You're not a failure at all Horsey, please don't think like that. It's easier said than done though, I know I felt a failure too when making the decision to FF. I did it because if I hadn't I really don't think we'd have bonded as the stress of sitting and expressing constantly because he couldn't/wouldn't latch on and the lack of sleep had me sat in tears in a corner all the time. Formula isn't poison anyway - I can't argue breast milk isn't better BUT formula is perfectly fine too :)
Sorry to hear J is the same tits, poor little fella :(
My LO likes sleeping on his front too bluetinkerbell, he sleeps alot easier on my front, especially if he seems a bit distressed at all for any reason.
Thanks all for the tips :) I've raised his bed so his head end is higher, and I check his temperature every four hours (or more if i'm feeling particularly neurotic!) and so far it hasn't gone above 37C, it's been between 36.5 and 37 every time. He's still feeding roughly every 4 hours but sometimes will be happy with as little as an ounce and a half if I left him to it sometimes, which doesn't seem like an awful lot at all :( On the other hand he has only been sick once and he did drink another couple of ounces after he was sick to sort of make up for it. I'm pretty much feeding him on demand at the moment, for example he had 3oz at 2pm, really didn't want more, and then he's just had another 1.5oz, and doesn't want anymore again. Normally he'd have about 4-6oz and go four hours, but I'm thinking he's best off drinking when he wants to drink, to keep his energy to fight his cold.
If he wants to sleep do I let him sleep? He doesn't go massive periods, longest is five hours at night and still the four hours in the day. I guess it depends how much he's drinking and how he is in himself?
He pulled a stunt on me today. Just finished 3oz, sat upright but asleep (I keep him like that after feeds because of the silent reflux, he does have the infant gaviscon now but still) and he started coughing and then choking. He brought up the tiniest little bit of milk and stopped breathing for what seemed like forever. My mum was here with us but what if she wasn't? What if he does it and I can't make him stop? I'm utterly petrified. I know he's all bunged up and struggling with mucus but do they frequently cough/choke/splutter? He doesn't seem to have much of a cough at all unless he's just fed. I'm assuming it's because it's irritating his throat as he's just been using it, or something? He will cough if he cries too, and also will cry when he's coughed. Often it sounds like he's bringing something up but it never results in any mucus coming out, just him pulling a face and swallowing it back down. After the sicky/choking episode he had some thick green candles that the nasal sucky thing got out with the aid of cotton buds. He sounded lovely and clear after that for all of five minutes!
I'm not sure I'm cut out for this you know :'( This little person, the most important, wonderful person in my life depends entirely on me and I just don't think i'm good enough for him. I'm sure he deserves so much better, someone much more competent and calm and collected than I am. After his choking earlier I just went to pieces, and it wasn't even that serious in the grand scheme of things, I know worse happens to them but I really fell apart. What use am I to him? I need to pull myself together and I know this, but saying it and doing it are very different. I have only just gotten over being scared of being left alone with him, and now it's back :( I hope it goes away again