Feb 2011- a bit late, but we're finally in post natal!

[debka]

Welcome everyone!!

thanks so much for your kind words ladies - made me cry (again!). DH will be like nothing happened tomorrow as he has a very short memory. I will try and be ledkr style - strong, pleasant and cool, but tbh I often try that tac and he never notices what kind of mood I'm giving. There will be no home made dinner though - potato smilies and baked beans all the way for him . You're right wiggles - I felt terrible the whole pg and I've just been so glad to feel half normal since having her I haven't thought about my body still sorting itself out. I hadn't really thought about how much our relationship would change though.

mmm to the hobnobs

wiggles me and my drag queen friend used to share a flat and we would often go to bed together with a pot of tea- in his camp royal doulton tea set-and a pkt of choc hob nobs,we would then slag off our boyfriends or swap dirty sex stories, hmmmmm i know what you mean about life chnges rock and roll eh? Am loving your "i tend not to do panic" attitude,when we fly Els always says "what if we crash?" "we will die" i answer flippantly she doesnt seem to care tho.

oh yeah, and wiggles I've been on a silent strike from giving DH any kind of excitement until he takes an interest of sorting me out...it's been over a week now and he hasn't even noticed/realised . What a rubbish marriage this is

ledkr you could write a great book with all the stories from your past. Btw - keep forgetting to ask you - who was that very famous footballer who tried to buy you a drink you mentioned a while ago? Has been bugging me ever since

reastie sorry your having a rough day, i think wiggles has hit the nail in the head though.

I did not go out, i stayed on the couch with greys anatomy and a box of kleenex for company!

ledkr i hope Ella is ok after her fall and D sleeps soundly tonight.

reastie potato smiles and baked beans are my two girls absolute favourite, well they have now discovered mini potato waffles so the smiles are deemed a bit babyish. See look what a good mother I am 2 vegetables at dinner time It's not a rubbish marriage sweetheart, you're having a bit of a rubbish time and husband isn't helping.

Ledkr I know, I'm considering myself quite rock 'n' roll sitting up to 11pm watching Brothers & Sisters , time was I'd be still out from after work drinks, telling myself and anyone else who would listen that we'll just stay for one more! I am not a panicker at all but I'm not fussed on boats, I love water but not boats

Reastie he will soon crack i guarantee it. Im a bit worried revealing the footy player in case i get sued-it was Dwight York
Dh has always said i should write a book but i worry what my kids would think tbh,i may do tho. I had a good upbringing but Mum got re married and had a 2nd family so i felt unwanted and rebelled-i ran away at 15 with a fake id and danced on a cruise ship i was rumbled and sent home,i met Wayne sleep too and on one of my first dates with dh-sensible copper,he found me in the pub on the karaoke with him=honestly. I wont continue.
Thanks Jane,she seems ok,has been a nightmare to sleep all week so the sore ribs didnt hekp tonight. Glad you stayed at home.

Yes Ledkr but what we all want to know is what were you and Wayne Sleep doing on karoke?

Jane As I'm dispensing my words of wisdom, you are not escaping young lady!!!! Hope you are taking care of yourself and never ever think you need to explain having a weep either to ourselves or your real life friends. Think about you and Zoe all the time and wish you all the luck and love in the world, Zoe is never far from my thoughts and I say a prayer for her when I say one for my girls and have been known to light a candle for her after Mass but don't tell anyone or you will ruin my hards as nails reputation xx.

wiggles how come (IMO) you always know exactly the right thing to say? Maybe it's something that comes with age experience as ledkr the world wise one also is good on helping us all out.

have been trying to think what song ledkr and Wayne Sleep might have been doing on karoke......I'm thinking something camp......something you could bop to (can you tell I'm not exactly down with the kids using the term bop?!) ...haven't quite got it yet though, but I do think they would have lit the stage on fire with both of their dancing skills

After crying myself to sleep last night :( I woke up with a sore throat and feeling rough - maybe that's why I was overemotional last night - coming down with something. Have cancelled going to baby sensory as I don't have the energy and don't want to pass it over to other babies there. Does anyone know if it's a foregone conclusion that alice will get whatever I've got - being in such close proximity to me? Not looking forward to an ill baby :(

Alice still asleep I can't believe it. Last few mornings she's been up for the say at 4:30 - 5 and today still waiting for her and it's nearly 8. Shame I'm not still sleeping

Hi all
Gonna talk about me, me, me again. Am so desperate for sleep! Please help! Noah is becoming an absolute nightmare with not settling at night. He ended up in my bed from midnight last night and then slept like a dream. I'm aware that I've created this problem myself by giving him a dummy and letting him co sleep but am desperate now to break these habits as no one is sleeping properly. Any advice would be appreciated! Have posted in sleep also.
Hope your all ok and got a better nights sleep than I did!

benandnoahsmum, no advice here, sorry. hasn't someone here said something abiut a book called the no cry sleep solution (or something like that). Have you tied that? Lack of sleep it utterly terrible - I remember my mw telling me when alice was a few days old that an actual way to torture people is to deny them any sleep so it is horrible - and must be doubly hard to have ben to look after in the day as well as noah. Don't beat yourself down about it being your fault though - it's not. You've just done what any of us would have done in that situation which is to do whatever you can to get by and get sleep at that moment. We use a dummy too much often as it really soothes alice and helps her to sleep. If I would have discovered anything else that would have worked/helped us - I would ahve tried it. He's only little and I think the baby whisperer book says the younger they are the quicker it is to break any patterns as their memory is shorter or something.

ah bensmum,i thought that when i read your last post, he is alittle monkey isnt he?Your the last person who needs apoor aleeper as like me you have struggled to adjust to a new baby
My others all had a dummy and slept ok tho.
I reckon I you should change his routine entirely,ie only let him sleep downstairs in day-in his pram?Make sure he feeds at least 3-4 hrly and wake him for them if asleep-D has at least 6 feeds a day to sleep at night.
Then re do his bedtime routine,bath pjs bottle bed and wear his muslin all day so it smells of you too.Personally i have never dream fed but its up to you,i have always had to go thru the wee hrs feeds untill they get later and later cos i find dream feeds sets them off iyswim. I would then feed him quick and dark if he wakes and then back down-this is the bit you may have to work at,use whatever technique you like to get him to sleep but always end up with him in his night bed ven if he keeps waking make sure he always goes back there.Is he waking cos he's hungry do you think? Hes abig boy and in the olden days would have been having some rice or rusk for tea to help him go thru You may have to resign you and dh to no sleep for afew nights to sort him out tho. I am no expert but this has always worked for me. wiggles feel free to chip in as everyone seems to have put you in my old bracket even tho you are 7 yrs younger,but we are the same jeans size.
Diet went out the window yesterday despite me getting on some jeans that didnt fit last week.I visited my ex sil and had coffee but no food,i went to Sainsburys to stock up with nappies-huggies bogof btwi was faint with hunger and so i had to have 2 doughnuts-i had to do you hear?Then ate about a thousand sausages at dinner
Baby D is finally wearing 3-6 mos which means i hqve this amazing choice of outfits as everyone bought that size as gifts.She is looking so cute in her dungarees.She was a nightmare to settle last night and late bedtime definately doesnt equal a late morning-6am on the dot!!!
The song we were karaokying was sweet transvestite from the rocky horror show,dh phoned my friend as he could get hold of me (obviously) friend says "shes on the karaoke with wayne sleep" Dh "hah ha yeah very funny" walks in the pub and sees its true,nearly fainted,he was at our local theatre in cabaret btw he hadt specifically come to see me.
roastie-new name for you. I read your saga and am giving it some thought,i am trying to offer a non emotional impartial opinion altho i feel a bit as i would gladly string my pils up by their pubic hair

Hi all, just a quick one as the father (current wife in tow) is due in an hour and I still need to fight the duvet cover onto their bed..
wiggles in spite of having to clean properly I am looking forward to them coming. They've been married for 3 years now and together for aaagggess (think, like before my youngest brother was born )
Also, DP's nickname for DS is.... Mr Wiggles, and every time he says that I'm like (in my head) that's not Mr Wiggles, silly!
reastie i'm sending hugs your way and a clip round the ear for your 'D' H, there's lots of wiser words than mine on here already.

Sorry Bensmum no advice here either, we're never co-slept and L's slept in his basket since he was born, so don't realy know what to suggest, hopefully someone on sleep will be able to help.

Just wanted to quickly mention for MizK and Reastie and any others thinking of using baby sign, MIL is a speach and language therapist and has always been quite critical of baby sign. She says it can massively delay babies starting to talk properly as they can make themselves understood without speaking, if you see what i mean. I'd never come across it before but a family we know here use it with their 18month old and it's weird, she hardly makes any noises at all, even when she wants something, Leo's almost more chatty than she is. Just wanted to mention that, i think it's ok to use along side proper language though, might be worth looking into...

Ledkr yes but being the same jean size is more important than age , although may have come a cropper re the hobnobs!!

Bensmum feel for you re Noahs sleeping , sending a big hug and , I did exactly as you did for dd2 - Olivia, agree with ledkr re maybe changing his routine completely, another tip I heard was lavender, know some of use it when we were having pregnancy sleep problems. A friend of mine got a lavender diffuser and swore by it. I really understand how you feel, its so frustrating when they are the best sleepers with you but keep wakening up as soon as you put them down. With Olivia I did let her sleep with us but that was for lots of different reasons, the main one being that Mr W was away so much that it wasn't affecting us as such the other being that when he was at home, he really needed to sleep so I was really paranoid about letting Olivia cry.

Anna feels like a great sleeper compared to her but she still gets up, last night funny enough was her best night in ages, it was also coincidence or not the first time I had tried to "dream feed" her.

Ledkr Anna is also now in 3-6 months, so cute, we got loads of clothes that size too and my mum keeps buying things

byronicheroine hope you have a lovely time and you get lot of lovely food treats from home

Thanx for your comments guys. I think we will try leaving the dream feed and just letting him go as long as wants before feeding him. Fed him at 7.30 this morning and he only had a small feed of 140ml and really didn't seem that hungry. We went back to bed at 8.30 and I've just left him in bed now. I'm so confused, but think your right with changing his routine etc. I just find it hard to work out sleeps when he sometimes only manages half hour in his cot or the pram. It kinda throws everything out for the day. I'm really trying to go with the flow and not to be too strict with routine etc. The hv who weighed Noah said he's likely going through a growth spurt. I think I'm going to attempt to ditch the dummy as he's obviously relying on it to get to sleep which means someone has to put it in his mouth!
Thanx again guys

re baby sign, my sister did this with her DD and had great fun. the signs were always accompanied by actual talking (from my sister, DD couldn't talk at that point, obviously), so as long as it's not silent signing (i.e. it should complement speech rather than replace it) I would think it would be a good thing.

Bensmum we went cold turkey on the dummy at night time as we realised it had started creating more problems than it solved. She still has it to settle her for daytime sleeps though, but now doesn't seem to mind if it stays in her mouth or not!

I'm no expert on baby sleep but I do know that our lives changed for the better when we introduced a bedtime routine - bath, bottle, bed. It took a couple of evenings for her to 'get' it, but now by the time she has her last bottle she is really ready for bed and we've got to the stage where we can put her in her basket awake and she will just put herself to sleep. we tried to time this so that she had been awake for up to 2 hours before 'bedtime' so that she would be ready for sleep (that's about the max she can stay awake).

D

Some good news at last from the debka household- S has finally gained some weight!!! 4 ounces in a week!! I know it's not masses, but this is her first gain in about 7 weeks so I'm relieved. She's starting to track just under the 25th centile. We went to the bf group today (where I weighed her), it was lovely, some lovely mums- one of whom was being induced in the same room as me in hospital- she remembers me being incredibly pissed off and going home!

bensmum nothing but sympathy- I know you did CC with Ben, would you be comfortable doing it with Noah yet? Just a thought (BTW I didn't say that ledkr stylee!!)

We had a weird old night- S woke at 9pm- WTF?? She smelt of poo so I thought it was that, but no, just stinky farts. Can a baby be woken by farting???!!! Fed her and put her back to bed, slept till 4. Babies are weird.

S is also in 3-6 because the 0-3 are too short for her but the 3-6 are ridiculously baggy, she has an off-the-shoulder-babygrow look much of the time! I've loads of lovely outfits but I can't be arsed to put her in them feel she is more comfortable in babygrows.

bensmum you poor thing, you have my heartfelt sympathies. Co sleeping is great if it works for you but if it isnt then second/third what ledkr and wiggles have said about knocking it on the head, getting a little routine in place and sticking to your guns. It may mean 3 or 4 terrible nights but keep telling yourself that by this time next week, things WILL be better whereas if you dont make changes, this will go on for a lot longer. Does he feed much in the night? If he isnt hungry/feeding at night and is gaining good weight then you can afford to give a little tough love IMO. I even triend warm water with DS1 who was the worlds WORST sleeper, think Noah/Wiggles' Olivia combined and times by 1000. IT DOES GET BETTER. ALthough take this with a pinch of salt if you wish as M woke every 90mins last night. I am on my knees with tiredness today. See how it goes without a dummy, I think if it helps get them off then great but they have to be able to get on with it once it had fallen out! M loves to suckle anything as did DS1 but DS2 wasnt fussed about the dummy so it wasnt a big deal. Its only ever a sleep aide in the 40 house though, but has saved my skin in the past with sleep issues. I used to put the dummy on a toy-tie on the shoulder of the gro bag so he could find it in the dark!

Debkakaka is right babies are totally weird as M often goes til 4am but then takes a great feed and then wakes again at 5.30 - wtf is that about? Last night took the biscuit though. Great news about S weight gain though Debka.

Hope this visit goes well byronic

ledkr 1000 sausages you say? I did laugh at the donut story as well as the Wayne Sleep one - do you think his experience compared with Diana? I reckon he got more jollies from singing with you.

Yes canoe I have heard the same with babysign - its good for a few words like bottle/milk and the bare essentials but one woman who was trying to convince me to sign ds1 up to her class had a practically mute 3 yr old! I am sure used 'properly' (iyswim) it can be great to prevent their frustration but not in place of actually talking when the time comes!

Did you get any joy from sleep thread bens? It is hell isnt it? i live in fear of d starting to wake.
40WKS i think wayne did secretly prefer me,i may take up sign language,save me bloody speaking
wiggles what lovely names your girls have,my niece is Olivia but she wants it changed to Delilah haha.
Deb,great news on the weight gain,I think the reason Delilah is so fidgety at night is farts,she goes wriggle wriggle fart fart calm then it all starts again.Really loud and long too.
Had my first mother and baby spaces all used moment of fury today. I went to aldi and not only were the m and b spaces taken but all the limited amount of trolleys with baby seats or rack for car seat taken grrrrr looked in shop and it was of course old people using them cos you dont need a pound. Dh suggested she go in the seat which you put toddlers in i said she couldnt and he told me not to keep moaning. Arrrgh.i ended up shouting at him and got back in car and went home.Dh was "arent we gong to do our shoppin g now? Prat. We got back on the drive and i waited until he got the baby out and went off again. I had a lovely look around the shops then had a coffee in the pub-yep a coffee-bought a nice ready curry for me and Ella and came home just in time to pick up E and let dh go to work for 4,the house was a tip and he had been playing on the ps3 n Twas funny tho as i watched him mooching thru the cupboards looking for food for work,i suggested he may like to go shopping tomorrow.
I had a smear this morning too,does anyone else find it very painfull,its like hitting a nerve for me,i cant stop my bum shooting up in the air.

ledkr im sat here chuckling away at your DH's expense, well played girl! I have booked in for my post-natal check on wednesday and dreading the smear, it's been that long since i last had i have forgotten whats it like. I figure it can't be any worse than a sweep though (now for me that was horrific).

debka Yay for sabine, she will be a chubber before you know it.

wiggles thanks for the kick up the bum, i needed it. The past week has been so hard, i'm still digesting the reults from the PM and it set me back big time, but i got through the bad days (just). Today has been so much better, i even managed to head out shopping.
I am going out tomorrow afternoon for luch with my girls, will be good to get out.

Hope everyone has a fab weekend.

Sorry for all the typos, i should preview my posts first!

Bensmum - you have my sympathies, especially as we are in a similar situation. L doesn't settle well when it's light out and will only sleep for about an hour at a time, so he ends up in bed with me around 6 every morning. I've spent most of today trying to getting him to nap in his cot, he cries for ages so I get him up and play with him, then he acts tired so we repeat. He fell asleep while I was feeding him but started screaming as soon as he hit the cot. He is doing my head in.

I had a little help on the sleep thread Ledkr, thanks. Have a list of things from you ladies advised and other things and going to try them all tonight. Am really anxious about tonight but dh has already said he will do the next few nights. Expat, sounds like we have very similar babies! I think the key to good night sleep is good naps so am going to try for naps in cot tomorrow too!
Ledkr, I find smears quite painful, can feel them scraping away and almost try to climb back up the bed!
Debka, I'm pleased S has put on some weight. Its all a step in the right direction!

bensmum good luck for tonight, hope your little monkey sleeps soundly.