Dec 08 Ladies - We're fat, we're thin, we're nearly 3 years in!!

[DeidreBarlow]

Sorry for the shocking title - couldn't think of anything else and our babies little people will be 3 in the next few months!

You could leave the lentils out, SL - the pearl barley and the split peas are the good bits anyhow.

JB, that baby group at different people's houses is apparently in abeyance. It seems to be a world in which there are a lot of fall outs. In fact, half the committee resigned after the last event (for which DP baked a coffee cake, are you sensing a theme here?) My house isn't up to having People From the Village yet. Also, my sitting room is miniscule until we rejig it (and even after that it will be small). Aww, that is lovely about your DD1.

Invis, drinks at a work lunch, catching up with a pal, your own hotel room, Brussels.....sounds such bliss to me! (I always drank at work lunches by the way, but in the sector I worked in, people would have thought I was ill or weird if I didn't)

Oh man, is our car in a bad way. It broke down on 19th August. It was towed to a garage in Oxford, RAC man didn't know what the problem was as he couldn't see anything wrong. Lots of flannel from the garage over many weeks, DP too preoccupied to engage properly. Er....and then he couldn't get them on the phone. Went over there and the garage had obviously gone bust, abandoned his car unlocked with half the engine left in the boot. So we had to get it transported to another garage but it might cost more to fix than it's worth! It is all a massive pain in the bum.

I wish we didn't have a crap car and I wish we had a properly finished house but I know these are trifling worries in the grand scheme of things.

Hope you got the girls off ok, JJ.

Oooh, cross posts! Invis, I have got the Julian Barnes but I haven't read it yet. I am reading a non-fiction book about literary London at the mo. It reminded me I have never read The Forsyte Saga and Galsworthy did win the Nobel. Had two rave book recommendations recently - the David Mitchell book, Jacob Zoet and the Thousand Suns or whatever it's called, and The Imperfectionists by Tom someone. Haven't got to either of them yet.

Hi Invis - yeah it was sweet. He's made similar comments aside from that one. Made me homesick all over again! Trip in Dedc not def yet. I'm still on the fence about it as it's combined with my high school reunion (eek) part of me could think of nothing worse, but part of me wants to catch up with all the people that matter to me, at once......
lady - Oh My God! That's Awful!! Crikey, sorry to hear that - can't believe how long that's gone on for, and then to discover that!! got to wrap my night up, but crikey, hope things sort out. What's your position with it all?

Nah Rubes, no legal redress. Insurance won't cover it and there's no point in suing a poor man....They had taken all the cars bar DP's and another one (which had been vandalised!) As well as absconding with the keys. Scoundrels. We bought it for 4k in 2009. New garage say it's probably not even worth 800 now - once fixed!

We are fed up about it but at least we are all ok. DD2 is on antibiotics for the eczema on her face, poor baby. I wonder now if it's linked to a food intolerance or allergy. Must pick your brains, Invis.

Must sleep now, cheerio ladies

Oh, and Trudy, I hope your DS has perked up.

Just a brief pop in as waiting for appt with psych consultant. Got butterflies. Anyway wanted to say to Summer that we have a similar thing with nursery meals, although ours seems less strict. We sometimes give jacket. Spuds with beans or cheese. I'll come back tonight with more suggestions but must dash now. Xxx

Good on you Lady for joining the group, it will be amusing if anything. Had a giggle at DP's baking efforts, he'll be the toast of the next village feté. That's a nightmare about the car and the cheeky mechanic. Imagine just taking off like that.

Trace how did the appointment go? You've made me suddenly crave spuds.

DS2 & I butted heads again this morning I don't to wish away this cute age, but i do want him less screamy.

DH has to fly to Sweden when we are in London, (we are staying until Tuesday 18th) so the boys .& have to drive back without him, grrr.

Hey Ladies,

My life is all upside-down at the mo due to ju ry stuff. On a bright note Rupeet Penry Jones and Maxine Pea k seem to be swotting-up for their roles in Silks so that's injected a bit of glamour.

LadyT - I will admit to being class rep for DD1's class. Quite like being involved in that way. And actually its not all petty competitve mums. I am v pleased to find a bunch of impressive ladies working v hard. My contributions are dwarfed by many. Three of them (one an architect) designed a new school library but it would cost £100k to build and the school had no money so they (one of them in the City) got a big company, not even local to pay it ALL. Another got the local posh private school to donate it's lovely hall for an evening with John Humphreys and raised £8k. All puts my cake sale efforts to shame.

Damn, being called back down. Time not my own to control and I hate that. Back later.

Crikey 100k to build a library wow!

Lady I meant to say the eczema could be related to the allergy or it could be the weather. Is it infected?

LadyT - Golly, what bad luck you've had with the car. Hope you can get it fixed for less than the value of the car. Love the phrase "power Boden". Do share the committee anecdotes.

Trace - hope your appointment went OK and the house viewing leads to an offer.

Vag - Shame that your DH has to fly off and leave you to deal with the return journey on your own but I hope you have a super time over here.

AAA - I realize that you can't discuss it, but hope the case isn't too scary/yucky.

Summer - Sorry to hear that you've had to throw in the towel with TT DS but I'm sure it'll be easier next time round. I'm tearing my hair out with DS and TT. He has got himself in a right state and if I could put him back in nappies I would. Well, I have effectively, as he is wearing pull-ups but he doesn't want to wee or poo in them. In fact, he won't poo anywhere and has spent all day today writhing with discomfort. I have been dosing him with lactulose but it doesn't seem to be helping although I haven't maxed the dose (yet). I have read him the gripping, "Poo goes to Pooland" recommended elsewhere on MN, left a message with the HV and now booked an appointment with GP for tomorrow morning. I just feel so frustrated and sorry for the little chap .

Whilst I'm having a moan DH has surpassed himself and will be sailing on Sunday while I take DD to hospital to have a growth on her tongue removed under general anaesthetic. He doesn't want to let the skipper of the boat down. What about me and DD? We don't feel let down at all .

On a happier note, my SIL had a baby girl yesterday evening. She is called Henrietta which I think is very cute. DD is thrilled to have a new cousin but thinks the name is a boys' name. Mum and baby are fine but it sounds as if SIL went through a very hard time ending in ecs, poor thing. She will be home by now which seems very quick but I don't know how long is the norm for a stay in hospital after a section.

Hurrah! We have a poo in the potty! I have also been bitten in the leg but I'm willing to overlook that .

Hello, I'm back as promised, with my overly long catch up. It has been work in progress for a week now, so apologies for some of my comments which seem a bit random now!

Belated Happy 1st birthday to D and big hurrah to J for being discharged from the paediatrician

Pleased the move went well Jump and that your new neighbours are so lovely. Bedtime sounds hard. Could you limit S's stories? We are being stricter about just one story nowadays, especially as the books DD likes are longer than the good old 'that's not my ...'. We do leave her with a nightlight and a book for 10 mins though, so she can 'read', which she loves

Farts and poos galore, chez Spot!

Which reminds me - DDs latest trick is to say she needs a poo to play for time - the other night she spent 20 minutes on the potty singing to herself when it should have been bedtime (despite having done a huge one only half an hour before) and this morning for nearly half an hour, making me mega late for work. It's obvious she doesn't need to poo, but I don't want to dismiss her and then ruin TT progress. Any ideas that I can use to put a stop to this game?

How is the building work coming along Sybs?

Rubes I'm glad you enjoyed your time with your Mum, and sorry it had to end

Hey Mom, lovely to see you and hear about your boys. Wow on the busy month - a decision like that has to be the right one and I think you were brave to change plans when you realised it wasn't

I'm v impressed with your plan to do the Great North Run Trace, and I agree with the others that doing something for yourself, especially something physical, is a real mood booster. A brisk walk is enough to do it for me, just thinking about running gives me stitch! Good luck. How did your appt go today?

Deids it's great that DD is happy with the class move, worked out perfectly all round!

And school greats -Jam your ds1 is so adorable to be so proud of his Dad. You should take that brill photo of him at the London marathon, to show his teacher

Did DH get home ok Summer? And more importantly, have you had some respite from the DCs? I'm not one for intense relationships that are unrelenting, however much I love the person, and some space definitely makes me a better person to get on with - I do admire SAHMs for their skills in this area, and also couples who work together (a la Trudes, you two have a great team) DH and I would be on our way to the divorce courts before the first tea break! Which brings me to Vaj - did you have fun Amsterdam? You deserve some you time as you put so much energy into being a fab Mum, and I think the break from ds2 will make you both appreciate each other better afterwards

On TT Summer, I disagree with Jolly and say that there is a prize - your sanity (and DS' too). Its not worth getting het up about (says she who sobbed over it all, but I did decide that I wouldn't get to that point again)

Beans your weekend away sounds lovely. I am fuming at your DH about your wedding dress, I think it's really unfair. Has he sold anything precious or of sentimental value for the benefit of the joint account recently? And being terribly traditional about it, I'm assuming either you or your parents bought it, and not him, so it's not really his to profit from. Grr. I am surprised at how angry it has made me. How sad for your friend, that is unimaginable

Your park episode made me quite sad Deids, there was a disabled boy in my year at school who's Mum was just like that scary lady - too defensive about her son and vicious to people who didn't understand his disability. As a result he turned out to be a really nasty piece of work, as he only knew how to be rude and horrible, and consequently was bullied for being awful, his disability was neither here nor there And so the circle continued, as he and his Mum became more horrible as they tried to defend themselves. A bad outcome all round

How is M's tummy doing today Trudes? Yuck at samples!

That G&Bs choc sounds AMAZING Effie, I will be keeping my eyes peeled for that. Mmm

Hurrah for getting moved before the baby arrives Kiwi, don't overdo things with the unpacking. Have you got the same house that was pulled away from you before, or have you found an even better one?

Congratulations on your new niece Nolda, a beautiful name. I hope your SIL recovers from the CS quickly

Exciting stuff about the job application LadyT, my fingers are crossed for you. And good on you for becoming one of those mothers. Can you get Boden on expenses? Your poor car, could you just cut your losses and sell, as you've managed for 2 months without it? My scan went well, thanks, everything looking fine and in the right place. Phew . I can't believe I'm half way there already though!

Last Sunday we went to the christening of my friends baby, the one who has Downs and needed heart surgery earlier this year. It was a really lovely occasion and baby F really was the star of the show and behaved beautifully and charmed everyone. So lovely to see how far she's come . And on Mondays at the moment I'm looking after my god daughter (age 4) while her grandparents are on holiday - we're having great fun, as E idolises her and so will go along with any game M wants to play. And because it's easier for me to stay at their house than shuttle backwards and forwards to my house all day, I'm just sitting around with a cuppa and no housework to do and letting the girls have fun. All very civilised. I'm quite sure that dealing with a baby and toddler will be tough, tough, tough next year, but right now I can't wait for a couple of years down the line when my 2 littles are big enough to be buddies.

This weekend we dropped all our plans to enjoy the sun, as I think all the world did. Lots of lounging around in friends gardens and bbqing food, so lovely and so much fun. And fortunately all our children play very well together, despite being anywhere from babies to 10 years old, they make me quite proud. Good thing really - they'll be forced into each others company for a long time yet "you WILL come and have fun with all the other children darling, because Mummy and Daddy intend to have lots of fun and cheerfulness with all the other Mummies and Daddies"

I have got some bump bands, to support my back, and they are like a wonderbra - my belly is all perky and lifted. I keep getting told how much bigger I look today . Not sure if they work yet though, as yesterday I discovered I'd been wearing it upside down!

I've had a long overdue haircut, and when I got home DD said "I like your hair Mummy, did you brush it?"

Phew, and I think over a week after I started this, I've finally caught up. Better post quickly before anyone else adds something and I get behind again!

Hi again.
I have some peace while P is in bed and L is at Brownies. She'll be delivered home in about 20 minutes
Thanks for asking about the appointment. Not sure what to think really. I have a lot to think about and take in. Basically, my consultant said that when I became ill after dd1, they considered it to be PND, same again after having P. But as I have had depressive episodes since (earlier this year when I had to have the time off work), she now considers that I have 'recurrent depression'. Some people go years or decades between episodes, but as mine seem to be rather much closer together (according to my records I haven't really been stable and 'well' for more than 6 months at a time since 2004), then I get the 'recurrent' label. The current thinking is that for someone like me, the best treatment option is to take mood stabiliser medication - ie that used for bi-polar disorder. I asked if she thinks I have bi-polar, and she said that recurrent depression is classed as bi-polar and is treated with the same drug groups, despite the lack of manic 'high' episodes. So the down sides to the meds are that they can affect blood pressure and can sedate you. Before startin them I'd need blood test. ECG and blood pressure, and would need to have regular monitoring of these. I would continue on the ADs as well, and hopefully gradually reduce those until I was just on the stabilisers. The other option is to carry on with how things are, see what happens, and come up with ways to manage the 'downs', if and when they come. I've chatted it through with DH briefly (he's out at school tonight). He doesn't really like what's been said, and seems to think that every time I'm 'down' it's due to sleep deprivation. He thinks we need to be more proactive in addressing that, ie having friends where I can go and sleep for the night. His opinion means so much to me as he knows me the best, but I just don't know what to think! There's no pressure or rush to make a decision, so I guess I'll give it some time and thought. Eek. Off to GP tomorrow coz I have a lump in my neck and I'm still getting pains in my head. Sigh.
Anyway - it seems the viewing went well - the agent called and said the viewer loved the house, the location, the views...they have decided to not look any further and have a choice of 3 that they are going to decide between - ours being one of the three! So it could be good...we have to wait and see!
Enough about me!
summer we send P with lasagne, bolognese, shepherd's pie, baked potato, pasta and veg/tom sauce, cauliflower cheese, tuna pasta, sausage and mash, beans on toast (we send the bread - they toast it!) - or if we're desparate - jam sandwich
ladyt well done on joining the mums group. I think it's a good way to meet people and be involved in your community. You can always giggle inside and no-one will know
gonna post before I lose this

trudes sorry you have money stresses - sounds like you're positive about the future though, which is great.
nolda so pleased your ds did a poo! P has lactulose too otherwise her poo hurts
Ooh Lucy is home. Back later

Gosh trace that sounds a bit complicated/scary about the meds. Sorry no experience of it, but maybe you should listen to your DH as he knows you best and ask to stay as you are? But am sure others will have more wise views than me! How exciting about the buyer, fingers crossed!
Ta for food suggestions, they won't heat tuna I don't think! (well they say no fish or meat), but I could ask, for some reason mince is an exception. Sausage and mash a good idea though as they would heat the mash and just have cold sausages! DD would love that. All this effort is just for DD as DS just has sandwiches, he doesn't eat much else and whenever we've sent him with anything else nursery just said "Oh, he didn't eat it", so it seems just easier to do the sandwiches! do you think they would think I was weird to send in a just 1 year old with sausages? A bit worried they are high in salt, but obviously it is just worrying about what people think of me not the actual salt as i would give her sausages at home . Beans on toast good idea too, I assume they have a toaster!

nolda we had the poo issue too, but only for a few days. Then DS discovered how to do a poo on the potty, stopped holding them in and started doing them in his pants . Awesome. So glad we've given up for now! Very glad poo on the potty happened! It was not pretty with us the one time DS got really bunged up. Your DH is mean - I would throw a strop about that! Your poor DD, I assume it is not too serious even though needs GA? What are you going to do with DS, take him to hospital too?
Henrietta, that's a nice name. Though reminds me of Hugh Grant's girlfriend in Four Weddings!

aaaaaa are you on jury service? I must have missed that. Blimey on those mums at your school, very inspiring.

zj your massive post is just lovely. I feel guilty you are so attentive to us all! Glad scan went well, half way yippee.

ladyt what a massive pain the ass about the car...unbelievable bad luck.

Just popping in very briefly and will write more tomorrow, but those coming on the 14th what time are we meeting?

Trace, that is all very heavy, I do think DH has a point and he does know you. My brother has severe bi-polar and has very bad psychosis quite often sadly. You are far from what he has, but I think your psych consultant is trying to prevent you getting there. Could you organise an appointment with you, your DH, your CPN and your consultant to talk it all through. It's a big decision and it might help to have everyone who us supporting you there to talk it through.

That's a lot of stuff to think about there Trace, seeing as you don't have to rush into a decision, why don't you have a go at dh's sleep plan for a month or however long and see how you feel then. At the very least your head should feel clearer when you weigh up all the pros and cons of the options. My fingers are crossed that the viewer picks your house, sounds positive

Kiwi glad to hear things are on the up

Hmm, have just sat down for a catch-up and M has appeared

Beans dreadful news, how awful. What do you say?

JJ DD is so much older than DS (she's 9 1/2) that we don't need need to try to contain her, but DS' bedtime can drag on a bit so I often bail out and leave DH to have "Daddy time" with DS. Sometimes it's drags on so much that he's not asleep by the time DD goes up and starts banging about and then we have DS standing at his stairgate providing running commentary "Oh look, [DD]'s going to the bathroom. Why isn't she wearing any pants? I can see [DD]'s teddy. Mummy, can I have a story?" etc etc - poor DD, I do feel she gets she short straw as it's so hard to ignore DS.

Thanks for the pep talk Lady! Truth is I'm not a big one for holidays in the sense of your two weeks getaway a year. I travelled a fair bit as a young'un but like to go to see friends who live in exotic, far-flung spots. A holiday for the sake simply of a change of scenery does absolutely nothing for me. I'm not a relaxer, as DH told me the other day! "power Boden" - snigger. Casserole sounds lovely, sort of thing I cook and fling dumplings into.

trace fingies xxed for the viewer

Out of time, time to head to playgroup once M finishes his toastathon.

Gosh Trace, that's all a lot for you to take in. I have no expert advice but I wonder whether MIND or one of the other mental health charities has a helpline where you can discuss your options. In fact I remember from some work I did on mental health legislation that Sane had a number called Saneline. Not sure if it was a crisis helpline or an advice service but it might be worth exploring. I guess the big thing to remember is all these terms "PND" "recurrent depression" etc are just labels, they don't change your health. You are doing well at the moment, you have plans for your run, you are back at work, you are planning a house move, don't let a doctor's words change how you feel about all of that.

How are you feeling Veg? You sounded so down and desperate about DS2 last week. Are you still feeling like that? I wondered whether any of the toddler behaviour books might have good tips for tantrum management. Or even the wider MN board. Never, ever forget that "this too shall pass".

Rubes - your DS sounds like such a sweetheart. When you go back to work will it be Heathrow? Will you be flying or all ground work?

Lady - that is terrible about your car. I keep thinking of you DP at the mo as he is a criminal barrister isn't he? Gosh there is a lot of waiting around involved in the law. Never have I seen an area more ripe for a management consultant than the court service.

SL - why on earth won't they re-heat lentils??? That is madness.

Talking of lentils I have started making lentil soup as a quick, cheap, easy supper that the kids and I can eat together. It's the easiest thing in the world and v slimming. I am sure the rest of the world already knows how to make lentil soup and it's only me who views it as an exciting development but here is what I do:

1. Chop an onion and two stalks of celery and very gentle fry in olive oil in a fan with a lid on at v low heat for 10 mins until all see through. Stir occasionally. Half way through stir in a tsp of cumin powder and season. Add a crushed garlic clove towards the end (just squash one with the side of a knife).
2. Add a large cup of red lentils, a tin of tomatoes, two pints of good quality stock cubes, a bay leaf, two big squirts of tomato purée and two table spoons of White wine vinegar (strangely the vinegar is vital).
3. Bring to the boil and simmer gently for 40 mins.
4. Blend til smooth.

I like to eat it with a dollp of plain low fat yoghurt on top. DH swears by lemon juice. The kids love it and you can take the leftovers to work in a thermos for lunch.

Better go. The tanoy summons us. I have another two weeks of this. I hope Rupert is around again today.

Cor sounds yum AAAA, I love lentil soup, so does DD. DS does not though (there's a surprise), I may check with nursery about the lentils and ask them why if it's true! They won't heat cous cous/rice either (rice understandable I guess), so I am also betting pearl barley is out, given it's a bit like rice/cous cous.

Summer - it's no wonder you're struggling to find things the nursery will reheat, what's left? Is it because they don't want to run the slightest risk of someone accusing them of giving their lo food poisoning? At first, I was thinking it was a multi-cultural nursery and they didn't want to offend anyone's beliefs but the lentils broke that theory.

DS is going to my MIL on Sunday which he'll love. I know I'm being a bit unreasonable about DH not coming along, after all a lot of families would have to have one parent staying at home to look after the other children, it's just the fact that he'll be swanning around on the Solent while it's all going on that gets me.

Trace - I agree with AAA about not stressing about the labels and getting more sleep sounds like a super idea it can only help.

ZJ - Glad the scan went well.

Better go DS is doing his poo dance again!

Trace: I think having a chat with DH and your CPN is a good idea. The problem with MH diagnoses is that it isn't like a broken leg - they have to assess a wide range of sometimes subtle symptoms and then treat them - from what I can see, the label is a helpful shortcut but can change a lot over time. My mother is bipolar, very obviously so, and has been on meds for some time now. I also have a friend who like you was labelled as having recurrent depression which was treated as bipolar for some time, though her diagnosis and treatment has changed over the years. I wouldn't rule out medication, but things can change massively over time as your circumstances change. You used to be able to set a clock by my mum's episodes, but now they are few and far between as she has learned to manage things. My friend was told she would have a lapse into depression every year: she hasn't. Also do push for other therapies, maybe to work alongside the meds. Depression is something that a surprisingly high proportion of us have at some point in our lives. There are all sorts of treatment options out there, and they don't gave to be permanent (from what I can see, it's extremely likely that things will change over time).

Sorry about the essay! You're not alone in this - many of us have gone through similar things ourselves or with those close to us.

DS1 is five today! How did that happen? He got a Gup A and is happily playing downstairs .

Hi ladies. Getting very excited about London. We are coming for a whole week now from the Friday until the following Friday. Woohoo. Spot, I'm coming down to Brighton on the 19th, would you be around for a quick cuppa at yours around 10?

Ooh ooh ooh yes please . I may have to kidnap you and make you stay all day though.

Been lurking but not posting, sorry . B's sleeping so atrocious I can barely hobble through the day. It had better will get better.