October 2012: onwards, upwards and rolling over?

[YompingJo]

Is this part 5 already? Where did that time go?

Ok I am three pages behind but I can never catch up and wanted to post before it gets any worse. Bf is so hard right now, re-latching every minute so I have lost my precious time with one hand free to type. This sounds trivial but I do miss you all so much and miss your support. I have mastitis at the moment after the same blockage came back. Last time I had to let the bf support lady hand express for me. CRINGE!!! I can not tell you how relieved I am not to be the only one considering either a partial or complete move to formula. Some of you have been to hell and back and have still persevered for so long that I have just been to hell and back worrying and feeling guilty. The hours spent alone and awake in the night are not good for decision making! Huffle, your post here on p 33 really resonated with me. It is so hard to find advice and support. Unlike loads of you whose hv pushes formula on you, mine is the bf specialist of my area and makes me feel like formula is not an option. However, we had the 4 month check today and she was really supportive and told me about a milestone in the development of their gut by 4 months. My dh has been great and has made me try and weigh up the pros and cons for the whole family, taking into account poor ds1 whose story time before bed is a nightmare when I am preoccupied with relatching ds2 when it should be his special time. I am so stressed with it that dh says ds2 will be happier if I am happy, but I dont want to feel like I have thrown the towel in without giving it my best shot. It is my 30th birthday soon and I am now dreading all the things we have planned I case I give myself mastitis by being away from the baby for a few hours. Sigh. The only feeds that are nice and relaxed are through the night, but it being me up every single night feed isn't ideal and it would be great if dh could help.

Speaking of dh, thank you all so so much for the congratulations about his job. What a wonderful and supportive lot you are.

Yomping, you are an utter hero!!! So glad your dh is helping.

Oren, ignoreridiculous comment about baby not liking your milk. How rude!

Londonmrss what kind of friend is this girl to dump on you now? Not fair.

Going to read more now!

I am also waaay behind so I'm sorry if I'm not being very supportive either. Sorry to hear about the mastitis though bella

Thanks to whoever told me about the wonder weeks app, I've downloaded it and printed off the chart too. Very interesting, I think he is more or less following it. Can't wait for next week's thunder cloud?! Talking of which, we had a massive rumble of thunder here the other night (seriously, who has thunder in February?) while I was feeding DS. We both jumped out of our skins then he starts laughing and squealing hysterically. Odd child.

Nights are still hideous. Up every hour or two hours. Last night was a bit better with one three hour stretch. He is also getting really tricky to put to sleep in the evenings (has always been tricky for naps). Sometimes I feel like all I do is spend hours trying to get him to sleep. Doesn't help when the weather is bad and I can't do my normal walk along the river because it's burst its banks, as he often goes to sleep in the buggy. I am on my knees with tiredness. But still trying to get out every day to meet people or go to groups. I do feel like I am building a bit of a network now. Only just though...

Well DH is back from his work trip... and wants to go skiing this weekend. OK this is a very First World Problem so please look away now if you are easily bored. But... skiing used to mean everything to me. It's pretty much the only sport I have been really, really good at. I used to race, I went to live in Switzerland, I worked in the industry, it's how I met my husband in a roundabout way. And I used to sacrifice everything in order to be able to afford to ski as often as possible. After DS was born DH and I both decided we would never go off piste together until DS was grown up, just in case. But we would still go skiing as often as possible. And we have, thus far. Problem is, I am knackered. I do every night and all day on my own. I am very lucky in having helpful family, but they don't live here. I'm not complaining, that's what I chose and I'm fine with it. It's just DH doesn't understand that I don't want to get up at the crack of dawn, pack up the car, drive two hours, spend half the day wandering around a small ski station, two hours up the mountain and a two hour journey home every weekend. My priorities have changed. That makes me a bit sad, but that's how it is. He just can't understand and feels the need to go EVERY WEEKEND because 'the snow is amazing right now and before you know it it will have melted and we won't be able to go anymore'. Last weekend I convinced him to stay at home but he spent the whole day moping around. So this weekend he said either we go together or he goes with work people (and I have the day at home with DS). Not much of a choice really, I've done most of this week alone and don't fancy half the weekend on my own too, so we're going together. Like I say, a very First World Problem and I probably sound very spoilt, but I am just exhausted. DH always wants to 'do' things at the weekend and I feel like we should because he works hard all week and being outdoors at the weekend helps him unwind, but I can never come up with suggestions for stuff we can do together that isn't so full on as a day in the mountains. Once in a while is fine, but every weekend is too much. We had 'the' argument the other night - you know the one where I go 'you don't understand I have DS all day and all night apart from the hour and a half you see him in the evening' and he goes 'well I'm out all day earning the money so you don't have to work so if you don't like it find a job' yadda yadda. I feel like it's taking all my energy just to cope with DS that when DH comes home I just take it all out on him and snap at him...

Gods sorry that's such an essay. Please feel free to ignore me, it helps just writing it all down sometimes. My uncle just died this week too so I'm feeling a bit blue.

Hey Smorgs and Bella. Bella sorry about the mastitis. I am a bit afraid of it coming back too, after the hourly feeds he is now all over show and I'm getting engorged. But still too tender for pump. Feck. I am sorry to hear about the struggle for time for ds1. The thing about this BF is that unless it is easy, it really is so v stressful and time filling. We know it is the healthiest option nutrition wise, no doubt, but I do think other things suffer........... I am intrigued by 4 month gut maturity change??? If you have any time would you let me know? Here or FB. But u have so much on hands. I am trying not to feel guilty about change. I think you are heading in similar direction to me. Every family is unique and only you can decide what is right. Hugs to you pet. X x

Smorgs. As the outsider it is easy for us all to think that your DH should wise the hell up there........ In our house weekends are for me to rest. DH does most of baby stuff. Personally I think the earner is irrelevant (and here it is me) as the baby job is feckin bloody hard. Relationships are hard too. And people can be very thoughtless regardless of how they love each other!! I think you need to let DH know you are exhausted. Yes. Priorities change. We all say we will live the same life. But it is physically impossible. You have the rest of your lives to enjoy, DS is a new baby only once.

Sorry. Preaching. But I feel for you.

DS has had 2 2 hr naps and seems to be enjoying another mega one. WTF???? Is this the comedown from the mega leap??? Or is he just storing up for more madness?????? Who knows.....

ceazy I feel for you dealing with 2 DCs, it is the same here, bloody hard work looking after 2. I also feel like I'm not giving ds1 quality time when ds2 is screaming, and also that I can't coo over ds2 when ds1 is demanding something...

smorgs so sorry to hear about your uncle, that's shit. Was he poorly?

angelico that must have been a shock! glad bean is ok. I wonder if we should hey one of those monitors...? We decided not to because we thought out would feed dh's paranoia (long story but basically his dad died suddenly when he was 12 and he was the one that found his body), bit turns out dh sleeps peacefully through while I get up 3 times a night to check she's not dead. I lie there waiting for a sound and eventually have to get up and poke her.

Bella I can truly sympathise on the feeding problems, I struggle with it every day and have since the start. Have the bf support people given any useful advice? Is it a problem with the latch? Or are you like me and you just have a baby who is rubbish at feeding? Our night feeds are much better than day ones too so during the day I always try and feed when she's sleepy. This means keeping an eye on her during naps and as soon as she starts to stir, I pick her up and latch her on. Sorry if this is unsolicited advice, but it does help us have more peaceful feeds. And if you have to / want to move onto formula, that is fine and your baby will still be healthy and happy- because you will be. Never feel like a failure for saving your sanity- dragging every feed and ending up with both mummy and many crying is so hard- I have been there many times. Or situation has improved enough for me to feed on public now- I couldn't for several weeks because she would only feed in a dark silent room. Just another thought- nipple shields have been my saviour. I know bf consultants would advise against it, but they are easier for a baby to latch onto.

So I went for a lovely walk in Greenwich today. Stopped in a nice pub to give lo a feed. Cleaned up all the milk mess, got her back in the pram and carried on with my walk.

With my tit still hanging out.

Seriously. Completely out. For about half an hour.

And no one fucking told me! Everyone looked friendlier than usual and I thought they were all thinking how beautiful my baby is. Turns out they were thinking how ridiculousI looked with my left tit flapping in the South East London breeze. Thank fuck I am moving house. I'll probably be in the front page of the Standard tomorrow: 'Lower Middle Class Woman Wops Tit Out In Upper Class Greenwich'.

Londonmrss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have come out of lurking to say Londonmrs, that had me crying with laughter! Am glad you can see the funny side. Reminds me of the Friends episode where Rachel's boob falls out in front of her boyfriends parents and she says 'It's OK, I got nice boobs.' I'm sure you have too

Oh Londonmrs that cracked me up. Sorry!

I know that feeling of end of an era re moving to the country. But having space and a garden is awesome. You will make new friends locally. I've gradually started to meet people through all the mother and baby groups and feel more like I belong here.

Best news of the day : fish fingers are still permissible! Happy days.

londonmrs have been so paranoid that will happen to me too!

bella sorry to hear about your feeding troubles and mastitis, huffle's right, unless bf is easy it's really stressful and time consuming, which only makes it harder still, so sometimes ff is better for everyone in the family. You've done an awesome job so far so have nothing to feel guilty about

smorgs it boils down to the same thing, whether it's about skiing or spending the weekend in a pub with his mates, ie having quality time together as a family. And i think men find it more difficult than us to accept that their life has changed permanently once they've had kids. Skiing's a bit different I guess as there's a limited time for snow but could he compromise and only go every other weekend? maybe you and DS could go one time, then he could go with mates the next? Or could you stay in a motel nearby for the weekend to cut out a bit of travelling?

angelico OMG think you might need a after that! I have been thinking about getting one of those monitors so might look into it more today!

DD has decided to torture me lately... Feed at 7pm, won't feed later in the evening, feed at 6.30am then won't feed again till after lunch and thrashing around and crying if I try and feed her! so boobs feel like they're going to explode! I always express a bit by hand in the morning as I wake up with lumpy basketballs but never manage as much as she drinks, so might have to express more frequently in the mornings. Arghhhhh babies are weird

Ok apologies for my long rambling essay earlier, think I'm borderline delirious at the moment the good news is dh has agreed to do tonight with me in spare room and bring baby to me when he wakes for feeding.
Thanks for your thoughts londonmrss he was very fit and healthy until 4 years ago when he got a very aggressive brain tumour. He had excellent treatment where he lived in the US so lasted longer than anyone initially thought and was still working until 4 months ago. He was one of those people I aspired to be like 'when I grow up' you know?
Anyway, howling at your mishap! Another one to note down for the comedy script!

Thanks for your advice huffle and smile4me, I have tried to get across to dh how tired I am without losing my temper and snapping at him, might have succeeded.
angelico that must have been so scary but at least you know the monitor is working properly? Thanks for shedding light on why the advice is to have then in your room for for the 6 months though.

furious here- i am the feckin skin police. creaming bathing gloving . he looks like he wiped his face with barbed wire as i left off socks after bath.
cherry I've been holding off on the steroid cream. am i nuts?. is yours 1% hydrocortisone or 2?
London
smorgs YANNNBU. Nobber .

Smorggs I'm sorry. I was so busy giving off about your DH I missed the bit about your uncle. Sorry for you and your family. Xx

Bella big hugs on the mastitis :( I really thought I was going to jack BFing in around 6-8 weeks because the recurrent blocked ducts were fucking agony. They stopped around time I had D&C so maybe hormonal - but if they hadn't the bean would have been on formula for sure - and no doubt would have been thriving. Don't torture yourself at all over quitting BFing - you AND the bean need to be happy and comfy. I'm pretty sure once our bean is going to creche 2 full days (in a few weeks time) she will have at least one bottle of formula those days unless I get time to express and stockpile before then.

Smorgs sorry about your uncle Glad your DH is helping out tonight. The skiing thing is tough as it is time-limited but I think every other weekend isn't too much of a sacrifice for your DH!

London you are a legend :o You could put that story in a book :o Thank God you're escaping and able to start a new life but the good folk of Greenwich...

On the monitor thing - yeah it was strange I definitely don't want to make people paranoid. We didn't hook it up for ages - planned on saving it for when bean was in her own room - but I started a thread in sleep about moving her into room early as her noise was disturbing me at night. Anyway got lots of advice but also one poor lady came on and said her DS died in moses basket right beside her bed - so she recommended keeping baby in room till 6 months AND hooking up monitor. The Angelcare one is good and it has never gone off for no reason, her breathing was really strange last night, just barely there and it took a bit of effort to rouse her - she was just very deeply asleep. She might have been fine without the warning but on the other hand might not have been.

Funnily enough I got used to bean's noises (and miss them when it's my 'night off'!) but it means when she is having her first sleep of night (ie now) I can sit downstairs without worrying about her because the little portable monitor beeps with her movements. I also found it was easier for me to relax and sleep when I have it on - and I couldn't believe how fast I woke and was on my feet last night when the warning beep sounded. I always wondered would I be confused if it went off - think it was mobile or alarm clock - can tell you NO! Brain registered it within a microsecond and I was on my feet before I had time to consciously process what the noise was.

Anyway sorry for essay - here's to less exciting nights all round! x

Oh Smorgs, you poor thing. I'm so sorry about your uncle. I bet he was very happy and proud to be such an inspiration to you.
Glad your DH has given you a break tonight, but his "choice" of going with him or staying home alone was a rubbish choice!
Of course you're tired (I'm barely hanging on til DH gets back), and of course your priorities have changed. Ok, the snow is time limited this year, but it'll be back next year and the year after! Next year, you will hopefully be getting more sleep, not EBF etc. so will have far more energy and he'll be able to help out more. The following year, DS will be walking and able to start learning to ski himself!
When I had my meltdown a couple of weeks ago about there not being enough time at the weekend for us to have family time, me to have me time and to catch up on sleep, my friend said you have the rest of your lives to have family time.

Hilarious boob story London! Was it not cold?! My nipples could tell you the temp and wind direction through 4 layers of clothes and breast pads at the mo.
And don't worry, I think Greenwich is more aging hippy posh. They probably loved the nudity, lends an air of authenticity.

DS and I are friends again despite a crap night. I am trying to relax and go with the non-sleeping flow. (Through gritted teeth and clenched fists)

Lisbeth, the cream we got doesn't say hydrocortisone on it anywhere but it does say a lot of other stuff I can't read! It's 0.1% whatever it is, and cleared it right up, but he only had a small patch on his cheek.
I'd say give it a go.

God I was just lurking on the relationships forum for a bit. Reminded me that some people really do have complete bastards in their lives. Feel a bit bad for occasionally saying bad things about dh. He's lovely and gentle and he loves us to bits. He's just a dopey nobber sometimes.

1.5 hr cycle all feckin night. FFS. And dummy did absolutely nada. FFS. Bet he's not hungry all day now FFS. Thankfully tis the weekend so DH took him out at 6.30 and they are still out. 2hrs uninterrupted sleep truly is a blissful luxury. So yes London our DHs may occasionally be nobbers but we actually are v v lucky. The world is full of assholes and unlucky women. Must be nicer to DH today.

I'm just off to have a shower and I will shampoo my hair twice!!!! Oh my oh my the luxury of being home alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DH bound to arrive at door with screaming bubba mid lather.

Bloody 'ell huffle lather, rinse AND repeat?? Luxury indeed

smorgs sorry to read about your uncle, hope you & your family are ok.

Loving the comedy of boob error!

Last night's sleep report - dd made massive fuss about going to sleep, then slept whopping (for her) 6 1/2 hours. I'd finally agreed to let dh do a night feed as we'd had such crappy sleep this week so had suggested I feed her until about 3 then he takes over. So when she woke again at 5.45 he took her off for a bottle. Cue massive screaming hissy fit and refusal until I got up and fed her. So more questions than answers! Was she not hungry and wanted boob to resettle? Was this a one off? Is it cos he did her nappy first and woke her up too much? (I do her nappy once ON but not this close to getting up time). Was it the bottle of was it the fact it was formula? Not good as it's my birthday next week and dh & I were going to go out for a meal with my dp babysitting. So if she wakes before I'm back will she have a feed from them? Was also hoping could have a drink and feed her the first night feed from a bottle. She has one bottle of formula a day with no problems so I don't understand it

Other than that she's going great guns, more cheery and mastering new skills all the time, this week we've rolled back to front (but only when stripped down to a nappy) and hitting a tin with a wooden spoon (reasonably deliberately...?)

Also bought jeans yesterday... in my pre pregnancy size! Could still do with some very strong tummy control pants but progress on my patent exercise regime of bf, baby yoga, pram pushing and dancing like a loon for dd's entertainment/bemusement whenever possible. 30 shred can kiss my arse...

Wow, so much going on!

Angelico we also have the Angelcare monitors and pad..I got as far as setting up the pad and baby monitor, charging the parent monitor and setting it all up. The pad was tested and everything and I even read the instructions but...I can't hear DS through the monitor but did hear him from the room. Need to revisit it, I think! Such a scare for you.

cherry wise words from your friend about having our whole time for family time. I struggle with what's fair - DH only really has one day off so what do I do? I want to be compassionate and think fucking hell, he works REALLY hard, he deserves a day of not doing anything. But I also want us to go out and do things as a family. I'm so torn and have no resolution.

bella poor you with mastitis :( Wishing a speedy recovery. I heard running hot water on them in the shower can help ease the pain - evidently you need long, luxurious showers to get on the road to recovery :)

londonmrss haha with the flapping breast! Why did no one tell you! It must be the area - I had my skirt tucked in my knickers once in Bloomsbury and a nice woman told me. Evidently Greenwich is less kind

OK so - feel a bit depressed here and I don't know why. Everything is fine - little gripes about inconsequential things, little dissatisfactions that, in the grander scheme of things, aren't that big of a deal and will work themselves out, but just...feel so down. Maybe it's the long haul winter getting to me. I don't know. This is a familiar feeling and it boils down to needing to do something. I used to buy old furniture and do them up, I used to write, I used to do cool things like parkour and gymnastics and lifting. I think I just feel a bit lost. There's so many things I want to do, ranging from geo caching to paddle boarding to writing children's stories to getting involved in DH's plans for a children's academy. I think it's just that - I can't do any of those things yet - whether it's because DS is still just a little too young, I'm still in the throes of new motherhood and my brain is on'y functioning at half speed, other things still need to align in order to happen. The temptation is to go out and buy stuff to fill those empty gaps but what I really need to do is turn my attention inwards. But I feel too depressed to anything. Gah. Hate this.

Well 'normal' night thankfully, usual noisy bean breathing and making conversation with rabbit. Her latest cot trick over last two weeks is lifting her feet in air in sleeping bag and slamming them down on the mattress like a human wrecking ball. Can be heard all over the house. She was particularly enthusiastic about it after the 4am feed - hammering and talking to rabbit. Only lasted five mins thankfully and then back to sleep!

London I hear you! I am a lurker and occasional poster in Relationships and it is a genuine eye opener :(

Huffle enjoy the squeaky clean hair :o

Wooly have jeans envy. I am well over a stone lighter than pre-preg weight but was whinging to friend yesterday that my stomach has totally changed shape so I actually feel bigger on the tum than pre-preg! Need sit ups. Anyway friend said at her post-preg check doc was trying to be nice and said, 'You've got your figure back!' And friend just glared and said, 'I've got somebody's figure back, it isn't mine!' I know what she means...

oren there are different ways to set the hand held thing up - I quite often have it just on movement beep as the house isn't so vast we can't hear crying etc.

And also oren what you're feeling I tend to think of as new mum frustration. Our bean is nearly 20 weeks now - which means nearly five months of life has been all about her. I have stuff I need to do and that is why we've started her in creche and are easing up to 2.5 days. I want a balance between time with her and my time - because tbh there was one day last week where I found I was getting resentful because I couldn't get anything done, at all. She's a happy bean but she was just having a crotchety day and it coincided with shitloads of writing type emails and planning and I couldn't get anything done! So if some time away is an option take it. We are lucky that childcare here isn't as madly expensive as London etc and I am using some advance money to pay for it (which after all is what it's there for - to pay you to write the book).

Funnily enough DH knew how I would be before I did. I used to talk about being a SAHM and he was like yeah right! He said I would be bored rigid and I used to get cross - but in all honesty he's right. My ideal life would be working from home / going to writing events / some school or creative writing teaching 3 -4 days a week - and then have the rest of the week to hang out with the bean.

And let's face it - I'm nearly 36. I've had a whole life, worked loads, travelled loads. Why would I want to give up doing all the things that make me happy just because I've had a baby? And oren if I could do parkour I would totally want to be out doing that because it's super cool!!! :o So I guess my point is you are not alone feeling frustrated at times - and if there's anything you can do to shift the balance I would do it. x

The thing that gets me about bf is at the start I was told to expect it to take 6 weeks or so until my supply was established and me and the baby had got used to and it was getting easier. Then when I went to a drop in for support, I was told had only been 4 weeks and I couldn't expect things to be settling down yet, it takes 12 weeks until it's easier! After 3 months, I read somewhere that after 4 to 6 months it get easier! I don't know, I'd like say I wish I'd been told the truth at the start but to be honest it may have put me off!

Had a pretty rock bottom day yesterday, after being awake since 4am, and failing settle her for a morning nap, with the shittiest moment being an hour of sitting on the floor sobbing (that's me, not dd!). She looked a bit perplexed at first then joined in with enthusiasm . I went to the doctors and have got Omeprazole for suspected silent reflux. She is in obvious discomfort when lying down a lot of the time, and since trying to establish a loose routine to help her sleep more in the day, I have noticed that the discomfort seems be in the 2 hours after a feed - exactly when we are trying get her down for a sleep, which is helpful! It's not to with being put down as she also screams if held in a cradle position in my arms. And while she doesn't vomit a lot, her breath does often smell of sour milk which would suggest it is coming part of the way back up. This would explain the discomfort. The tablets have to be dissolved and are a pig to administer, but at least they will either help, or rule out reflux.

Her crap night sleeping and need to be upright during day (which explains her strong preference for sleeping in the sling) mean that I have ended up completely exhausted as I can't catch up on sleep while she sleeps, and thus-far refusal to take a bottle mean that I can't ever get a break for more that 3 hours. Had a meltdown when DH got home and he is going to take the rest this set of shifts off and we going to implement Project Get Mini Yomping Feeding From A Bottle! Have bought a few different ones to try. At this point, even if it leads to nipple confusion or breast refusal, I don't care! Her latch isn't great anyway and my sanity is at stake and that is becoming more important than continuing to bf.

After her shit night, she got lots of naps during the day (sling and buggy) then slept for 6,2,1 overnight, went down in cot for her morning sleep this morning without very much fuss at all, and has been asleep for 1 hour 40 mins so far (although she needed a quick resettle after half an hour). She is a very unpredictable little person!

And that was a very boring ramble.

I have taken to doing my pelvic floors while settling dd down for naps... figure I might as well kill 2 birds with one stone.

Huffle, sorry for terrible night, glad DH has taken ds so you get some sleep.

Cherry, glad the cream helped.

Smorgs, sorry to hear about your uncle and the skiing issues. I don't think DH's realise sometimes how full on it is looking after a baby. Is there any way you could persuade him to have a 'daddy day' so that he can experience it himself? Preferably after he has been in charge for the night as well?

Can I just say, October, Bella, Crazy and anyone else juggling 2 small children, you are complete heroes! I am on my knees and broken with just one. And I wanted 2 .

Oh, and Londonmrss :

And Angelico I've got somebody's figure back

Thanks yomping, cherry and everyone else for your advice and support. I feel a bit silly this morning for complaining when so many of you are having much tougher time.

Would definitely second yomping - smiley, crazy, bella, October, elpis and anyone else you're amazing for coping with two. (Err I wanted 3 )