October 2012 babies part 2: winding, yawning and grizzling, and first smiles?

[YompingJo]

Part 2: in which our babies learn to sleep through the night and make us tea in the morning

Just quick catch up!
Smiley so very very please you home and everyone healthy. Poor mummy could certainly do with a break, hope you manage to keep healthy yourself and this has not run you down. Thinking of you.

So relieved to read others having similar sleep and feed patterns, this group is so reassuring for us all. We too hav 2 v long day sleeps, 2 hours plus, grumpy and grizzly from 7ish and hard to not let him sleep from 8 so stays grumpy!! Had been going down about 11.30 to 7 ish without waking but has moved on to 12.30-1 and hard to get him to sleep. Waking again 5ish. Last night however slept til 7 again so hoping we are improving again!! Last 2 nights gone back to Infacol again and he def not as grumpy. DS is 6.5 weeks now

Promised some feedback on physio apt for continence issues. I was automatically referred due to 3rd degree tear. It was mega mega helpful. I truly love the NHS, I know it has it's faults but my experiences are fantastic and we do not always appreciate how fortunate we are.

Anyhows. Yes, this physio was women's health physio and very appropriate apt for this stage. Some leaking at this stage is acceptable but it needs to be determined why still leaking. She has encouraged continued pelvic floor exercises but also bladder re training. Part of the problem is increased urge to wee and this is caused by mixed messages to bladder. It needs to learn to hold in for longer!! My leaking is caused by not fully emptying so she has given me advice on that. Mercifully I hav no faecal incontinence at all and that part is recovering well. She also surprisingly did an internal exam to assess muscle recovery and felt all was excellent. Stitches no longer evident.

Sent home with several charts to assess progress and various exercise plans.

I know this apt is not automatic at all with uncomplicated deliveries but can I advise anyone having issues to ask GP for referral. Especially if you have stress incontinence, leaking with sneezing, laughing or coughing, as apparently needs attention. I cannot help thinking the GP advice that recovery takes a year (sorry cannot rmbr who said that) seems unhelpful. Also I hav no particular feelings of heaviness or anything 'falling' but surely that could warrant attention to avoid complications in future?

Sorry, my advice may be misplaced, but knowing this help is available I would hate to see any of us suffering unnecessarily.

Oh and an absolute top tip! When you hav urgent need to wee and for whatever reason cannot, stand on your tiptoes! It really works, hav had to try it today!!

And Beeble I am delighted to read your MIL theory regarding 13lb babies as DS is 13lb...... Told you all, monster baby!!!

Smiley glad you are home and that the wee ones are feeling better. Sending a virtual nanny your way to hope you can Getty a bit of rest. Is there anyone that would be willing to stop by and give a hand with? housework

Oh and this just in and way more realistic... Pumped the same time on the left breast and got a whopping 10ml. LolLol. Mill says that the right breast always works better for some reason. Anyone else experienced this?

Beeble I had same! First time pumped had massive 6oz, never again since! This morning had a go as sleepy boy didn't finish. Got 1 oz! And sorry but my left is bigger and fuller and def releases more on expressing!

Oh and I did read in lots of places best to express in AM early as prolactin levels highest overnight and production up. Perhaps everyone knows this. I found I got nearly nothing at night but flowed well in morning!

Thanks everyone, think I could definitely do with that virtual nanny! Sleep pattern utterly wrecked I think as dd now used to being woken every couple of hours for nurses to do obs on her so not looking forward to tonight. Also her tummy is still a bit upset from the antibiotics so she is pooing about every hour or so - 10 dirty nappies so far today! Dd1 being gorgeous and is very pleased to have us home again. I am so jealous of those with babies sleeping well - dd is now 8 weeks and feel like we are back to a newborn sleep pattern - but I am also so aware of how very, very lucky we are - I have both my precious girls with me to cuddle. When I remember that I feel guilty for feeling frustrated at lack of sleep....
Just an over-emotional mess this evening. Tomorrow we are going over to our lovely friends' house - they are going to cook for us and dd1 can have a good play while we relax.
On the upside dd has learnt how to reach out and hit stuff on her playmat which she couldn't do before - my clever girl learning new stuff even while poorly and stuck in hospital!

beeble right side expressing is much more productive for me too. Def best to express in the morning, and if planning to do a lot, worth doing during the night if you can face it!

smiley glad to hear LO is back home

bella really sorry to hear about DPs redundancy, I hope he finds something soon. I had redundancy consultation when DS1 was 5m and it was v scary time. But as others have said, good can come of it, in my case got better job in same org.

zara you are a brave lady to take on that flight on your own with bean. I can imagine you were laden down with milk cartons. I noticed that SMA do ready made bottles that you can attach a pre packed sterilised teat to, might be worth investigating for trip back? They are 250ml so bigger than the starter size 90ml. We're normally using Hipp but I have some of these bottles to try for out and about.

To those who asked, it is helpful having a female partner who has been through it all. She just GETS it (can't do italics on phone so will have to shout instead). Not really to do with being female per se, more that she has been through this herself so knows the unbelievable tiredness etc. I wasn't this helpful to her unfortunately, not having experienced the roller coaster of just having given birth and being primary caregiver. Was also different as she was bf so I couldn't help with feeds, we never cracked ebf.

Last night DP sent me off to the spare room so I could get proper sleep through the night. Amazing how quality of sleep goes up when you know you don't have the responsibility for listening out, never mind not actually being disturbed by all the grunting and wriggling. We laughed at how sleeping apart is a really big treat now, oh the romance!

Think D P is ready for bean to go in own room but I don't want him separated just yet. But think we may all get better sleep when that happens. As it is, I'm feeding and changing in there. angelico read your thread in sleep, v helpful. DS1 went in own room at about a month, my thoughts this time are we'll wait till DS2 outgrows Moses basket, which prob won't be beyond 3m, little piggy.

Will post another time about how it was from 'the other side' with DS1, I had a wry smile at some comments about your DPs behaviour. Just remember they are going through massive change and upheaval too. I was totally clueless last time.

london another user of the baby centre app here, and another called baby connect which lets you log sleep, feeds, weight etc. I use it primarily for recording ff as I'm bit paranoid about over feeding but it does allow you to track patterns. Also helpful that 2 of you can amend eg So DP can enter how much last feed was. Prob not so relevant for bf but might be useful for tracking sleep.

Can I join back in? I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since DD arrived. I've spent the last few night/ early morning shifts reading and catching up, I wish I had found time to read sooner as I found myself nodding along at the familiar issues we faced in the early days and weeks since. It's very reassuring to know you're not the only person going through this hell wonderful experience.
I agree breastfeeding is sooo much harder than I thought it would be, I've been in the 'i'm just giving it 1 more week then that's it' camp but every time I've managed to convince myself to carry on. DD lost lots of weight in the early days and we ended back in hospital, mainly I think due to my milk not coming in for chuffing ages and her being so sleepy and not waking properly/ staying awake for feeds, (can't believe how hard she is to wake up!) so I'm expressing to up my supply and giving top ups still. For anyone hiring pumps it may be worth checking with your local children's centre, I've managed to hire one from there for £10 every 2 weeks. My local authority usually so crap and behind the times but been really impressed so far! also hired a kari-me sling from there for £5 for 3 months, I'll admit I wasn't too bothered about one before bit reading about them on here convinced me to give it a try and I'm so glad I did! thank you sling fans! Oreneshii I can't believe how awful your HV/MW was about the whole weight gain stuff, it took us 3 weeks to return to birth weight but HV not concerned (I was more worried about it than them) they appear to have had some decent BF training and were so keen for me to continue BF that they just monitored more regularly and we are now gaining weight well although whispers she's a good sleeper, like huffle and will happily sleep 5-6 hours a night (only after midnight mind) so HV still telling me to wake her for feeds in the night, but i've tended to stick with the 8 feeds in 24 hours advice from amazing BF lady, if she's getting 8 in throughout day I don't wake her, if she's struggling with maybe only 7 I'll wake her, seems to be working so far and am beginning to regain my sanity.
I'm sorry to not have replied more individually but appear to have an attention span and memory of zilch at the moment, DD is woodpecking so best commence the late evening feedathon.

Ha ha, yomping and crazy, it was me who had the tan and manicure...i just booked the bean in for a little botox:-)no, she stayed in her pram. So, after all the glamming up, dp and i lasted until 1940 then snuck off to bed b4 the disco even started. Sad to leave so early, but was shattered. Had a few sips of bubbles and a little glass of red wine - the food was good so really enjoyed the wine. there were also parentz of a 7 week old and 13 week old and we were all asking each other how long we could stick it out for....we left 1st - fair enough, our bean is youngest at 5 weeks. oh zara, forgot to say, u r amazing for doing that flight on your own- hope the jet lag recovery is swift.

Just to clarify I didn't do that flight on my own - I had a spare pair of hands in the form of DMIL! But she has not travelled much so she held baby while I did all the carrying of bags, sterilising, nappy changes etc etc. No way could I have done all that on my own!

Irritatingly DS is sleeping through the day almost entirely - which makes me wonder if (given the 12 hour time difference!) he would've been sleeping through the night at home?! Never mind, I'm up all night with jet lag anyway....

Christ think we might be having another growth spurt here... she is feeding every two hours and during the day was pretty much feeding constantly. my poor tits. happy night shift everyone. hugs to you all. well done on your journey Zara. I find just getting to the shops is epic these days. doesn't help living on second floor with no lift. how easy do you think it might be moving house with a baby? must start thinking about it.

london have you tried sling for getting out and about? I used a lot with ds1 rather than setting up buggy every time esp when we were nipping somewhere from car. Also stopped me dragging a load of useless paraphernalia with me.

Does anyone with 2 have a double buggy? I was hoping to avoid but I don't see how I'll leave the house soon without... Had hoped to use a buggy board but doesn't work well with our buggy.

Well night out a success! Although did dash home when DH text to say only had 2 oz left only to find out he'd forgotten about the other 6 still in the freezer... Never mind will have for another time

Out of interest what is everyone's definition of 'sleeping through'? I think medically it's 5 hours but I think when ppl ask you (which they do a lot...) I'm pretty sure they're thinking longer than this? DD slept 12-6 solid last night which was a first and probably a total one off

london, everything in this house is an epic event, even unloading the dishwasher seems to involve having to simultaneously bounce a bouncy chair with one foot while singing and stopping half way through for a tour of the kitchen and a feed But yes, agree sling may be best for you unless there is somewhere you can leave pram securely on ground floor - bike shed maybe?

In the middle of a nice, if hectic few days, doing lots... socialising, having mates for dinner, christmas markets, family, helping out sister, cooking... all sorts

Feeling a bit teary today and can't work out why though possibly just tired. Sometimes I just don't feel like myself any more, I suppose. Some of the things I used to do obsessively I'm just not that interested in right now - it upsets me a little. I also have realised I'm not a very naturally maternal person and sometimes it makes me a bit anxious, like Jess will realise. I mean, I love her, she's a cute baby and she's mine and I enjoy being with her. But I'm not like people seem to think all mums are, like she's the absolute centre of my world and I'd die for her. I love my boyfriend more than her, because, well, god, he's been there for years and done everything for me. Is that bad? I want my own space (I could really do with a lot more of my own space) and if someone offers to hold her for a while I'm delighted, not counting down the seconds till I get her back. I feel like I'm playacting "mum"... I feel a bit anxious when I hear or read comments about how being a mum is the hardest or most important or most amazing thing you'll ever do - I don't really feel that way!!

I'm doing loads of fitness at the moment - running or weights every day - it feels good but I think it's made me more self-conscious about my body. Really want to be fit again though.

Going up to look after my sister tomorrow, bit nervous I'm not going to be massively helpful...

Well done on your long haul flight Zara! Not top of my list of things I want to do soon...
If gunky eye is not clearing up with antibiotics it's possibly a blocked duct not an infection... very common... needs to be cleaned with cooled boiled water and massaged and babies grow out of it eventually.... here
www.patient.co.uk/health/Tear-Duct-Blockage-of-Babies.htm

beeblebear 3oz is ace, well done. Initially I could get 3-6oz each time but I was quite engorged back then, now boobs have settled I can get 2-4oz. It's easier and I get more in the morning.

londonmrss You have done absolutely amazingly with the breastfeeding and my eyes have crossed trying to understand your routine. Can you not cut out all the expressing by now...? Sorry I am probably just being stupid and you have discussed this already
I am also on the first floor with no lift, I have managed to use my pushchair once...

october interesting to hear about your relationship, I am mates with a couple who also are planning to have a baby each (the older of the two gave birth last year) and it does seem like it would be a very understanding set up. I think I would consider taking hormones so you could share breastfeeding too!!! (My boyfriend was adopted at birth, his mum took drugs and breastfed him, how crazy is that?!)

Smiley very relieved little one is ok, but you must be shattered... is there anyone who can give you a hand or a bit of a break...

I think reading this that baby squid must be a weird shape... she was 10lb 6oz at last weighing so not very small any more but newborn stuff fits fine and 0-3 is mostly way too big!! She has short legs like her mama I guess... at least I am getting good use out of initial baby clothes!

squid wish we had gotten more wear out of the newborn stuff. we are struggling because even enough mutt baby weighs the same as yours, she has giant feet. they're even t too big for the 0-3 so I've had to cut the toes off all sleep suits!

squid really don't worry about you being a good or bad mother! I was exactly the same with ds1, and while i'm not exactly claiming to be a great mother far from it in fact! - I didn't really get the mad centre-of-my-world love for ages. it crept up on me as ds1 got older, more interactive and more and more amazing. now he's the most interesting and hilarious person i've ever met and I love him fiercely. it's a different love to my love for dh, and in the beginning dh was absolutely number 1 for me, but now I would literally do anything for ds1. it's completely overwhelming, how fiercely protective I feel of him. you'll find the same feeling has crept up on you one day. in fact, ds1 would still be my priority over ds2 as awful as I feel writing that I think it must be natural and will change over time. I don't know ds2 yet, he's just a bundle of need!
speaking of which gotta go!

Another rubbish nights sleep last night. Oh well. Not her fault, and it will get better, I'm sure..... I hope!
Still feeling weepy and just overwhelmed by everything. Friends, family and dh all being great but there's only so much they can do - none of which includes bf in the middle of the night! I am so lucky though, need to stop complaining
bella so sorry to hear about redundancy, what crappy timing. Hope you are both ok.
squid the overwhelming maternal love for dd1 didn't come for me till she was older and I felt like I'd got to know her as a person if that makes sense. It did come though.
zara impressed by your travelling skills!
wooly glad you had a good night out, I was meant to go to work Xmas dinner last night but couldn't quite face it yet. Sleeping through to me means prob 6 hours uninterrupted sleep - when I want to be asleep too so midnight to 6am would be fab, but not 7pm to 1am if that makes sense.
willow your local authority sounds awesome!
Off to do bath now, sorry to all those I've ignored, am reading and thinking of you all.

squid, i love the honesty of your posts - often u articulate things i am thinking, that i am wondering if it's ok for me to be thinking. I know exactly what u mean about wanting your own space - i asked my dp just today if he thought it was normal and ok that the majority of the time i spend with my baby is focused on trying to get her to sleep - i was, like, does that make me a bad mum that i always want her to sleep so i can sleep/ do stuff around the house/ get a spray tan/enjoy a wedding with her in the sling/ go shopping with her in the sling? Is it wrong that i dont want to play with and cuddle her endlessly? I do enjoy her when i get up and am well rested, I think she knows who we are and getting that response is lovely, I enjoy the eye contact during b/f or watching a flim/tv program if she is not doing eye contact and am looking forward to seeing her acheive all her little milestones, but the majority of the time i just want her to sleep. TBH, after she has been up for several hrs, her cuteness loses its appeal and she does get a bit boring and i just want to do something else. I also love giving her to other people to cuddle - it's just nice to have a cup of tea/food without having to gulp it down in case she needs attending to before i have finished. I love the playgym and bouncer as they r places i can put her down for a bit and she can occupy herself - i was wondering if it was bad that i dont want to hold her all the time.

I love my dp for who he is and i want us to spend the rest of our lives together. My love for my baby is differnt - i love her because she is my baby, i dont really know what her personality is yet, but that doesn't matter, i just love her regardless. She is like a little bird to be nutured and then set free one day, whereas i hope DP and i will grow old together.

Smiley so glad LO on mend and you home again, hopefully sleeping will get back on track again soon.

Huffle it was me with the one year GP verdict. I'm going to see how things feeling in a month or so and if not improving will chase up.

Squid I understand what you mean. I do feel protective of Erin but she's pretty boring company, v demanding for few rewards although she does do lovely smiles and goo goo noises - and the sleep thing is pretty good now. But I find it's so hard being on call all the time and I do enjoy escaping from her to do my own thing. I really miss being able to escape to see my horse, and even when I do escape it's the clock watching to be back. I'm delighted to pass her over to others to entertain - luckily my family are really close so there's lots of opportunity. But life as it was before is gone and it's not easy at all...

Too much 'escaping' in that message - she's being very trying today - won't be put down for two minutes and very cry-y...

Squid, I have the same feeling. I am in love with my daughter and feel fiercely protective of her. But whenever someone else is able to take her off my hands even for a minute, I am relieved. I suppose that I am now a mother before I am my profession or even before I am a wife. But I am a person ahead of being a mother. And I want that person, with my political affiliations, my interests, my knowledge, my opinions etc to still exist and not be totally consumed by motherhood. That probably sounds very pretentious, but it can be hard to remember who you are when you have this tiny amazing beautiful person relying on you for survival every second of the day and I think I will be a better mother to her if I do retain that sense off who I am. If you see what I mean.

Beccus like your thoughts re your DP growing old together and your LO being a bird to be set free one day, nice image