November 2012 - Summertime, and the babies are sleeping (mostly with a few notable exceptions)

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1800961-November-2012-Is-is-too-early-for-birthday-plans

You are not an AA cup Chasing!! Get thee to the bra threads and measure yourself! No way you are an AA. More a B I'd think. :) Not that I was checking out your tits of course. backs out of this one slowly...

Kirrin Poor wee poppet. Not your fault at all. I'm pretty sure we'd all do the same in trying to catch. Hope the bloods are okay also.

MM Hope he is back home and fixing the mess he made now. Or you are sleeping. Hopefully both! Night time is not a good time for making decisions. :(

PR Fucking cunt. Never ever ever ask a woman if she is pregnant, or when it is due. Number one fucking rule. How can people not know this??

If it makes you feel any better, when DS1 was 10 months old I saw a bitch from school (I hated everyone at school) in town. She said 'oh I didn't realise you were having another'. Luckily for me her I didn't understand what she meant. I just said 'nope, I'm at college, going back to uni, no time for another one'. It was only about 8 years later I actually realised why she had said it the fucking bitch. She was a bitch in school - she's still a bitch now. I've seen her facebook posts the illiterate fucker. Sorry off on a tangent ooops!

Chasing What I did was spent a lot of time online, chatting to people, making new friends. Eventually I would arrange a night a week to get out - I'm sure your Dad will oblige in some baby sitting! Even if you put O to bed for him, then go for a couple of hours, then come back to stay at your dads. O will never know you were gone! I read, watched films that I wanted to watch! It won't be forever! I know how hard it is though.

O is currently climbing on top of me while I am sat on the floor typing this. I think he is trying to tell me something....!!

So last night O was awake pretty much most of the night from midnight til 4.30am. Luckily once I finally got him to go the fuck to sleep, and stay the fuck asleep, he slept til 7.10. Then he played in his cot til 8. So I did get some sleep after sobbing hysterically that he would be awake just after 5 again!!. Then he went back down at 9.20 til 11.45.

After the last 2 weeks where he hasn't slept much in the morning, I am so fucking grateful. I went back to bed, and slept too!

So now feeling human :)

DP slept on the sofa all night, and do you know what. Despite getting a full nights fucking sleep, he woke up at 8am. 8am is the time he starts work.

He needs to get a bloody grip! He reckoned the sound over the baby monitor drowned out his alarm. Yeah right. Whatever. Shame it didn't wake you up in the night if it was so loud.

Also, it was the toddle pod that cracked the staying asleep last night. And for his nap today. Think we will go back to using it again. I stopped a couple of weeks ago as the hot weather meant he was sweating loads in it, so figured he would be cooler without. Especially as he insists on a fleecy blanket to cuddle . Also, he's taken to side sleeping without it.

The reason he woke in the first place last night was because he was continually rolling around the cot in his sleep, crashing in to the bars etc. Sure a travel cot with a good mattress would be better right now!!!

I have had less than an hour's sleep. He came home and we had another massive bust up. I stupidly read his old facebook messages and discovered he was not just having an affair with one of his team 2 years ago, but two of them. I am so hurt and feel so stupid for being a mug. He is sitting in my gran's house just now acting like nothing has happened.

Erm, mm1 were you together then? Were you aware of the first affair already? Don't feel like a mug; it is very easy to believe what you want to believe when you are in love with someone. Really sorry you are going through this

Haven't caught up on the thread but just read the last two posts.
(((Hugs))) mm1! You are not a mug! I've never met you but to me you seem head strong, fiercely Independant and won't take shit lying down. Don't feel shit

Oh MM . Huge, huge hugs.

If I've read it right, you knew about one affair but not both? I have been in a situation where I knew my partner had cheated but later found out further details that made me feel the way you probably do now. So I can empathise. Have you got someone in RL you can talk it over with?

You certainly sound like you have your head screwed on and FWIW, I think if you were to make a break away from him, now would be as good a time as any. Only my opinion of course and much easier for me to say than for you to do xx

MM Can you think back to how you would have felt if you found out at the time rather than now? What would you have done back then?

I'd find it so much harder now as there are children involved, BUT in some ways it is easier to work through it as so much time has passed since.

He's still a grade A twat mind you, but I'm pretty sure that in those early months of a relationship, many people go through similar. Life isn't Mills & Boons damnit! and people do stupid things without realising the long reaching concequences.

Forgetting him for a minute - what do YOU want? What do you want in a relationship? Can he give you this? Do you want him to give you this?

I've learned the hard way, that no relationship is worth staying in just because you have a child together. Children learn to live with separated parents, and it just becomes normal to them. However, you only get one life. Don't waste it on something that won't make you happy. :)

Yeh, what det said. It does suck though.

PR what a bitch, hope you have arranged to piss in her slippers (or similar).

Sophia Lunch in bed sounds delicious.

Chasing I expect detailed food porn later please

I had a most enjoyable morning pottering around town. My brother got me Waterstones vouchers for my birthday, so I spent a bit of time about an hour in there, bought myself a few books, and couldn't resist getting The Snail & The Whale for F! I could probably have spent all day in there, but F did a poo so we had to leave.

Wot detective said.

What a bastard MM. I agree with the others that you need to think through what you want and whether you see your relationship being a happy one long term. There have been problems with your DP for a while now but the first year after having a baby is stressful for any relationship. Whatever you do take the time to sort things out in your own mind; don't react emotionally. My DH cheated on me in 1996 and it was difficult to get through but we did, however I will never quite trust him now and if he did it again then he would be out the door, he's had his second chance. That's how I came to terms with it in my own head anyway.

Well jel of Waterstones vouchers pig. My favourite shop. Also must buy Snail and the Whale. Started reading Tabby McTat to O the other day but only got halfway through as he got distracted by the dog. I'm dying to find out how the story ends. Going to try and incorporate a bedtime story soon, inspired by Pass and P's lovely sounding bedtimes.

Ooh chasing it's a good un. I bought that for dsd on a shopping trip once, she made me stop in the cafe and read it to her THREE TIMES before we were allowed to go home

I knew about the first one. We were in an on/off rocky period of our relationship and although he was very nasty in the way he did it. The blonde whore (this morning's discovery) he point blank denied at the time.

But it was 2 years ago. Nearly 3. I am just so hurt and angry, I struggle trusting him at the best of times.

*very nasty I forgave him. Just.

Do you think I could borrow her pig? I need someone who shares my enthusiasm for children's books

Yes Stunt is right about that first year after a baby being fucking immensely hard.

I forget myself - and I have done it before. When we decided we wanted a child, it was the one thing I reiterated to DP over and over and over. And it is something I remind him of whenever things get really tough.

Everything seems worse when you are living with sleep deprivation, a demanding child needing you every second of the day, a body that has fucked off on a lifetime holiday changed completely, and feeling like you just aren't you anymore. And then there are others who look like they are living the 'dream' with their perfect babies, and perfect lives, who make you feel even shitter!

And then men come along and add to the problems!

So yes, I do think it is worth getting through the first year before evaluating things and making a firm decision. Doesn't mean you have to forgive, or forget. Or even be nice to the bastard! Just that right now, you have more important things to think about . And he better make things easier on you!

It happened here too MM. Start of the relationship, on/off, was difficult due to the age gap (MIL grounded him for seeing me FFS!). Anyway, he slept with his ex girlfriend while we were 'off' but at the same time he was begging me to go back to him, and he would stand up to his mum, make things work etc.

I classed it as cheating - others may not.

But I have forgiven and pretty much forgotten. He isn't that person he was back then immature. Thank fuck. He's changed so much. And despite my whinging, I wouldn't change him for the world. I know he loves me, and I love him. And that is what matters. :)

mm that has made me feel sad. You seemed to have come so far the two of you. Obviously I am not there and don't know the whole story but I think you two are doing a good job of moving forward. Heaven knows I have done REALLY daft stuff in the past but I know I wouldn't want that to impact on how we are now.

Anyway. Follow your heart. Xx

Oh, and agree with everyone else, the first year is not necessarily a blue print for how things will be. It is hard.

Can everyone check the Facebook please if you're on there!!!!

MM you've always said the two things that would be a deal breaker for you are infidelity and violence. He's done both . and doesn't exactly 'make up' for it with treating you well the rest of the time. Is this a relationship you are happy in - assuming he doesn't change? in the meantime lovely xx

And FWIW don't go labeling the other women as whores - that takes the blame off him. He should be able to be faithful even if in a room full of naked women. It doesn't matter what they were like as people you weren't in a relationship with them. Has he called them whores or encouraged you to blame them? If so that doesn't suggest any degree of respect for women....

I'd like to share a lovely moment with O today!

The child that never stops moving - even in his sleep - stopped moving!! For over 30 minutes he sat cuddled up on my lap, watching tv! He didn't fidget, pull my hair, bash my face, pinch my nipple, foot crotch me, or anything else. He just didn't move. He was totally chilled out, and it was so lovely! Normally this only happens at bedtime for his feed.

30 whole minutes of cuddles!!!

And, to top it off, when he'd had enough, he just slipped himself off me, and took himself off on the floor.

5 minutes later I took him upstairs, and rocked him pretty gently to sleep, and there was no fussing! No kicking, hitting, arching back, flailing limbs. Just O rubbing his face in the fleece and smiling contentedly.

I wonder when we will get a repeat of that!

I have put my bugaboo donkey on eBay I love it. It works really well with my lifestyle now where I walk to the shops a lot and I take both boys to toddler group in it but my new lifestyle will be really different so I am going to get a single nipper out and about and a buggy board.

Anyway, I have put a reserve on of £700, do you think that it too much? We bought it for over £1200 and it is in fab condition but a lot of the others have a reserve of £600. I may have cocked up.

No, and btw, you should be able to sell it for what you are asking on the facebook bugaboo pages. I'm on there. I want a bee plus at some point :)

This is the link if you want to put it on there! www.facebook.com/groups/357508120980102/