Totally's postgrads - you know who you are.

[Meita]

Totally's original thread was for TTC after MC. It continued long after Totally herself graduated, and is still going strong. Totally's grads was set up as a thread for pregnancy post MC - i.e. anyone who graduated from Totally's thread and anyone else who had experienced MC and was now pregnant. It, too, is still going strong.

Now, more and more of us have graduated from Totally's grads - including LouiseSH, whose Georgie was born asleep. I suppose that makes us postgrads. We have travelled together for a long time and would like to stay in touch, but the pregnancy post MC thread is starting to get very big, and I think it should be allowed to keep its focus on pregnancy post MC. May it be as wonderful a place for support for current "members" as it was for us.

So this thread is a place for us to keep in touch, share experiences, and provide support.

(This is the first time ever I'm starting a thread - hope it works out...)

Anyone else up? Only got 2hrs, wide awake now and even if we do get back to sleep, DS1 will be up demanding attention in a hour... Will have to try to daytime nap today,,,

Hi all

another one having a tough day here - except it's today rather than yesterday, and it's not been a day yet. We've already had 3 plus occasions with dd, ds and me all in tears together - and it's only just gone 9! It can only get better, right?

Meita - Iron tablets? What iron tablets? Nobody ever said anything to me at any point - during pg or beyond - about iron tablets! Although it would not surprise me, they only just let me give blood last time (a long while back now . Who checks it, and when and how?

On which subject, how often are people seeing health visitors etc? Ours only comes to the local surgery once a month and last time (thurs before last) made no mention of when we should go back. He's only 8 weeks old for goodness sake - shouldn't weighing etc happen more often than that at this stage. I am so brainfried i cannot remember what happened with dd at all!

Alba hope you're coping alright after your sleepless night - i'm right with you there. Not fun you poor thing

Gilda Have had several monoboob incidences recently, would second the icy glove thing, or cabbage leaves are good (no, really). If you need to relieve the pressure and it's really too sore to attatch him, a hot flannel laid on in a hot bath will relax you and help it come easily, massage very gently towards the nipple paying particular attention to any red/tight/really sore areas. Personally i would not bother about catching the stuff as it's one more faff to get stressed about and there's lots more where that came from! It's frustrating with one giant and one seemingly with nothing in it (i had this all last week) but it will even itself out in the end. I'm sure you'll get lots of lovely advice from Lia too, better than we can give you!

TMT that's really upsetting about your dh, i know what you mean about psyching yourself up to it. My dh works shifts and I am constantly misunderstanding when he's due to go back to work atm (part of this is not knowing what day of the week it is at any given time). Hopefully you'll get your day back as a nice 'suprise' day together soon. In the meantime i hope today's not too hard on you.

Right, must try and get on with the day

buffy take the days one at a time, even hour by hour, these are still newborn days. HV's are notoriously crap ime, if anyone has a good one, hold on to her cos the rest are bloody useless, if they're not giving us out of date info about weaning, they're telling us our babies are failing to thrive cos they're not following a pattern that was set up bloody years ago. Can you tell I'm not a huuuge fan. ? :) Wouldn't hurt to take some extra iron though.

alba am much recovered thank you very much, I have to say I'm glad I had my swine flu jab cos I felt really rough and if that was with having the jab, perhaps I would have been even worse, (need that crystal ball) I feel for your sleepless night, there's a reason why they use it as a form of torture isn't there? I hope you can catch up a bit today. Is ds at nursery so you can pop off to bed with X for a few hours? Try and go with the flow, easy for me to say I know.

Right, off to Asda now, I know how to live.

Have good day all. :)

unbuffy, alba you have my full sympathies, although we had a better night, two wake ups, each an hour and a half. Some exciting nappy exploits though.

Meita thank you for all your great advice, I'm going to try things one at a time.

Am expecting my first hv visit this morning, I hope it's better than you say.

I think DH was right about 3 week growth spurt (he must have been listening to you when you said this would happen Lia).. fed at 1.30am, 5am (after sneaky snack lying down at 4am), 7.30am, 9am, and now, 10.30am. So... Managed a quick shower, which always helps when i'm feeling particularly rough, but no more sleep. But at least DS1 is at his childminder.

Unbuffy I don't know how on earth you manage single handed with both of them, I've only had to do that for a couple of hours at a time so far and generally rely on Octonauts downloads to get me through.
As for HVs, I saw mine last week, same one as last time (we saw her twice, she's not much use). We have a weekly drop in clinic for weighing babies... However, I'm spoiled, a HV friend is going to pop in with her scales once a week till we're back to birth weight. I do think the support you get depends where you live, of my NCT group last time two of us were in the neighbouring county and got far more than we did... Ante and post natal courses, loads of HV visits etc.. So we got most of our info from them.

Lia good to see you, happy to hear you're better, but I hope Asda isn't too awful... Unloading shopping trolleys with a big bump is exhausting!

Gilda hope things are improving and you're evening out now... And that you got some decent sleep nuggets.

And she's just phoned and cancelled. I'm up and dressed for nothing. Well apart from Relocation Relocation Relocation

Hi Everyone! I'm really glad you are all posting regularly - I'd given up for a bit. I shall look in more frequently from now on. I haven't read back but will do later today. Off to Sainsbury's in a mo. All really good here - I was interviewed for a deputy head post on Friday and got the job! I've only been teaching for two years so I was pretty surprised. Still in shock I think. Name checking will come later, love to all, SB x

ooooh, Congrats Sam!! Lovely to see you again btw

Mucho sympathy to shopping folks. Supermarkets suck. I shall have to do the 1/2 mile slog to the village and the same back plus either double buggy or single buggy + sling combo this afternoon... groan... We are out of milk and i have no car! Argh! This day gets better and better!

Damn hv's and their damn ideas of timing etc. them's beggers TMT, the lot of 'em. And NO sense of humour - witness exchange below:

HV: Do you test the temperature of his bath water?

ME: Oh, yes, I chuck his big sister in and if she doesn't scream I put him in too (obvious joke)

HV: I shan't write that down.

gah!

buffy and a genuine Lol then.

when ds1 was born 13 and half yrs ago Hv brought student with her, dd, (then almost 3 and adverse to clothing) was running around naked except for knickers, this was October but I am a wussy Northener and have my house heated to sub tropical temps

Quiet exchange between student and hv, then..

hv to me - She is concerned that the toddler is under dressed but I have assured her that given that her lips are not blue, she's probably ok

Cos I would regularly have let my toddler get to the point of blue lips wouldn't i?

Loving the health visitor stories

and huge congrats Sam, I was wondering where you'd got to and how it went, and lo and behold, a news update

uh oh, greedy guts waking up and rooting again...

Well we're surviving our first day alone... actually I got my first afternoon nap because I was on my own and it was amazing. But I truly don't understand how you're supposed to eat yourself when there isn't someone to deliver it to you. I've managed a poxy amount of food at stupid times of day!

Welcome back samb and massive congratulations, that's brilliant, especially after all you had to do. Are you primary then? DH called to say Ofsted tomorrow, so tonight's going to be interesting.

On the boob front, I get to the point in the day time where they feel really soft, whereas last night Jemima was coughing and spluttering on the left because it properly sprays, I take her off to recover and it's like someone's put a pinhole in a water balloon :o Not really sure how to get a more sensible pattern.

And seriously ladies, online grocery shopping, it changed my life.

Have tried numerous times to post only to be called away by a ravenous baby. Today I have balanced the craptop on the arm of the chair < note to self - make DH buy me an iphone>

May I join in with my breastfeeding woes - Eli is a hungry boy, to the point of being ridiculous. He has fed well from birth, and I honestly thought by now he would have settled down a bit, how wrong was I!

He basically feeds for a hour, wriggles around for an hour, feeds for a hour etc all day. Monster cluster feed 8pm-12md and then back to the hourly feeding from 3am after my only bit of decent sleep. Knackered, really knackered.
My hard work is seeing results though
8lb 6oz at birth
9lb 1oz 2 weeks
10lb 9oz 4 weeks
11lb 14oz today, 6 weeks.

There is no end to it!! Seeing a lactation consultant tomorrow to see if she has any ideas, but realistically I think he is just a hungry big boy .
I have a fast let down so he is windy too. Smashing.

So I am with you ladies, might not be posting but I am reading, hoping everyone has a good night.

Anyway, Eli smiled yesterday for the first time. My heart aches, I love him

hello all!

Cecily is sleeping - finally. We've had a very wakeful afternoon, not crying but just wide awake and then mithering cos she fancied a sleep but just wouldn't let go. Am hoping this will mean a nice night's sleep for us. She's usually pretty good though so I'm not complaining.

She's definitely not a water baby though. So glad the water birth plan didn't happen. We bathed her last night and it was as though we were butchering a pig. The baby massage afterwards didn't help either. Has anyone else's newborn got dry skin?

We registered her this morning so she's all official and then we took ourselves out to celebrate. She was as good as gold. But then my DH had to go to work so we're home alone. Trying to be brave and manage by myself but it's tough as I can't stand up to rock her yet (something which she absolutely loves). Damn C-Section.

TooMuchTeaching - am with you on the feeding front. Only just managed to grab my first drink this afternoon. Baby, of course, has had several :-)

Great news Sam - well done!

Have the HV calling tomorrow - can't wait to find out how much she weighs. I think she's been feeding well, but without weighing her, I really have no idea. Lots of wet and dirty nappies still, but I'm being a paranoid first time mum.

Aww Malteser - my heart melts when she smiles accidentally (or has wind). Can't wait until she does it voluntarily.

Oh rhg I'm exactly the same, I think she's feeding well but I want her weighed so I know for sure. She's been good all evening so I'm not holding my breath for tonight.

Going for a basket attempt soon, wish me luck.

Hi all hope you had good nights?

gi1da how's the giant boob? some great info on here on Bfing - I've got some homework to do before this little (giant) one arrives to get up to speed again

buffy love the HV story!

TOO good a night... 4 hours straight sleep for the first time in months and i am KNACKERED now!!! (but much happier) But. It's not FAIR I can't WIN!

So I was hoping to get out for coffee today, but how the hell are you supposed to have a shower, get dressed and get out in time for a bus? I've just managed to ge dressed in time for hv.

Today's thing to worry about is that she's taken to scrunching herself up and like nuzzling her head right into my boob, it's quite uncomfortable.

Am hoping for a better night's sleep tonight, when I'm exhausted I find myself just staring at her blankly and then feeling crap. It's not just me is it?

it's true, the can't win thing. baby sleeps at night => awake all day needing attention. and vice versa.

remember well the first time i got 4h straight. though it hasn't happened anymore in a long time! we had a time around 4 months when he went back to waking every 2 or so hours. now it's a reasonable 8pm - 12am - 4am - up for the day around 7:30 (but not hungry) schedule. but you know what? i hardly even realise anymore. would never have believed you if you had told me this 6 months ago!
agree with the smiles thing. just wait until you reach the 'peals of laughter' stage ... heart goes all warm and mushy it' definitely all soooooo worth it!

TMT xposted
definitely not just you. nobody expects you to be all attentive and constantly interacting with and stimulating your baby when you are sleep deprived. plus, being exhausted makes it very hard to think about it rationally, therefore you feel guilty and crap. which is why i'm telling you: it's all right. it really is. you're doing just fine and baby won't take any harm from being 'stared at blankly".
going through the motions and ensuring baby is fed and reasonably warm and not filthy is about all most people can manage in the beginning. and that's good enough too!

take one day at a time...

Hi everyone sorry for my long absence due to firstly horrendous reflux and 6-7 hours screaming a night and then with Andrew being in and out of hospital for 6 weeks..

TMT sorry I haven't read back on the whole thread but sounds like life is very stressful and boy do I understand that!! I actually have post traumatic anxiety now (so says the dr) that he's more manageable because I lived on adrenaline for so long..
If I can help at all please let me know xxx

Louise hi to you how are you getting on these days? Hope you got some resolution from the test results.. But moreso I hope you get the bfp really soon!

everyone else hello, congrats, hi, hope you're all doing well and I will def be popping in more frequently from now on!

BUMHOLES!! Have just lost a post it took 45 minutes to write on this bloody iPod! Must try to sleep now so will have to try again tomorrow.

Good luck for a peaceful night all! xx

Have just done 11.15-1.30 in basket. Admittedly up now for an hour with little sign of dropping off, but best sleep I've had in ages.

Will namecheck later, night all.

Can't do big name checking as not enough time but wanted to post for TooMuch. The most important thing to remember is that 'good enough is good enough'. A friend said this to me when I was really stuggling with DD1 years ago. It has stuck with me and in difficult times I always remember it. We have taken the view here that the first three months of a baby's life are like a fourth trimester of pregnancy. Hence co-sleeping and cuddles all day. Taking this view has really made things easier for us. We also developed loads of different strategies for coping with bouts of crying. I'm going to write a few - would anyone else like to add to them?

Totally's Tips for Coping with Crying:

Swaddling
Holding baby whilst bouncing on birthing ball
Sharing attempts to settle baby with husband
Walking around the block with the pram
Dummy
Tiger in the tree position

Time's up here to carry on, hope you're ok this morning TooMuch, Sx

Last sentence didn't make sense...time's up, can't carry on!

for those of you struggling with crying, here is a self survival tip.

Check baby... Wet

hot, (feel back of neck, if too warm, remove a layer of covers or cardi, (remember a folded blanket/cover counts as 2 layers)

chilly, warm with your body heat then cover up

Dirty nappy

hungry, (not comfort sucking but proper huingry)

Pain, (nappy sticking in, vest too tight etc)

If all of these things are ok, and it's driving you mad or youdon't feel as if you can don anything, then don't

Put baby somewhere safe, (carrycot/moses basket etc) then leave them for 5 minutes. Even if they continue to cry, they WILL NOT come to any harm.

Make yourself a nice drink of whatever you find soothing, sit and drink. Go for a short walk around the garden and take some fresh air.

5 or 10 minutes later, perhaps baby hasn't settled, thats ok, you will feel a bit more relaxed, parheps baby HAS settled. Good :)

What I'm trying to say is it's ok to have a little bit of time for you, sometimes you can't DO anything to make it stop immediately, thats ok, babies are human too. Sometimes they are a bit over tired/stimulated and need a few minutes on their won.

OR take them out in the pram, screaming if need be, it doesn't seem so bad once you are outside and chances are the motion, and fresh air will sooth them at least until yu get homw again.

Hope this helps. :)