Blaming circumstances rather than taking some responsibility?

[Ruskins]

In light of the budget today, do we think that without trying all that much harder, some of these people complaining about their circumstances could do so much better.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cmx235r9wr3yo

Take Robert for example. He is 29 and earns £22k a year at Newcastle Airport. Still lives at home with his parents, and is single (no surprises there if he's still living at home). At minimum wage, on average that equates to 33 hours of work per week on average.

He says his getting to work costs for his 32 mile commute are £750 a month including car finance, and he pays his mum £250 for rent and food. His earnings after tax will be £1,613 per month.

Excluding the likely costs for fuel, insurance, tax, and a bit of maintenance, I’d estimate that his car finance is likely costing him around £500 per month. That’s nearly a third of his take home – batshit insane!

He desperately wants wants to move out too, yet seems (judging by the framing of the article) to blame circumstances for his poor predicament.

So what would I do if I was him?

Firstly I'd ditch the car finance and buy a cheap fuel efficient small car for £1,000 (ish), taking a small loan if needed to achieve that (£500 a month saved).

Move out from his parents (£250 month saved).

Rent a luxury 2 bed flat on the side of Newcastle nearer the airport (less commuting distance) and find someone to rent the 2nd room. Cost £750per person including all bills and council tax. Key here is that 2 bed flats are far cheaper per person than a 1 bed flat, and you get much more for your money.

His monthly costs would then be as follows:

Rent, bills, council tax: £750
Car & motoring expenses (assume living nearer airport): £300
Food (learn to cook): £250
Phone/internet: £50

Total of £1,350 so leaving him with £263 a month spare cash.

And after that he’s left living in a lovely flat in a lovely part of town. Much more viable a prospect as a potential partner I’d have thought without his parents cramping his style?

Once the above is established, I would then take on a small part time job, perhaps in a bar so he can socialise and meet people at work. 12 x hours per week, taking his working hours per week to 45 hours per week should be easily achievable and would bring in an additional £500 a month after tax.

This extra cash can be invested in training to further his skills so that he can bring much more value to the workforce and consequentially earn far more than the minimum wage job he currently has. Or he could use his extra money to start a business or invest for a deposit on his own place. Or he could just spend it and be happy.

It's really not that hard is it? Or am I the crazy one for suggesting that people should become more self reliant, and work harder to further themselves rather than sit moaning, blaming circumstance for their current dissatisfaction with life?

The only thing he needs to do is not have a car on finance. But these days there are so many young people in cars on finance they see it as nothing out of the ordinary.

Living at home doesn’t mean he can’t have a relationship at all though it makes it a bit harder.

DS has just left home and is living with his GF, he was giving us £200 per month for everything. His 50% share of rent is £600 per month before any bills. There is no way he is better off not living at home. But to progress as an adult it was far better for him.

I'm in a different world because I worked hard and moved out of my parents when I was 18. My husband was very similar. We both rented until we were early 30's so that we could move with our careers. Once we settled, I then set up a business.

Neither of us came from money or had anything much gifted to us but we have managed to invest enough over the years that we're now in a position aged 50 and 51 with nearly 2 million in investments to retire and never work again if we choose to do so.

Perhaps that's partly because we bought our daughter a cheap Fiat, instead of an expensive new car on finance?

Op it is fairly well accepted that it is harder for young people now than when you and I were young.

i bought my first house with my then boyfriend at 20 with my student loan as house deposit.

yes I worked hard. So did my dc.

house prices (and rents) have multiplied by five in the city I bought in since I bought.

salaries are not up that much

If you are calling a young airport worker a failure for not self-supporting themselves independently, why have you taken your own DD from this "social test", by financially supporting her ?

Would you be offended if someone described your daughter as a "failure" because she has a bank of mum and dad ? I assume she had to fully put herself through uni, as you do appear to have strong views on what constitutes a "failure".

Where’s your compassion and empathy? I felt sorry for everyone especially him.

My adult DC is living at home currently in his 30s. things were ok he was working ft nearby so a short walk to work as on minimum wage can’t afford transportation, also doesn’t drive.

Going through a really bad patch signed off of work with stress (when he goes back they are dismissing him for it have told him already), lost a close friend, split up with his girlfriend, had a separate medical emergency and is now waiting for surgery. All in under one year.

It’s lucky he was here as I’ve cleared some of his debts, he’s currently paying nothing as has no wages and I’m feeding him as on a special diet.

so have some compassion.

as for us I’m dreading the budget felt sick all week, we need to renew our fixed rate mortgage and we know it’s going up dramatically. We bought our first home eight years ago. We are only just getting by. I’m mid 50s currently can’t work due to my health, my partner is in his 40s. We have just under 60k coming in but after travel for his job, car costs he needs for the job , mortgage, council tax, utilities, food we have a tiny bit left per month. No holidays, no anything. So I’m sure you would come up with a plan for us next.

Completely agree, it's a breath of fresh air to see posters with your compassion on Mumsnet. Sadly basic human decency seems to be getting scarce on here.

I mean, spending that much car finance is obscene! Unless the car insurance is the majority of that, but still.

Harder in some ways, easier in others. The internet has totally democratised the availabilty of information for all. You can literally learn anything about anything now, and the opportunities to build wealth are unpresidented and are no longer the preserve of the select few who were 'in the know'.

I often see this argument but if we all did that then who would be left to do the basic functions of society. We should pay more for the essential services they provide instead of berating them for not climbing a very slippery ladder.

Stop digging for dirt where there is none.

I agree that's a poor finance deal, but £22k a year just isn't enough money and you're avoiding that fact. And the other people in the article: a 19yo who can't fimd work or an apprenticeship, a widowed single mum with health expenses, someone who drives a lot for work and has been hit hard by the cost of petrol.

Who pissed on your cornflakes this morning?

But above, in a reply to me, you said " We both rented until we were early 30's so that we could move with our careers. Once we settled, I then set up a business."

You don't mention when you started buying stocks and shares, because you seem to be applying different standards here. Because you say a young person working today, in todays world, is a "failure", for not doing something while young that you effectively did not do till you were in your 30s, with a partner.

Pardon? How dare you.

I’ve got a lifelong disability caused by bad practices in my career. I had to have Mano surgery twenty years ago. I’m in pain always. That’s also obviously effected my mental health so I have had to retire in my 50s. I have never claimed a penny. until three years ago I was running my own business from home alongside all of that.

If he earns £1600 a month then no landlord is going to rent him a £1500 a month flat, even if he explains his plan to get a second person in.

I agree.

It’s people like the OP commenting on my disability over the years and making me feel bad about myself that made me worse.

Winding up disabled people for being disabled is generally considered poor form, even by other people who moved out at 18 decades ago.

When I left home mid 1990's I was on £7k for a full time role. Inflation adjusted to today that's £15k. Yet I still managed to move out of home (shared house), run and old car, feed myself, and have money left to socialise and go on holidays.

People these days simply feel entitled to their unrealistic expectations, like renting a new car on finance. Of in the case of this guy, preferring a whole place to himself, when he should just move out into a shared house, and stop sponging off his mum.

Yes, lets 🙏😂

The context in which you and your dad carried out all of these remarkable actions that led to your outstanding achievements are as important as the actions themselves. Saying “I did this, my dad did that” as if these are transferable directly to another complex human being who won’t share the same values and background as you is not a sensible way to build an argument or compel someone else to live. Your experience only demonstrates what worked for you based on your context at a certain period in time. It is not demonstrable of what someone else should do, or a predictor of the same outcome.

Wowser. You are the person who decided to call a young fella working at an airport a "failure".

I wonder if that young airport worker works with other young people who have parents who buy a car for them. And I wonder if the parents of that young person who bought the car also think the young fella is a "failure"?

Basically, that people who don't have parents that buy them a car are "failures".

There is defo a double standard thing going on here.

Seriously?!?

you have to be joking.

people who have paid into national insurance for more than two years get benefits based on their contributions. When I was off work due to ill health I got contributions based ESA because I’d been paying national insurance for 22 years.

Why did your DD not buy her own car?
Not exactly standing on her own two feet at 21.

Did she finance herself through uni?

(I do agree with you that this young man is spending too much on car finance)

By any abject metric, he's a bit of a failure. But I provided a credible, worked through plan of how he can change that. But all people like you do is shoot down and try to pick holes in that plan. You seem determined to keep this chap a failure so to speak.