Totally's postgrads - you know who you are.

[Meita]

Totally's original thread was for TTC after MC. It continued long after Totally herself graduated, and is still going strong. Totally's grads was set up as a thread for pregnancy post MC - i.e. anyone who graduated from Totally's thread and anyone else who had experienced MC and was now pregnant. It, too, is still going strong.

Now, more and more of us have graduated from Totally's grads - including LouiseSH, whose Georgie was born asleep. I suppose that makes us postgrads. We have travelled together for a long time and would like to stay in touch, but the pregnancy post MC thread is starting to get very big, and I think it should be allowed to keep its focus on pregnancy post MC. May it be as wonderful a place for support for current "members" as it was for us.

So this thread is a place for us to keep in touch, share experiences, and provide support.

(This is the first time ever I'm starting a thread - hope it works out...)

So, after the initial basket time, she was up til 3, then settled again in her basket til 5. Then we co-slept til 6, when she wanted a proper feed until DH went to work at 7, when we got the bed to ourselves til 9. So all in all an amazing night. She's been feeding on and off now since then, I'm hoping for another snooze soon. I've decided my whole aim for today is to get a shower and that's enough.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it. I think part of it is that you want a baby for so long and it's so theoretical. Then the abstract idea becomes an incredibly demanding little human, and you still want to be grateful that it's all worked out but it's all a bit harder than in your head. I don't know if that makes sense... I guess now just isn't the time to be a perfectionist!

HV was predictable, nothing I haven't read in a book, but at least she's put on plenty of weight.

Hope you're all having good days, thank you again, what would I do without you ladies!?

Lia any suggestions as to what to do when both baby AND toddler are wailing their heads off with nothing apparently wrong?

distraction for toddler who may be picking up on your stress. A little quick treat, such as

"hey, look what I've got" excited voice, cue produce something they like, smll handful cheerios, choc buttons, etc.

All else fails, baby in sling, or both in double pushchair and a brisk stroll to shop , choc for you, mag (if old enough) for toddler or tiny treat.

Expect toddlers to regress somewhat even if initial signs are good. They are still getting to grips with the world themselves and sometimes don't know what to do with their feelings.

OR join in, that always makes toddlers stop in their tracks,

I feel for you, there have been times when I've felt like all my 5 were shouting/crying/demanding at once. It will pass, everything is a phase.

Take the days hour by hour, don't try to do too much.

Question for evreyone: When do they do the PND questionaire that i remember filling out with dd? Or has it been scrapped? I suffered with a bit of AND this pg and i want to know whether i am now suffering from PND or simply sleep deprivation etc. i have suffered a lot from depression in the past but i find it very hard to judge in addled state. I do not feel like i am coping very well, in fact i feel a bit like i'm falling apart. i so wanted this baby, now i'm really not so sure i can do this.

Vasty apologies for the mememe post, i feel such a fraud in some ways but at the same time i am so low. i just want to crawl into a corner and leave them all to it.

Tell your gp how you are feeling buffy and tell them you would like to do the test as you feel you may be developing pnd again.

however if you feel this bad, then do you really need a piece of paper to tell you? You have done the right thing in speaking about your need to get some extra support. Do you have rl friends you can talk to or share babyhood with?

Popping in to make Buffs a lovely cup of tea and drop off a box of homemade flapjacks and cookies.

Sorry you are feeling blue. You're totally knackered, full of hormones, had surgery, and have two LOs to look after so your life is pretty upside down right now. If there ever was a time you're gonna feel like utter doo-doos, this is it!

Don't expect to cope brilliantly, just get by day to day and things will get easier. Talking helps, hopefully you can speak with your gp, but we are here too. Oh, and those real people

Still miffed at losing last night's post, um, in summary, a huge thank you to Meita and Lia for lifesaving advice. Boobs back to oo and Ren feeding (and subsequently sleeping) better. THANK YOU! [salutes]

SamB huge congrats on the job, and lovely to see you back, we have missed you! Lee hope Andrew is in good health now, sounds like you've had a terribly tough few months.

at Toomt for getting your gladrags on for Kirsty and Phil. Hope you got your shower today, if not, stick it on tomorrow's list!

Clarea OMG a week's sleeps to go! Hope you have lots of nice things planned for this week.

Malts, Alba, Reds [waves] wishing you peaceful evenings and supersize sleep nuggets!

Lots of good advice already listed about crying. One thing I'd add, I don't know how 'correct' this is, but always worked for Ianto: let him suck on my little finger. (Obviously, make sure finger is clean, and nails are short!)

Lee you must be totally exhausted after all that stress. Take it easy, lady. In my experience it's often AFTER whatever was going on has ended, that you start to fall apart. Don't underestimate it or think 'it's all better now, why am I so tired?' You coped with the situation by drawing on your very last reserves, now you need time to recuperate.
Unfortunately it's often the case that during the emergency, lots of people are there to help, but once the acute situation is over, you're on your own. Whereas it is now that you really need some time to yourself without worrying about cooking and housekeeping on top of taking care of your two little ones and looking after yourself.
So, take care. Hope you are still getting some help, and go easy, alright?

Unbuffy given your history of depression, I believe this should have raised some flags with the midwives antenatally. I.e. they or the HV should be paying special attention to you and should have discussed PND with you at length, telling you how and when to get support etc.
I think the PND questionnaire should be done at 6 weeks - although in my case the HV just said 'we should be doing the PND questionnaire now, but you're all right aren't you, so we'll skip that'.
But I second what Lia said, you don't need a piece of paper to tell you you are not well. Does it really matter if it is 'proper' PND or 'just' sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and generally feeling overwhelmed and not coping? Either way, you should be receiving help.
Feeling so low does not automatically mean that you have PND and will now suffer for a long time. It might also be something that will pass and soon you might feel better. Have you talked to your DH about how you feel?
So here I am, hoping you are getting all the support you need, whatever label your feelings get given. And most of all hoping that you will feel better soon.

Gi1da you're welcome, glad it helped.

Congrats SamB and glad you're back!

Big waves to all lurkers and re-surfacers, hope you're getting on alright, never worry about phases of non-posting, you're not the only one

duh. last two nights Ianto has woken 3x between midnight and 7.30. Add to that the 11pm dream feed and he's been feeding 4x/night. I'm sort of tired.

Buffy wanted to give you a virtual hug and to say that we all think you're fab. I was post virally depressed a few years ago so I have an idea where you are. Tiredness was always a trigger for me. Take each hour/day as you go and be really gentle on yourself. My hv rang me up to ask if I was depressed at 3 months - you could just go to your gp and say how you are feeling. I am thinking of you hun, Sx

Unbuffy I remember going through the doldrums mid pregnancy not long after you. Taking each day as it came, trying to expect very little of myself and remembering 'this too will pass'. But I agree you shouldn't wait for health visitors. I remember a tough patch with DS1 not long before I went back to work, midwinter, chronic sleep deprivation (he was nearly 5 months), having a nightmare finding Childcare as he refused to settle at nursery and work were beingdifficult about my flexi working request, I just felt dreadful, it was all too much for me and I wanted to curl up and cry. Told HV at weighing clinic I needed some help as I wasn't coping and they said they'd arrange a home visit. I got a phonecall to arrange it 3 weeks later ! By then I'd cried a lot, talked it all through with DH and close friends and I'd got through and felt better. Support and understanding can help so much, but don't wait to see your GP if you think there's the slightest chance you may need more than that, don't wait and suffer unneccessarily. I hope you're having a better day today, we have sunshine which always helps.

Lee what an ordeal you've been through, you must be utterly exhausted, but good news Andrew is well. I do hope you're getting to rest up a bit.

Toomuch, a week ago it was all I could do to have a shower. Today I've been out for coffee, shopping and lunch... A week ago I wouln't have believed it possible. It gets easier. Some days better than others so don't expect too much from yourself and accept all offers of help. I've been truly spoiled by my mum, DH, my son's childminder, lovely doulas... And it's made a huge difference.

Sam did I congratulate you? I keep losing posts so I know I typed it but not sure you got the post! Fantastic achievement, are you accepting the job?

Good day here today. I got 3 hrs straight last night and it makes such a difference. Seems so odd to be thankful for 3 hrs sleep, most sane people would consider that a very bad night! The small things we become thankful for...!!

Thanks meita very nice and reassuring to hear!!!!

unbuffy I have a box of antidepressants sitting in my handbag and I can't quite believe I have them. I haven't taken one yet. I don't so much feel depressed as emotional, anxious and frustrated at not being able to do anything like housework shopping etc with a crying baby..

TMT how old is your baby? We saw a brilliant consultant who diagnosed silent reflux and prescribed lactosE free milk, losec and domperidone.

He took a good while to improve and I think 16 weeks is the magic number in terms of natural improvement from colic/reflux..

My coping techniques are-
white noise (cooker fan, app on phone, washing machine)
swaddling (did this up to 16 weeks, nurses in hospital recommended)
raised bed (own room from 12 weeks)
definitely trying to get out and about and peace from it
Lia is right if all elsE fails put baby down and go outside for five mins..

Hi to everyone else .. meita hope number of feeds lessens soon!

Wishing everyone a peaceful night. Let's hope the howly wind outside soothes our howlers inside

Buffs hope you had a better day x

Evening Morning all. Hope you're doing ok.

Well my parents came yestertoday, having seen her on day 4, and after an hour or so mum said "oh she's just like you, you wanted to be held all the time."

DD then promptly spent the day refusing to go down and feeding constantly. But she had a really good night, hence not finishing this post til now.

Who said you can't win? Hmm... wonder when we'll get a good day and a good night!?

PS unbuff thinking of you and hoping you're getting support and feeling better today. Do talk to us. Much love.

Hi everyone, thank you for your lovely messages of support, it is so good to have people to talk to through good and bad. Have decided that now dh is off shift for a few days that i am going to do 3 things every day to try to get into a better frame of mind - early nights, afternoon rests and going out by myself (preferably walking the dogs rather than supermarketing!) every day. If that doesn't do the trick, i'll go to the quack. Will keep you updated.

Hope all well xx

Loving the btw..

Glad you're feeling more positive today Unbuffy . I too like the wine glasses, but is it only red? (it's not listed on the phone version of the site so I miss out on cool new emoticons). We need some OBSB too for Jolls!

I'm over 3hrs into a non stop feeding session. When's it going to stop???? Thank goodness for MN and iplayer keeping me going... And the constant stream of snacks DH is bringing me...

Hi everyone,

At last I find the post grads thread unbuffy thanks for the link. I clearly had baby brain in not finding it!

I have missed all you lovely ladies so so much. I'm so glad to find ye :-) It will take me a little while to catch up but just wanted to say a big hi and hope you are all doing well .

Unbuffy big hugs to you

Ciara and I are doing well - well as well as I think i can be doing. I just can't believe how lovely she is! I had to stop feeding her last week so on bottles now, I had been getting very bad uterus infections and antibiotics weren't clearing it up so at my 6 week appt, gp asked whether I'd considered increasing the 1 bottle I had been giving her and it just made a huge difference. I felt so so so bad stopping feeding her and I really miss it but I feel tons better and as a result have a ton more energy for Ciara which I guess is better but still feel guilty. It's so hard to know what's best. She's doing great though and we couldnt' ask for too much more with regards to her sleeping well at nighttime so far. She has no real routine yet during the day though but hopefully we will get there eventually.

Hi to you all and really really looking forward to catching up with you all loads xx

It's a year today since my ERPC, even with baby in my arms I still have tears streaming down my face, I thought having a baby made the pain go away?

ooooooooooooohh.... Little sods darlings always know, don't they... 2 hours sleep 11-1, then 1/2 hour feeding, hour's sleep, 1/2 hour feed for the rest of the night. And it looks like it's going to continue through today too, with the joyous addition of screaming rather than sleeping in the hour off each time.

Is it bedtime yet?

Happy glad you found us and are doing well! This is THE place to hang out when sleep-deprived, cluster feeding (for those with swishy funky phones - DURING feeding - not me!), panicked, stressed out, gooey, cooey and covered with baby sick! Enjoy!

Lee hope you are feeling a bit better, good to hear from you. As Mieta said, it's amazing what we can cope with when we have to, but it is quite normal to collapse subsequently and for the reality to sink in making everything suddenly much harder - at which point everyone else relaxes and leaves you to it when you need them the most! Don't be afraid to scream at them (and us!) when you need to. I am!

Alba how's the mad constant feeding going? It's knackering isn't it?!

TMT hope it's getting a bit easier for you - you sound a bit more positive. #

SamB Thank you , fan mail always welcome

Meita Hope you are getting a bit more sleep, 4 times a night, oooooh can sympathise... Growth spurts SUCK. Thank you for the good advice, too. I'm trying really hard but it's good to know there's people I can talk to who won't judge and don't have any choice but to will listen.

I know I've missed loads of you, so MAD WAVES and excuse the pathetico namecheck, please...

Dh has taken dd to tesco and Jamie is briefly asleep... tea, mars bar and mn!

oh Alba xposts. I don't think it ever does go. you poor poor thing. It's not really comfort, but without that hideous day you would not have the precious one you have now. It's an exchange we've all had to make through no choice of our own. Just hold him tight and know that we're here for you. Much love sweetie xx

Oh Alba, sorry you're feeling down, it's so tough. Of course you should have a cry for the little one you lost. As I said after Jemima arrived, it doesn't change a thing about the LO we lost in Zambia... I am of course happy she's here, but I'm not any less sad either, if that makes sense.

We too are on a constant feed session Unbuffy, she was awake for 2 hour sessions through the night with no more than 1h30 between them, and she hasn't been off for more than an hour all morning, I'm exhausted! But it's in return for our first bus journey yesterday, and a whole afternoon visiting school and being cooed over without a peep. The win-lose strikes again!

Happy lovely to see you, hope to hear more about how Ciara is getting on now that you've found us.

I'm still feeding.

Toomt, Buffs and anyone else on 24/7 boob duty - good luck tonight, may you get a couple of couple of hours kip in a row.

Alba hugs to you. Hope you found some peace today xx