October 2012 babies part 2: winding, yawning and grizzling, and first smiles?

[YompingJo]

Part 2: in which our babies learn to sleep through the night and make us tea in the morning

Ditto ditto ditto. I know this little person is mine, I know I love him. I'd gladly let someone look after him to give me a break. I wonder what I have let myself in for. And I wonder how the hell our lives will return to ant sense of normality. I have not been struck with any profound sense of overwhelming love yet but the attempted smiles and the start of stopping to cry when I talk to him are beginning to help.

We are all in the same boat and thank heavens we have each other to know this is all normal

My little man has not slept properly since about 4 and so far not too hideously grumpy so fingers crossed we get reasonable night. (last night up every 2 hrs, 2 poonami and mega feeds- his MO is now 'growth spurt')

Good wishes to all, successful bedtimes all round please.

Xx

So, does anyone else have a baby who is hardly ever happy? She feeds (very frequently, with a latch that has gone to shit now :-( ). She sleeps (but getting her to do so in the day is increasingly difficult). When she is not doing either of those or having her nappy changed, she screams, cries, grizzles, wriggles, kicks, punches, writhes, bucks her legs, arches her back and windmills her arms. Literally ALL THE TIME. She is never still or relaxed. She seems permanently upset and uncomfortable. I feel permanently upset or frustrated or angry. Is this normal? She hates her swing chair and her bouncy chair. She will lie on her playmat for approx 5 mins before crying. She looks round at things in the room but not for long before she cries. Nursing soothes her but is getting painful for me and is followed by digestive discomfort. She doesn't seem to be pleased to be a person :-( Is she the only one like this or are there others?

yomping I could hav written your post. I wonder the same most days. DH even more so as he has never known a new baby before.

I can only assume this is quite normal. But I keep asking DH how we will manage if we hav a grumpy unhappy child

Yomping, remember it's still early days. They're tear too young to entertain themselves for any length off time yet, they just need constant attention. But it won't be living before they can spend a few mins in a bouncy chair etc.
Sleep pattern still poo here. I'm getting really annoyed with DH because he always seems to sleep through the squeaks and even the first cry so I always have to get up first and ask him to wake up and help. Surely I shouldn't have to bloody ask? Sometimes I think he must be ignoring rather than sleeping through...

Well, thankfully after the Fri night screamathon she slept like a champ last night - from 12- 08:30 her longest ever. Hoping for something even half as good tonight!

And as for the playacting mum stuff / unhappy babies - we're all making this up as we go along. Squid I adore our bean but I'm still delighted to get a few hours to myself - one of the reasons I love weekend when DH is off :o Think it would be more neurotic and abnormal to never want to put them down tbh! :) I have never been more aware of how much bullshit guilt is heaped on mums. Have come to the conclusion that all I can do is love our bean and look after her as best I can AND do whatever it takes for me and DH to be happy too - because that way we all do well.

And Yomping the beans are pretty much non-stop demanding for the first month, I felt mostly neutral at best and angry and full of dislike at worst during that time with only occasional 'Ahhhhhhh!' moments. It will get easier as her little personality starts to emerge and she can play more - for us it was at 5-6 weeks, but for your bean might take a bit longer. (I was v jealous of my sister as my new nephew was the most placid baby alive from birth and our bean seemed so screamy in comparison but she was also much more alert which means now she is so curious and playful.) As bean's colic has settled she is so much happier but have you tried a dummy ? We have a very 'sucky' baby too but feeding that much would upset her tum so the dummy is great. Worth trying a few types if she won't take one - we've got Nuk and Avent ones. Also at about 8 weeks she finally mastered the art of putting hand in mouth and keeping it there ! :o A breakthrough moment as she can now slurp happily on hand instead of needing dummy re-inserted all the time.

Anyway hugs to everyone - we are doing pretty amazingly!!! Going to head to bed while the bean is asleep - sending good night vibes to all xo

Gah literally just wrote that and heard her coughing next door!!! I believe it's time for the snot sucker to come out to play...! :o

Fuck, I can't believe the bean will be 10 weeks this week. TEN WEEKS

Anyone else find motherhood just a bit, well, boring? DF was studying in the library all weekend (until gone 11pm last night) so I've had the entire time alone with her. Endlessly entertaining her, jigging a rattle, singing, playing with toes, picking up after five mins in her chair. And all the housework. Pretty bloody boring, I found, especially with noone to talk to. I feel like I should be more enamoured of her and want to spend hours staring at her, whereas in reality I'd like her to either sleep, so I can, or just stop grizzling, like you yomping.

Smiley so glad bean is home. Hope the feeding settles down again.

but Londonmrss, mini yomping doesn?t seem to like attention, that's the biggest problem. Nothing soothes her. She doesn't respond to cuddles, she just wriggles, kicks, punches, grizzles, cries etc in my arms instead of out of them She doesn't seem to take any comfort from being near me at all apart from feeding which is the only thing I can do that calms her, but that's not me, it's my boobs. Lots of books say she needs the comfort of her mum when she is unsettled... I do not seem to be a comfort to her :-(. This is pathetic of me but I want to feel that she loves me, or even likes me, and right now I'd settle for she feels even slightly calmed by being held by me - but none of these seem to be true. So it all feels mechanical and thankless and today I want my money back.

Yomping that was exactly the way DS1 was. Exactly. For him, he cheered up a bit more with each milestone, the biggest one being walking Since then he's been an utter delight. Before that he was a baby from hell. I think some babies just hate being babies - obviously lots of scientific research to back that opinion but that's the way it was for him. He's got happier and happier as he's got older. I hope it doesn't take as long for you, but lots of people I've spoken to who've had really difficult babies have found they've turned into really lovely children. This stage is a short one in the grand scheme of things - even if it feels like it lasts forever at the moment.

And livvy yes motherhood to a newborn is fucking boring. Repetitive drudgery. If your DF is going to study all weekend he needs to let you know so you can make plans and see people. Please get out of the house if that happens again! Otherwise you'll be hacking at your wrists with spoons soon - I would be. Ignore the stupid housework and go and do something nice, even if it's just having a coffee and slice of cake in a cafe.

it's because you're food and you smell all milky and delicious yomping.
imagine you were a bit stressed out and you had no way to communicate other than scream plus you didn't have control of your arms and legs so someone always had to spoon feed you. that would be quite frustrating of you felt like someone was just shoving a plate of food in your face and trying to force the spoon in your mouth.

Yomping, to soothe, have you tried upright against your shoulder, bouncing vigorously from the knees (and I mean vigorously - sometimes DS2's little head bounces madly around but I do support from the neck), and either patting the back reasonably firmly, or holding tightly against you so they can't struggle so much, and "shhhhhh" loudly in the ear? Works a charm for us....and good for toning the thighs, I tell myself....

Yomping honestly, again, that is us. Feelike bean does not like us. Hav useless comments from parents about how he does not like to cuddle. DH often heard to be saying 'you dont like me do you?' to which i tell him off, sounds so negative! All I can do is feed and I'm worried that given his massive weight I a over feeding. However past few days def seeing some change. He is responding more to our voices. Walking around with him facing out rather than just shaking over shoulder. The odd crook of arm cuddle.

Our babies are v similar age aren't they? DS 7 wks on Wed. I feel crsp lots of time too but think we can reassure ourselves that this behaviour is normal. Please, don't fret. She will love you!! She is just pure need right now but that is changing!!

DS has fallen asleep in my arms and while I type has done a massive noisy pooh....... Grrrrr. Hate to disrupt any bloody sleep!

Gosh Crazy please don't tell me it will take that long for DS to cheer up???

Yomping our new best time is on the occasions when nappy change does not finish in crying. I go right up close to his face and talk excitedly and continually. This is Definately catching his attention and creating the beginningof smiles and coos. More often than not he still screeches with change but when this happens it is just lovely.

Try catching her attention like this on the rare occasion when she quiet. This is now lasting longer every day.

Perhaps u already trying this, sorry if being annoying!

Crazy, I did get out for a walk twice a day but again, noone to talk to. All my friends were busy due to short notice. Grr. But I have spoken to DF this morning and asked for more warning next time. I think I'll go to my parents for the week before his exams in Jan. I'm a sociable kinda person and being home alone with a baby makes me sad. I make plans for every day during the week but hadn't budgeted for being alone on the weekend too.

Yomping, sometimes a dummy, being held close (ie clamped to.my chest so she can't wriggle) and the rocking chair are the only solutions. Have you read thex baby whisperer? She says there are grumpy babies and offers some tips.

yomping I have heard of people saying their babies seemed to just hate being babies, they hated being needy and dependant. Apparently this means they are intelligent!

Yomping do you get 'the red book' in England? Health Visitor's book for all jab info? She showed me the 'milestones' at the back first time she was out and according to it most babies don't show real, honest to God affection for a year. A YEAR!!! Just remember looking at bean and thinking, "All I am to you is a boob for a whole fecking year!"

Livvy not sure what to say. I know your DP is studying hard but I keep getting irrationally angry when you say he is gone for so long - it's not fair. Think it's a really good idea for you to go and stay with family, maybe even this side of Christmas if you can. That way you can have some company (and baby-carrying help) when you're shopping etc. Tbh you're doing really well but you shouldn't be being left all weekend on your own with a new baby - I'd be in the nuthouse without having something to do or someone to meet up with.

Crazy am :o at 'hacking at wrists with spoons' :o

Bean had a decent night last night but only the usual midnight till 05:30, feed, then back to sleep - not the massive straight through sleep. I meanwhile lay like a mad person fretting over cot death until 02:30. Totally irrational anxiety but it just kind of 'got me' Eventually slept after rationalising she was going to be in more danger of me accidentally driving off cliff on way into town this morning

huffle didn't mean for that to sound scary and negative - it was meant to be reassuring and somehow was in my head! Am a bit tired! I'm sure it won't take that long, and my experience was affected by PND.

Is there an 8 week growth spurt? Having a feedathon here since yesterday....hope he jumps back up a centile so the doctor gets off my back about snipping his poor little tongue...

It's ok Crazy! Reassuring myself that he is getting better all the time!

Did read that in baby whisperer!! Really hoped I'd get 'Angel' or'Textb

Oops.....

Textbook. But might hav got touchy or grumpy!!

Well he is only 7 wks old and very needy, so we will see! And Bella I'm delighted to know that cross may well equal intelligent!!!

Just switched the damn swing off too early and he's awake again. Shoulder jiggling it is. Grr...... I better get stronger soon!

Crazy there is a development spurt at eight weeks, according to the Wonder Weeks.

Angelico I did know that I was likely to be a single mum during his degree, but it has been harder than I thought. And fortunately MIL turns up on the 19th. Yay!

Yomping I would've written that post 2 weeks ago. I felt so guilty, like I'd messed her up already! She's a different baby now, much more calm and content with lots of smiles. It feels like forever when you are living it but they do change, and they change fast.

Squid You are not a bad mother. I felt the exact same way about my first baby. Like any other relationship it takes time to get to know someone and fall in love with them. Everyone needs time to themself or we'd all go crazy! I think I felt the rush of love for DD because she looked so much like DS , it was a familiar but forgotten feeling, looking at this little face and it brought it all back. But with your first, it's all new, there's no familiarity yet, you haven't had time to fall for them. And as for loving you DP more, if he said he'd changed his mind, "give her up for adoption, it's me or her", who would you choose? I know that's a silly over the top example, but I think it takes something a little bigger to make you realise that first time. Like, DS's first trip to A&E (what memories , or when they get poorly for the first time.

crazypaving might be right I think, about grumpy babies turning into lovely toddlers. Those with easy babies will have hell to pay when they turn 2 . Different people seem to work better with different ages and stages as well. I love the baby and toddler bit, when DS turned 3 I decided I'd had enough and would quite like to send him back now, 3-5 year olds are BLOODY IRRITATING!. Then he turned 6 and is now quite cool, he teaches me things (usually about space or dinosaurs) and makes me laugh.

Anyway, I am procrastinating. I have 2 presentations to prepare and a seminar to make notes on. Oh joy. Oh and DD is refusing the bottle again so I get to go to college safe in the knowledge that she will scream at DH for 2 hours before she relents and has anything eat, just to add that extra edge to the guilt of leaving her. And DS is off school poorly! ARGH!

London DH was studying for the first 5 years of DS's life (he finished this May). It's hard work being the one left at home isn't it?

yomping my baby only settles with me for a cuddle if she is milk drunk, but will happily fall asleep in my friend's arms....we smell of milk, so baby thinks it's feeding time at the zoo, not cuddle time. She can cope in the sling when i'm walking- think the motion hypnotises her and distracts her from thoughts of snacking. huffle, u r very good to try and pacify baby during nappy change- i thought crying then was unavoidable and only try and pacify if she is having a full on melt down.

Thanks Londonlivvy just bought iPad kindle version of said book. Reading the intro only has already made me feel better! iPad version much more likely to be read than actual book, back room piling up with well intended books that I never get round to!

Beccus this is not a common occurrence!! Twice a day at most, usually after relieving him of a way too wet nappy! We use a changing table and I think he likes the height too (as does my poor back)

I am really sorry to run in and out again, I promise to catch up with you all later, but has anyone got any tips? Pips is struggling to poo :( She's gone two days now without one (otherwise weeing absolutely fine) and just looks so uncomfortable :(