November 2012 - all the babies have arrived

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1629938-November-2012-come-on-stragglers-were-waiting-for-you

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

Cheers detective I am leaving it till the tomorrow before I raise again. Am a bit overtired this evening, can't string a sentence together and I do actually look like this

Thankfully I did quite a bit before delivery so most gifts bought. None wrapped yet. Going to mums for dinner so no worries there. We have a tree and DD2 is being very gentle with it amazingly. I wish I could postpone christmas for a few weeks though. I do an advent calendar each year and have not been able to put any activities in it as J got ill. We usually have lots of fun making and going out but have done nothing. The girls have been happy with daily chocolate and stickers though.

Oh dear, dh has forgotten to buy any formula (H has one formula feed a day qith his extra vits and iron in and to give me some sleep). Had to try expressing but only got an ounce its been so long since l last tried. This means l am going to be in for a long night and want revenge on dh

My son hates me Crying for ages and tried everything to settle him. DF comes in to take over and sorts him straight away. I can't do this. How can I bond with a baby who just screams when he is held by me? You should see how he stares at his dad, he obviously adores him

And 'D'F has just told me that he knows best when it comes to O as 'he has cried more in the last 10 minutes with you then he did with me all last night'. Why did I have a child with this man?

sweetpea it's the same for me and I'm sure others have said the same. Maybe they associate us more with food, or there's something to do with stress hormones as we may be more likely to be a bit tense? I don't know but honestly, it doesn't mean you're a bad mum. Please believe it.

I'm really concerned about what your partner is saying to you. Things can get very fraught at night and DH and I have said some terrible things to each other due to sleep deprivation. But this doesn't sound quite the same. I am pretty sure you are a great mum and the centre of your baby's world - why his dad is trying to undermine you is beyond me. Keep talking to us on here and try to get through this as it's such a stressful time but don't let him talk you down.

As time passes you'll have more and more lovely quiet smiley times with your son when he's not so fretful and hopefully your bond will get stronger and stronger.

Sweetpea he doesn't hate you. Newborns aren't capable yet of hating anyone! It sounds like you are in a rotten place though, and quite probably the more stressed you get the worse it gets. Is df there all the time? A day for you and the baby together snuggled up cuddling and relaxing skin to skin n front of some crap telly without interference may help? Please don't take the crying to heart.

O gets no comfort from me at all. he will happily sleep on his dad for hours but not on me. OH just told me how crap I am as a mother and that it is all because I dont listen to him when he tells me the right way to do things.

Hey sweetpea I'll second what blonder said. Your DH really shouldn't be talking to you the way he is. You're not a bad mum and you can do this. Please don't let him undermine you. When is he due to go back to work?

Sweetpea babies often cry more with their mother as they associate her with feeding and are more likely to be comforted by her. When they're older they play up more for their parents than for other people too.

Evil in Boots today I saw a blue dummy-style teether that would be great for your LO like this

Bryzoan he is here every day until he goes back to work after Christmas. I cant wait for him to go back. To be honest I think I would be better off without him but that is too big to contemplate right now.

sweetpea I am at what your F is saying. Firstly, you are your son's 1 & only mum, that will never change. You need to believe that you are a good mum. Yes, it takes a bit of time & practise but you'll get there. What makes your F the expert? Is he there all the time? Is he going back to work? You will need to do things your way if you're the primary carer. Can you tell that you can/want to do it your way?

God, you are all so lovely. I feel like such an idiot taking up your time with my stupid worries I know I will re-read this in the morning and be completely embarassed by it all.

X post

Chunky He will be back at work in 10 days. Just now I tried to carry on settling O myself but he got annoyed that I wasn't doing what he was telling me to do so he told me to hand O over so he could settle him. I dont have the energy to fight my corner anymore.

That's horrendous sweetpea. You'll never get to work out how your relationship with O works if you have to do everything he says. He isn't automatically correct, you know that right??!! You can do things differently & it could still be just as right... Do you have any close friends or family you could talk to about this? With babies, there are few things that have to be done a certain way. If it works for you/your baby, then that's all that matters.

In my head I know that I know just as much as he does and that his way isn't automatically right, but if you get told you are crap often enough you start to believe it. I'm not close to my family but have a friend coming over tomorrow so will try and speak to her about it.

O is finally snoozing so I should try to grab an hours sleep myself. I cant thank you ladies enough - you have helped me gain some much needed perspective

I think you are right that this is not the time to think about the bigger picture. However maybe you have to employ the MN technique usually reserved for interfering MILs and 'smile and nod'? Inside keep telling yourself that you know just what you are doing and your son loves you.

It sounds very controlling like when men make women nervous about driving but perhaps he is just jealous (even subconsciously) that you have carried your baby and have an automatic bond, so he is trying to muscle in a bit. Or maybe he just doesn't get the real reasons why babies don't settle as well for their mums and is frustrated. Or maybe he is just a dick. Anyway don't feel embarrassed as we've all gone through these worries. You will get through and your lovely son will want to snuggle up with his mummy soon enough, once he has started to make sense of the world.

sweetpea It takes time to find your way as a mum, it's totally normal. I too have had moments when I've thought shit I can't do this. Your OH is out of order though. Do you feel able to discuss it with him and let him know how he's making you feel?

DP has just staggered home from the pub and is throwing up in the toilet. I'm in for a fun night.

Speedy recoveries for the sick babies.

sweetpea - I bet you are doing much, much, much better than you think but it sounds hard work when you are being undermined. Now is a time for kindness - early days with a baby are just so, so hard (as I'm finding out). I really hope you can find a way to chat with your OH to let him know how he makes you feel.

Re: Thrush, we are on Clotrimazole for me and Nystan for baby. Seeing a big improvement in me but not so sure about baby so back to Dr tomorrow

bryz, re coping with a toddler, ds1 is 2.2 and he's doing really well actually, but I feel that having DH around has helped so much - lots of entertainment, attention. We've even had some successes with his eating (he's so fussy it's unbelievable) in the last fortnight. DH is back to work today, and I'm a bit scared!

Definitely keep opening up on here Sweetpea if only to vent so you can keep your cool with your OH. There is no magic one correct way to look after your baby and you will find your way together. There's no reason why you and your DH have to do things the same. I know my kids have a different relationship with me and my DH for example when they're hurt then 'Dr Dad' is best for cleaning wounds and applying plasters but it's me that they want to kiss it better. Obviously they regard DH as the one for practical support and me for the sympathy. But that doesn't mean either of us is doing it wrong.

New link for Evil to the Tommee Tippee stage 1 teethers.

Tired now. What time do you call this?

It's been ages since I've had a chance to post so just dropping in to say hi!

I've not had a chance to catch up on everyone's news but will have a read and comment at next feed.

In my news both DSes and I are ill with a cold and DS1's cold is made worse because of his asthma. DS2 has a nasty barking cough which meant we ended up in the out of hours dr yesterday (he's just 7 weeks) but luckily his chest is clear but we've to keep a close eye on him.

sweetpea, your DP does not sound at all supportive at the moment, it must be very upsetting and undermining. How would he react if you explain to him how you are feeling and how his comments affect you?

stuntnun, I use canister on DS1 chin regularly as he is very prone to thrush because of his asthma I medication. It usually works but when it doesn't I usually get the version that also contains hydrocortisone and that always helps. Might be worth trying that? Also if caniston isn't working then might be worth trying daktarin as I think I was told that different strains of thrush may react better to different brands.

Will carry on reading and commenting during the night!