April 2012 newborns: the insomnia continues...

[LaTristesse]

Hello fellow April mums. Following on from our lovely ante-natal threads, here's the first of the post-natal ones. Join us as we work out how to handle nappies, feeding, colic, crying and all things newborn, or just to celebrate the joys of a new baby!

I am co sleeping too, buns and feeding lying down on my side. DH on an inflatable bed in the living room (which has just sprung a leak unfortunately).

Also DH is driving me nuts being so slow to do anything I ask him because he constantly has his face glued to his blackberry. He was supposed to have had last week and this week off work but it's not really happened like that.

Then he bellows at me when I ask him a second or third time to do something. I have to remind him to do everything - he has no initiative. Quite often leaves the food debris on DS's highchair tray and on the floor below. I came down to cous cous bloodly everywhere yesterday morning. Doesn't think about meals - acts surprised every day when I ask him what's for dinner.

This morning he took so long to get himself and DS ready we couldn't go to the playgroup we'd planned to go to where all my friends go because we'd only have had half an hour there so ended up going to One O'Clock Club - DS enjoyed it but I wanted a bit of adult contact myself.

Sorry for moaning.

Bear.....that made me laugh.......I have had three big rows with my dh who is actually a very good person unless you ask him to do more than one undesirable domestic task at a time, in the last 2 or so weeks. Whilst he is not checking his b berry, he sits and plays some stupid drawing game on I pad whilst I put ds down to sleep......not only is h. Chair filthy but sink is piled up with dishes and hoovering badly needs doing.......I am just about up to doing house work again unlike you will be. My dh cooked our first meal last night.....friends have dropped off meals for the last two weeks......so kind.....anyway suffice to say despite purchasing a chicken pie that just needed baking, both carrots and potatoes On the side were only partly cooked, unseasoned and unceremoniously dropped on the plate......it was not worth not cooking if you follow me.

What does one do with an undomesticated male who is incapable of being proactive in the house?I think mine is untrainable actually.thank god my mum arrives soon. Last night....bedtime was a nightmare....me trying to get two year old to sleep, baby screaming, husband calling for me to soothe the baby, ds melting down when I left his room....saying my booby, my booby when I said I was going to feed the baby. The only helpful response is to try to laugh before you go cry in your pillow for a quick 20 second release........I know it will get easier....but bedtime is the worst part of the day in this house.

Bear...I also get bellowed at if I ask more than once a simple task if say I am bf. but dh does not say......yes I heard you, in a moment.
He just ignores e so I am unsure if he has heard me or not....one day.....poop was dripping down ds leg from nappy that had come off.....despite shouting

There is s### seeping into the carpet honey, can you please come right now.......he carried on with whatever inconsequential task he was engaged in on the I pad.....it drives me NUTS. I am trying to focus on the good things he does do....like play with our ds and provide the fun....rather than the domestic ineptitude....as frankly I am fighting a losing battle wanting him to be more helpful in the house. I do not think men change. There are the ones that cook and clean. Then there are the others.

Pit, are we married to the same man?! Mine took 2 weeks paternity leave only to spend them watching antiques shows on daytime tv or dithering about on his iPad. No change even while I was putting DS to bed and baby was screaming in her bouncy chair. He got up at 11 every day and moaned he was tired, when the rest of us had been up for 6 hour (count them!) by then! Yes he's good at playing, although even that seems to have its limits, but that's not what I need. And don't even get me started on the lack of domestic assistance! dick

Well tristesse we sound like we are married to the same kind of man. Problem is up till I married my dh every man I had dated excelled at cooking and cleaning so it has been quite a shock to have one that is so clueless.
He is however amazing with our son and pretty tireless playing with him and making him happy so I try to see it that way but sometimes you just want your dh to see what needs doing, do it and not have to be asked so many times it is easier to do it yourself. He does let me have a nap at the weekend but then he sleeps through in separate room so does no night wakings at all......fair enough as he cannot bf and does work a stressful job.......at least one of us may as well be well rested.
Crazy how something like this can really affect you......I am determined my ds will not be like this as I do hold mothers responsible......if their son,s are so clueless about contributing to running a house.

my dh was not taught how do do anything and had very little done for him so it is his norm to live in chaos and he must have learnt how to block out being bothered by not being cared for appropriately....anyway I digress.He is wonderful in so many ways but running a house is a lot of work once you are a family and all members need to make an appropriate contribution in my mind.

Third time round DP has been a bit better on paternity leave. It is still not in his head to think about what we will need for dinner, or to put the washing on, or dry it, or put it away but has been less shitty with me when I ask him to do something. Still going into work mind you & spending his time on the computer/faffing with cameras etc. still also yawning & stating how very tired he is (ahh)

Not sure he understands that it's a bit boring & lonely being stuck to the sofa feeding all day. Company would be nice, but hey ho, he's improving. don't think I'll have another though to see how good he'd get next time

Stop it ladies, you're scaring me!! Can really see my DH playing on his laptop all day oblivious to the domestic chaos around him. Thank god I have a sensible 16 year old daughter to help when the time comes!
39+3 today with no signs of an imminent arrival as yet.

So happy to join this thread properly! Our son, Bill, was born at 2.47am this morning, Tuesday 17 April, following an induction: 7 1/2 hours from pessary to skin to skin. He's amazing.

Congratulations spannermary Welcome to the world Baby Bill!

Marking my place - 38 weeks, due on April 29th (also my 26th birthday!!).

What is it about babies and birthdays?? I'm hoping to be discharged from here tomorrow as then my first morning waking up with our new son at home will be Thursday: my birthday.

Happy birthday for late April!

Aww Buns, I can really sympathise. Have tried keeping Emily in bed with me but my bad back makes it diff to lift her to me & after the first night was really stiff. Getting in & out or staying on sofa is a little easier. My DH in spare room too...was his first major project on starting Leave!! A bit better last night: she did settle in between feeds in the pram body which we brought upstairs. But that was for 15-30in intervals only!!! Milk in so she's guzzling & she's tricky to latch on so my R nipple is v v tender. Have to say, hearing all your stories makes me feel better. Know I'm not the only one doing this in the middle of the night. Every day is progress for us all though :-)

Congrats Spanner-hope your induction wasn't too bad & now all the stress over, you can enjoy your little boy. Happy Birthday!! Had missed the whole unhelpful partner/husband discussion & again, glad I'm not alone there either! The main thing that bothers me about my generally supportive DH is the complaining about being tired, despite sleeping in spare room!!!!! Had to get him up at 04.00 yesterday to take baby whilst I slept (was on my KNEES), which he did with grace. But; boy did I pay for it yesterday. That was my second sleep of more than 2 hours in a row since last Thursday, his first disturbed night since labour, but he had to nap 3 times yest to 'catch up!!!'. Men are wimps. He has cooked loads TBF & tries with the rest. But I hoovered today & Sunday (just before our visitors) cos eve after asking him, he hadn't got round to it. Unfortunately it is just easier to do these things myself. And I have to say my expectations of paternity leave aren't quite so high 3rd time round!

I am so jealous of you all on this thread! The Diva is not up for being born it seems and I'm beginning to feel quite down about it :(

I'm 42 weeks next Wed so i know she'll be here soon but Lordy, it's boring just waiting around...

Massive congrats, Spanner.

I just had the biggest sweary/crying meltdown at DH (on the phone, he'd gone out for a run) and I am still not over it - I opened the washing machine to take out the wash he'd put on only to find that the CUNT had put the baby's lovely new pale pink and white newborn sleepsuits and vests (I splashed out and bought Petit Bateau ones) in with his fucking JEANS and dark clothes. WHO, sorry - WHO THE FUCK gets to 37 and doesn't work out that you DON'T PUT PALE DELICATE THINGS IN WITH YOUR JEANS. ARSEHOLE ARSEHOLE ARSEHOLE.

bear DP has shrunk two loads of washing in the tumble dryer & melted off pretty sequins from dd's clothes.

Also I went to bed with baby boy this afternoon, finally got him to sleep not on me. Came out the bedroom to find the dog had done rank diarrhoea over ds1's bedroom carpet. Have spent my only 20 minutes of time not with baby attached clearing up dog shit. Halcyon days. You've got to laugh....

Spanner. Congrats. So induction went okay in the end. I am so pleased for you and I LOVE the name Bill......have never met a bill yet.
Bear....I learnt my lesson last time when all our new clothes were dyed......I now always put the wash on as yes a man can get to 37 and not know that just as he can not know how to steam carrots and potatoes sufficiently to make them edible.
I have to say even my friends with cooking cleaning partners report they complain about the tiredness even when they do none of the night wakings so that one is a given.
I am trying to compare down.....ie find a friend whose husband is less helpful than your own and just think.....it could be worse.....and of course as long as your partner has lovely qualities too, it can always be so very much worse.
My husband has organsed a day trip to an aqauarium today so we are off to see the sharks. I can always count on him for fun and making me laugh till my wound hurts and I celebrate that in the face of my dirty kitchen and sitting room littered with the flotsam of a few days of life with two children.

I have calmed down a bit now - sorry, was totally hormonal and OTT. He has apologised and is attempting to fix the baby clothes with a Vanish soak and another wash and has said I can order them again on his card if they are doomed.

He is quite a good cook to be fair, but doesn't clean up after himself as he goes along and doesn't see anything wrong with letting it go until the next day which makes me twitch.

Buns Tough about the dog poo... poor you. I hope it hasn't stained too badly.

Pitmountainpony - I actually didn't know he'd put the wash on. I shouldn't have said I wanted him to use his initiative should I? If this is what transpires when he does. Hope you had lots of fun at the aquarium.

So there's a Frank, a Frankie and a Franco amongst the baby boys and two Emily Graces and an Emilia on the girls' side. I wonder what will be the most popular name at the end of the month.

Afternoon all! Hope things going well...on the topic of laundry I discovered yesterday while hanging out baby's beautiful new babygros & Aden & Anais Muslins (my treat to baby & myself) that I had put a wet nappy on with the wash!!! Aaaghhhhh. And had no-one to blame but myself. ;-)
Thankfully no permanent damage done, unlike poor you Bear. Hope they come right. Love Petit Bateau baby clothes BTW. Baby girl weighed today (day 5) & has gained 4oz. Almost back to both weight. Am so proud. Makes the cracked nipples worthwhile.

Congratulations spanner welcome to the other side.

Bookmarking as this had fallen off my threads I'm on list.

Have been to the bf clinic every day this week and for the first time today someone checked ds2's mouth. He has minor tongue tie - but potentially if we work hard on getting positioning perfect and improve his latch then he wont need the snip. First time I could bf without extreme pain today. Latching on still kills, but it's subsiding afterwards so I think we're making progress. I expect it'll be at least a week before my nipples heal from all the trauma.

For those whose babies are waking 10-15 minutes after being put down I found a little bit of co-sleeping helped cut down the night wakings last night. We have a co-sleeping cot so I cuddled him while he lay in there. Also had him on my chest a bit. Gave my nipples a break even if I didn't sleep deeply.

Thanks, Digital. Yes - I have a positive induction story! Apparently if you're pre-eclamptic you often labour faster, and the baby's head was really low anyway.

Feeling ok at the mo: some soreness and difficulty standing up, and tender nipples already although I'm sure he's latching right & I'm using lansinoh. Bloody painful contractions when I feed - which apparently is a good thing!

Bill is beyond gorgeous though.

Watching my first OBEM. I wouldn't allow myself to watch it before!

Morning! Up feeding & wondered how you're all getting on? Can't get my LO to open her mouth wide at all so her latch on the R (my 'weaker' side) poor. She's effectively 'sawing' the base of my nipple. Rugby hold works better but it's awkward in bed. Any tips for getting a better gape? She had a day tetserday of either feeding voraciously, or screaming. All day; lots of bobbing on & off leaving both of us tetchy. Think my let down too slow for her & indeed I can't feel it at all. I could last 2 times I breastfed. Ho hum. Going to pop baby in her bed where she'll hopefully settle for a couple of hours.

Haven't checked in here for a while. This time last week I was in labour! I think I was in the bath in the hospital in the dark with led candles eating ice cream!!

Emily is feeding at the moment. jelly I find latch difficult on my left boob. I've found using my Boppy breastfeeding pillow has helped position her more comfortably. I looked at diagrams on the La Leche website and there's a video on the NHS website that helped me. I can find links tomorrow if it's useful. I fed in "public" for the first time today - it was in the back of the car in a car park but a start! We also visited Daddy's office to say hi.

Her cord stump is hanging on by 2 threads today - not sure it should have fallen off so quickly. Will keep an eye on it.

Sorry I'm not name checking everyone - wish we could read back when replying via the app. Hope those with sore bits, stitches and cracked nipples are getting some relief.

Oh and as for the DH conversation, I can't really complain. He gets a bit single-minded about things like having to mow the lawn on our first pm home from hospital leaving me pinned to the sofa by a baby with no water or snacks but overall he's been good.

jellybelly finding a good comfortable position helps, so that you don't get tired trying to get her to latch on. Make sure you have enough pillows before you try to latch her on. Also, try massaging downwards from your chest to your nipple to help with the let down. I was also advised trying a hot compress (like a hot water bottle) to help with let down but haven't tried it myself. And don't be afraid to take paracetemol throughout the day to help with the pain.

I'm having similar issues with my right boob. Left one is recovering well from last week's blood-fest, but right one is still incredibly bruised and sore feeling despite it looking ok on the outside. Having to really grit my teeth when F latches on that side, which I'm sure inhibits let down. But hopefully as he gets better at opening his mouth a bit wider and the old wounds heal it should get easier. Hopefully.

vintage F's cord fell off on day 6 and his belly button has been bleeding on and off since. Not badly, and it's not infected, but we just don't give it enough time to air. Don't think it's bothering him though. Well done for feeding in public. I've only whacked my boobs out at the bf clinic...where there's lots of cushions. Can't face trying to get him to latch while in a cafe. Sometimes latching on can take over 15 minutes while he bobs around and cries in frustration and I'm wincing in pain. Very much looking forward to the day it all becomes second nature to him (and me again).