Dec 08 Ladies - LIghtning Strikes... and the usual gossip!

[Beans33]

Hope this works for everyone - I'm assuming Summer won't give birth in the next few hours!! x

Hi girls

For all the school starters, it is an advantage for the child to be able to recognise the name - altho' pegs etc usually have their picture on as well for ease - but writing it isn't essential. Lucy could write her own name when she went in Jan (at 4 3/4) but that was it. To be fair it is a short and easy name. I can't see Matthew being able to do his! She can now read well and also writes copiously so has more than caught up with theones who arrived being able to read and write.

If you want to encourage your child, google "jolly phonics" as that is the way reading tends to be taught now. Basically you blend different sounds to learn easy words then you recognize the non phonetic ones. Make sure you teach the sound of the letter rather than its name at the early stage. They tend to pick it up quite quickly though so don't worry if others seem miles ahead. It's very early days.

SO nice to be back. Off to shops now. See you later on.

Hello everyone,

ladyT Congrats to your nephew on his uni place! Re moving, can you not get the movers in to pack? Didn't Summer do that? It sounded marvelous.

Nolda Sorry to hear you are down. I'm glad you got AD. They gently ease things and gradually you realise you don't feel so blue.

Summer Urgh to baby poo on your head! Were you balancing her on your head?

kayz Hello, nice to hear from you.

trace Yikes, the car accident sounded really scary. Glad neither of you were badly hurt.

WG Hurray for the scan!

spot I know exactly what you mean about having to add 'good schools' to the house list.

DB Don't panic! Your DD will not be the only one in reception who can't write her own name. The teachers probably prefer to teach them in their own way anyway.

rubes Sorry you are having such a hard time feeding. It is difficult to know what to do when the advice is so conflicting and you have DS to look after at the same time. Hope the clinc helps on Wednesday.

DD is learning a new word almost everyday, she is having some sort of language growth spurt! She can put two words together e.g. 'no Daddy', 'more daddy', 'up daddy'. No counting though!!!

The nausea has kicked in but so far it hasn't been as severe as with DD. Only one bout of actual sickness and managable nausea so far. I'm shattered though. At the weekend we went to a supermarket and as DD was asleep, I stayed with her and DH went in on his own. He found both of us asleep when he got back to the car!

Right, back to work.

Hi Sybs! Glad to have you back! Yeah she's been sat next to the window most of the time. Shame the weather is so crap! her jaundice has cleared now I think, but the feeding issues still remain.

Was just talking to a friend who says her dd1 was exactly the same. She asked me a load of questions which were all answered yes yes yes she does all that and she said her dd was diagnosed with silent reflux. Have Googled it and it could well fit but who knows. I was just saying to dh that if he wasn't home I'd be buggered. I'd be forced to go to full formula as there is no way I could sort ds out with dd screaming most of the day or being attached to me.
Not sure I can make the feeding clinic on Wed either as DH has to work in London and there's not a chance in hell I'm taking ds there too.
I am going to get her weighed tomorrow at the Health Visitor and might even book her into see the GP as it's at the same place to see if he has any clues.

Great news on the house buying vag. We might be doing that too as this one we rent we are interested in buying and have just found out that the owners might be willing to sell so that would be good if there was any way to afford to do it

Morning all, v interested in the chat about writing and reading and those about to start school. Like everything else, it must be so varied at that age and when you have got kids nearly a year apart in the same class it must make for massive variation. How exciting and how sad re: those starting school (or that's how I would feel about DD anyway).

JB, I am really glad the nausea isn't bad so far. So debilitating. As to getting people to move us, well, I had it when I moved from DH's place but it was a 4 bedroom flat packed to the gunnells...We just can't justify the expense this time and it is only a 1 and half bedroom flat so really ought to be a piece of cake. It's partly the business of having so much furniture in storage in London and moving that, then moving what I don't take from there to new storage in the W Mids.

Sybs, it's lovely to have you back. Glad the hols were broadly nice. Can you make it to the meet up on Fri? Will post a link in a mo as Rubes asked for one.

JJ, thank heavens for no more bleeding. DO NOT get overstretching yourself

Kayz, I haven't forgotten more restaurant recommendations, will be on with those later. You are right on top of Chinatown in Soho, of course, don't know if that's of interest, but I can think of quite a few Italian places. Oh, and that's super about DS1 and his potty training. Must be so hard.

Veg, hey. that's exciting about buying somewhere. In Holland? Oooh, what's the property like? And Spot, do let us know what happens with the house.

Ok, anyone who is bored, help with me this very mild dilemma. I have my scan on Thursday, to estimate how big DD2 will be/dates, and to check site of placenta and blood flow and all that jazz. DP thinks he may be off but is ummming and aahing about the scan as he thinks his time may be better spent working at the house. I am torn. It's nice for him to come and it will probably be our last scan for our last baby. And it's hard to concentrate with DD running wild (or bumshuffling wild ) in the scan room. What to do? Other factor is that his ex-girlfriend will be "driving by" here at some point this week and they are "meeting up for coffee" (doncher just love my passive aggressive quotation marks) and if he stays here then ends up gadding about with her on Thursday I am going to be a little irritated. Background is this: they were together for 10 yrs until he left her for someone else (not me). She was very upset, didn't want to split up. She has been married for about 4 or 5 years, I think, and her DH is frightfully jealous so she has to lie about contacting my DP. Also, they are childless and I think want a baby. She contacts DP quite regularly, long calls, texts etc. Always remembers his birthday, sends gifts etc. I am not too fazed by this and also it would be hypocritical if I was - I was married before (obviously, and it's not like DH and I split up) and before that, also had a 10 yr relationship with a bloke whom I still see a lot of (can honestly say he is my best friend). So, do I tell DP that he needn't come to the scan, and am I entitled to be annoyed if he then sees his ex rather than working on the house??

Cross posted with you, Rubes. Wish I could help you out on Weds and have DS. Any chance of your MIL having him?

Pubie does the BF lady do home visits? Does the NCT in your area have BF counsellors?

Lady you always go for the old "it's up to you" line

We will have too have a proper look but we can probably get something that suits our needs size wise, location and garden wise for between ?250,000 & ?300,000 also they do 100% mortgages here and the govt gives a rebate on the interest you pay on the loan if it's your primary dwelling. So we could end up paying less than we are now. However, we need to look into what the chances of renting are when we leave. It might end up being worth paying a bit more than we need for us to ensure a good return on rental.

lady Yes you are entitled to be annoyed, esp as you are clackered. Will he get much done on the house if she is 'driving by?' I'd make him come with me...or leave DD with him

Iam goingto relax on the whole writing thing. She has a massive vocabulary, and often says things that amaze me...she will be fine . Oh you ladies will have to put up with me when she starts next Thursday I am going to bawl like a baby

Well, you see, DB, I don't know for sure she would be "driving by" on Thursday. But if I am in London on Thursday, I would be amazed if she doesn't find herself "driving by" then. However, I am also in London on Friday and Monday, and even possibly right the way through the weekend. I think the likelihood of her "driving by" tomorrow or Wednesday will be extremely remote. It's bollocks, all this "driving by" thing anyway. She lives in Hampshire. Mind you, I admire her persistence as she has been on at DP to meet up for at least two years. I think about 80% of me is amused, and 15% of me is irritated.

Oh, and DB, if your DD has a large vocab at her disposal I think you have no concerns, and there is an argument for starting these things fresh, as others have said. Aw, does she have a little uniform?

I like property hunts, Veggie. Is there any hope of buying a place near a university? That's usually a great bet for future rentals but it may be a different situation where you are.

Lady - how much would you expect him to get done in the length of time it would take to go to the scan? If not very much, then tell him to come to scan rather than sitting at home. I'd be a bit hormonal if DH ended up planning to see an ex instead of coming to the scan.

In that case lady I would go down the "oh its up to you if you want to come, do what you think is best" route...a little bit of a light guilt-trip.

Yes DD has a uniform. Bought the last of it yesterday, her shoes. i have yet to put her in the whole thing, she has just tried it on it seperate pieces. I don't think I will cope...she even has co-ordinating hair bobbles!

Well, scan's in London so we are talking an hour and a half's drive with inevitable traffic, plus same back, plus maybe an hour there, coffee afterwards...so the afternoon really. Leaving the ex out of it, as I don't know for certain he would see her then, I think even with the rush we have got re: the house, scans are probably special. I fully expect him to see her on Friday instead but frankly he will probably only bore her with endless photos of DD, so she may be in for a disappointment...

Bugger, they've rejected our final offer. Please talk sense into me and don't let me go any higher. It's just that we've seen literally sixty or seventy places and this was the first once since the flat that fell through that we've both really gone for . Veggie I might come and join you in Amsterdam, prices seem a lit more reasonable over there, as well as getting 100% mortgages!

Lady I think I would put my foot down about the scan, especially if you don't know exactly when the ex-gf will drop by. It won't take a whole day and he can always make up the house stuff in the evening. Just lay it on thick about how it's the last ever time you'll do that, etc etc.

Deidre we will all be here to hold your hand next Thurs. And I'm sure DD will be absolutely fine!

Rubes I think a GP visit would def be in order as well as mentioning the possible dx of silent reflux (in my experience you have to suggest it to them, none of the docs I saw with T came up with reflux without my prompting them). If it is that, meds can really help, if not at least you've crossed it off your list and you know you're doing everything possible to keep her comfortable. It's so hard when they're so unsettled, I really feel for you and can't imagine what it's like to have to deal with a toddler at the same time (though I will soon too i guess!).

Hi to Sybs, good to see you back. We've had many a row sparked by DP
s criticism of my driving, it's a really emotive subject. Hope things ok now.

Jolly, glad sickness not too bad - I wonder if it means you're having a boy? (am sucker for old wives tales). Oh and an v of your ability to nap in the car with DD. You must be a v chilled out person!

Lady: I would tell persuade him to come along for the scan. Tell him you need someone to take mental notes if they throw lots of info at you.

Veggie: I am right with you on the reading and writing. I can't see any advantage to starting them early. But then a) DS1 is showing no interest in reading himself and b) I love reading picture books so will be wrestling them down for story time for years to come. Now school is looming (next year for us) I can see why some people home educate, even though it would drive me bananas.

There must have been something in the air last night - ds2 hardly slept at all.

Oh and another thing I wanted your opinions/thoughts on (I wonder how I coped without you in my absence). We have removed our stairgates and DS pretty much goes up and down stairs on his own. The reason for this was my mum doesn't use them at her house and he just ignores the stairs. Also I am quite bad at closing them so he goes up and down anyway. But the other day I left it open and he bum-shuffled all the way down.

I think I feel bad as I was so over-protective with DD, but as I learnt that children don't break that easily I have been somewhat slack with DS

Oh and spot bugger about the house. Could you afford to go any higher, even just a little? If they've been thinking it over they may well have been tempted to accept and a bit more might swing it. i suppose it depends how much you both love it.

Spot -

1. Check the rough valuation on zoopla.com and mouseprice.com
2. Not sure what the latest thinking is on the percentage that house values might fall over the next x years, or how interest rates may rise - worth looking at the BBC website and taking a view?
3. How much will you have to spend on doing it up?

Factor in all these things before you make another offer. Trouble is, if you said the previous offer was your final offer if you make another straight away they may not take you seriously and still try to hold out for more. So, if you can offer a little more, speak to the estate agent and say that the last offer WAS your final offer, but you have been able to scrape a little more together from parents, however, you don't want to offer until you can establish whether the vendors are at all open to negotiation, and if it's no go again you will have to walk away. That's what I would do...don't sue me if it all goes tits up! And good luck.

DP has decided of his own accord that he is coming to the scan. So there we go. So he won't be coffeeing with the ex on that day at least...

DB, I am an ignoramus on stairgates. We are just puzzling it for the new house actually as there are three separate sets of stairs.

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/meetups/1024717-Dec-08-London-meet-up-August-2010?msgid=21001331 London meet up link for this Fri]

Or rather London meet up link for this Fri

Vaggie - don't think so regarding the BF lady - it's at the local hospital and she just runs them there on a Wed.
Am doing a 24 hour experiment and you're all going to cringe but since this BF is painful again I'm going to give it a go for my own sanity.
Friend that suggested it may be the reflux thing says to try pumping every few hours to keep supply up but try her on the "comfort" formula and or expressed milk with tiny bit of infant Gaviscon. The doc here thinks it can't hurt since I'm in so much pain again anythings worth a try.

Lady - I'm not a good one to put my 2 cents in about these ex's as I've been burned in my past by ex boyfriend's and their ex's therefore don't do well with ex's that are 'friends' still (don't see the point) so I'd be struggling with that for a start. having said that if you are totally fine with it, and as you say you have an ex who is still quite close to you, I'd say just do what is easiest for you. I tend to agree with what Deidre said, and I definitely wouldn't consider taking dd with you without him. Either leave her with him or have him come too - whatever you would prefer. Given that she might pop around the other days you are in London it's a hard one to control. How does she know whether you will be there or in London anyway? That's what I'm confused about. It'd be best if she didn't know your movements, and then at least you'd know that her visit wasn't planned for when you weren't home if that is what ends up happening, and therefore you'd feel better about it wouldn't you....?

ooh crossed with you Lady - thanks for posting link - will have a look.

Deidre we were just thinking the same about the stairgates although ds is a bit wobbly 1st thing and since he is not in a cot anymore he's probablt get up to no good downstairs with the dog so will leave them I think, then sooner or later dd will need them anyway.
I'd keep them down though if you feel ok about it as as you say they are pretty hard to properly break!

Oh no, Rubes, sorry about the pain. Could you go back on the painkillers? I don't think anyone's going to cringe, are they? You are only doing your best.

And thanks for the advice about the ex. I mean, totally leaving her out of the equation I think he SHOULD come, really, not only to share it but also to help with DD running amok whilst I am lying there covered in gel (it's down a flight of stairs so I can't strap her in the buggy as I have to leave it upstairs). Anyway, he has said he is totally off his own bat so that's fine. As to the ex herself, well, I am pretty sure she still really likes him after all these years, and despite being married. However, he has been almost comically useless at seeing her or keeping in touch (it's always her contacting him), and he DID split up with her. Also - one thing he is is v loyal in that sort of way, and also very honest. I don't really feel that threatened by it - only a tiny bit. However, I know he wouldn't want me muscling in on any meet up so is more than likely to have told her "yes, that is convenient as LadyT is not around". Anyway, not going to get into a spin about it. I am too old to care, too dignified and she looks a bit like a bloke

Lady!! then I'd just have him come with you -or- leave dd with him.
no I guess I don't think anyone woiuld cringe too much I just think it's hard to translate via this thread how difficult it's been and how desperate I am to try other things that may work and it may seem that I'm turning my back on exclusive BF too early - I dunno.

Oh and Lady, no MIL can't come over on Wed I have already asked
Might try and get her Fri though so I can escape and don't have to leave ds soley with my parent's - trouble is, mil will end up doing everything!

Rubes, you will not be surprised to hear that I think you should do whatever you need to do. I know full well that bf is the best way to feed a baby and even as a ff I would never seek to deny it. But if it's agony or sending you mental, I just don't think that can be good (though others may think it worth it I guess, and I do not wish to offend).

No, we're all going to the scan as he has now decided (rightly!) that he ought to be there. And then he can do what he likes thereafter. DD will have to stay with me in London afterwards as I need to keep her out of the way, as my sister's DH is coming down at the weekend to help DP fit the kitchen (so that will keep him out of trouble for a bit, in any event!) If his ex "drives by" on Friday and they want to reminisce about their rather dreary sounding relationship, that's up to them I guess...

rubes no cringing here, like I said before you have to do what helps keep you sane. A friend of mine switched to 'comfort' formula when she had her twins...I'm sure that was something to being really windy, and it worked a treat. Anyway was going to add that you are trying every avenue possible to keep the bf going and I think you should be applauded for it tbh.

Oh and DS just fell down the stairs. he is fine, it was only the last 4 he fell down and I actually think hitting the gate might have hurt him more!

Lady, great that DP has come to his senses of his own accord