Dec 2011 - Do that again, and you're getting sold on Ebay.....

[Aethelfleda]

Shiny new thread with no listing fees!

BJR I'm so, so sorry to hear that. I don't know what his job is but there is no job so high-stress that it means you can unilaterally check out of both parenthood and relationship like that. He can't be the parent he wants to be because of his job, so his solution is for you and DS to leave?! How can any parent feel that that's a reasonable solution?

I have a "high-stress" job in the City but it was putting us under so much strain that (after months of discussion with DH) I went part time and now quitting to do my own thing. When DH was under stress last year we discussed him moving to another school which didn't have such long hours - luckily he has managed to maneuver to improve his conditions which has meant more family time, and also he now takes a digital sabbath on Sundays and spends the morning and the school holidays one-on-one with DS which helps too.

I assume from the way your DP is talking that he has already rejected any suggestions of marriage counselling, changing his job or hours, or the like? He is totally opposed to anything changing on his end?

Greetings from a cold and wet southampton driven 2 hours for a half hour meeting and have another 2 hour drive home to look forward to.....hope management remember this later when they scoring me to determine whether i keep my job or not.......find out tomorrow - still not worried about it as clearly i think i am fab.

Another 5.30 wake up this morning dread to think how he is with his GPs today DH in full on pity mode practically wailing about how he cant go on like this, how he cant concentrate we will go bankrupt as he cant work etc etc it has only been 3 day.....though am sick of the screaming!! If he keeps it up DS is off to the Drs, he isnt pink faced so am still not sure it is teething.

Mopsy if a 2 year age gap is what you want maybe that is the job decision made and you can crack on with that, especially since as someone said earlier these things dont always happen when you want them to.

I think DS was conceived on 24th MArch cant believe it has been almost 2 years since we all started this crazy journey!!

Figgy I don't understand - your DH is working from home at the moment, and saying you're going to go bankrupt because he can't concentrate because DS is screaming?? While you're driving 4 hours roundtrip for a 30 min meeting? Okaaaaayyyy.... Fingers crossed for tomorrow and I'm sure it will be the news you want.

mopsy sounds like you're moving towards the mutual decision that will be best for all of you: DH doesn't want you to go, you feel it would be too much separation, you want a 2 year gap, and I'm sure something else will come up job-wise which will be great. You've only just had your viva the other day, such a newly minted Dr Mopsy - so there's definitely time to wait, get other irons in the fire, and see how the other fellowship pans out as well.

aethel love the understairs cupboard adoption as Hogwarts!!

By the way, for BJR - as knowledge is power, this is a useful link from the Relationships forum just so you know what you're possibly being faced with, what documents to get together if you seek legal advice (and I would strongly agree with the recommendations above to see a family lawyer, just so you know where you stand).

Just had Hopeeasured and she is 70cm tall and she has droped off the chart for hight :(

She is still between the 2nd and 9th for weight.

She is tiny but she is eating and developing well but as she has droped off the chart should I call hv? really dont want to

I wouldn't bother with a HV SS - ours are useless and yours sound actively horrible. If you're concerned I'd go to the GP.

His job is his life unfortunately, he is extremely hard working and very successful at what he does, but to me it's no reason to act the way he does. I work so I have money to enjoy my family, he works as he wants everyone to see how good he is. It's leading us in separate directions, and the pressure he is under is only going to get worse.

So I've started looking at practical stuff and I can afford somewhere to rent if it comes to it and spoke to my parents who have said they can help me out if needed. Have a close friend coming round tomorrow to talk things through with so hopefully that will help.

Then if things are still the same in a few days I'm going to ask my mum to have DS for the weekend over Easter to give us an opportunity to talk properly before I make any big decisions.

Thank you for all the support ladies, it means alot.

:) ((((hugs))))) BJR

You need to be happy so your child is happy.

arrrr sorry iphone it was a :( sad face

BJR really glad you've got the support networks set up and you'll always have us here too. I wonder what universe he is on thinking that if you split up he will suddenly become able to be the dad he wants to be. He can only change himself.

Such a shitty situation with him prioritising work above all - there are senior partners who regularly talk about how much they regret having missed their kids entire childhoods while gunning for partnership. I had lunch with a partner and his daughter who had come in for some work experience and she kept mentioning things "do you remember when xxx happened dad" and every single thing he wasn't there, was on a trip, still in the office, whatever. It was like they didn't belong to the same family. Some partners here have had second families later in life and behave very differently second time round.

Fundamentally though, being a workaholic is a problem of priorities and values. Being vile to you is not related to how hard he works - that's just him being a shit

Ss I wouldn't worry too much she might just be small does she eat much?

Bjr sorry hear that it's even so bad u need the "talk" he probably doesn't think you'd ever get that far so he can be how he likes maybe it'll be warning shot he needs.

Xiao dh is a chest clutching hysteric if he doesn't have something to worry about which will never happen he creates something .....it's tiring but so is DS this week early bed for me I think!!

It sounds really tough BJR. Wish I had some helpful advice but I hope you get to have a good talk.this weekend and he realises that his behaviour will have serious consequences. Maybe he doesn't believe you'd really leave. How very difficult for you :(

Minimopsy was ill on Mon/Tues and thought she was on the mend but today has been bout after bout of diarrhoea and vomiting. Thank goodness I have loads of vests as she's getting through them so fast as each time I have to change her. Sofa covered in vom :( have vanished it like crazy but it still stinks. It's so grim!

sorry, I mean Easter weekend BJR

Glad you're taking things forward BJR; it often helps to plan the practical side of things, even just as something to take your mind off stuff. Bottom line is if you don't feel valued, and you don't think he values your DS over work, and he's aware of how you feel and won't change, then it's not great. I hope the chat with him over Easter works though, good luck.

And fingers and everything crossed figgy for tomorrow, can't believe that's come round. Sounds like you'll be fine, but will be thinking of you!

Don't bother SS, if she's fine then I would not put yourself through the trauma of your god-awful HVs again. Sounds like she'll just be petite...my little brother is the same for weight, was off the scale as a kid, just a very skinny kid from a very skinny family.

I'm so sorry about your sofa DD Mopsy, she's really not having any luck with her illnesses is she?

Work went well today- first day of interviews for something that's been a massive project for me and has gone well. Just need to get tomorrow under the belt and the first hurdle is done. Plus the fact that my assistant is great, so it's sooooo taken the strain off me- as I say to DH, it's now just overwhelming as opposed to nervous breakdown

I need another Hazmat suit, DS is on the mend but DD has a fever and had her first day off school this year...

Mopsy, no regrets this end, if I were childfree would have undoubtedly have been fulltime all the way, by now been more senior than I am and probably involved in research/training related stuff (I turned down a potential PhD place in my early twenties as I realised that delaying my career by 4 years would make it hard to get stable career wise before having any children, I've had work colleagues who waited til their late thirties/early forties and were variously knackered/infertile/forever away. Like xiao I've had encounters with bosses' children who clearly saw little of their parent at key events over the years).

I decided a long time ago that children meant relatively part time work and as DH is an academic he needs to be full time so my work fits around the kids' needs. Works for us, and it's a juggle that I know is best in the long run. Oops, there goes DS again. Can someone let me know when they find a reliable sleep/off switch for the Dec 2011 model?

Thinking of you BJR

Good luck today figgy!

Minimopsy was vomiting all night - can't even keep a bit of water down. Might take her to GP as worried about her getting dehydrated. Maybe she needs some dioralyte. Absolutely horrible weather, driving snow. Really don't fancy going out in it...

Hey y'all
I had posted before now but the Mn imps stole my post.
Big hugs n sympathies bjr. Best of luck for your talk. You know what's best for you. Does your DH realise that not only would he lose you and DS, but would more than likely lose at least half of everything he's worked for? And would have to spend even more time at work in the future to help maintain you and DS? I hope he realises just how very important his work will be in the future!
Good luck figgy! Hope today works out well for you.
Sorry to hear minim is poorly. That sounds really bad, poor you, poor minim, and poor soft furnishings!
Queenie - sorry AF arrived. Next month then! Mine hasn't yet - keep your fingers crossed for me.

Ps - am on a train heading home! I'll get a bath, and then pick up mi laddio! Hurrah!
(Knackered!)

oi glad you're on the way home :)

SS tbh I'd say her development is more important than numbers. If you're happy that she's developing ok and reaching milestones she must be getting what she needs.

figgy hope its good news today.

queen better luck next month.

mopsy sorry minim is poorly. Imagine your life in 15years time, in one scenario you didn't get as far as you wanted in your career, in the other you had a fantastic career and had achieved all you wanted but didn't have any more children. Which would you be more disappointed by?

BJR sorry things are so bad, what an awful decision to have to make. he's basically said you and DS will never be as important as his career, do you love him enough to be happy to spend the rest of your life in the shadow of his career?Whatever decision you make be sure that its what you really want, don't just stay together for the same of DS. I grew up in an unhappy home where my parents always argued, I'd have much rather had two happy seperate parents.

How are the other pregnancies going? I'm 30 weeks today, have a box of DDs newborn clothes to wash and starting to think about getting the bits for my hospital bag organised. Where has the time gone? Based on the last two its likely that in 6 weeks I'll have a newborn oh shit

Mopsy Sorry MiniM is poorly. Hope she gets better soon.

SS I wouldn't worry to much if you think she is happy & developing well :)

BJR You & DS need to be happy and tbh it doesn't sound like your 'D'H is worried about that. Sounds to me like he is more focused on his career and not putting DS & your needs first. Hoping the 'Talk' helps.

Oi Welcome back to the UK & Fx for you.

The only thing that bothers me about getting a BFP in April means DD2 & Peanut will have birthdays over xmas! that's not a bad thing is it?

Decided to turn down offer. Had said after I moved back to live with husband fulltime towards end of pregnancy that I was just going to make a rule... no more living apart. I've been umming and awwing about this, agonising about when to have no 2 etc. so I decided just to go back to that rule. I hated being apart and so did Mr. Mopsy and would be even worse with Minimopsy now here. Even if only 5 months. I might be making a mistake career wise but you have to make choices and you can't have everything.

Job is safe yay now have other dilemma.......basically we sold a large part of business to another company which resulted in reduction of work in our team, we not part of that business so cant go with them under tupe but new company want to take displaced hr people i expressed an interest when things were unsure and thy now want to interview me........do i go regardless of todays news?? Its slightly closer, possibly an opp for career development and since knowledge is power and i know a lot about what they've bought i might be in a strong position for salary negotiation hmmm.

Ds had swimming this morning and he got a lovely certificate and swimming badge hes also going up to the toddler class 2 months early.

As i got good news this morning been out and bought a new car mine is going tomorrow garage doing 1st MOT on new 1 and can collect it tuesday unfortunately that means im carless sunday when dh is out 7-7 though as my mum arrives for a week sunday night i guess much cleaning required in preparation .

Welcome back OI .......when were u due af? Exciting!!!

Oh and mopsy glad you made your decision and you happy with itn

yay figgy! go you!