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Original poster

Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

242 replies

Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 09:32

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

OP posts:

bigchris · 15/12/2019 09:36

I thi Kathie shoukd be in relationships not politics

I'd cancel seeing her this week and tell her why

bigchris · 15/12/2019 09:37

Sorry, think this should be

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 15/12/2019 09:40

Well, she was unnecessarily rude and nasty. No need for that, though I share her distaste for your vote. If I had been in her shoes, I would probably just have got up and walked away.

Don’t meet up with her. I doubt she would want to meet up with you either.

SylvanianFrenemies · 15/12/2019 09:41

It sounds like some distance would be good.

To.an extent I sympathise with your friend, I would find it hard to respect someone who voted conservative, and it would change my view on them. However she should have the maturity to keep this largely to herself - you are entitled to your position, and to enjoy the company of your friend without feeling attacked.

Would you consider sending her a message to ask if she feels that the timing is right to enjoy a night together. Hopefully she apologise, but I doubt it.

malfoylovespotter · 15/12/2019 09:46

I don't blame her.

I'd never knowingly be friends with a Tory.

Boireannachlaidir · 15/12/2019 09:47

Wow what an awful friend she is. She's essentially saying she's right because she she voted labour and you're nasty for voting Tory.

Which is precisely why we are where we are.

You don't owe her or anyone an explanation for how and why you voted.

I think your error was in trying to "appease"her anger and explain why you reluctantly voted the way you did. Leave her to her self-righteous anger,unless she apologises for how she treated you, she's no friend and I wouldn't be going for drinks with her again.

chamenanged · 15/12/2019 09:50

That's the least you deserve. You're no victim.

Betterbegoing · 15/12/2019 09:57

God this election has honestly brought out the very worst in some people. Democracy indeed. She sounds like a prick OP, I’d not go to the planned drinks and I wouldn’t bother seeing her again.
Honestly, where possible, I do think it’s best just not to talk politics with friends and family. We all have our own opinions for our own reasons .

myfavouriterain · 15/12/2019 09:58

Maybe it would help if you reassure her - clarify what gives you confidence the tories will deliver a brexit that leaves the UK better off than before the referendum, how they will fulfil their promises to strengthen the NHS. How you foresee them making sure small children don't starve and how they will bring the country together. You obviously considered the manifesto worth voting for, so when she is calm enough to hear it, give her the facts and figures that support your view.

Namenic · 15/12/2019 10:01

Give her time. It’s bad and immature of her to do that. But plenty of marriages survive differences of political opinion - even passionate ones.

In terms of understanding - she may know or care about people who She believes will be badly affected by Tory policies. She might be scared about what will happen. Doesn’t excuse how she treated you though.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/12/2019 10:01

I can’t be surprised at this response.

I think unfortunately Labour have so brainwashed a lot of their supporters into the rhetoric that that all Conservative voters are nasty, unfeeling, murdering scum with there unsubstantiated claims of what things are going to be like that I suspect there are going to be a lot more friendships breaking up.

FelixFelicis6 · 15/12/2019 10:03

What a twat she is. As are some of the people on this thread. Get over yourselves and stop trying to be so morally superior.
And I didn’t vote for the Conservatives.

rumandbiscuits · 15/12/2019 10:03

I voted for labour and although I don't agree with people who did vote tories I don't think your friend acted very kindly at all.
Let's face it the majority of the country voted for Tory so if we all went round with the mentality of not speaking to anyone who voted Tory we would end up with a very small circle of friends and I would have to cut off half of my family.
See how she is when you next meet up if she continues to be so rude to you then do as you said wish her a merry Christmas and leave.

Ruraldream · 15/12/2019 10:04

It's always disappointing to find out someone you liked is a tory voter!

GlitchStitch · 15/12/2019 10:05

Her response and some of those on this thread typify why so many are completely alienated by the labour party as it currently stands. She's an adult who should grow up and realise that we live in a democracy.

FAQs · 15/12/2019 10:06

You’re perfectly entitled to vote without receiving abuse especially from a good friend.

Social media also has a lot to answer for, I’m amazed how many whom I thought fairly intelligent voted using social media memes and twitter screen shots as their reasons to vote.

helpmum2003 · 15/12/2019 10:08

OP yanbu and I wouldn't go out again this week.

I have been surprised by how it seems to have become acceptable to abuse people who voted for Brexit or Conservative.

Keep your dignity, you've used your democratic right to vote and ignore the bad behaviour.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/12/2019 10:09

Labour has turned from a political party into a cult where anyone who doesn’t conform to the cults thoughts is not to be associated with.

wellthatwasthat · 15/12/2019 10:10

Oh dear. I didn't vote tory, but all the same I do agree with you that a majority government does bring stability. We also have to accept that we live in a democracy and like it or not, right or wrong, we have what was voted for by the majority of the population.

jewel1968 · 15/12/2019 10:11

I have a friend that votes differently to me but if I am honest we are not close friends. We have a laugh but every so often we will discuss stuff and it is obvious we are very different... I think it is difficult to maintain close relationship with someone you don't agree with on something that is very important to you. Given your friend's strength of feeling I am surprised you have not discussed this before. I don't think your friendship will last. In fact I think it is over. How you vote does tell you something about a person and their character. And she probably doesn't like what she sees in you. It hurts her more cos her side lost. Had Labour won she probably would have been shocked but not so angry.

whiteroseredrose · 15/12/2019 10:12

A lot of ex Labour voters appear to have voted Conservative. She's going to end up with a very small group of people to talk to with that attitude!

Your vote is your choice and your democratic right. People have a myriad of reasons for voting the way they do and generally it will be because they think it's for the best.

She is acting like a stroppy teenager who can't accept that others have different viewpoints and priorities. Is that the kind of friend you want.

jakeyboy1 · 15/12/2019 10:12

This is why people use to not discuss politics!

She's an idiot. Is she going to spout this venom at the almost half the country who voted Tory? It will get very tiring for her, bless.

Avoid her. She clearly has no respect for other people's views and is symptomatic as to why people did not vote Corbyn.

joyfullittlehippo · 15/12/2019 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrenetheQuaint · 15/12/2019 10:14

If she's usually nice and sensible I'd give her a couple of weeks to calm down rather than doing anything dramatic now. It is an anxious time for those of us who mistrust Boris Johnson and his fellow right-wingers.

AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 10:14

I’d ask if that’s the kind of friend you want

I appreciate feelings are running high. But someone who just shuts down other opinions, goes in for “no debate”..... they’d be causing drama every five minutes. Do you want that?

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