FEB 2010 Terrors sometimes, angels at others - yep, they're properly two now...

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

New thread!!

Sorry. I'll go and wallow elsewhere.

survival it sounds as though your tactic has worked Sounds tricky though, have you tried offering alternatives? I do that with dd2-say sorry or sit on the stairs. It takes a while but she does get it eventually.

Thanks BBB. I'll give that a try too. He does just say sorry in a singsong voice and run off to cause more mayhem, but it's worth a try.

It must be very difficult in your situation with DH. You are a talented, intelligent, fab woman and a loving mummy and I hope he will soon realise what he's in danger of losing. Sending virtual cherry flapjack (as have run out of other dried fruit!!) and a big hug. And don't go and wallow elsewhere -it's what we're here for.

bbb of course you have to stay here. it must hurt you so much that he treats you all like this, although sounds like he treats his family the same.

Has a computer game ban ever been tried?

surival I imagine that is a very frustrating situation to be in

I have suggested it PA but he rails against it and says it's ridiculous. We have a few rules instead, such as leaving his mobile by the front door if he gets home in time to catch the girls in the bath, otherwise he'll spend all his time on it when they (and I) expect him to be engaging with them. Things like that usually work for a few days then he "forgets", DD1 or I remind him, and then he usually kicks off about how unfair such rules are. It's like living with a teenager!

And thanks *survival" for the lovely compliment (though if you saw me now, you would take it all back!).

:( is that his stance even after this last conversation?

BBB - I am so sorry things are so bad. It doesn't sound to me like you're the one who should be making all the efforts - he needs to change, because if things are as you describe them then apart from financially he is just another drain on family life - he gives f* all.

My DH is quite bad with the phone/computer but it's with work because he's self employed - he doesn't play games (what adult with a job and young kids has time for that?) - The way you describe him, not caring about appearance - being very into his own things, not understanding others emotional needs etc. - do you think he could be a bit Aspergers?

Anyway you don't need my armchair psychiatry - just please know that my heart goes out to you, it is awful feeling like you're making all the running and banging your head against a brick wall.

Remember whatever happens now is going to be better for you and the children because the options are either a). he changes or b). he goes.

BBB

Share around the freshly baked cherry and chocolate cc
cupcakes

BBB my DH has admitted freely that adjusting to being a dad, in terms of not having any time for himself/us etc.. has been a) hard and b)harder than he expected. He too gets caught up in computer (X Box) games and we have recently had a big row about it as he had been playing it every night since Christmas. I explained to him that it was like him going out for 1-2 hours every night and that it was causing a big rift between us (as I'm sure you have done). He immediately stopped playing it completely and that stayed for about three weeks. He now plays it when I am working in the evenings (on the understanding that he goes up to the DS if they need us). The interesting bit will be when I don't have to work in the evenings for a month or two in a couple of weeks. I only say all this to let you know that a) I sympathise with the effects it can cause and b) my husband has tried really hard to respond - let's hope yours does too (with all the areas you've mentioned). I second BC's aspergers shout, although I think my DH is just naturally lazy and less on the spectrum than I am!!

Ah, that sounds truly shite, BBB - it doesn't sound to me like there's much more effort you can make from your side - from what you say, he's being selfish and immature and needs a major boot up the backside. Jeez, I feel so on your behalf. How dare he treat you like his PA/childminder instead of his equal? It shows a fundamental lack of respect.
Why don't you start charging him for all your services (and I mean ALL) - point out that if he won't value your contribution to the marriage by sharing the work involved or reciprocating emotional support, he can bloody well pay for it.

Survival sorry you've been having a hard time with DS2. I MASSIVELY recommend the Calmer, Happier, Easier Parenting book I got free from MN - other people I know who are trying it out are similarly impressed (DH is also very pleased with it, I think it's the first parenting book that's really rung his bell). The techniques wouldn't turn DS2 into an angel overnight, but I reckon a few weeks-worth would give you some big improvements.

PS BBB wallow here as much as you need to xx

Been lurking and just had to send to you BBB. But it's good that he realises and wants to change. Give him specific responsibilities and give him positive reinforcement when he does them....

DH went through a very long phase of computer game addiction (years) some time ago so I can empathise. What I didn't do - arrange things or meet ups with his family... If he wants to keep in touch then it's his responsibility. I would of course arrange events with mine. We agreed when he could play his computer games...., yes he had timeslots. A total ban is hard to start with. And we agreed who was responsible for what housework. Maybe make him responsible for doing his own laundry? If he has nothing to wear then he will need to take action. Or washing dishes? Start small then as time passes give him more till it's more of a fair share. Think about what you can live with. I used to moan at him for never arranging events but realised that if I wanted things to happen then I needed to do it. So i still arrange things.

After a while we agreed he wouldn't buy anymore new games. He still does play sometimes but these days not with DD around, and only occasionally now. We also compromise so he tapes the shows I like (normally I watch very little tv) and we watch them together.

DS and I had an interesting opinion difference this morning. Btween where I park the car and nursery we have to cross a busy road so I always take him in my arms to cross as there're 4 lanes of traffic to cross. When we reach the other side he goes back on the pavement and carry on walking. This morning he started playing up and ended up seated on the pavement so I told him if he didn't wanted to walk I'll go, waved bye and started walking. He looked at me, started thinking, stood up, took my gand and happily walked. It feels like blackmail but it worked!

BBB let the steam out on here as much as you want

Waves to rainbow

IC will you be trying a VBAC with JF?

Hopefully, SB!

I had a rare supermom day today, by 9:30 we had done some hand moulds as a belated father's day present and had some fun with stickers. Went to a LLL meeting after that. This afternoon went to the library, some shops where as it was raining I let her climb all over the those ride things (have a little indoor shopping centre nearby). Some waterplay in the bath (1/3 filled a baby bath in the big bath and got DD to select some random teacup toys) and then a playdough session.

with the water playing versus water drinking IC I was thinking I needed to give her more outlets to play, so if it is raining setting the bath up so it seems different (with toys you would chuck outside) or giving her a small bowl of water in the kitchen (on some towels) and let her do some washing and drying up. I was thinking tomorrow of letting her wash the outside of the patio doors.

You are all lovely, lovely people and I feel privileged to know you. I hope one day to meet you all in person and thank you for everything you have done for me.

I have some doughnuts? custard and jam varieties.

sometimes the more you do for someone, the worse they treat you

Well done on super mum day pa and to sb on winning the battle of wills.

that's it for at least a month now though I got to sleep at 11:40 last night which accounts for the extra energy.

any chance of you being able to some sleep? Failing that a bath?

I can always sleep it's one of my great strengths

Going to go to bed now. Have a horrible sore throat and runny nose, am hoping it's from being upset and not a cold. It's June, I refuse to have a cold

No dry cherries in the cupcakes but cherry jam BBB i hope you managed to sleep and that the cold has avoided you

More hugs from me BBB I can only echo what has been said. You are making all the effort and that is not right and it's not fair. I too am very