Alba I second what Gi1da said. It's no failure to give some formula - On the contrary, it sounds like you are doing exactly what's best for your little boy. Sometimes what's best is not what you had intended.
That said, I understand your feeling. I was so very upset when Ianto had his first bottle of formula and I thought I was going to have to give him formula all the time (It turns out that it was the first and last bottle of formula. By the time my store of expressed milk was used up, I was producing enough to top him up with bottles of expressed milk). We went to the shop to buy the powder and I filled the trolley with marshmallows, gummy bears and chocolates - I needed to 'frustration eat'. I was teary and cried lots on DP's shoulder.
They had said, at A&E where we had gone because he just kept losing weight, that I simply didn't produce enough milk and therefore had to top him up with 80ml of formula after every feed. But, in hindsight, they were right to say he was hungry and needed more food, but they were wrong to say that I "simply didn't have enough milk". The only reason my supply was low was because Ianto hadn't been feeding much. As soon as I started to express regularly (i.e. 6 times a day) my supply went back to normal. Once Ianto wasn't starving any more, he had enough energy to BF again.
The reason why I'm writing all this is because I think if you really want to, you can work towards dropping that formula feed again. It's probably what your little one needs right now, but that doesn't mean it has to be so forever.
Mind, it's bloody hard work... Unfortunately, giving formula tends to make your milk supply go even further down. So if you want to increase it, or even just keep it stable, you're going to have to work on it.
What I remember from when I was in that situation is the following:
- Take fenugreek capsules.
- Avoid mint and sage.
- Drink lots!
- Always BF before giving a bottle.
- Express after every feed. You would get more milk in the short run from expressing just before the next feed, but that's not really productive - it just means your boy will get less from the breast.
- Express and/or feed at least once between 2am and 5am. That's horrid but it really really helps to keep the supply up.
Ok, all that said - it might just as well be that in your situation, going to all those lengths is not the best thing to do. Not for you, as it's just too tiring, and not for everybody else either, as they need you to be functioning. The only reason I was able to do it was because DP was helping 24/7 and my mum and MIL came to help with cooking and laundry and such.
Oh, and whilst everybody keeps banging on about how exclusive BFing is best - as long as you do keep BFing, there is no harm whatsoever in having some formula in addition. On the contrary, you get the best of both worlds - you get the added vitamins and stuff from the formula, AND you get the antibodies and stuff from the breast. I believe one key reason why some people advise against mix-feeding is that once you've started on formula, your supply tends to decrease and you end up exclusively FFing. If you manage to avoid that by consciously working on keeping your supply up, there is no real problem.
(Disclaimer: I'm not against FF at all. Everybody do what suits them best. But I do understand that if someone intended to BF, having to give formula can be very distressing.)
Umm, sorry, seem to not be very good at short posts 