FEB 2010 Terrors sometimes, angels at others - yep, they're properly two now...

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

New thread!!

sb dh and I are trying to lose weight at the moment but I find it too hard to regulate food and we eat pretty healthily anyway (just too much ) so we are doing the 30 day shred. It's tough but we're sticking with it

Oh my poor baby... Dd2 came in from the garden crying 'I don't know about games...' I think she benefits enormously by having a big sister and it's nice of dd1 to include her in her games but being two she doesn't always understand the rules! Poor little thing has to grow up much faster to keep up

BBB our problem is portion size too. I got a low GI book and will get some inspiration from it

DS also sucks his sleeves on tshirt collar from time to time

PA great news about the long sleep stretch but boo about the insomnia.

IC saw your blog- you look fantastic!!

Aw - thanks BG!!!

Bc - yep, that's the way - Noel (author of CHEP) says at first it may remind them of the habit, but if you persevere it's a good way of stopping it.
"DS, I notice you're not sucking your clothes - that's very self-controlled, I like to see that!" (or some such...)
DD picks (nose/scabs etc.) much less since we started using the DP to break the habit.
But it won't happen overnight, might take a couple of weeks ago with a very stubborn habit.....
Good luck!

that's interesting, DD is a nose/skin picker. She had a lot of the skin around her toes peel off which has been keeping her occupied

Nursery has asked when I'll take Ds off the pullups and put him in pants! I answeredin a few weeks time as Even if he does most/all the wees in the potty he still poo in the nappies so I'm not sure he's ready for the switch!?

It's up to you SB of course, but everyone I talk to about PT says if you're going to go for it, it's better to fully go for it - straight into pants (scary thought!!)
More experienced mums may have more to say about this, however!!

is he regular with his poo's? DD had one poo accident in knickers and the next time did a little potty dance, asked for a nappy but as we knew she was due one she stripped her down and just watched her, then put on her as soon as she was doing it. Once we had done this twice or maybe three times she was over the poo on potty/toilet phobia. The fact she goes at roughly the same time each day helps us to relax once it over. We haven't had a poo accident for a couple of weeks I think except for the fact she doesn't stay seated until wiping therefore getting it all over dress and herself when she sits down

I have so far skipped pull-ups, although considering them for night time as she does tell us when she wants a wee going to sleep and first thing in the morning (but before official get up time) so it might be handy. Does he say if he wants a wee yet? I dunno but what's the worst that could happen, go back to pull ups after a week?

IC we kinda didn't go straight to knickers, we went into dress and no knickers as she wouldn't keep them on. Something to be said for the naked approach I feel. When we head out then she has to wear knickers and atm a pair of leggings. That way if she does have an accident in her buggy, car seat or playgroup then that fabric will absorb most of it. I am currently loving the fact she is a girl for that logistical reason.

He is not very regular unfortunately, at the moment he does them during the night but last week it was late morning. He doesn't say that he needs a wee but when he sits on the potty he wees.
The naked approach is a bit of a problem as DS will be contemplating his willy at all time (I guess to make sure it still there ) and tell me that he and daddy have one but not me!

that was more some musings for the people who haven't started yet.

I still think give it a go, especially since the nursery seem up for it. at least they'll be the ones clearing it up

I think I'll give a few weeks more, just to get him comfortable in the use of the potty

All this talk of toileting reminded me that I wanted to share my adventure pop story with you all. While out today, dd2 declared she needed a wee. No toilets so I whipped out the toilet seat under a handy tree and plonked her on. A few seconds later she tells me she needs a poo. I lift her up to put a wipe underneath to catch it, but it's already out. So I made like a dog walker, scooped the poop and put it in a nappy bag which I then threw away. Lovely. But at least she isn't worried about doing it in unusual places

The second thing she has started doing is calling for me during the night: "mummy,I need the toilet." so far I have shown remarkable restraint in not shouting back: "no you don't, you're wearing a nappy," and instead dutifully go and take her to the toilet. Her nappies have been dry in the morning since she decided she didn't want to wear nappies during the day anymore, but I'm not ready to drop them at night yet. Note to all first time toilet trainers, when they wet the bed at night, it also goes on the duvet and sometimes the pillow. Just so you know

do you use a mattress protector or towel or anything? I considered putting a potty in her room but then thought she might try to experiment with it's contents.

thankfully DD doesn't really have a pillow and she has a fleece blanket, of which we have a few.

Yes, waterproof sheet is in place. I remember with dd1 thinking I had wholly underestimated the work involved if she wet the bed. I think this occurred to me at 3am one night when realising I had to change herald all the bedclothes and find another duvet and pillow for the bed

Her and, not herald

I did wonder who herald was

DS has a waterproof mattress cover since he took his nappy off one morning and weed in the bed. I also bought a spare duvet and pillow as a result

I think the naked approach initially is a good one, PA.
I guess the advice I've had is not about knickers/pants/bare bum but about using nappy halfway houses. Mind you, the general advice seems to be nappies for naps (unless you're feeling confident!) and overnight to start with as it takes longer for them to be dry overnight.
Very impressed with you all for going for it!!

I went with knickers under skirts or dresses to start with, figuring that they were easier than trousers.

Need to put something out there, and think this is the best place to do it as it's not the kind of thing I can talk about easily. DH and I have just finished a pretty full-on conversation about the state of our relationship. It's still pretty poor, and he seemed genuinely ashamed when I pointed out the lack of respect and courtesy he gives to me, the DDs and his family (but particularly me), and how his selfishness, thoughtlessness, procrastination and lack of regard were damaging us all. He has said that he is going to turn things round, but we have agreed that if we have one of these conversations again, he needs to move out :(

oh bbb you must be in desparate need of some hugs right now {{{}}}

i'm not very good with relationship advice especially regarding a plan of action to stop it happening again (there is always the relationship section)

BBB big hugs and sent your way.

BBB that's a really tough position to be in, so sorry to hear things have reached such a nadir.

Have you given Relate a go?
Please feel free to spill on here when you need to - I realise it's a difficult situation to discuss with people in RL.

Weirdly, I just got to a chapter in my book on EFT (I know, I know - I've become really fascinated with it!!) which gave suggestions on how it can help with relationship difficulties.
Sounds like your DH needs to buck his ideas up properly and stop relying on the fact that you're so (outwardly!!) capable of doing what needs to be done that he doesn't.
Lots of luck x

BBB

More hugs from my direction BBB. Let's hope he follows through.

I've had a trial with DS2 today who is poorly and feeling aggressive because of it. he has tried o bite me three times in anger and DS1 has been on the receiving end twice. I feel ridiculous as I deal with children with tricky behaviour all the time, but he is just not responding well at the moment to anything we try. In the end, in desperation, I meanly told him that mummy days were for all of us to enjoy and that if he didn't stop I'd take him back to nursery where he is always a good boy!! (in less words, obviously..) Bizarrely, he hasn't done it since! Time out doesn't have any effect, shouting, going quiet, being sad, removing a toy have all failed. Any other tips gratefully received. I don't think it's worth problem-solving with him about it yet as he does it when he loses his temper and I don't think he's mature enough to control it (or probably to problem-solve really).

Sorry, didn't mean to spill all that, especially when BBB needs all our thoughts at the moment.

Thank you all. ic I have suggested Relate - or even that he chats things through with a mate - but he's not one for meaningful talk and isn't keen. Besides, it would be a logistical nightmare to get us both there at the same time, as I wouldn't want to get babysitters so we could go in the evening (as our babysitters are his parents) and he won't arrange a weekday thing because of work. Sounds ridiculous when I put it down like that

I literally don't know what to do. I've explained, talked, reasoned, let things go (in the hope that he'll eventually notice me for more than just a housekeeper and nanny once he's had his fill of computer games, tv etc), cried, cajoled... I really feel like the change has to come from him. But that's also ridiculous, because if I want it to work I have to make changes too. But I simply don't know what I can do. Give up work so I can be there more for the kids so it doesn't matter when he's late again or doesn't answer his phone if one of us is needed? Done that. Arrange everything we do, as a family and as individuals, so we don't feel stuck in a rut because he's not into planning and organising? Do that too. See his and my families without him most of the time so he doesn't feel his precious free time is spent with them? Yep. Pick up after him and do all the cleaning etc so we have as much free time as possible at weekends? Yes. Do all his laundry etc so he looks presentable (he doesn't cares about his appearance)? Done. Cook great meals and arrange nice things to do so he doesn't get bored. Yes. Take care with my appearance so he thinks I'm worth spending time with? Yes.