Sept 08 - Insert witty title 'here'

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sorry about the crap title ladies, I was lacking inspiration and we were up to our limit on posts!

...can I just have a little parenting 'boast'. We had a playdate this afternoon, 4 mums and 8 pre-schoolers, everyone else is married and the kids all have a male influence. But DS who has virtually no male influences (we see my stepdad once a month at the most and that's it) was still more than able to hold his own, and frankly be in charge of, a football game in the garden with the 3 other 4yr old boys and a couple of the little ones . I think he's got most of it from nursery but at least he knows what to do!

He said he was referee, but also seemed to be doing a lot of the striking and some goalie action. It really cheered me up as I don't watch football and worry he won't catch on with usual 'boy' past-times. Hopefully he'll be able to hold his own in the school playground when he starts next month.

sounds like he'll do just fine meglet You are obviously doing a very good job with him.

mrsa I was about to talk tents but will send you a fb message instead so everyone else doesn't get bored.

I've been having a think about the next thread title and so far can only come up with...

'The threenagers have arrived - Advanced negotiating and crowd control skills required'.

Haha I like that meg

Ds2 gave me the fright of my life this morning. He was on his wheelybug and went too fast onto the raised bit at the kitchen floor & went over the handle flat on his face. I picked him up but he wasn't really crying, then I realised it was because he couldn't breathe! He couldn't get a proper breath & went floppy. I had dialled 999 & was about to press the call button when he started breathing properly again. He is fine now & has no pain so must have just been winded but I was sooo scared.

debi oohh how scary!

Completely pointless appt at the paed for ds1 yesterday...school haent sent in a quetionairre they have had since May (ffs)

Taking mum to John Lewis this am - oh joy

lolly I know I'm not meant to but {{hugs}} sounds like a rubbish week

Meg, that's great. Does this mean that you'll have to start playing footy with him though

Debi how scary

DD's back coming back today, but won't be here until about 3am can't wait to see them. I'm taking them to see my Mum and Dad and cousins on Thursday and Friday and then we're all going away (last family holiday ........) on Saturday. Then back to school!

You're all going to think I'm mad, but if H can't get his act together to move before DD1 goes back to school then I'm wondering if he should wait a couple of weeks until she's settled back. The last thing I want is for her to have to deal with 2 changes at once.

She sounds really tired in Ireland and although she's having a great time she told me it was really hard not being able to talk about us separating - I was so H hasn't told his mum and has told DD1 she has to keep it a secret, poor child

anyway I'm meant to be working. I've cleaned the house, gardened, tidied up, sorted out clothes and toys for the girls to take to his and his books and some other bits like pictures... exercised every day, got storage from Ikea and been out with friends as well as working so I think I've made the most of my days alone

Oh debi how scary. I can't imagine! Glad he's ok now. Thanks for the fb mssge btw, will read later and digest.

We're having tears at breakfast atm. C is moving up to pre-school room at nursery but does not want to. She wants to stay a little one 'I'm not a big girl!!' She cried when I dropped her off today, so I ended up in tears outside too. Days like this I hate :(

And midwife had a go at me yesterday for cancelling consultant's appt. She said 'you can't just use research you know, you have to listen to docs'. Thing is, my research tells me the docs are wrong. I am only high risk cos of my weight whereas they think the risk of scar rupture is high risk and I don't. I've been reading lots of books (incl Ina May Gaskin) and conclude that as long as I don't get protein or sugar in my wee and my blood pressure is ok (which it is) then I'm fine. Problem is, I'm surrounded by hcps who think they know me better. Can't explain properly but I'm not even convinced I need the diabetes test next wk but they are pushing me hard. Sigh. Wish I was braver.

MrsA I remember DD1 being really upset to move the the pre-school room, but it didn't last long and she was really happy there. Take her out for a big girl treat :)

You are being brave - it's hard to argue with health professionals. I had problems with my platelets with M, but I knew that pat of it was the way that they were taking the blood. I have to say I did go along with their tests to get the home birth, but I also amde them read pages of stuff I'd printed out from the internet to show that the results didn't make me high risk!!

Sympathy MrsArch. Can you talk to the docs instead of the MWs about the research you've done? I thought though regular testing for diabetes was one of the standard urine sample tests that was really useful?
Scar rupture really is a scary risk though - my best friend has just spent a month in intensive care after a 4th CS because of that, and her heart stopped four times. She's finally on another ward and expected to live, though recovery is going to take months and goodness knows what complications there might be. :(

Ninja he is being really horrid to your dd's by making them keep your seperation a secret. Is he scared o0f what his mum will say?
I think it will be best to make him agree to go on a specific date as I feel he is exploiting you and will drag things out as long as he can. Who really wants to leave a marital home and be by themselves and have to do all the chores if they have a soon to be ex at home who is willing to do them for him?

Mrsa I was already to fight the docs on Lucy's induction until they told me she had stopped growing. The GTT is a pain but if you get diabetes early then you will prob needs the drugs. With Robyn I only had it the last 6 weeks and was managing fine but with Lucy I had it for at least 12 weeks and was on tablets the week she was induced.
I didn't want any inducing with both of the little ones and could argue with them because I had the facts so maybe a GTT could put your minds at ease.

ninja I'm so excited for you that you'll see your DDs again soon! I would make your H leave asap, regardless of what else is going on with school etc, he's taking the mick!

debi how scary with your DS, I bet you needed a strong drink after that experience!

meglet your DS sounds brilliant :)

40+5 here today.
I've had another 'first' with this third baby, in that I had a show this morning, I've never seen the fabled 'pants snot' before, but there it was!
MW gave me another sweep and there's been no change since Friday - cervix still high, posterior, long, and shut. MW encouraged at all the BH I've been having (esp the 2 hours of painful ones on Sunday) and she really thinks this will happen naturally for me...but just in case it doesn't I'm booked for induction next Tuesday, so that's another 'first'. I cried a lot after my appt this morning :( Even DS said he wants the baby to come now, and that's really saying something!

Ninja i too would set a firm leaving date. You know it's going to be a pretty shite day, however much you will be better off apart and I know your DDs will have a hard time that day but from my DP's own experience of leaving a family home, it's better done in a clean break rather than dragging it out.I hope that once it's done, things can start getting better for you.

Thanks for all your comments guys. I find it very difficult to explain things about my need for a homebirth, which is why I find hcps difficult.
notcitrus I'm happy to have the regular urine check for sugar and protein in the urine but it's the full GTT bloods I have an issue with.

This is the problem (and I think I shall dump it all here and then say no more as I clearly have differieng views): I have done lots and lots of research on topics of uterine rupture, c-section prevention, natural childbirth and the tactics hcps use to reduce their risk of litigation.
Whilst uterine rupture is extremely serious (and your poor friend notcitrus - thank goodness things like that are very very rare), the risk of my uterus rupturing in labour is 0.34%. That % includes women who rupture despite not having had a previous section. Sadly some first timers can have uterine rupture too.
Compare that to the risk of, say, cord prolapse, which is also extremely serious, which is 0.7% - double the risk of rupture yet cord prolapse is not a contra indicator for homebirth and no one has mentioned it to me.

Ina May Gaskin, IMO one of the world's leading midwives, also states that of the GTT tests, up to 50-70% are inaccurate and most women would test differently on a 2nd test. There are a number of doctors who now believe gestational diabetes is quite a normal reaction of the body to pregnancy and unless sugars become uncontrollable, it is not serious. Growth scans are also notoriously inaccurate.

Now, having said all of that, the choices women make in pregnancy and labour are normally made with the best interests of the baby at heart and I am in no way criticising anyone's choices here.
However, having done all of my research and not being reckless - if I got actual pre-eclampsia or if there were signs of serious problems during labour, then I would always transfer in. For me though, the risks of being in hospital are actually greater than birthing at home. For me, it's not just about a healthy baby 'at all costs', it's about a healthy mum too and I have turned into one of those 'mother-earth' typyes who believe that mental attitude is linked to the body's ability to birth and that doctors are so afraid of litigation that they wish to manage risk to 0%, which is not possible.

I saw the consultant to get a 3rd scan (they couldn;t see the spine) and she authorised the scan then launched into a tirade of why a homebirth is not advised - she quoted a 1% risk of scar rupture, which is simply not true and the lovely midwives at AIMS have advised me to consider making a formal complaint about this consultant as she should know the facts.

The above is very long and I'm sorry for that. i also know that very few people share my views, which is why I find it very difficult to post on MN about it. I've found a lovely support group on yahoo (VBAC/HBAC group) who give me confidence.
Can you see why i have a hard time explaining it in RL?!

ninja I think I will get everything in writing and make sure I show it to them I think I will go ahead and have the GTT but I'm afraid that if it is a bad result, I will ask for another test firstly, then as long as my blood sugars were controlled, I will still ask for a homebirth.

Ladies, so sorry for storming through thread - ignore me but I had to let it out and I know you guys will (I hope) not judge me too badly.

With ds3 I had a show about four days before labour started, and that was a first for me too. My cervix doesn't seem to do anything pre labour, so I used to get upset about that too. However it didn't make any difference wrt the labours, it was just disheartening.

a show is good, bh's are good. They are all a sign that your baby is getting ready to meet you.

Blimey Debi, your story of ds made me clench, am so glad all is ok.

Am so happy you get to see your girls again tonight.

I seem to have morphed into a shouting fishwife today . M is blatantly ignoring me when I ask him to stop doing something. It drives me potty. Then add into the mix baby I does not want to be put down today. Gah!

Amen to that MrsA. I hear you totally.

Carrie everything is crossed here for you - I've started labout efry quickly after both my shows

MrsA sounds convincing to me. I agree whole heartedly with you about the mental attitude, but then I am a bit of a tree hugger myself!! We'll have you on cloth nappies next!

I might have just done something bad - I just told MIL about us. She asked me directly and knew something was up (and H told her that he'd been sleeping in the front room ) and I just couldn't lie. While I think he should have told her and she needed to know, I don't really think I should have done it.

Saying that he's invited her to stay in October so I'm not sure when he was going to tell her. She was very nice and said she didn't know how I'd put up with him for so long which made me feel even worse

Completely agree with everything you said mrsa

You know the risks, you arent as uniformed as that consultant!!!!

You haven't done anything bad Ninja, she asked you an outright question. To lie would have been bad.

God these giant choc buttons are moreish

Tonight I am mostly taking the dvd's, xbox and wii discs out of their boxes and putting them in a large disc holder wallet thing. I am sick to death of staring at rows and rows of plastic cases instead of lots of lovely books. The empty plastic boxes are going in the loft and the books are coming out of it!

still here...

Ninja - if your MIL asked you directly, then of course there is nothing wrong with answering her honestly. Regarding when your ex should move out.. well, there is never going to be a good day as such for your dd's dad to move out - but she knows it is going to happen. At the moment it is probably the unknown of what the future will be like that is worrying - so in many ways, surely better to separate as soon as possible. Then, if you ex is a good dad, she can find that she can still have a good relationship with you both, and will not have to witness the less pleasant side of things - like him being critical to you.

Bit worrying that he's invited his mum over in October - does he think he will still be at your house then? living free?

Meglet - impressed at your ds's skills in organising the footie. And as to ex - no idea where he is... his bail conditions mean he is not even supposed to enter my borough, but he doesn't pay much attention to the law when comes to me. He's a wanted man not having turned up for sentencing and always worried he'll turn up some night

ILTMIMI that's a good plan. I tried to persuade H to do that years ago, I think thingsare easier to find and also replace in the wallet holder.

Bec thanks for visiting my thread

Just been out for a run - did 4 miles with the 1st (more beginnery group) and 6 miles up and down hills with the second group. Then got home and realised that I'd only had a crumpet for tea so maybe that was why I'd run out of energy.

Looking forward to my abt and even more to seeing the kids at 3am

splish I hadn't though of that .... I assumed he would probably tell her and was hoping he wasn't planning to try and come and live back here - he will be out by then.

Carrie - it can't be long now and I don't know what else to say

Mrsa You sound very informed and very level headed and practical. You know the risks and as long as you aren't miles and miles away from the hospital I would think you have a strong case for a HB. I really hope things go the right way for you and I'm glad you feel you can vent at us all.

Ninja do you really think he would invite his mum and then say to you she doesn't know we have split. let me move back in? If you think he would then get him out now. When my dad left it took months of him staying away for a nioght or two then coming home as if nothing had happened. We didn't know what was going on, I was 9, and it made it harder, but more of a relief when he finally went.

Robyn has been asking me for a birthday party. she enjoyed Lucy's so much that she wants hers now! This afternoon we had a party and made rice crispie buns which kept her happy for an hour or so. I have promised her that on her birthday she can have cake and presents and guests but she has to wait, only about 4 weeks to go.

ninja I agree, get him out quick! And I think it's good that you told his mum as if he had, you'd never know what he told her and if he'd said horrible things about you. I assume you want to still have some kind of at least friendly relationship with her for the sake of your girls.

Thanks for the comments earlier. It took me longer than ds2 to get over it which I think proved he was fine. I caught him trying to take the wheelybug up the stairs later!

Time for a new title........

Oh, also Ninja - when my parents split up when I was 10 we spent a year living all together still, with parents in separate rooms, before we moved out, and it wasn't a great time. It felt a bit like living in limbo, and things were much better when we moved out, and get on with life.

sorry, hope don't sound like am going on - have read your other thread, and you're getting some very straight talking there!