Dec 2007 - Little People, Large Strops

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

Will this do everyone?

Oh my God clairey, how awful for you. I'm glad you have a friend coming round to give you some support. Feel awful about my stupid joke now - you need some time to get your head around this - hope you can really talk it through with your friend. And maybe start a thread about it (using a diff name if you're worried about being outed?) - it must be a huge shock but it is very early and you have time to think things through. Hugs to you and let us know what the 2nd test says xxx

buzzy - poor DD1 - how difficult for you. Can you speak to ex-H about it or would you rather not? I think I would probably leave it to him when to tell her but if you think he won't then I guess the best policy usually is to be open and honest so tell her? I have no experience of this kind of thing though so not best placed to give advice. Good luck x

Don't feel bad skid I didn't think I could be, didn't feel pregnant and only did the test as a just in case so was totally shocked, will prob do the other test in the morning as the line was so faint that I don't think the hormones are strong yet. Of course now I've done it I feel pregnant and my left boob is aching!

Have you said anything to him? Or too early?

Not yet. I'm seeing him tomorrow and am torn whether or not to tell him, haven't seen him in 10 days cos he was away then having an operation and kind of just want to have a nice night with him without ruining it. I guess the subject is going to come up anyway as I am spotting... It's so so shit, the promise was really there of us having a good relationship and this is bound to colour it. I really seem to have become one of those people who attract trouble. Just have to get on and deal with it I suppose, no point feeling sorry for myself!

I guess it will be very hard not to tell him when it will be constantly in your mind. I know it's probably impossible but you did everything to prevent this, it is just very bad luck, so try not to dwell on the 'if only..'s (easy to say I know)

Have you done the 2nd test? Are you definitely pg? Hope you have someone nearby who you can talk to? You need good friends at a time like this xxx

No I'm too scared! Burying head in sand a bit which is the worst thing I could do really. I think maybe I want to see him when I'm possibly pregnant rather than definitely pregnant, don't know if that makes sense?

Am symptom spotting madly today, I'm feeling a bit nauseous but I get that when I'm stressed or tired anyway, and I had a partylite party last night and drank 3 glasses of wine (in denial much?) so it's probably more down to that. My left boob aches but I have mild periody cramps and am still spotting.

But really I should just face up to it and do the second test and find out one way or another so I can deal with it. Not a decision I want to have to make but I may have to.

when is your period due? I suppose it make sense to wait until you know you would get a positive if you were pg.

Totally understand wanting to tell him you might be rather than you are - I would be the same I think. Do you reckon you'll say something then?

Ummm well I'm always on around the full moon which would have been wed/thur but I had it in my head I was due this weekend. So I may be late or I may not be due on yet. Am normally pretty regular but last month my period was weird (brown spotting for 5 days then one day of red then a couple more days of brown spotting) so that's why I'm not stressing too much about the spotting - yet!

I still don't know about telling him, I probably should but don't really want to!

{{{{Hugs}}}}} Freaky! TBH, I would hold off telling him atm until you know that a) you definitely are and b) you know what you want to do.
I would do another test as well just to be sure. What an awful position to be in, you have my sympathy!

Buzzy - your poor DD1, I think I would tell her that Nana is very poorly (or is she aware that she is ill already?) and maybe hold off telling her it is terminal until you know more. Probably best coming from you. Is her dad planning to come over to see his mum soon? (I would hope so!).

how are you doing clairey? Did you tell him? Have you done the 2nd test? Hope you're oK, have been thinking about you x

I told him on fri I was worried, he asked what I would want to do and I said I'd want an abortion (not sure want is the right word but anyway). He was relieved, said he thought that was most sensible. We still had a nice evening and day together on Saturday so hopefully it's not the end for us.
Then did 2 more tests, both positive, so had to tell him I definitely was pregnant. Tried to get a dr's appt this morning but was unsuccessful so hopefully will get one tomorrow. My boobs are killing me and I feel queasy so really want the ball rolling before I start to feel any more pregnant. If I was working or we'd been together longer it might be different but I do think this is the only decision I can make at this point, even if I never thought I'd choose abortion. I'm really hoping it can be sorted early enough for me to take the abortion pill as psychologically I think I'll find that easier to deal with...that's probably not really logical but it makes sense to me.

Thanks for being there for me

Oh goodness clairey. I really hope you have a good friend to help you through this, it's so important that someone knows and you can talk it through with them. As my friend said to me at around this point with DD2, work out what YOU want and come up with a plan with aligns with that goal.

We're all here for you. Loads of hugs.

clairey - what awful terrible bad luck, you poor thing. I was hoping it wasn't a real positive

But - looking at the positives: you are sure about what you want to do, it is very early on, and you know this is the best decision for you so at least you have that certainty. I completely understand about wanting to take the pill, I would too - hope you can. Did you get an appt for today? I hope so. And I hope the doctor was sympathetic and helpful.

Another positive is that it sounds like he reacted quite well, wasn't a tw*t about it, and also wants the same as you. It will be really difficult but hopefully this will cement you as a couple and you can support each other through it. One of my best friends got pg soon into her relationship with her boyfriend. They got through it, he was amazing, and now (12 years later) they have two beautiful DDs and are really happy. I know it must feel awful atm but you will get through it. Like buzzy, I hope you have RL support and are talking it through properly.

Keep talking on here too if it helps, sending you lots of strength and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Freaky, I too was hoping it was false!
Just sorry you are having to go through this :(
Please don't feel bad about this, you have weighed up everything and you have your new man and your two lovely DCs to think of and yourself!
And it sounds like he took the news well and hopefully he will lend you some solid support too.

Well the good news is I saw the doctor who was lovely and signed all the forms etc, gave me the number to call for an appointment.

The bad news is my local pct only offers surgical termination under general anaesthetic. So I'd have to pay £500+ if I wanted to take the pill. Have never had GA before and it makes it all so much more of a procedure iyswim. Have an appointment next thurs for consultation & scan (I won't be able to look )

Oh gosh, Clairey - how awful. Have you got someone to go with you? I assume paying the £500+ is not an option? It will be OK, you just need lots of support. Is your sister still in Japan? Would you tell your parents? Hope you have good friends nearby. And him of course. How are your DC? it must be hard to be smiley and look after them while all this is going on - can someone come and help out for a few days?

I can't tell my parents, my dad would be ok (maybe disappointed?) but my mum would bring it up and use it against me forever more. The bf is going to come with me, it's likely that the actual procedure will be during easter hols so will hopefully be able to get someone to have the dc overnight then he can stay as you're not meant to be alone after a GA. And all the appointments, having GA etc make it harder to keep people from knowing and I didn't really want many people to know.

hopefully if you choose one or two people to tell and hatch a plan, then you don't need to tell many people. Will your exH be having the DC over the holidays? Once you have a date, maybe you can coincide so you don't have to explain? That is definitely not the reaction you want from your mum so definitely best not to tell her. It must be so stressful for you, glad you have BF on side, he sounds like a good egg

Yes I hope so, the main problem is I don't want overbearing friend to know but even this morning when I had arranged for another friend to have ds she was questioning me "where are you going? what's your appointment for? why couldn't you wait til tomorrow when ds would be at preschool?" and then apparently questioned other friend as well once I'd gone. She is a complete nightmare! And because of the nature of this town it will be difficult for me to get someone to have the dc without her asking a million questions and I'm a crap liar! Will work it out once they give me a date I suppose.

(sorry thinking aloud!)

Lovely gp this morning gave me some anti emetics so I wouldn't have to deal with morning sickness. It's crazy to think I had to be hospitalised when pg with dd before I got them and had to really fight for them when I was pg with ds.

Oh no, she sounds like a right old nightmare! I am also a rubbish liar but maybe you can start concocting one now and work on telling it convincingly! - I'm thinking slightly embarrassing and a bit icky so no-one will want to know details (thrush/diarrohea/continence etc) - the absolute last think you need is nosey busybodies interrogating you

Thank goodness for the anti-emetics

How are you doing today?

Your friend sounds like a nightmare!
Say to her "no I don't really want to discuss my anal fissure with you". Or something else equally embarrassing!
Sorry that you have to undergo a procedure, I agree with Skidd, hold off arranging the kids with your ex until you know the date of the op.
Hope it goes okay on Thursday.

Lol bT she'd probably still want details

The anti emetics are wondrous things, although a little weird as I have to keep them under my top lip while they dissolve and it takes 2 hours! It's easier to carry on as normal when I'm not feeling sick. Although we'll see how they cope in the coming weeks when I get to the constant puking stage.

Woke up at 4am stressing about whether I'm going to be feeling too pregnant in a couple of weeks to be able to go through with it, I know it's the right decision but that still doesn't make it easy. I just wish it could all happen sooner but I guess they make you wait for a reason...

I think maybe this is making me be a bit nicer to my dc because I really appreciate that I have them. Yesterday dd told me I was a lovely mummy anyway, and she normally tells me I'm mean so I must have been being nice to her!

at you DD clairey

How are you doing today?

Hopefully it will be less than two weeks? Is the number the GP gave you for the appt. on Thurs or for the actual procedure? Would obviously be better to get it over with ASAP

The number was for the central bookings service, you have to be referred there by a gp (unless you are going private), then have the consultation and get the second doctor to agree that your reasons fit within the law as well as having some counselling and the scan etc. And then you can be referred for the procedure which usually happens within 2 weeks of the second appointment.

But after speaking to bf about it last night I phoned the bookings service again to double check that I really could only have surgical under GA and the woman I spoke to today was much more helpful and said the pct will fund the tablets if I fit certain criteria and that being a lone parent and not having childcare etc come under that. So now I have a telephone consultation next week instead of the hospital appointment I had booked before, then I'll have to go to the private clinic in Bristol probably the following week to have the scan and get the tablets. It may not happen any quicker this way, but it should be less of a faff especially wrt arrangements for the dc. And I won't have to have GA which is a huge bonus. Glad I phoned again as the woman I spoke to today was far more helpful.

Buzzy any update on dd1's nanna?

Oh that sounds much easier. Glad you got some better advice!