FEB 2010 Terrors sometimes, angels at others - yep, they're properly two now...

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

New thread!!

BG I am sorry they're now moving the goalposts over the job. Have you made a decision over whether to tell them to stuff it if those are their actual conditions? Hurrah for functioning washing machine. I think I need to start using Calgon, live in hard water area and have had this machine for three years and I've noticed the drawer is clogging up a bit and not all the softener goes down.

Hope your weekend away is going well.

Scones Homestart sound great - I know what you mean about looking forward to doing housework uninterrupted. I think with my mum's help and the two sessions of nursery it would be taking the piss a bit to ask for help from them on top, but if I didn't have the other support I definitely would.

PA You can never tell how you've come across and I'm sure they didn't notice the clothing issue. Good luck, I'm positive you did well. Sorry about the asthma attack - how scary - hope you are ok now.

I can understand why you are worrying already about the next visit. They certainly aren't soothing company. It would totally get my back up to be ignored in my own home.

We are at a sort of stalemate with my PILs - FIL refuses to come to London and DH can't spare the time to go up to Norfolk (nor can I face taking toddler/baby combo to a house that is not geared up for them) so we get occassional visits from MIL which is fine, she's lovely although a little sugary-sweet about everything but if my only complaint is that she over-praises everything it's not really a complaint is it?

SB For my DS blackout blinds work. We put them up when the mornings were getting light super early and he was waking unusally early and he stopped and went back to his normal time. Then he started waking early again so I put parcel tape around the edges and he went back to sleeping 11 to 12 hours so I am certain it was the light waking him.

Yes I had a lovely birthday thanks although 39 feels awfully old! Mum had DS and we went up to town with DD in sling and had Japanese lunch which she slept through (we had glass of champagne each) and did a bit of shopping. She woke only to feed and get her nappy changed in the big baby changing + feeding room in House of Fraser in Oxford St then went straight back to sleep until we got home.

IC Hope you get the housing issue sorted. PA's idea is good unless of course the vendors need the money to move into their new place. Thanks for hugs and good pins to read. x

Survival Hi good to hear from you. Hope you have fun in the Forest of Dean.

I didn't have a very good night's sleep last night, so I've been a bit less patient with DS. He is really into whinging at the moment. Repeating himself eg "I want something to eat" ad nauseum or even just making a whinging noise and doing grabby hands at the cupboard. I show him what's in there and he says no to everything. Grr. Then I hate myself for being grumpy.

Also the potty thing is annoying me. He was doing so well so I know he can do it and now it's almost like he's pleased with himself to make me wipe his pooey arse. I KNOW this isn't the case, but it's hard not to feel it a bit. He comments on how sticky and smelly it is and I'm cheerfully agreeing with him and they saying "all nice and clean now" when inside I am seething. He agrees that it's best to poo in the potty when we talk about it and before baby he would mostly tell us when he wanted a poo and would happily go on the potty (I would say two times out of every three). Maybe soon we just stay inside for three or four days with bare bum and potties everywhere. I got him to have a wee in the potty just now, then tried to get him to put 'big boy pants' on that I'd bought him but he wouldn't, he just took them off.

It feels like he has a policy of saying 'no' to every question or suggestion. As soon as you tell him not to do something he does it or does it more. I hate feeling like this about him and I know a lot of it is to do with the age and undoubtedly to do with his sister, although he is always nice to her, thank God.

Anyway enough of my whinging. He's enjoying nursery still - lady said he asked for me a few times during the last half hour on Thursday but still no tears.

Do your 2-year-olds play on their own at home much - do they ever pick up a book and flick through it themselves. He seems to need me or DH playing with him a lot of the time (unless I turn the hoover on and give it to him, then he'd happily play hoovering for hours). I think maybe I need to cultivate self-directed play a bit more. It will all be easier once DH has moved his office to my mum's and we have our playroom. NOT LONG NOW.

I can get DD to play by herself but with a lot of input from me sitting down, but not completely by herself. even with the obstacle course today i had to remind each time the order and what to do. tbh i don't actively get down and play with her a lot atm which I feel bad about, but we do a lot of active things especially in afternoons on walks, so throwing, tickling, running and chasing.

can you try to phrase things such that they are not questions that can be answered with no? If I have phrased a question that can produce a no answer then I allow her to actually say no. Sometimes I forget when i am asking but nonetheless follow through the request. If it is an action then of course I say no, she has a warning to not to do it otherwise X will happen (normally cessation of activity although sometimes just a rest from the activity). Getting into the car she often runs around out the front instead of walking to her seat, I give her a few reminders to head towards the car then when I am strapping DS in she is given the option of coming over or me carrying her. I also use this sometimes in the form of 'I will count to 5 and if you still haven't done X request then I will'. Obviously after a request of two before e.g. put on your shoes or I will do it. the phrase 'it is time for' is used a lot here and I have built up standard routines/scripts for set tasks such as leaving the house, getting in, post dinner routine. This has meant the potty for these activities has blended in well as i repeat beforehand 'right when we get in, we take off our shoes, coat, do a 'hello home potty' etc. She does need reminding of them a lot but she is quite accepting when i remind her that this is what we do. i reinforce that with narrating what i am doing 'mummy, it is time to take off your shoes'

She has started shouting especially when tired so I ask her to 'ask properly' or if it is because she frustrated (if tired she tries to ram her shoe on and then shouts out) I say 'deep breaths' to which she closes her eyes and take and a deep breathe which calms her down enough to often complete the task she is trying to do.

that was a bit longer than I thought, but i know myself that when I catch myself saying no a lot, then a change in my thinking/procedure is required. hopefully something will be of use/reassurance.

time to go shopping, aka my alone time

Good to hear from you Survival! Not too long now before you get a rest x

Bc yes, we're investigating doing something along those lines - our vendors don't need the money to buy another house and they are lovely and helpful, so very willing to find a solution if poss. We've enlisted their solicitor to come up with a suggestion and he seems like an affable type too, so hopefully something will be worked out so we can move in sooner rather than later.

DD is pretty good at playing on her own, depending on her mood. If I'm trying to sort out some food, I may get some hassle and whingeing for a bit, but she usually gives up fairly quickly and finds something to amuse herself.

Glad you're enjoying the pins!!

We follow very similar disciplinary tactics to PA - counting to 5 (backwards in my case!), lots of descriptive praise when DD does what we want (or takes small steps towards doing what we want) and lots of "think-throughs" - preparations ahead of time about what we expect from her in certain situations with a short series of questions for her to answer (these last two are straight from Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting although we were already using elements of them, although not as effectively). We still have tantrums of course, but DH and I feel like we're getting a better handle on behaviour issues and I've definitely noticed improvements. I'm hoping we can get a lot of these techniques as second nature both for us and DD by the time Jesus Fosbury makes his appearance.

I also find washable wipes easier to use than disposable ones - they seem to be more efficient, somehow.
I picked up a load of second-hand Flip washable nappies today at a nearly new sale - our Pop-Ins are starting to leak too often and I've heard a lot of good reports about Flips. The elastication is pretty weak in the legs because of previous usage, but so far we haven't had any leaks. I'm hoping they'll be as good as everyone says they are!!

BG sounds like your two are enjoying the hotel stay!!

Thank you for mentioning that, PA - I have been saying "shall we do X?" instead of "It's time to do X" too much I think, so giving him the opportunity to say 'no'.

I do tell him what we're going to do, and tell him 5 mins and again 1 min before we leave eg the playground. He still seems quite stressed and to find it difficult when we stop one activity to do something else. (I will take a look at that book, IC).

I managed to get him to play alone with play doh while I cooked dinner this evening by dint of not complaining when he mixed up the colours and just letting him get on with it. I know it doesn't matter and that the colours will get mixed up anyway, I can be very laid back about all sorts of things but toys with missing pieces or mess or mixed up colours of play doh make me feel all twitchy. I need to realised this is my problem and not lay it on poor DS.

He has done 2 wees in the potty today (with 'time to go on the potty' prompting).

We had a nice storytime with lots of cuddles and he trotted into his room afterwards and went to bed with no complaints.

i recently got the 'adventures in gentle discipline' book from the LLL library and have found it really useful. The main extra things i picked up were we're not all perfect and to debrief once everyone is calm again.

I am quite bad with messy play actually, I blame it on DS and not having the time to deal with it, but I suspect I would be that way anyway. I tend to only offer one colour of playdough and as for her putting the blue paintbrush in the red pot well...

our current issues are wanting to throw water everywhere, the concept of 'drinking water' and 'playing water' are i appreciate difficult distincions but need to be made I feel.

I think I am going to rejog our routine and give the DCs dinner around 4/4:30 with a fruit or other dessert at 6/6:30 when me and DH will have dinner. not sure yet when i will cook it but hopefully will make for smoother evenings. DS is being very clingy so not able to cook until DH gets in but by the time I have done (with them being grumpy throughout) they are too tired (certainly DS) to deal with being able to have dinner. What are all your evening dinner routines?

PA dd1 used to have dinner with me and dh about 6ish but that all went to pot when dd2 arrived. At the moment the girls have dinner around 5.30 and dh and I eat around 7.30 to 8pm. Ideally I would prefer us to have a family meal in the evening but it still gets quite stressful for everyone right now so I will give it a few more months.
As for independent play, I think I have been lucky that mine like to potter and explore when they are with me... Dh is much more hands on playing with them and they tend to expect more entertainment from him.

We had out first bunk bed related injury last night... The girls were fine but I scraped my back on the top bunk when saying goodnight to dd2. She had a terrible night and I think got a bit claustrophobic having a top bunk above her. We've got a cot for tonight and she seems happier being a baby just for tonight.

Ha, yes - we have the water for play/water for drinking conundrum too, PA!

We have a family meal at around 17.45ish, which works fine because DH is usually home around 5-ish, so he plays with DD and keeps her out of my way while I sort out the supper (which I'm happy to do as a bit of me-time!!).
DD usually goes up for bath and bedtime at around 18.45, with lights off at 19.30ish. It'll be interesting to see how we adapt the routine when Jesus Fosbury arrives.....

Ouch at scraping your back BG - hope it's not too sore.

Yep, well worth checking out that book Bc - I think of all my parenting books, it's the one I've found most helpful and effective so far - it only has five main techniques (all non-punitive) and gives loads of detail on how to use them, including typical flashpoint situations.

how was last night bg

DH gets in at 5:30, if he was home at 5 that would make a massive difference.

we have a most upset DS which after 30min stretches last night :( Summoning up the energy to take DD out.

DS has dinner at 5.45pm and DH is either at home or leave home at 5.40pm for work or come home at 6.30pm. Then bedtime between 6pm and 6.30 pm.

He can play by himself for a few minutes while but I have to check from time to time on him to make sure he plays and he's not inventing a new way to kill himself up to no good.

PT is going well. Today we went out for the day with no opportunity to take the potty with us (and DS won't use the loo) so he was quite freaked out by peeing in his nappy but when back home did a wee in the potty once home. I just wonder if it's worth spending £20+ in a carry potty ?

dd2 slept 14 hours last night and then when I woke her at 8 this morning she staggered around the place for a few minutes asking where the bunk beds were. I think she found the weekend quite exhausting!

14 hours

BG

bg

pa I give the DDs their dinner at 5.30ish, then do the wind down routine that sees them in bed at around 7pm. DH doesn't get home until after 7pm most weeknights so he and I eat after the girls are in bed. The only exception to this is once a week when he collects DD1 from Rainbows at 6pm and we all eat together that night. If he's out on the evening, I'll often eat with the girls.

DD2 appears to be giving up her trainer seat for the toilet so my days of carrying it round when we go out may be drawing to a close. If so, it's been short and sweet

Well, it is unlike her!!! And she asked me at 12.30 whether she could please go to bed, so she's having a nap now as well...
She did have a busy weekend though and walked so much that her feet and legs are still hurting.

Meant to say about playing on their own. DD2 often wanders off on her own to play or look at books, and I've often thought that she's had to learn to do that because she doesn't often get me on my own. DD1 had my undivided attention for three years so took longer to develop this skill, though my severe spd when pregnant meant she learned out of necessity

I often involve them in whatever I am doing, for example by pulling up a chair to the kitchen worktop so they can help me cook or by getting them to hand me clothes when I am hanging out laundry. They don't seem to mind, in fact they really like it, so it suits us all

can you take DD away with you next time?

I am absolutley exhausted atm and my excuses for getting to sleep late have run out so am admitting I have some insomnia going on. I think it has been two weeks since I was asleep before 12, but most nights is 1.

that combined with the fact that it looks like our plans are changing and I will be at home for a few more years (and associated uncertainity of what I want to go and therefore lack of long term plan) is bringing me down a little bit.

Someone did offer to have the children for a few hours but I just thought 'what's the point?'. I won't be able to sleep and I don't want to do jobs, however that line of thinking means I probably need the time more than ever.

interwoven is the fact that DH has been asked to apply for a job in london which we agree he is going to do. The salary seems unusually low considering the location though (salary is what you'd expect if it wasn't in London, so once combined with extra costs is isn't a step up but 2-3 years there would look great on his CV)

PA fx for the new plans

BG is your DD2 okay? If DS sleeps as much I'll think that he's ill.

We're on a loosing weight adventure at the moment as DH needs to loose around a stone. So I'm reducing the portion size and try to cut the carbs (quite hard as I need carbs as my blood sugar will crash without any).

BBB great news on the toilet use

I thought I had killed the thread then

we actually had a good day today once we got to 10am. Not only no accidents that included solids and wee's but at playgroup and the park (which was at least an hours) she came up to me and asked to go.

I am sure I am supposed to be doing something tomorrow but I can't remember what.

Sounds like you're making great progress, PA!
Sorry to hear about the insomnia - I've SO been there. Really frustrating. EFT can be good for sorting sleep issues out, if you fancy giving it a try.

SB I've found by far the best way to lose weight (without feeling hungry or having blood sugar crashes) is to do the GI/GL diet - when you cut out foods which send your blood sugar too high too quickly and keep your fat intake to a lowish level. That way, you still have the healthy carbs that your body needs, but you can lose weight.
There are some good books and resources online to help out and loads of tasty recipes of things you can have so you don't feel too hard done by while trying to shed the kilos....
I found when I did the GI diet strictly, I went down two dress sizes in six weeks and had loads more energy, better moods (leaping and crashing blood sugar levels have a lot to do with moodiness!), needed less sleep and generally felt the best I ever had in my life. AND I kept the weight off once I relaxed the diet. AND I never felt hungry (because the diet involved three meals a day and three snacks between times). It's also the only diet my BIL (who's a GP) advises for patients with weight issues because it's sensible and well-balanced.
Good luck!!

DS only woke 3 times last night, I got off just after 12 and got a 4 hour stretch, I feel great even if it is for one night only

'Mama what's wrap around care?' Timely reminder for me to be very cautious about listening to the news on the radio because dd2 does listen!! This news item was pretty harmless but most aren't..

DS has started sucking/soaking his top. Sleeves/hem Huge patches. WHY??? Am trying to descriptively praise him, IC when he doesn't do it. "you're not sucking your top - keeping yourself smart/neat/dry"

Boo at the insomnia pa but glad you're feeling ok today.

bc my dd1 is still terrible for putting things in her mouth. She sucks her thumb, bites her nails and it really bothers me. She has sucked or chewed her clothes in the past and I've found it very effective to tell her that of she does it, she won't be able to choose her clothes the next day as I need to be sure that she isn't going to be wearing clothes with loose bits that may hurt her (not strictly true, but you get my drift). She hates this and it has pretty much stopped.