October 2011 - my, oh my, how the first years flew by!! It's birthday season!!

[MummyDuckAndDuckling]

So excited that the first birthdays are upon us! Will try get a copy of the stats..

Ooh I missed that!!!!!! Congrats IPs, what a lovely time for a wedding!!!

ips that's so exciting! Congrats!

Ips congratulations on the wedding.
Happy birthday to all the babies I've missed.

Me and H are definitely splitting and he seems to ba accepting it this time, spent the past week trying to sort through finances and I've we've been looking at flats for him.
I actually now feel quite relieved and its the happiest I've felt for a loooong time!

Morning everyone

ips congratulations on your wedding!!!
baby ips, baby Cheshire and baby penelope happy 1st birthday!!

Not been around much, employment has taken over . Had my week of training last week which was great then I was working last night on the information line on the guy who died after flying into Glasgow airport with 'Congo fever'. In my 7 hrs there I only had 3 calls though. Think the initial worry has gone. It's been good though and there seems to be plenty of shifts available

Freezing here this morning. Phone is saying 1 degree

duck that's great news about the job. Glad your enjoying it

ed really glad things seem to be moving forward for you. I wish you the best of luck in the forthcoming weeks.

ed am glad to hear you have a resolution and hope all goes well.

I have an annoying decision to make and don't know what to do! Was enrolled in a 90km bike ride in 7 weeks and had been traning, but yesterday got really really ill after a 50km ride (vomiting, seeing spots, the chills - dr said it was severe exhaustion or maybe dehydration although was eating and drinking) and have to decide whether to keep up with the training or not. I just can't decide. On one hand it would be a shame to give up, but on the other hand I really don't want to push it if I'm not up for it - had to take today off work as well. All the sports mad people I was doing it with say it'll be fine I just need better hydration/food/fancy sports supliments etc, but I am wondering if I'd be a fool to continue.

Sadly DH and I were supposed to go on a date that evening as well, instead I was in bed and DH was cleaning my vomit out of the car.

i hate making these sorts of decisions!

Thanks cheshire - there was a lot of cake this weekend but no wine as I appear to have become ?even more of a lightweight since having M and I either have to throw a half empty bottle of wine away ?sacrilege or guzzle the whole thing and put up with an almighty hangover.

We had same issue with cows milk when we tried it the other day Cheshire - M doesn?t want it cold!

Well done on the munro?s penguin --do I sound like I know what I?m talking about?!?

ed I?m glad that you?re feeling happier and able to move forward. Good luck with everything over the next few weeks.

Glad to hear work went well Duck

pen I wouldn?t make any decisions on whether to drop out just yet. 7 weeks is a long time. But dial back the training a bit, get your strength back. That way, you still have the option of keeping building up to it. If it gets closer the time and you?re still struggling or you really think you won?t make it, then you can drop out. Or, to put it more eloquently?..
Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Have just put M to bed for a nap as he was struggling to stay awake. Trying to get through my long to do list. Am determined not to do anything to do with school at home (using free periods and after school instead) and it's working so far!

pen I agree, rest and back off a little and then see how it goes

I got quite dehydrated once doing exercise and it's surprising how much it can knock you. Doesn't take much sometimes.

munro = scottish mountain over 3000ft (~1000m). There's 284 of them and I'm up to number 38. It will be a lifetime pursuit.

climbing wow @ the 38 munros I'm Scottish and have done none . Where were you?

pen that sounds tough but give yourself a rest then see how you are. 50k is a brilliant start!

ed had ment to say the other day, so glad things are starting to sort out now. Hope everything goes smoothly with h moving out. How are you feeling about it?

Happy Birthday to baby lookout . My birthday today as well, great day to be born

Just had a lovely lunch at my mums. We were going to go out for my fav meal, tapas, but decided its more hassle than its worth with S... So my dad will babysit at the end of the month and me and my mum will go out then, he just doesn't know it yet...!

Hope everyone is well

duck TBH i dont know how i feel about it most some days i feel really happy/relieved about it and sometimes i wonder wether or not i'm doing the right thing? deep down i know that ive been complaining about him and been really unhappy with him for years now and even now he shows absolutely no signs of getting less selfish!

i made the stupid mistake of telling some girls in my team at work who i mistook to be friends albeit not "close" friends and ive been made to feel that im committing a mortal sin i've had a lot of faces and even been told "well i would always fight for my marriage" and been asked "why did you have another baby" it was after having a lot of these types of comments i started doubting myself. these also tend to be from "older women" who perhaps have a different attitude to marriage/relationships than me. and also as i work in a typically low paid "unskilled" job most of the women work very little hours and appear to have very "1950s" type relationships. i have regulalry heard them say about how they sit in seperate rooms to their DH/P as they dont like the same things etc

i am also now thinking that maybe H is right in that my attitude has changed since i found MN although i dont think this is a bad thing as i now know that life doesnt have to be shit!

think i'm going to start a thread in relationships tonight to keep me strong

You are extremely strong for even taking this first step! You are still young, why should you stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy. You and the kids deserve so much better. It's not to say though that this is the definite end. If you decide that after being apart that its not what you want, there is nothing stopping you both giving things another go. Maybe a period of separation may make h see just what he is loosing. You, ultimately have the final say

Happy birthday to E lookout and to you to duck

pen hope you feel better soon x

ed in my opinion it would be worse for you (and your dc) to stay In a relationship when you are so unhappy. My nan did this with my grandad, nothing really wrong ie abuse but he was damaged by being a pow and she was unhappy for years and years but stayed and it made her very bitter.

W was covered in glitter when I got him from nursery today! They had been playing with glitter paint and he'd got it everywhere, there'd cleaned him up but he still had it in his eyebrow and ears, they took some fab pictures of him slapping his hands in it with a big cheesy grin on his face

Aargh! The fucking prick is now refusing to leave all over again!
Says he won't lose his kids he's worked hard for the house etc etc and he's not losing it! Wtf do I do? He's now forcing me to uproot the kids change C's nursery and put in for a council house. Selfish Arsehole!

Oh Ed, what a nightmare .

You have to stay strong, the children are young enough that being with you matters more than where they are living. You never know, you might be able to keep C at the same nursery, even if just to help ease the transition. Don't panic, keep calm and firm, stay strong and rant here.

A thread in relationships might be a good idea, the ladies there might have more idea of your rights regarding getting him to leave instead of you.

So sorry this is so tough, hope you have RL support, x

Ed I have nothing to add as you have already received very sensible words from the ladies on here. I actually thought he would go because it mostly sounded like he wanted to be out of the family home anyway, so I am surprised.

Pene no wonder you puked, I would at the thought of 50km, I think still train as if you are going to do it but don't beat yourself up if the time comes and you don't want to/feel ready. It's a bloody big goal to work towards though.

What's a munro Climbing?

Happy Birthday Baby Lookout, E is a mini you

Can anyone recommend a sling for Poppy? We have a Storchenweigher - basically a wrap sling. It was fab when she was tiny but now she wants to face outwards and the fabric of the sling digs in my shoulders and back a bit because she is so much heavier now and I am a short temporarily whilst bf slim thing. I think I need one with padded shoulder straps that she can face away from me in which is quick to clip on.

Ed you are totally right about the types of women in that kind of environment. My Mum came back from living in Dubai years ago and has always worked for herself so when she came back here she just needed some money coming in at first. She went to work at Barclays in their call centre.

She said there was a group of women who never really talked to her and were always trying to put her down. I did say it's typical older women office environment but then I met them at their Christmas do. They were drunk and didn't even say hello to my Mum.

I concluded they were just jealous because she had done things with her life and they were sad old bints

hth

Oh and we have a tooth! It's only taken 12 months and 3 days but I can see the edge of it.

He has now said that he knows the marriage is over but he thinks we should live together as "friends/parents" until our debt is cleared but still seperate finances and ill still claim TC as a LP and work to clearing my existing debts.
I'm tempted to do this as I know I'd be debt free in less than half the time. putting me in a stronger position to find a nice place of my own and for divorce

Hmmmm whatever you think's best, but having lived with an ex after breaking up before, i can say that it does slow down the moving on period and can easily turn into a big giant mess. But, up to you of course.

Thanks everyone else for the biking advice! All I know is I never want to feel that ill again!

Chesh yay a tooth!

Ed the question is would he be true to his word. He has form for not wanting to let you end it.

Munro

Who knows, my heads up my arse ATM I'm tempted to just get a flat myself and deal with the fallout financially, the trouble with that is that I know he can't afford the house and I can't afford half the mortgage plus rent on a flat for me and the kids so we would inevitably lose the house dragging both our credit ratings through the shit.
I know it would slow down the moving on process particularly for him as I've already moved on in my head and as soon as he comes home at night and kids are in bed I've been going out most nights anyway and feeling much happier for it

What about an agreement where you review it every month and if one person isn't happy with the arrangement then you go your separate ways? Have you started a thread in relationships yet? I really think you should.

Yes I started one last night after all this happened but because of recent developments i didn't start the thread I was going to originally.
I really don't know what to do or where to go. It's quite obvious that his change of heart has come since he told his family yesterday so now I don't trust any of them!
SIL had been texting today to say that it's not all Hs fault and the reason he turned to drink/smoking is because I took control of DC when C was born and I've been pushing him away since. That makes me doubt myself and think maybe I should do counselling then OTOH I think I shouldn't have to take responsibility for his decisions.
I don't think I've ever felt so lost or confused in all my life!

ed sounds to me like his family are just trying to stir things and maybe pushing him into making things more difficult for you. Really, if you have asked him to leave etc he should be respecting that. I don't think living together while being 'apart' is a great idea.. Ultimately it will just make things 100 x worse in the long run. Have you got your name on list for a temp council house? Or could you even rent a flat out and claim help through housing benefit? Maybe worth speaking with CAB, they will know the ins and outs with that.

that is awful of them. I still don't feel he will let you out of the relationship if he stays though, however I appreciate the alternatives are also a bit scary if you have force a separation. So tricky for you, but honestly not your fault. I think some counselling for yourself is a great idea but the relationship is dead, just a question of how long will you be unhappy for (IMnotqualifiedO).