Totally's postgrads - you know who you are.

[Meita]

Totally's original thread was for TTC after MC. It continued long after Totally herself graduated, and is still going strong. Totally's grads was set up as a thread for pregnancy post MC - i.e. anyone who graduated from Totally's thread and anyone else who had experienced MC and was now pregnant. It, too, is still going strong.

Now, more and more of us have graduated from Totally's grads - including LouiseSH, whose Georgie was born asleep. I suppose that makes us postgrads. We have travelled together for a long time and would like to stay in touch, but the pregnancy post MC thread is starting to get very big, and I think it should be allowed to keep its focus on pregnancy post MC. May it be as wonderful a place for support for current "members" as it was for us.

So this thread is a place for us to keep in touch, share experiences, and provide support.

(This is the first time ever I'm starting a thread - hope it works out...)

Dorcas Read this and feel a bit better. Thought I'd pass it on:

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article6718276.ece

lotta great link.

for a while i was very pleased to have persevered with BF through our difficult start. i found things a lot easier and more flexible than my FF friends. then came the point where I. refused the bottle and hence things were getting harder for me - basically can't leave baby for more than 3 hours, can't have him babysat by anyone, can't get a night's rest with DP doing the night feeds (not even when I crack a rib), can't send him to nursery...
and I worked soooo hard to get him off the bottles. what for? now sometimes I think I should have just mix-fed.
not to get me wrong - I have found BF a wonderful experience, once it all worked and all. I love the intimacy of it and how uncomplicated it is, not having to lugg bottles around and fuss with sterilising and all that. but even though it all worked out in the end, I now sometimes ask myself if it was worth it struggling through that difficult period in the beginning. I payed quite a price in order to BF. I'm not sure I would have done the same in hindsight.

so, I guess what I want to say to everyone still struggling (Lotta, Dorcas, ...) I really think 'breast is best' is misleading. 'Best' is what works for you, your baby, and the rest of your family. If FF is what works best for you, then in your case FF is best. There are advantages and disadvantages to both BF and FF but what does not make sense is to feel guilty about either.

[climbs off soapbox]

Really well put Meita!

Meita that was so so well put - I couldn't agree more.

Got Ciara's christening this weekend so busy here getting ready for that although we are just having family it's still a lot to prepare!

hope everyone is well

re smear test - apparently I was due a test on the precise day that I. was born ;)

GP at 8 weeks check reminded me to book an appointment for it. When I tried to (can I have an appointment for a smear test 5 weeks from now please?) they said they try to make them between periods, and asked me when my last period was. (Uh, let me think, about 11 months ago? ) Then they said but I can't have one when I've just had a baby (That's why I'm asking for one 5 weeks from now, duh.)

rhg some weeks I think my only social life is the gp surgery and hospital!! Revving up for next week when we've got our 6 week checks, coil appt and T's hip scan -phew!
Interested to read your experiences re smears- due one ( have then yearly) and have also been plagued with reminder letters! I was told to make a smear appt after my 6week check.
Is anyone else feeling a bit at the thought of contraception?! There can't be any accidents with a coil!!!

In other news- I bought a feeding vest from mothercare and did realise it is a tummy shaping one. It is ridiculously uncomfortable and keeps on rising up over my tummy into a bunch under my bra- attractive and not at all tummy shaping!

White noise seems to be working when we put him to sleep and it's quiet ( not often quiet in our house) tonight he went to sleep at about 8 after 30 mins of occasional soothing and dummy replacing.

Thank you everyone for your kind, wise words. Had a lovely day on Sunday, it was a relief to have a pain-free day for once and made me realise how stressed and unwell it has been making me. Still felt terrible pangs at not being able to instantly feed her when she cried though. How do other people cope with waiting for bottles to warm up? I find it quite stressful when she is hungry and having to wait a few minutes. Saw the LC today and she thinks it is the thrush causing the agonising pain, although she gave me a few more pointers with my latch. So we have managed a few breastfeeds today, not too painful and was lovely, having missed it these last few days. (missed the closeness, not the pain obviously!) So, I am expressing like crazy and hoping to do a mix of bottle and breast whilst waiting for the thrush to heal. Still not sure how this is all going to work out but will keep taking it one day at a time.
Lotta, sorry to hear things are hard for you too. It is frustrating when you want to breastfeed but have all these problems. Two and a half hour feeds sounds exhausting and worrying about her weight as well must be stressful. Thanks for the link, it is a very reassuring read, especially as I am by no means sure that we won't need to go back to FF. It is very hard when you are unable to breastfeed for whatever reason to be made to feel like your child will suffer because of it.
Malteser, we only were on formula for 24 hours so probably not long enough to see a huge difference, but she didn't seem more unsettled or windier. She did struggle a bit with her poo though, I think she found it hard to get it out, as it goes more solid on formula. She pulled some very funny faces and really strained then had a bit of a wail and finally, once on her back with legs being lifted it all came out. All 48 hours worth! But if you are only going to do one FF then maybe that wouldn't happen.

Also, thanks for the link Alba.
Happygirl, sorry to hear you have also had a rough time with breastfeeding. Hope the preparations are going well for the christening. Neither me nor DP are religious not having one, but I do think they are lovely occasions and I miss not having something like that to welcome DD into the world IYKWIM.

Well said Meita.

Clare me too! It is seriously the most uncomfortable top in the world and has been well and truly consigned to the back of the wardrobe!

RHG you were in my dream last night! Dreams are pretty rare these days, I don't get into deep enough sleep often enough, but there you were with a toddler at the beach in a big green coat. We didn't chat or anything, but you looked like you were having fun. Weird! Hope it means you're having a better day today.

I am religious but from a church that doesn't do christenings, children decide in their own time. I too feel it would be nice to have a bit of a celebration so spent the 12 days she was overdue planning a lunch - checking out places, working out who should be there etc. etc. Needless to say I haven't done a single thing since J was born, so it doesn't look like it's going to happen. Am a bit of your organisational skills Happy.

Glad you're feeling a bit better dorcas, I really hope you manage to find a balance that works for you.

Alba hope you managed the maths! And all the DCs slept a bit better.

Malteser what a big baby! Good work. Hope you're feeling better.

How are you doing unbuffy?

Hope the sleeping is continuing Muser.

Any more news from BIL Gi1da? I hope he's doing ok.

Happy birthday Magic hope you get doubly spoiled!

All this talk of smears... well I'm back on the pill, weird having not taken it for nearly 3 years. It is genuinely odd to be thinking about trying not to get pregnant. I also realised in the shower the other day, my only proper thinking time, that whereas before I really felt the need to relive my MC experience (almost wanting to tell people the story, but you can't exactly can you?) it's now my labour experience that I think through and go over in my head. I know for some of you your labour was pretty traumatic, but for me replacing obsessing about nearly dying with a positive birth is a massive leap forward for me.

Waves to people I've missed, hope it's a good day all round.

TMT I know what you mean about going over your birth experience in your head. I think about the birth a lot and still can't get enough of talking about it to other people. I think it is the brain's way of processing what is an extraordinary experience, even if it was a 'straightforward' birth. Glad you have a positive experience to think over and replace the negative one. I used to go over my mc in my head a lot but less now. It is still very painful thinking about it, although I wouldn't change anything as I now have my beautiful daughter. Very odd though to think that if it wasn't for the mc she wouldn't be here. Maybe it's one of those things you can't think about too much. I am quite open with people about my mc though, I do feel the need to mention it when I talk about my pregnancy, as my first LO feels part of her being here at all. My first pregnancy was a lovely surprise, and made us realise how much we were ready for children, so we tried again straight away after the mc.
On an entirely different note- any tips on getting a baby into a moby wrap? Just tried and she didn't seem too impressed. She seemed very squished? Desperate to get her into it so I can leave the sofa! I have a child who is happiest snuggled into me, which is fine but I would like to get a few things done around the house!
Sorry for long rambling- getting the hang of this one handed typing now! Hope everyone's day is going well and babies are happy.

Re Moby... I struggled at first, keep on trying... A bit looser, a bit tighter until it feels right.
Or... Do the kangaroo wrap (on the moby website) where you tie baby in directly rather than tying wrap onto you first.

Mine needs washing. I'm going to have to buy another, one to wash, one to wear since I use mine dawn till dusk!

easiest moby wrap to start with

Dorcas exactly the same, I've told more people about my MC since having J than I ever did before. It kind of comes in a quick sentence when talking about something else, "having lost a baby before...", I do it all the time, and have now told rather a lot of people after having kept it to ourselves for a long time. I think you're right, I want to ackowledge that LO, whilst being really happy about J. Kind of nice to know I'm not the only one (although wish of course we didn't have to)

Hi ladies I am here with a plateful of birthday cake to share around :)

Having a lovely day so far especially as the midwife has just been and discharged us. Twins are now 6lb14 and 6lb3 which is great as they lost a fair bit (although within normal range) and their jaundice has pretty much gone. I am LOVING life with twins! Feel very relaxed about everything and taking it all in my stride, they are beautiful and I feel very blessed!

DD1 has been very emotional bless her lots of tears at bedtime as she doesn't like being upstairs on her own etc. Trying to give her as much time as I can but it is hard.

......................................ladies I started writing this at 10 this morning, it's now nearly 11pm and I and pooooooped! Having a duvet day tomorrow so will catch up on craptop from bed

xx

bless you magic it's lovely to hear from you - what is your day's routine (?!) like?
my DS1 definitely regressed a bit too - although he's younger than your DD1 lots of huge tantrums over sily things, and imaginary illnesses (tummy ache, leg ache etc) that all required cuddles and preferably pink medicine. When pink medicine not forthcoming more huge tantrums! He definitely doesn't like the fact that baby brother is sleeping in our room and is often in our bed feeding when he wakes up.

We had a good night last night, DH gave DS2 an expressed feed when he woke at 10, and gave him a bit more at 11 when he was getting sleepy. He went through till 2.30 and then 6.30 - so got some 4 hour stretches - not sure why I feel more knackered than usual this morning though

I am expressing during the morning feed, and then again at 9.30pm so I can get to bed early. This combination made enough for one evening feed - for those that are interested!

Is it bad that I think I may have got J addicted to gripe water? We used it in the evening last week and it helped. My mum suggested dipping her dummy in it when she's unsettled as it used to work on me. Well she's just woken up 12 minutes into a morning "nap" and it's the only thing that's working... she bloody loves it. It's sugar free so can't be that bad surely!?!

Interesting to hear about your expressing clare... weirdly the last couple of threads I read on feeding, because they had relevant titles to me, were yours and muser's. I still haven't used my pump, I'm telling myself it's because of the 2 hourly feeding in the day but it's mostly laziness. So J has only had one bottle of milk I collected using shells. I am probably setting myself up here for trouble, obviously it means I'm tied to her. On the other hand if new advice is to start introducing solids between 4 and 6 months I'm kind of halfway there as I don't see myself as an extended BFer. Maybe I need someone to tell me it's not that much faff, because right now getting it out seems like another thing to add to my day, especially as we don't have a microwave or anything.

Had my final pointless HV visit yesterday. I seriously could've said anything I liked and she would've believed me. Luckily I am actually caring for my daughter and myself. And the lack of subtlety in her "questioning" was astounding! Oh well, at least I don't have to wait for her to turn up late see her again.

Would you switch to formula at 6 months toomt? They still get most of their calories from breastmilk or formula for longer than that, so there still is time for expressing. I know what you mean though, I have a new electric pump and bottles but can't work up the enthusiasm to try it yet. Might have a go at the weekend.

We spent yesterday evenin in A&E after being called by the hospital. She had a jaundice check a week last Friday and the urine test showed she might have a UTI. They said she might have to go on an IV for antibiotics. Second test yesterday showed evidence of infection still, but because she doesn't seem sick in any way they decided to send us home with oral antibiotics until they get the full results on Friday. If they come back positive then we go back for the IV. I really hope that doesn't happen. She hated the hospital.

Ow Muser that sounds worrying. How did they collect the urine for the test? We had to do that several times (I think four) and it was terrible. (Though admittedly much of the terrible-ness was down to I. generally being unwell, nobody knowing what it was but the ABs seemingly not working, us being exhausted, and him not peeing. For four hours. Then we missed it. Then we waited another four hours the next day. Gah.) People kept coming in and commiserating and telling us we should be glad we didn't have a girl...

We were also told that UTIs in babies often don't present in clear symptoms, that sometimes the only thing that you notice is that the baby isn't feeding well. I really hope for you she won't have to go in for the IV.

One other comment, don't know how relevant it is - in one of our urine tests they found something and called us back for a second sample. They had found a very nasty bug and were going to keep us in, and already attempted to insert an IV cannula into I.'s hand, but failed... then they decided to wait and see what the second (and third) sample would show. The next two samples were clear - it appears that the first one had been contaminated. We were in a panic and quite distressed, and all for nothing really (except now I know all there is to know about enterobacter infections - very useful... ). So I guess what I'm saying is, if she is well in herself and doesn't seem sick to you, perhaps it would be worth considering having them double-check when you go back in, before having the IV cannula inserted.

Hi all, busy on here atm! Hard to keep up, especially since Himself is waking up every 2 1/2 hours at night to feed. HV no use at all - 'why not express in the morning to give him in the evening?' - because by the morning i have NO MILK LEFT silly c*w.

(()) to MUSER sounds stressful - really hope it all sorts itself out without ivs

HI to MAgic, How are Things (HO HO HO)?

Bonjour all else, i am totally useless and cannot therefore namecheck... xxx

Oh and TMT we too have lots of lovely gripewater around the place - it doesn't stop the reflux sickying but it is fab on the gripes!!

We were given a pot and had to catch the pee. First one she pooed at the same time and contaminated it. Second we missed. Third we think we got cleanly. The first sample was almost certainly contaminated, but the second yesterday seemed a clean catch and still showed signs of bacteria. If it does I think I'd just go for the IV as the only way to get a cleaner sample is by syringe or catheter, and that would be painful for her too. We'll find out tomorrow.

She's feeding well and gaining weight, so certainly doesn't seem well. Who knows?

Big hug muser hope she is ok and doesn't need iv.

toomt my grandma suggested a bit of sherry on the dummy!!!

On the pumping front... it can be useful to introduce a bottle early on so they are used to it. A couple of feeds a week is enough. Then when you do decide to wean at least they are used to taking a bottle. I have an electric pump which is very quick. You can pump to help up milk supply unbuffy I did that with ds1, pumping can also help deal with growth spurts as you've already got an extra supply to help with the increased demand in feeding. It seems like a big faff, but is fine once you get going. I put the pump in to sterilise over night then pump from one side and feed from the other in the morning when I've got maximum supply. I don't empty the boob completely so ds can have extra if needed.

We've been called back again and they're going to use a catheter to get a clean sample. They still think it might be a contaminated sample so don't want to do an IV yet.

Oh muser I'm sorry you're having such a worrying time, I really hope all turns out to be ok, will be thinking about you this evening.

Thanks for the expressing advice, I just need to get on and get it out of the box don't I?!

oh muser, I hope it all goes well and isn't too painful. must be worrying.

TMT and others thinking about expressing: one thing I was helpfully only told when I had stopped, was, that when you're at home and it's only you using the pump, you don't actually have to sterilise it between every use. Once a day is enough. In between, just wash it carefully with hot soapy water.

I used to express after every feed, feeding both sides, then expressing both sides. I didn't want to risk expressing between feeds as I didn't want to be empty if I. chose to have an early feed. Initially I didn't get very much - perhaps 20-30 ml per session. But that soon increased and after a while I would get up to 180ml per session (productivity varied quite widely). And that's immediately after BFing from both sides. So I ended up creating quite a store of frozen EBM.
I found I could express most in the morning, and the least in the evening.