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Original poster

Sept 08- The threenagers have arrived - Advanced negotiating and crowd control skills required

999 replies

DebiTheScot · 24/08/2011 22:14

Sorry Meglet if you wanted to start the thread with your title but I thought I'd best do it while there was still one space to post the link to this one on the last one.

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StarlightMcKenzie · 24/08/2011 22:32

Hello.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 24/08/2011 22:35

Evening. Bookmarking. Off to bed :)

ninja · 24/08/2011 23:06

The thread where I am officially single and free of H Grin

He says he's not coming back He'll collect all his stuff while I'm away at my parents and leave the keys through the cat flap Grin

He says he will be taking other tghings but hasn't decided what yet apart from the wii, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

We are all going to Wales Sad I did suggest he should work on the house rather than coming so he asked if I wanted him not to go to which I expressed soem concerns, so he called in DD1 'do you want me to come to Wales with you 'cos your Mum doesn't want me there'!!!!

It's good that's he's confirming what an a**e he is.

DD's don't seem that distressed that he isn't here - him not being here at bedtime wasn't uncommon - just have to get over them going to his for the night ...

love the title

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/08/2011 23:10

He hasn't decided what? What an emotionally abusive prick. And to do that to your dd too Angry.

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/08/2011 23:11

He'll take what he thinks will hurt you. Hide photographs and personal things and show ott enjoyment in the cushions.

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/08/2011 23:12

Can your sister still go to Wales with you as well?

ninja · 24/08/2011 23:47

I'm seeing her tomorrow so will ask.

I can't believe the getting DD1 involved - to her credit she said to him 'you're just trying to get Mum in trouble aren't you' I was very proud, she's only 8 Smile

He's mentioned in the past that he wanted to take the picture that my sister gave us as a wedding present. I said that as it was MY sister he shouldn't.

I'm torn between moving it to keep it safe, which risks inflaming him which could cause him to take more that he wasn't planning to do, or just leaving it and if it goes finding a way to get it back.

I've reproduced LOTS of photos for him and yes some people would say that's mothering him, but it's to keep my copies safe. I've given him one of the rugs we bought togehter (the one I don't like as much - might hide the other ....)

I've put a few DVDs and all my papers next door and the kids passports.

I have taken loads of the kids toys and books to his, so I hope that he'll leave the ones here that are here (mainly ones given by my family) and I'm taking the scooters with me. Might take the buggy too ....

Tbh I actually think he's too lazy to spend the time to do more than the basics...

Kagey · 25/08/2011 05:46

Great new thread title Grin!

ninja your ex sounds like the biggest numpty - yay for being free and your 8 year seeing straight through him.

Debs75 · 25/08/2011 08:47

MRSA Sent you a reply and a little 'how to' on reusable nappies. It is so easy to do you will wonder why you bothered with disposables.

Ninja great, he has gone. Can you get the picture rreprinted and let him take the copy? I would of copied all my photos so he had some but I had originals. Tell him you have to decide together what he is taking not him just taking what he fancies. And it wasn't fair on him to involve your dd in the holiday decision. What would he of done if she had said to him not to come?

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/08/2011 08:47

I hope your sister can go. If nothing else as a independent counsell for your dd. She needs someone outside the family to be able to talk to that is close enough for her not to feel that she is betraying you all.

If you need to talk to your dd yourself she sounds bright enough for you to say to her. 'Daddy didn't mean to ask you that as it wasn't very fair. He was just a bit upset and cross so it was a bit of an accident. In future you can say 'I don't want to get involved' if either me or him do that by accident again. This isn't about you, but it is a bit difficult for us, but it will all be alright soon and when Daddy goes to the other house you need to know that you have access to the phone whenever you want it to call him and you can take it in your bedroom to talk in private'.

Becaroooo · 25/08/2011 08:49

ninja Agree re: putting precious things to you away. He doesnt actually want them he wants to hurt you by taking them and then treating them with contempt.

So proud of your dd!!!!! Smile

Dont really undertand why this "holiday" is still happening tbh but if your dsis could come that would be good.

Lollyheart · 25/08/2011 08:53

Bookmarking.

ninja · 25/08/2011 09:01

That's a great line Starlight. Sadly have had to use the Daay was just a bit upset/grumpy ... before. The whole thing together is just right.

When DD1 said to me tonight 'so Daddy's never coming back here' I have to admit feeling a little sad. We've been together 18 years, travelled the world, made 2 lovely daughters and it's the end of all that. The end of co-parentling. I'm glad it's over but can't help feeling a little empty too Sad

ninja · 25/08/2011 09:08

DD was promised - the kids'll enjoy it. There'll be lots of other people there and so he's likely to be better behaved. We can do separate things with the kids. I don't want him to take the kids without me.

He's not always unreasonable - it won't be all bad

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 25/08/2011 09:51

ninja if it helps, I totally get why you are sad. Despite knowing it's the right thing in the long run, it is so painful in the short term. You are starting to grieve for what could/should have been and for the fact that your memories of you as a couple are not all bad - remember the good times were good and you created 2 lovely children together. It's ok to miss those days and look back on them with happiness whilst you move forward to accepting that you've both grown into other people. I also totally get why you are going on holiday, even if other people think you're bonkers :)itks something I don't think I could explain either.

starlight your words remind me of why we miss you. It may be hormones talking but my god you're an amazing person. Your children are blessed to have such a good mum.

Thanks for the message debs I'll read it later (on phone atm)

Hope carrie's ok

FannyPriceless · 25/08/2011 09:54

ninja Yay for house finally being your own. And do consider changing the locks after he's returned the keys. Then the house really will feel YOURS!

Thanks debi for starting the thread, and thanks meg for the title.Smile

ninja · 25/08/2011 10:01

Thanks MrsA I appreciate that you don't think I'm completely barmy. It's still a holiday for the kids. DD1 is going back to school next week and her world will turn upside down and I'm not taking this week away from her.

Plus we can take it in turns being out at night

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 25/08/2011 11:18

A lovely sparkly new thread!

I hate to be one of those really annoying 'have you had the baby yet' people, but things have gone quiet, so do you think Carrie has had the baby yet?! Grin

Great advice there Starlight.

Of course it's normal to feel sad Ninja and it's normal to grieve over a relationship ending, no matter what the circumstances. Don't underestimate how brave and strong you have already been, it's emotionally and mentally tiring being strong all the time so I hope you have someone in rl you can talk to too.

CappuccinoCarrie · 25/08/2011 11:49

Hello shiney new thread! And the one where ninja is freeeeeeee!! And where at least three of us have babies, yeah!
Sorry to disappoint but I am still pregnant :(
Had a really big cry on DH last night and we were really thrashing out the whole induction thing and whether we should stick with Tuesday or ask to change to Thursday so its the new school year, but we've decided staying with Tuesday is best. I hope it doesn't come to induction, but its not looking like my body is going to evict this one naturally sadly :(
I took the kids to gym club this morning (was my pre-booked paternity leave activity for DH!) and jumped around like a loon which brought on a few BH but they've stopped now, grr.
Its such a shame for the grandparents (they all live the other end of the country) as they've all been twiddling their thumbs for the last two weeks expecting to be up here, and they've got holidays booked for September so they'll be very little help to us and barely get to see the new arrival while its a newborn. Best laid plans and all that.
Better make lunch for the DCs I guess...

notcitrus · 25/08/2011 12:14

Just marking my place...
Hope you have at least a partly enjoyable holiday ninja!

CappuccinoCarrie · 25/08/2011 12:58

Sorry realised that should be four of us due to give birth on this thread! Grin Although I fear I may actually stay pregnant for ever...ironic given that it took a year of ttc and being desperate to be pg, its now the absolute last thing I want to be Confused

Becaroooo · 25/08/2011 15:35

ninja Sorry, I didnt mean to sound judgy. If you think it will be ok and your dd will enjoy it thats a good enough reason to go....just dont like to think of him treating you badly and he hasnt been great on the other hols has he?

Wrt feeling sad....I would imagine you will feel like that for a long time tbh...18 years is a big portion of your life and as you say, you have 2 children together. The house may feel strange too with his stuff gone.

Hope the hols are ok and you manage to have a good time with the dcs.

carrie I went a week over with Toby and boy, it was a looonnnggg week (after ds1 was 3 weeks early!) Hope something happens soon x

Debs75 · 25/08/2011 18:51

Carrie one of my friends went to 43 weeks with her little boy, he was over 10lb in the end. She had had a few inductions and felt a bit out of control so she opted for a home birth. Thankfully things were alright and he is a very heaslthy boy but I do feel she was a bit mad letting it go that far. TBH if your inductions are like mine you will go in Tuesday and it will be Thursday before the baby is born

Meglet · 25/08/2011 20:07

Marking my place....

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 26/08/2011 10:25

All gone very quiet - peeking in to see if there's news.

Am currently being very naughty. It's a normal working day for me but we're sneaking off this afternoon (I have a 'midwife' appt Blush) to have our very first night away from C since she was born. I mean DP and I have both been away from home with work but the other was always at home with C and so we've not had a night together where she wasn't going to wake us up the next day at the crack of dawn!
She's off to her nan's later today so while I mumsnet work from home, she is watching cbeebies. (I hate babyjake)

We are booked into the V&A in Manchester and have a table at Michael Caines' restaurant tonight! It's such a treat, we've only booked room only not breakfast as I don't want to have to get up tomorrow morning for anything, not even a cooked breakfast. We'll probably go to Selfridges in Manchester tomorrow and have sushi for our late breakfast (confession - I don't avoid it when pg)

Grin Grin