Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

[Shoes19]

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

Wow some awful comments on this thread towards you. You do not need to justify who you voted for or made to feel bad, I am not a conservative voter but I would never bully someone over their political views.

I would step back from this friend, its rude and uncalled for!

I voted Remain but because of my work I travel the country and knew we were never going to win as soon as the referendum was announced.

The people who I spoke to didn’t take any notice of what was on the side of a bus and Project Fear was almost a campaign for voting Leave.

The problem being that Project Fear was targeting the home owning, foreign holidaying middle class population but the landscape has changed and the middle class of old looks very different to the struggling middle class of today who don’t necessarily own their own home or take foreign holidays.
Saying if you vote Leave house prices would tumble or holidays would become more expensive to those that cannot afford a house or a holiday abroad just confirmed Leaving was the correct course of action

Labour and Liberal Democrat’s didn’t really get the feel of what was/is going on and seem to not listen or even talk to people who don’t agree with what they think. Hence 3 1/2 years later they missed that there is more people wanting to get out of the EU and getting things moving than wanting to Remain.

This nastiness of cutting people off and not wanting to talk or be friends with people who don’t vote/think the same way as you is the reason Labour lost and LibDems who if Remaining was a thing that the majority of people want should have won many more seats rather than ending up with one less.

You both have the right to vote as you wish, and the least a true friend would do is ask for your reasons if they were different, and have a reasonable discussion. People do get very over excited when they are convinced theirs is the only way and the level of abuse Tory/ Leavers receive is astonishing.

Not a true friend, very conditional friendship, so I would ditch. I couldn't like someone who responded like this anyway, regardless of their policies. Also don't go to the drinks, you don't need it in stereo.

"LibDems who if Remaining was a thing that the majority of people want should have won many more seats rather than ending up with one less."

Oliversmumsarmy - to clarify the Lib Dems vote increased but they ended up with one less seat because of an unfit for purpose 'first past the post' electoral system which leads to wasted votes, and safe seats. With proportional representation they would have gained far more seats - 70 seats rather than 11, and the conservatives would have not had an overall majority of seats in the commons. I would suggest that the Lib Dems would be more popular still were it not for the fact that our fptp favours a two party system. I get impatient when people refer to our democracy because our democracy is a sham. Of 43 European countries 40 have some form of PR - not the good old UK though. The electoral reform society have done the number crunching:

It took:

864,743 to elect the lone Green MP
642,303 votes for zero Brexit Party MPs
334,122 to elect each Liberal Democrat
50,817 to elect each Labour MP
38,300 votes to elect each Conservative MP
38,316 to elect each Plaid Cymru MP
25,882 to elect each SNP MP

"I have never felt the way I feel over the latest election. I have not fallen out with anyone but I have lost respect for a few people based on their vote. However it's my personal view so I have tried to swallow the feeling and get on with it. But it is hard."

Exactly how I feel Skyejuly

It’s simple, your friend is a bigot, make her an ex friend.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-far-right-extremists-join-conservatives-support-britain-first-a9252201.html

Britain First urges members to join the Conservatives. Better put that brown shirt on your Christmas list

It's all part and parcel of the way Leavers/Conservatives/rightwing fuckwits have been behaving since the referendum. any disagreement questioning or criticism is met with shrieking and howling, or at least 'why can't people still be nice to meeeeeeeee' handwringing.
In pretty much every area of life, people disagree, and sometimes decide that, because of a disagreement, they no longer want to maintain close ties with another person. Because they find that person's worldview disgusting.
People are forever posting on here how horrified they are that acquaintances or work colleagues or even old friends have opposing views on subjects such as sex work, gender issues, faith schools, edgy comedians, veganism. And while such threads usually fill up with plenty yelling for one side or the other, no one seems to think it is so unfathomably strange and new that people take against someone who they discover has views they are shocked and appalled by. Why is it 'only politics' where right-of-centre people keep on bleating that any criticism or disagreement is 'unkind'?

Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get over Labour’s historic trouncing one day. No need to be so bitter about it

LimitisUp to add to your last post.

We've never been a democracy, it's a Parliamentary Democracy, Lord Hailsham described it as an 'elective democracy'.I doubt it's the envy of the world. It means;

A party elects a new leader, 45,000 people vote for him, 45,497 to be precise.

He promises to do breakfast by October 31st.

He requires everyone in his party to sign they will support him, anyone who disagrees is thrown out of the party. Dissidence is crushed.

Isn’t that a dictatorship?

Does no-one notice?

45,497 out of an electorate of 45 million (roughly).

Oops, Hailsham described it as an 'elective dictatorship'.

LimitIsUp

I am no politician and know very little about politics but from the bits I pick up from the news why else would the Liberals put their voice behind forcing an election if they didn’t think they were going to get at least the 16million leave voters voting for them.
Apart from the SNP the other parties didn’t have a clear Remain policy.

Why go for an election when from what I could see they had the Conservatives in a position of having no power and could have demanded anything.

I can only assume that the Liberals actually thought they had all the Remainers votes in the bag and let the dream of keys to No 10 get in the way of the power they had

Like I said I just don’t think that the political parties have any idea of what is going on outside their own group of people.

Back to the OP.

Sorry, but I'd back away from anyone who voted Tory, after ten years of Tory rule, this time around.

As was suggested way back, if you want to save this friendship, get your facts together to explain your vote.

Detail what parts of the Tories' track record - and manifesto (after 10 years of rule...) gives you confidence regarding the NHS; education; child poverty; 'up-levelling' the north.

That'll persuade her.....

Don't vote Tory then 🤷‍♀️

You haven't read the thread, have you?

To be honest, I understand your friend's reaction, even thought it's probably not a very smart move of her.

If you value her friendship how about asking her for a, this time calm conversation about why she dislikes the Tories so much. Explain to her that you genuinely thought the Tories would be better for the economy and why you thought that, and ask her why she disagrees with it. Tell her nicely that you'd really like to listen to her arguments if she can deliver them respectfully and explain yours too.

If your friend doesn't have the patience to stay calm but you're still curious about why she reacted the way she did have a look at some media on the opposite spectrum of the usual Murdoch and the like owned papers. Check out The Canary for example, or the independent blogger Another Angry Voice, they will give you an insight.