Dec 08 Mums - Onwards and bloody well upwards!

[Beans36]

How's this? Thought I'd just press on with it!

You are safe on the name front though, it seems ShadyLady was used for a name change for a particular thread back in '07.

Shady reminds me of Eminem. I now have visions of our lady rapping!

I am rapping. Rapping in a slinky dress with a cigarette holder That is in fact how I spend most Friday nights.

Actually, I do have a skirt on today! I am fed up of wearing jeans all the time. But I am wearing quite woolly tights so I'm not that sophisticated. I am also drinking wine and, I have to tell you girls, that really IS unusual because DP and I are practically teetotal these days. There is no drinking at home (or very rarely) and hasn't been for months. I love wine so much. But whenever I have it, I feel compulsive around it, and without sounding like a complete berk I have realised I don't like that feeling. Also, probably because I am getting older I find it really dries my skin and I get hungover at the drop of a hat.

DB, I am so glad your DS's parents' evening was good. Cos blow me, they have been so heavy handed about everything. I hope you had a lovely birthday today, where are you off to tomorrow night? Out for dinner?

Indith, I do second what Arti said. I do not now how you are carrying on with so little sleep (and you Spot). Oh blimey. That's a shame about tomorrow morning BUT at least you have the evening to look forward to and I hope it gives you a large boost.

ZJ, I love how you talked about your 'local stately home'! Is that Castle Howard? There's a Christmassy exhibition on at Blenheim down the road but it doesn't sound as if it's going to be as good as in recent years. Hey, I dreamed that you and your DH were staying with us the other night

Rubes, don't beat yourself up about DS. We have all ignored them when in fact something really HAS happened, it's inevitable! Sorry about the Primark pjs, ours are still going strong, amazingly. Hang on, aren't you supposed to be going to NY with DH? Did that ever come off? Or is that when your folks come? And when are they going home, by the way?

Beans - you are very forgiving of your DH re: outlaws. I struggle to be charitable about DP's. Still, maybe the irritation will be a distraction. We went to a brewery yesterday and it sounds daft but it made me feel really upset about my Dad - he loved real ale, and not being able to buy him some bottles of the more interesting ones really made me feel sad. But yay for your jolly night out tomorrow. Jeans and good shoes sounds lovely.

I might go that route myself for tomorrow night - DP is doing a charity gig with one of his bands and it's like a chambers event, so scuffed Converse All Stars and a Wonder Woman t shirt (such as I wore yesterday) won't cut it

RT - that is sad about DD2 not being herself at school. But maybe it's just a different version of herself. I mean, whilst we might have core characteristics, I think different ones sometimes come to the fore. And that's ok. I still haven't done my school application. If DD1 doesn't get in over the road, we will be screwed. No back up, either, really.

Sybs - how is poor little M? What a shocker. Sorry you've had to put up with people making the cat's bum face at work, it just makes it all so much worse. hope the little chap is better.

And Spot - cellulitis is not nice, it's what DP was hospitalised with for days just before last Christmas. It's not what your DP needs right now, is it? Poor fella. Poor all of you. Things will change next year though, they always do. One of you will get a job and things will shake down. I would love you to be able to get some sleep though because if there is one thing that kills my positivity it's lack of sleep.

Right, lots more to say but just want to post this before it vanishes.

Evening Turnip I think that everyone posting are all people that have been posting since the dawn of time the beginning of the thread, bar possibly KP (Kiwi Panda) - Kiwi, sorry you'd dropped off our list again, I know you have to get put back on almost every Christmas...Anyway, I'd better not do a handy guide to Who's Who as I ought not out people who have donned a veil of semi-secrecy

I sounded awfully pious about the wine when in fact I am not...I do drink when I am out. But I have noticed how HARD I find it to refuse wine/stop once I have started. So these months of not drinking at home (well, hardly ever! Maybe once a month at the most?) have done me good.

Oooh, Hons, I will post the Secret Santa email in a bit. Isn't tonight the deadline?

Vag - Leveson Report - hmmmmmmm, interesting and provocative question. Not being the sort of cove who is usually short of definite opinions, I find I am a bit torn on this one. A free press is SUCH a precious thing, a fairly rare thing and I would usually say one to be protected at all cost. But then....when you see how it has been abused by editors, when you SEE what "at all cost" actually amounts to....it almost makes even me feel that needs to be (greater) press regulation. One feels that they simply cannot be trusted. But....if it really comes to it, I think I am probably against more press regulation. If I was the PM, I simply would not be able to bring myself to shackle the press, even though I think they deserve it. I feel that various editors/journalists/proprietors have let us all down horribly, and I have no confidence that it will not happen again. But whilst not a fan of the tacky, invasive shite that some of them have been up to, we do need the more crusading stuff and if the Leveson recommendations are fully implemented we might lose it.

Phew, that was all a bit heavy for a Friday night See, this is what happens when I have time to post.

Lovely to see you, young JJ! And where is Invis? Not working yourself into the ground, I hope.

How would you describe that book you recommended, Beans? Is it British or US or something else?

Jam, I am glad you have got some dosh back from missold PPI. You are the first I have heard of Everyone else I know gets bombarded with the calls or texts but never had it (including me). We went to see a financial advisor yest. She thinks we may be able to jiggle things about a bit to improve matters. But it will take a couple of months or more.

Kayz, that picture of your DS2 you put on FB looks sooooo grown up.

Right, my fingers are tired and I want to look as if I have been doing something very worthy when DP walks though the door

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Nancy for yest and to Sarah and Matthew for tomorrow...Awwwww, it has been said several times already and will be said again but HOW CAN OUR LITTLE BABIES BE 4??

JJ - Secret Santa address is ItsChris tmas december0 8@gm ail.com but with no spaces.

DP has missed the bus! So I am off to ramp up the electric blanket and read my book. Bliss!

Shady... the jury's still out here...... perhaps I'll get used to it!
I'm inspired by your wine abstinence. I must take a leaf. Sadly I don't see it happening before parent's leave (sometime around new year) as we have Christmas tree selection weekend, which has the obligatory bubbly, then the decorating, plus dh's uncle has turned up as someone died so there's the obligatory pub lunch, then parents fly in and on it goes..... I've decided to just pour one glass and make it last.... That rhymes
Turnip hello again! We are all busy! - WG is not off the hook
That list was hilarious! So many old names - we have a solid core though
Oh and Lady, no NY trip isn't until mid Dec. Still planning on taking DH as long as seats in Upper remain open. Otherwise canning it as I don't want him to get stuck there just before Christmas! I don't have any other trips until Jan

Beans, hope you're feeling better and having some wine!
I thought it in my head but never said - yes Vaggie that was kind of you to offer your house. We should do a house swap one time!
Yes can someone post the secret Santa stuff? I'm rubbish.

Ah thanks shady x

Awww Rubes, not keen on ShadyLady? I have tried so long to think of a name I am happy with - I do need a name change really...But I don't really feel myself with a new name. Oh, and the no booze at home will go out of the wondow over the festive period. Or even the window.

Right, will post link to London meet up thread and then go to bed:

London meet up Also, if anyone wants to accompany me to Winter Wonderland on 12th or 13th Dec - 12th looking better....

I meant anyone ELSE as Rubes and SL are hopefully already coming.

Oh, and you can still call me by my old name when addressing me. Cos otherwise I really WILL feel like

Well it might be just that you've had Lady for so long.... I will probably like it soon! I will still call you Lady though..
Yes if it is doable for me that week it would be the 12th only.
Right, must do this ss email too then bed.
Dh has been looking for his phone for the past hour. Rang it from mine and after it rang out he finally narrowed down where it was..... In ds's room! Ds wandered out half asleep saying daddy ur phone is ringing, then did an enormous wee and went back to sleep..
Night night

Morning.

I quite like Shady but I think I'll still end up calling you by the old name.

I'm sorry there seems to be so many poorly children at the minute. DS2 wasn't right yesterday and went to bed at half 5. He hasn't stirred yet so hopefully all the sleep will help.

We're at PILs for a few days and friends at home have been posting about snow. I'm really quite worried about getting home tomorrow.

Hope Matthew and Sarah have great days tomorrow.

Anyone else keep reading Shandy rather than Shady? Or just me?

No snow on the ground here yet Kayz, although I've not if it's fallen on the Moors overnight

Off out to drinks in 30mins, but wanted to say hi. DH away this weekend and kids up 6 times last night. On my knees. But feel a sparkly top will get chatty juices going!

Must away as sitter about to arrive x

hello ladies - apologies for having been awol. i had been thinking about you all - i keep up with the fb ladies, i read spot's blog, saw shady at the wedding, ask turnip for building/interiors advice, had a brief word with kiwi at dh's radio recording etc, but have neglected the thread. i had a chat with beans on fb and she suggested i could pop my head in.

i'm afraid i have a rather specific thing to ask advice on/ talk about... and i have to add a mahoosive tmi alert. it's something i find quite hard to talk about in real life, and let's face it, don't have time to talk about it in real life as it's pretty intimate and i hardly ever get to see my close friends in a situation where i can ask about it.

anyway... here goes... to quote the song, i have completely lost that loving feeling. i know i am not being the most loving of partners and physically i feel like i have just shut down. every time dh even touches me i just feel annoyed - like i could be getting on with something else, or that he is being needy. and i feel genuinely annoyed when he tries to kiss me. like, oh, hell i've got to do this, do i? it's so UNHYGENIC (seriously).

we have sex about once every 10 days/2 weeks at the moment and i sort of want to do it intellectually (because i know it is good for us/me, and the more you do it, the more you want to do it, and because i know it is good for our marriage etc), but mostly dread it. i mean, once we're up and running, it's fine, i get there, ahem, as one would say. but i just can't bear the having to begin it all and i either want dh to just surprise me (and possibly dominate me - ooooo, eeeeugh, i can't BEAR talking like this), or not do it at all. and back to the unhygenic thing -once we've finished, i always have to run to the loo to make sure everything is cleaned up as i can't bear all that gooey mess. am i weird?

we went at it like bunnies when we were younger, and i remember after we got married, when we were trying for a baby, i felt that was all really exciting. i think we had a really good, varied and exciting sex life for a few years. once dd1 was born, i was still really up for it, but then we had our problems when we went to see the counsellor and i think i lost some respect for dh a bit and since then i've gone off it all.

i've tried to look online for advice, but people always seem to talk about fantasies, and i swear i don't have any. i must have the most boring sexual imagination. and if i did have any, i don't know how on earth i'd get round to exploring them - dh and i don't really talk about sex - and neither of us have ever explored porn (at least no one has admitted to it, outside of teenage experiments). a friend mentioned nancy friday - ooooh, ugh ugh ugh, i just HATE talking about this.

basically, i want to have more sex. i want to feel like having more sex. i want to have more varied and exciting sex. i want to be a nicer partner to dh. any ideas as to how i do this?

any advice, as ever, gratefully received. cowers with face hidden behind a cushion

that last bit wasn't supposed to be bolded. it was supposed to be a tweet-like action highlighted by asterisks. duh.

Hi ladies. Just popped in after I dont know how long to say hello, happy birthday to all the babies and happy early christmas.
I still think of you all and keep up with some on FB. Busy year for us - I'm the sole wagearner now, DH full time studying but we are happy and have a good quality of life, although we are poor. Loads of stress the last year with various tests for DS2 (autism/hearing etc), but now having some great speech therapy which seems to be really helping - now its been decided he's just shy and lacking in confidence. Part of me would love to have kids but those of you with more than 2 - I don't know how you manage it, I am still fecking knackerd. Congratualtions to Kayz and anyone else I've missed on the new arrivals, and sorry Beans to hear about your Dad - he sounds lovely and it does get easier. I miss my mum almost every day but its a nice pain now not a difficult one.
Just skim read the last few posts and just wanted to say that WG I know where you are coming from and just over a year ago felt the same, but I did get my mojo back when DH gave up work and I came to respect him more because of how different he was with the kids and everything - and our relationship improved. So I think its natural peaks and troughs, most of which are caused by situations, not actually you as a couple, but I could be wrong.
Anyway, best wishes to you all, and hope you have a restful December with plenty of sleep (Heres hoping for you, especially, spot!)

WG, am so happy to hear from you. AND, don't be embarrassed talking about it. Have to tell you, I think that's pretty normal. I feel the same! I've always just assumed everyone is in the same situation. Sorry not to offer more hope. I think DH and I actually have a fairly healthy sex life. It's just not the same as it was. My parts aren't what they were either! And sleepless nights leave me totally libido free! But once we're in motion, it's nicer than I'm expecting! And so many little niggling resentments when kids involved and competitive exhaustion etc. I'm afraid I'm not offering a cure, more comfort in numbers! sorry!

Right , I've bored on enough. Sorry. NJAN, lovely to hear from you. Dog has done a rank fart. I've heaved.

Night all xxx

PS could I add a few more irritating! !!!!s in my post?

I think we agreed today for the secret santa deadline but dh won't do the draw till tomorrow evening so anyone who hasn't emailed do so ASAP! Address posted by lady above.

It is Jollybear by the way Turnip, WG, other lost lambs.

Lady I name changed after other Jollys popped up everywhere. There is a JollyB even. I like your new name, mysterious!

WG I think tiredness and day to day annoyances and workload that comes with children means passion is way down the list of priorities. Could hormonal contraceptives be adding to the lack of drive? I'm not on anything and find I'm feeling in the mood at ovulation.

Oh and before I forget...
ZJ or Kayz do you know the name of a shop in York that sells bath stuff, herbal drinks and catnip? It is hard to describe!

I used to always go to York Christmas shopping and buy my cats these catnip toys that were really strong. I need the name of the shop to see if they sell online! I've never found catnip as potent.

Hiya WG and NJAN! SO nice to see you. You don't have to stay but (clasps arms round calves in manner of over emotional three year old) please do! You don't have to post all the time. Just lurk and keep popping in! (Ugh, sorry for overuse of exclamation marks, you see what kind of a tizz you've got me into?).

WG, I suspect you're going to get a lot more sympathy than concrete solutions here as your plight does sound eerily familiar. And without being oversimplistic, it does happen more to women than mean in general - we're biologically wired to prioritise nurturing over nooky when they're still small (which they still are). But I also agree with NJAN that a lot is situational - if there are lingering resentments or current stresses (I think your building situation counts as majorly circumstantial) your libido will also take a back seat.
Re- after effects of the counselling - do you still talk about stuff or does it get compartmentalised as something that "happened" three years ago?

NJAN so glad the SALT is helping your DS come out of his shell. (THat makes him sound like an oyster, but you know what I mean). It must have been so stressful for you as well . Thanks for the good wishes on el sleep situation - last night only T woke up in the night and B up for the day at five thirty, which counts as VERY GOOD in our house.

Lady I wanted to say thanks for your perspective on our general life situation - you're right I think things will shift in the New YEar. Also just after you wrote that, DH came to me with a bit of a plan/vision for what he wants to do. Sadly it's not going to makes us overnight millionaires but he's got a bit more enthusiasm for life at the mo, which is nice to see.

WG! NJAN! I am so excited that you have both returned! Like Spot I've been sent into !!!! overdrive. Paired with Turnip's recent visits it's like a return to 2008. Please stay around at least occasionally.

NJAN - it must have been very stressful having your DS2 tested for autism etc. And a huge relief to find SALT was the key. And how lovely that you& your DH have found a positive way to rebalance your lives.

WG - when you say that you feel annoyed the moment your DH touches you do you mean even when he is seeking a non-sex related hug or is it just when you suspect sex is on the agenda? If it's the former then it does sound like it's about your relationship itself and not just the mire common libido dip. In that case would further counselling be an option? And so you get enough time alone to talk (e.g regular dinners out or the odd night away?). That talking time might help.

If it's just sex related then maybe it is time to spice things up. If you don't have fantasies (& I'm with you on that) then could you try something like giving each other a massage with oils to make thing a bit different? Or introduce a, um, toy? Something new to peak your interest.

Ok, so DH gets back from a weekend away and instead of being pleased to see him, I have just acted like a total cow and told him how knackered I am. I'm furious with him for being away! He's been working every hour recently and was probably in desperate need of a break and I'm all resentful. What's wrong with me? Although, I am still furious, despite having had a lovely weekend. Probably because DD2 was up 5 times Friday night and twice last night, so am bone tired. And done all the childcare. And am having a brat moment because actually, I haven't had a break since Dad died and am desperate for one! Think I'll have to book a weekend away with a friend soooooon.

Sorry, me me me. And I shouldn't. Ring Dad's death into it. Not meant to be a GUI,t thing, more just that I'm emotionally tired as well as mentally and physically! Sorry.