July 2010: Tantrums R Us

[Woodlands]

Here you go! Sorry for crappy title. My one chance in the limelight and I can't think of anything good and I have to go and collect J from nursery right now...

very jealous dh! hope you get a repeat tonight.

ouch chul sounds bloody awful. i used to have one and used it regularly to chop veg for stir fries without ever cutting myself but i was ultra-careful and paranoid as i'm terribly clumsy and always cutting myself. i ended up binning mine too as i decided it wasn't worth the worry.

you can get these kind of holder things with pins which you stick into the thing you're chopping iykwim?

my two are pretty good travellers but i did worry it was a bit unfair on them hence trying to time it with them sleeping as much as poss.

F played with the ipad for a while on the way back too which kept him happy for a while.

memph i was trying to wean F off bf too so it was doubly hard as he wouldn't drink anything other than water or bm. in the end i found vanilla flavoured soya milk was the key as it's similar taste to bm (and i presume formula to an extent) it's certainly nice - milkshakey really. once he was happily drinking that i then started diluting it with sweetened soya milk until there was no vanilla milk in it. you could do the same with unsweetened instead, i just wanted to him to have the extra calories. he still loves it now and has a cupful morning and evening.

mlic and chul re party. it's more the aggro of getting everyone up and ready to leave the house by 9.50am (it's about 40mins away) on a saturday morning when we want to mooch about and relax that i found annoying. plus i'm really not a morning person so not in a party mood - hard for me to imagine anyone would be but i realise not everyone's the same.

trudy love hearing about how well things are going for you. feel free to ask on here too about your bf probs if you want.

the children are having a snacky sitting room picnic of sandwiches etc for dinner whilst watching gruffalos child. makes a nice change from sitting round the table.

and how's things there vik?

Dh great about the better sleeping.

cake all the birthday parties we go to start at 10 or 10.30 and go through till about 12ish, normal time to me - littler babies can have their sleep beforehand and older ones have their sleep afterwards. 80 is a lot of people though, we had 18 at A's 4th birthday (including parents).

tsc dude, i bet you're still more fun than most of them even when you're sleep-deprived and milk-stained. and fat and old - pshaw! you still look pretty gorge in all your pics, those baby blues of yours remain undimmed. chuck on the leopard print, red lipstick and go out and enjoy yourself.

wss i'm obv too rock n roll for morning parties then

80 was madness. the mother of the 1yo looked stressed out of her mind. tis like wedding numbers. we had less at ours in fact.

cake I actually thought when I was typing "We had less than 80 at our wedding party"! (We had a party at our house when we got back from eloping and had told everyone we had married, I think we had about 50 there).

trudy your two are so cute in the pics on Fb. M will get there with feeding herself.

Day 2 of dh being away for 4 days, yesterday was actually v easy despite it raining all day so we did't leave the house. I'm a bit pissed off with him for fucking off for 4 days actually, when do I do that? (um, never)

stac thanks for the offer but I was hoping for one on one help kind of like when I went for CBT I wanted to till them things I found difficult and then have someone explain step by step how I could alter the things I was doing if that makes any sense. I was also really hoping for a support group I would love to feel like I fit in somewhere for once in my life. But thank you once again for the kind offer :)

cake we deal with the long drive by driving through the night. We set off at the kids bedtime at about 7:30pm and arrive home about 2am the kids normally sleep the whole journey and then we just transfer the kids straight into their beds. We manage to knock a couple of hours off the journey because we don't hit rush hour anywhere and the roads are pretty empty. Dh drives through the night for a living so I probably isn't for everyone but there is no way I could go back to doing that journey with a bored child in the back.

cakes so sweetened is fine then, I hadent read what it was sweetened with so was thinking sugars and additives etc, tried him with the unsweetened today it got a 'yak' and got thrown on the floor.
We had 45 at L's birthday but it was in out front room and garden so it didnt seem a lot, my friend had 25 in a hall and I had to leave early as it stressed me out, those halls echo and the noise travels!
tsc have a few glasses of wine and you wont care what you look like, you have 3 kids and 2 are still small, dont beat yourself up and have a fab time!

I watched a new programme called Stella last night, I loved it, DH is in Wales near where I lived next week, I am half tempted to drive there for a night and go and see my old stomping ground!
Having steak for tea on the new skillet, dh is having his with peppercorn sauce and chips, im having mine with veg :(

Memphis I watched Stella last night too it was brilliant so funny :o

it's usually sweetened with apple juice and supplemented with vitamins. it's pretty pure really memph essentially just hulled soya beans and water. obv need to brush teeth afterwards which can be a bit of a pain at bedtime.

dylth i'm a crap traveller tbh. hate long car journeys and always need a wee so the DCs are actually a good excuse to break the journey up

sorry, i wasn't around when you got your diagnosis but i'm sorry to hear about it. it must have been a real shock for you. i hope you don't mind me saying but i'm surprised by the diagnosis, you don't fit what i understand to be the typical profile of someone with aspergers. maybe you just manage it well?

Meeting me in RL would probably be a very different story cake I don't get non verbal cues but on here is a level playing field for me as there isn't any I struggle with eye contact which again isn't a problem here, we don't have conversations in the traditional sense of the word I struggle with how to start and end conversations but on here I can dip in and out and I also have the option to preview everything I say which would be great if I could do

Oops posted by mistake just as I was talking about always previewing my messages

There is lots of quirky things about me which people don't seem to like and which make my life difficult but yes I do think I hide it well and its even easier to do that on here.

I hope you don't mind me talking about it on here I don't have anyone else the only people I see are work colleges, dh, and my family so I don't really have anyone else apart from you all on here.

And its a little difficult to come to terms with is it a good or a bad thing? I don't know. I always thought that with a little help I would overcome my difficulties but now it turns out that it is just the way my brain is wired and I'll never be different.

talk away dylth. we're always here for each other, you know that.

you do very well on here - you don't come across in any way quirky. even the mere fact you're on here, choosing to chat away with us, says a lot, iykwim?

and let's be honest, there's not a single person on this earth who is truly 'normal', everyone of us is a freak in some way, muddling through, trying to blend in. and there's no medal for 'lack of quirks', the only point of us all being here (if there is one) is to live a good life and be happy.

i guess the diagnosis is a good thing IF you get the right help and support to deal with it and make your life easier. sorry, i missed what you said about support lacking. are you on a waiting list or is there none at all?

and who gave you the diagnosis and what was it based on? (sorry again to ask you to repeat stuff you've probably already said)

are there any online support groups? and have you checked out any voluntary groups in your area like these? www.aspergersupport.org.uk/support/aspergergroups.html

how old are you (if you don't mind saying!) was thinking what a shock it must be to live for x years before finding this out.

Dylthan of course you should talk about it on here, that's what this thread is for! Talking about amything and everything.

Good idea about online support groups? I was going to suggest the National Autistic Society (I think that's the name?) website to see if they had any info/support for Aspergers but I see there is a specific Asperger's website cake has linked to there. I do wonder if there's so little support for adults with Aspergers because it's such a relatively new diagnosis (wasn't it first labelled as a condition in the 90's?) so a lot of health professionals have very little experience/info about it. It does seem a bit crap to just get a diagnosis and that's it - no further support (apart from a support group miles and miles away).

GHave to go as G is grabbing my legs to pull me away from the computer, it's another rainy on/off day here but we managed a walk this morning.

Absolutely agree Dylth, talk away! I second trying to find an online support group - look at the support we've all given / received on this thread. If you can find a group of people to 'talk' to who understand you I am sure it will help you come to terms with and deal with your diagnosis. Fingers crossed for you.

I am so cross this morning

Last night on the way home from Newcastle they both slept roughly 3.35pm/3.40pm until 4.20pm. So bedtime was a nightmare. DS2 eventually went to sleep but dh allowed ds1 back down at 8pm I (notice the word I there, not he) finally got him to sleep at 9.20pm. DS2 was up screaming at 10pm, so I had zero evening to myself and couldn't watch any of the films I have from lovefilm because I had a three year old in the room I then went to bed. Both boys woke crying more than once through the night - ds1 coming out of him room creating a right hullabaloo on the landing outside ds2's room at 3am. DH coughed all night and so did both the children.

So I'm fucked off. Annoyed. Tired. Feeling claustophobic.

Rant, rant, rant. Sorry.

Morning all!

tsc you are not fat and old at all! You appear to have a much better social life than me. I've been out for a night out once since D was born and only cos I had to as it was my hen night!

I put D to bed at 7:20ish again and he woke twice before half 8 having to go in there. I went to bed at half 9 and could hear D wake quite alot in the night but again I didn't have to go in there! He woke for the day at 7:30 this morn and that's when I went in to get him up. I know it's only because he's not well and it will prob go back to normal once he's better but I'm enjoying it for now!

X post mlisc sorry you had such a crap night. It's annoying when the dh messes up all plans so you have to spend ages getting them back down. D is exactly the same if he has a late nap except for now because he's ill.

that sounds fuck-awful mlic. ours are the same if they have a late nap. makes me paranoid about driving back from somewhere in the afternoon.

we had a reasonable night for a change. i put an extra cover over A and she didn't wake til 3am and then came in with me. dh was already in with F.

the annoying thing at the mo is that A always wakes at exactly 5am for her feed. i let her feed while i doze and then at some point she goes back to sleep til 7.30/8am. so it's good that she's not up too early but bad in that i don't get the greatest sleep from when she start bf, it will also be worse if i 'm trying to wean her, having to deal with it at 5am! think i'm going to have to start moving it back 30 mins at a time.

mlisc No wonder you are cross. Why didn't your dh help put him back to bed if he was the one that had taken him down?

dh D's sleep seems to be getting so much better. :)

cake I'm 26 and I've been seeing doctors, psychiatrists, therapists and at one particularly desperate time for my parents a homeopath who said she was psychic and told me about my past without having meet me and then told me to cut almost everything out of my diet before giving me sugar pills nothing and nobody ever tell what was wrong.

They did come up with various diagnoses all through this time which my current psychiatrist has apologized for and says that he wishes the correct diagnosis had come sooner.

When I met dh things became easier he helps me so much in social situations and like I said previously I've been with him since I was 17. We probably would of been alright if it was just the two of us but it all sort of came to a head recently.

D has started going round to his friends houses now and I was finding it so hard talking to the mums and trying to appear like everyone else for D's sake that in the end I just flipped I couldn't deal with being around anyone and totally withdrew into myself again so for the kids sake I decided to go back to the doctors even though I've found them to be as much use as a chocolate teapot in the past.

The doctor refered me to an NHS psychiatrist who after a couple of months I saw and at the end of the meeting said that I had some aspergers like traits. He then wanted me to get as many family members and myself to independently write him a letter about me from a baby until present day. After the letters were written we had a family meeting with the psychiatrist and everyone who had written a letter. I was expecting there to be more discussion but instead he said it was a really easy diagnosis for him to make and yes I did have AS the meeting was then just a big Q&A session for everyone I asked about support and was basically told there isn't any although sometimes he does like us to talk to his students but I think that's more training for them then help for us.

As for online support communities there are some but I really need to learn how to deal with people face to face although I suppose they may be able to give me some tips so I'll give them a try. The nearest support group for meeting people is Edinburgh which is fecking miles away.

I read somewhere that one of the main differences between autism and AS is that people with autism don't really like other peoples company where as people with AS crave it as much as NT's but just lack the necessary social skills to maintain friendships so I think it probably isn't that unusual that I would choose to talk to all you lovely lot on here.

dylthan talk away, its sad it has taken this long to diagnose, I agree with cakes that I dont think many people (if any) can say they are 100% 'normal', Im a real chatterbox and will talk to anyone but this is my way of dealing with me feeling awkward, I hate sitting there not talking as I over analise myself, how I come across, did I offend them?etc, but I did training with work years ago on how to analise body language and eye contact and this has pickled my brain and I over analise EVERYONE I meet, before I meet new people/new situaltions I sit on the loo for hours, am sick, have panic attacks etc- sorry to waffle on but I just wanted to show you that Im far from normal and I think even the most grounded people have traits that set them from others. I really hope by talking on here it somehow helps you.
mlic No wonder you were annoyed! did you tell DH you were annoyed about him bringing DS downstairs?
dh when he wakes in the night is he just chatting or playing or just lying there awake, will be interesting what L will be like when he is in a bed.

L pooped twice before we went to bed, he had terrible tummy ache writhing around on the bed in pain but when I tried to pick him up he just pushed me off and climbed back into the cot. Spoke to my step mum today she works at a surgery, due to my Dad I havent wanted to ask advice on L but I talked about hoping a new doc will do something and she admitted talking to the doc at her place and he said his tummy hasnt been right since he was little and he should have been reffered by 6 months old, he is disgusted that we have been fobbed off, it is one of the village surgeries and it is awful to get into so we wont be using that docs but he will give an emergency referal if needed to the hospital if the new docs dont! But until tomorrow when I go to docs mum is getting me some teething powders, I havent used them in ages but hoping this will settle his belly ache, any other ideas to ease belly ache?

Good for you tsc, glad you had a good time. Hopefully it will have boosted your confidence a little?

Memph glad things look like they'll finally get sorted

When ds1 came to the top of the stairs crying dh got up off the chair and walked towards the stairs saying to me 'I'll just bring him downstairs shall I?'...it was clear that's what his intention was, rather than it being an actual question and to be honest I couldn't be arsed with arguing. So he didn't exactly go against my wishes...and as for putting him back I said 'am I taking him back up or you?' and his answer was 'well will he settle if I take him?' In other words he'll settle better if you take him, so I just did.

Have been food shopping alone today. ds2 in bed and left ds1 with dh. Twas nice. And I got ds2 a padded toilet training seat because he is obssessed with sitting on the toilet at the moment!

Wow mlisc he's keen! Is it because of E he's interested in the toilet?

memphis he does cry when he wakes and I lay there listening to him hoping he doesn't get up but for the past 2 nights he's been going quiet so I assume he's asleep. I should check on him, he could be sitting playing with his toys all night for all I know!

dh i think your doing the right thing by not checking him, if hes not crying he then he is fine, L plays with books i put in his cot and actually gets cross in the mornings if I pick him up when he is still having fun in there!