March 2013 - gurgles, giggles and going on holiday (for some of us at least!)

[pudtat]

Will this do? Never started a thread before so hope this works...

previous thread

Aw SoYo. Hugs. It is really hard some days and it doesn't make you a bad mummy or mean you love your LO less to sometimes feel that the binary nature of parenthood (either on or off) can be a bit much and if you could have just a couple of hours which were truly just for you it'd be so much better...

Could your DH not take her for s bit even if she is screamy? If she has been well fed then she won't starve for the sake of a couple of hours and you would prob feel much better for getting out for a walk, or a coffee and a read of the papers or something on your own. No baby died of crying and your DH won't either for a bit.

Longer term, I'm guessing you've tried various strategies to move away from having to feed to sleep? I know transfers have been an issue for you from the get go. Wonder if your DH would be prepared to really help you revisit this as it sounds like you are suffering with way more than just lack of sleep. Finding a way to share the load a bit sounds important, ESP as from memory yours is a bottle refuser so you can't even leave him with some ebm and bugger off for a bit?

Sympathy if nothing else.

Argh! Who's messed with the water? All our OHs have reverted to new baby state and LOs no longer sleeping through!!

My 9-5 sleeper is no more. It's getting half an hour shorter every night

I fully sympathise soyo. I find myself thinking the same things but realise that my rational judgement has been compromised by lack of sleep and resist the urge to walk out. Last night, I was quite close to putting DD in her basket (awake, not crying but refusing to sleep) and getting in the car in my jimjams and driving off round the corner, without a word to DH, just to see what he'd do if he had to. But I didn't. May try tonight if DD is the same.
I'm sure it's the four month sleep regression (at 3 and half months) but why has the bedtime routine stopped working? For nearly a week now she's practically asleep after her bath/feed/story then 'pop' - her eyes open and I spend a hour getting nowhere until I give in and feed her back to sleep, which I don't want to do, obviously. Anyone got the solution?

soyo just wanted to say a big hello to you. Your day sounds crappy and no wonder you feel crappy too. With such regular feeding overnight could you try sleeping in another room and have dh bring her in for food and take her away for settling? I know transfers are a massive thing in your house as pud remembered so maybe the bringing in and out thing is too big an ask but what about delegating the settling part of night feeds to him?
I know absolutely the trapped feeling of. responsibility you refer to. Totally stifling sometimes.

Random in there - don't know where he came from...

Posted early in error as dd on shoulder did violent jerk head butt as is her wont.
That feeling of stifle lifted soyo when I'd had a chunk of sleep a couple of times and when dd had accepted a bottle a couple of times. As with most of these baby issues it's only temporary madness. Sending lots of love your way soyo.

SoYo what a horrible day. I really hope it's just a growth spurt and you got a good stretch of sleep last night. It makes me feel bad at announcing...

DD has slept from 9:50-6am! I love her thumbs as she obviously does too! I, on the other hand, woke at 2, 3, 3:40, 4, 5 and have been awake since 5:30 because I assumed she wake up each time I heard her sucking her thumb.
I actually got up to sit on the bed watching and waiting for her to wake up at 5 and 5:30 and she's just gone to slee on my boob so want even properly awake when I got her up at 6 But my boobs were boulders!

Sorry to those who have had bad nights. I hope you don't mind me being happy and yawning this morning

soyo and any big hugs from me. I think we have to take each day as it comes or even hour by hour. Some days are good and some days are bad. Sleep deprivation is the best form of torture.

Ah crap we have yet to face the 4month sleep regression. For the past 2 nights we (actually just me as dh tends to give ds to me) have had a tough time putting him to sleep. I usually have to rock him very fast for a good 30-45mins after a massage. I really wanted to avoid rocking but desperate measures need to be taken. So any im hoping it is the 4month sleep regression thing but a couple of weeks early. Who am i kidding we will not have a good nights sleep for another 10years.

Ive been up since 2am with this stupid cold and now a cough. As i was going to drift off to sleep ds wakes up.

wing well done bet you feel great. Maybe the problem is not our dc's sleep but our inability (motherly instincts) to sleep through small sounds our dcs make.

Morning ladies. So sorry to hear about the tough days and nights for some of you. What's worked here is getting my DH involved in the evenings, and boy do I miss that when he is away. Regardless of whether she has a bottle or a boob feed last thing , he takes her away and settles her. I get that time to unwind, and go to bed. He wasn't keen to start with, but it has now become a bit of daddy time, and he is rather proud of of the fact that she recognises the routine and automatically snuggles up to him when she's pink eyed and over tired.

From what he tells me that's a fairly normal arrangement for his mates at work as well, so for those of you struggling in the evenings delegate to dad. You need a break and some sleep or you'll keel over.

Bit under par myself this morning as windy issues had the tiddler wriggling and whinging from about 3.30am onwards. She'd didn't properly wake, but I did, and stayed that way until 5am when I decided to feed her and cuddle her for an hour. Seemed to work as she's quiet now, and hopefully will stay that way for a bit.

Parents arriving today to house sit and then off to Devon tomorrow. Excited and nervous in equal measure. Excited because, yay, it's a holiday. Nervous because it's a looonnggg drive with a small person, and my parents, although lovely, have an unfailing ability to trash something every time they visit. To date this has ranged from breaking a sash window, to flooding the bathroom. What is more every mishap is invariably my fault!!! You've gotta love em.

Yeah WD! Great news.

We had regression here and full scale meltdown at 4.30am so had to feed her! Going to decide what my strategy is for getting a bottle a day back into her routine as I need one block break as baby and toddler and no break = exhausted mummy sith limited time for other little one. If that is still a failure when she hits 4 months then we are bottles all the way! I have told madam so it's her choice!! Main issue is the boob feeds from basically 2pm til 8pm seem to be constant and it's killing them!

The baby spa is great. It's just for babies, the have a lovely feeding room, mini pods for babies under 8 weeks and a big pool for babies above 8 weeks. They wear this funny neck brace so they have freedom in the water. Dd loved it. Also a lovely feeding room with pillows and a bottle warmer and washing sterilizing area. After the swim the baby gets a massage. Lovely atmosphere and very chilled baby afterwards but v hungry from all the exercise!

Soyo I totally sympathise - it's just relentless sometimes. I really didn't forsee just how much having no time for the most basic of things one needs to take care of oneself can impact. God knows how people do this without even a useless DH.

On the 5 days where OH is only here for 2 hours in the morning and an hour in the eve I don't see anyone other than DS and feel very isolated stuck in this routine I know will carry on until at least October. I get up, watch crap TV all day or go to the same shops as an 'exciting outing', because I just don't have the energy to go further afield on my own.

Do you have friends close by Soyo? Maybe at least some different adult company or someone who can take the reins even for 30mins?

worse we have the same bedtime routine here - means I always get 2-3 hours in evening to myself which is great cos I can work and DH relishes this special time he gets cos he feel he misses out on she much during the day. Dh also takes charge in the mornings betweeb 4-8am as required so I can get worry fnee sleep and just passes DD to me for feeding. In reality we often spend 6-8am as family time, playing, snuggling and snoozing all together. Tis my favourite part of the day! We have pretty much always put DD down to sleep awake and she has always been fine, drifting off with her dummy so we are lucky in that respect. Recently though she has started having a pre-sleep crying session. We hold her little head and stroke and sing to her but rarely lift her out once she is put into bed (except to feed). Usually takes about 10mins to stop fussing but I think she has got the message that once in bed you stay there but you go get lovely mummy and daddy attention!

Well, we've had a better day than yesterday. I did the breakfast shift, then woke the man up at 9am and told him I was going back to bed. Kept waking up when DD was shouting, but nonetheless had a lovely three hours of snoozing. Weird dreams about loose teeth being pulled out and turning into pasta though.

leni sounds like you need to find some nearby mummy friends. Are there any baby groups you could try, or similar? Conversation still likely to be all about babies but it gets you out the house, and you never know, you could end up making excellent friends.

KFF you're not wrong about us struggling to sleep through baby noises. Things got a hell of a lot better here as soon as DD went in her own room - if I'm asleep I stay that way until she makes a loud enough sound to hear from the next room. Before, just her farting or shifting around would wake me.

Massive high-five to miniWing! Keep up the good work.

Any when her eyes pop open, what happens? Do you start trying to soothe her to sleep? Does she start crying? If she doesn't start crying I'd suggest just giving her a kiss, telling her to go to sleep, and leaving her to it. If she is crying, try and persuade her to stop crying and then do the same. If she's awake and in bed but not sleeping, you can't make her sleep. But you can teach her that when she's in bed it's quiet time, not getting up and playing and having cuddles time. And then with a bit of luck she'll fall asleep by herself after a while.

Stormy - i've tried all of the above. Last night I put her down and she.opened her eyes and gave me a big smile, then started thrashing her arms and legs around. I left her to it and went to have a bath but by the time I was out, she was back into full on meltdown. I know I am to blame for rocking her to sleep mostly so she can't do it on her own.
However, am at my Mum's, been for a walk and she got grizzly but wouldn't nod off. Cuddled her through the usual screaming then popped her down. Her eyes were open but she was staring at nothing and didn't move. She dropped off after about 5 mins! Now, how the #*€& do I get her to do that every time??

any soyo hope all bearable .... All ok ish here. Still really not enjoying the feeding, it seems to be a nightmare whether boob or bottle with wind and pulling away. Find myself wishing away til the time when she doesn't need milk ( like when she is 2!) which is such a shame as I really enjoyed the baby part with ds .... Reminding myself I had a nice day with dd yesterday and its not all bad but I am do exhausted.

Eig are you using colief (I think I'm making that name up but I can't remember what it's called) or gripe water? You don't want to feel like you're not enjoying this time with her.

Conversely I can't believe how much I am enjoying my time with DD but hated it with DS. I remember getting to his 1st birthday and consciously thinking 'I've got through a year and only now am I starting to enjoy motherhood'. It's crazy how much it can change from child to child, isn't it? :(

Any keep going! She will get there in the end - I always think that if my DD does something once I know she can do it again, even if it takes time.

Glad you got a lie-in Stormy :)

leni please do try to get out of the house. I'd go stir crazy if I stayed in every day (although once in a while is refreshing). It's hard with your first but the sense of achievement of meeting other mums and having someone to go for a walk with is great, honestly!

Why are my posts going missing?? Argh!

Ok, last try...

I do get out when OH is home and on my own, but always alone without him. I have 2 mummy mates who I'll be very sad to leave if/when we move, but they're only available when OH is awake so I'm a bit torn between them and him!

I just wanted to express empathy I guess - I've got used to feeling a bit isolated now. My life was so busy before and now going five mins down the road is a big event...

Those periods of 5 days in a row where I have sole responsibility for DS are the toughest.

rainbow you've got it sorted, what a lovely routine. My OH isn't around enough to be quite as useful, but I fully intend to maximise the dad hours next week on hols. Actually that said, I won't. I get a tad jealous when he has her for too long. I suspect this feeling will wear off with time!

You're all right of course about all babies being different, which does make me wonder how I'd find it with two. The tiddler is a dream baby. She eats well, sleeps well, laughs lots, and only fusses when there is a problem. MIL had similar luck with her first (DH), and then was blessed with his brother, who neither ate, nor slept, and didn't allow her one unbroken night until he was well over 2

Leni - yup, we're going through the 'it sucks' phase of parenthood right now . I have days when I know I should text my friends, because I hadn't seen them in ages, but then I think.... ugh, not today.... 'cos the routine will get shot, and I'm too tired for tiddler tantrums..... It's rubbish, but I am reliably informed it gets better. On the upside there is nothing quite so lovely as the smell of the back of a baby's head. A quick sniff and the world seems like a better place.

Holiday tomorrow!!! I have not packed, or planned, or sorted a route, or even shaved my legs. A nasty case of denial methinks. DH thinks we are leaving at 10am. Snort. We rarely manage to leave by 10am to take the dogs for a walk.

Have fun whilst I'm away. Be good

I thought that too Worse. DH simply isn't around enough to take over that much, and wouldn't be safe doing his job if he was up from 4am aswell.

Mind you, he's deigned to join us tonight bit managed to just lie there shhing when I was getting DS bottle ready for his post bfing top up rather than change his nappy

We're off to a wedding today. Will be lovely, but wish me luck keeping LO entertained/ fed/ napped through a long and disrupted day...

Have lovely hols Worse.

Sorry leni - I misread your post. Can I blame baby brain?

worse, have a lovely holiday. We're off to north Wales in a couple of weeks along with my DPs.

pud, enjoy the wedding. We went to an evening reception with both DCs two weeks ago and DD slept through the very noisy disco :)

I've just given DD a quick feed but I don't think she'd have woken except she'd kicked her sheet and blanket off. Time to find that first size sleeping bag I think!

Any I've no idea how you can persuade her to do it again, alas! But you can keep giving her the opportunity to do it, at least, and as Wing says, it will happen again eventually.

Eig I feel your pain. We're having bottle issues again. Apparently the coolest babies only drink an ounce and then start pissing about and shoving the bottle around and hitting it and then crying for five minutes before eagerly drinking another ounce and starting the whole thing again. When it's trouble every feed the relentlessness of it really gets you down. They'll get past it though. And only twelve weeks to weaning!

Good luck with the wedding, pud. And how are you getting on with those night top-ups? I've got to take DD to a funeral next month, that's going to be fun. Oh well, she's always so covered in dribble she probably won't notice if I start dripping tears and snot on her head.

Ooh I'm jealous of anyone who has any semblance of a routine or is getting more than 2 hours unbroken sleep! However, this is my third non sleeping baby so I guess my body is quite used to it now!

We are BF and haven't tried a bottle yet as there are not enough hours in the day for expressing but I do all the night feeds and settling because DH would just fall asleep holding her and doesn't have the patience to keep putting her back in her basket BUT he does take over after her 4.30/5 feed so I can get an hour or so without paying attention to her every little squeak!

Busy today preparing for a little family party for DS2's third birthday. Secretly hoping DH will have mopped thefloor while I am 'busy' feeding mini chick :)

stormy and wing - you're so right and I just need to have the patience I have during the day at night as well! Worst night for two months last night but it turns out that she has a stinker of a cold and has beem a little bit sicky all day. Left her asleep with DH so I could do the big shop and xame back to find her still asleep. She's been quite whingey all day so I think i'll give her a dose of calpol at bedtime as she keeps waking with a high pitched scream, so must be in pain