kinds of things and he's found it really enlightening about the expectations men place upon themselves and where those expectations come from.

I think you should definitely call your parents too. I'd always rather my DS be in debt to me than to the bank and to feel able to call me in similar circumstances. You are both working, facing serious illness and doing a great job raising a wonderful grandchild - you just need a helping hand to tide you over. (((hugs))) to you and DH and DS.

Oh figgy, that sounds bad. It certainly sounds like your DH is desperate for help/counselling. Can you get him to go and see a dr now, whilst waiting for his results?
Ask your parents for help.
You need to keep your neck above the water. You need a float to take the pressure off at this moment. You need to keep yourself well - to supprt those around you. There's no shame in it. You have my absolute sympathies. It's really shitty being the (only) responsible one.

Oh dear figgy :(
I would say defs ask your parents for help. You can always return it later.
Can your husband get some counselling or anything as OiPeril suggested? Sounds rough. Hope you're OK.

figgy I posted earlier but the gremlins ate it, probably a good thing as it wasn't as good as what others have said. Don't be a hero though, ask for help if you need it, I'm sure your parents would rather help than see you struggling.

Oh figgy sounds like you and DH are dealing with an awful lot at the moment. I can only second the good advice you've had to see if you can get DH to GP to see about counselling, and also to talk to someone in RL if you can so you get some support too.

Just joined a 30 day squat and crunch thread and a 100 day defrumping thread on style and beauty. Seriously need to be a glamorous mummy not a frumpy mummy.

DP is in a sulk this morning (funny grump not bad grump) apparently he tried to wake me up at 2am as he couldn't sleep and wanted to DTD, he didn't even manage to wake me up. He pouted this morning and declared that normal people have sex at least 3 times a day then stomped off to work while I laughed at him

Oh no Figgy I think your DH really needs to speak to a professional about how he is feeling. Hope it's not an ear infection for figgyboy.

BJR where is this defrumping thread? Good luck on the squats!

Peril hope bOi is feeling all better soon, and sorry about the biting. Sadly the only biting incident we've had involved DS doing the biting (though that seems to have stopped and now he just kisses everyone).

Easy glad to hear you're all doing well, hope Air does better at school.

xiao your mothers help sounds fab, not long to go now! My steam cleaner is broken and I'm so sad.

Yeay for running seven keep it up!

DS was just a little mentalist yesterday, nursery said he had been into everything and been even cheekier than usual (in a cute way, not a devil spawn way) and then he just would. not. sleep last night. Ended up in the spare bed with DH because I do it every other time it happens so DH is grumpy and tired this morning. We had a mad weekend with my DSIS and her brood, DS loved having all the older kids here though, and was even inspired to use the potty after seeing his cousin do it. Still a very long way from toilet training though. He's had another language explosion in the past few days and I've lost count of what he says now, he just chatters non stop. He's also covered in bruises after a rough and tumble weekend, and has a lovely scrape on his chin and elbow after we went for a walk in the woods on Monday and he tripped over a stone and landed face first. As usual. I Was worried about his eyesight but then he found a tiny dead ladybird in the really overgrown grass in the garden, and he tries to chase ants so maybe he's just too eager and his feet can't keep up?

Oh no that sounds hard Figgy I second everyone's advice of ask your parents for help and then it's one less thing to think about and then you can get some help for your DH. Hope things get better soon.

On the exercise front now I can drive, I'm going to join the gym. It's only £22 a month and I've circled some exercise classes in the evenings and weekends to try. I'm fed up, still 2 stone heavier than I was when DS was conceived and I'm still wearing maternity trousers to work! Time for some action and commitment! I'd be happy to lose 1 stone really not desperate to lose all of the weight, but some!!

Thanks ladies DH took DS to Dr last night he has inflamed tonsils and throat so we have meds for him and have to take him back next week if he still not eating....he looks so trim he has lost his tummy altogether. Dh took him shopping after the appt and lots of old ladies were cooing over him he is still inexplicably blonde with his big blue eyes so he is a nana magnet.

DH doesn?t see the point in seeing the locum dr this week as they wont be able to magic up a job or money for him and that is his biggest issue. He had a good chat with one of his friends yesterday afternoon (this is the friend who last year had temporary psychosis due to a medication reaction? needless to say it was pretty bad) and that seems to have given him some perspective and helped and he has promised to go on Monday when his Dr is back from leave to talk to them about the depression symptoms and whether they are going to diagnose him fully. If i can i will go with him to make sure he is as open as possible. My mum is visiting for a week next week so will have a chat with her ......I know the money is there if i want it but am not one to ask for it and dh is very proud so might just hold off a bit longer. On top of all that think might have to have the skunk put down she has been savaging DH for months as her thyroid is packing in and she is frantic for food, she has been on steroids for a few months and has put a bit of weight back on but she is biting his feet and now jumping up his legs to savage him the vet says we need to give it more time but if she was a dog and attacking people we wouldn?t be allowed to keep her regardless if we wanted to or not. She is ok with me and DS but i went to put him down this morning i think she thought i was putting down some raisins for her as she launched at DS foot and i think she nipped him. I have said that if she starts being aggressive with ds she is gone DH will be devastated if we have to do this as she is his baby but he is under siege at the moment everytime he goes to make a cup of coffee and it is not helping things either.

I need these weight loss defrumping threads i have put on 2lbs in the last few months which isn?t a lot but i would say i now need to lose 10lbs and even DH said last night he could see i have put on some podge (i was in a mood all night after that) am back on the adios today and back to Zumba next week. I think 7-10lbs is the worst as I cant feel as motivated to lose it as i would be if it had been a couple of stone.

BJR your DP is an arse if he thinks it is reasonable to be in a hump with you because you wouldn?t wake up to pleasure him in the middle of the night. 3 times a day ........pah!!!

Glad DH has talked to a friend figgy and agreed to see the GP, sorry to hear about problems with the skunk too. And your right my DP does say very arse like things, I find it best to just laugh at him when he's like that

I see you found the defrumping thread hop, now all we have to is stick to it until Christmas!

Figgy here i have changed my name i figured it has been over 2 years and needed a change!!

I've eaten lunch and still hungry ........it is going to be a long afternoon!!

Um wow BJR, your DP is seriously deluded if he thinks that normal people have sex three times a day, especially with babies/toddlers. Let's just say there's a reason I'm very certain about when DS2 was conceived...because I could count the possible days on not that many fingers. I'm glad it was a funny grump and you could laugh at him at least.

I can't wait to join you all cheung and figgy and bjr on the exercising/defrumping front - so so tired of being enormous and lumbering, as soon as I get the all clear to exercise I really want to move a lot more than I have in the past.

Hop love the chattering language explosion, is he saying hilarious things?

Figgy I hope he does go to the docs and that you can go with him - he's right that they can't conjure up money or a job for him, but what they can do is help get him out of the mindset that he'll never find another, better job. I also think you should definitely talk to your mum - it's always the ones who don't ask that need it, and the ones that don't really need it always seem to be asking!! (I love my brother but jeez, he's got no kids, his salary is tax-free and he works in private equity and yet somehow my dad is like, "I'm just buying a plane ticket for your brother to go on holiday"...)

Mr Xiao and I were talking last night about the huge pressure that most men place on themselves to be a sole breadwinner/earner/supporter, even when that's totally unrealistic because of illness and because the vast majority of full-time jobs these days are not enough to support a family on one salary. And yet, there's still a feeling of failure as a man and a father if you're not able to be the "provider" - in the same way that many women feel a failure if they're not able to be sole caregiver to their children, even if they're not personally suited to that role, don't enjoy it, or need to go to work for the family finances (or even just to keep their own sanity). There's then the double whammy of many men finding it very difficult to talk to others about it because it's seen as an admission of failure. I remember my DH saying despairingly that he felt so weak having to talk to someone about his anxiety because "everyone else seems to be able to manage how they're feeling" even though intellectually of course he knows that that's not true. I'm glad that talking to his friend seemed to help him gain some perspective, just taking that first step to talk to someone seems to be a huge step for many people. I'm really sorry about your skunk though

Also I think Figgyboy's had a word with DS who has eaten absolutely nothing but a couple of grapes today and even refused most of his bottle of milk. He did wake up with a fever of 38.2 and very weepy saying "teeth hurting" - after some calpol he perked up a bit, but still no food at all today yet. He even refused his favourite of smoked salmon, scrambled eggs and tomatoes at lunchtime

Will catch up later...been crazy week